Have You Fallen Out of Love, or Are You Depressed?

Signs You Might Be Falling Out of Love

Are you asking yourself: have I fallen out of love or am I depressed? There are many indicators that you’re falling out of love with your partner. It’s important to be able to distinguish what you’re feeling from possible mental health conditions. Sometimes, these feelings can actually be symptoms of depression. Because they can be very similar, differentiating between depression and falling out of love can be challenging. Both can cause sadness, withdrawal from your partner or others in your life, or a change in emotional intensity. 

Signs you might be falling out of love with your partner include:

• Diminished emotional connection: You no longer feel emotionally connected, empathetic, or in tune with your partner.
• Lack of interest or not wanting to spend time together: You avoid spending time with your partner, prefer to be alone, or would rather be with other people.
• No affection: There’s limited or no physical or sexual affection between you and your partner.
• Being indifferent toward your partner’s needs and feelings: A growing indifference to your partner’s emotional needs; their happiness or sadness doesn’t impact you.
• Envisioning the future without your partner: You imagine life without your partner or begin making plans that intentionally exclude them.
• Not enjoying shared activities: Activities you used to enjoy doing together no longer satisfy you or make you happy.
• Constant criticism or irritation: Quirks and behaviors your partner exhibits that once didn’t bother you—or were even endearing at one time—now consistently irritate you.
• Feeling relief when you’re separated: Instead of missing them, you feel a sense of freedom or relief when you’re away from your partner.

Recognizing Symptoms of Depression

It’s paramount to be able to recognize symptoms that might be related to depression, especially when questioning if you’ve fallen out of love or if you’re experiencing something deeper. Depression is a serious mental health condition that, left untreated, can impact your life and relationships. The good news is it’s very treatable. Understanding these depression symptoms can help you rule out depression as the cause of your feelings and guide you toward the most effective path for treatment.

Symptoms of depression include:

• Persistent sadness or low mood
• Loss of interest in things once enjoyed
• A change in your appetite or weight
• Sleep disturbances
• Feeling worthless 
• Having excessive guilt
• Fatigue or loss of energy
• Difficulty thinking or concentrating
• Irritability
• Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

Does Depression Cause You to Fall Out of Love?

Depression is a complex, multifaceted mental health condition that can profoundly influence your emotions, perceptions, and behaviors. As a result, it can significantly impact your relationship and change how you feel about your partner. It’s crucial to assess whether depression is affecting your feelings toward your partner.

Altered emotional state

It’s not uncommon for depression to dampen or change emotional responses, according to research. So what might feel like loss of romantic love might really be numbness or apathy — a symptom of depression that can affect all areas of your life, not just your relationship.

Decrease libido

A typical symptom of depression is a decrease in sexual desire, which can be easily mistaken for a lack of romantic or physical interest in your partner. When you look more closely, though, if it’s depression related, you’ll probably find that you’ve become disinterested in multiple areas of your life — even in things that once offered pleasure or enjoyment.

Withdrawing from social interactions

Studies link withdrawal from social interactions or activities to depression. If you’re finding you don’t want to go to events with your partner, it could be easy to feel like you just don’t want to spend time with them. To determine if pulling away from your partner is depression-related vs you’re falling out of love with them, take note if you’re withdrawing from other areas of your life that your partner isn’t involved with. If so, the culprit might be depression, not that you don’t love them anymore. 

Increased irritation and negativity

Depression can make you more irritable and likely to focus on the negative parts of your life. This can include developing negative views of your partner or relationship that don’t necessarily represent your true feelings.

Cognitive distortion 

Depression can cause negative thought patterns that ultimately distort your perception of reality — research shows that cognitive errors are related to depressive thinking. When this occurs, you might find yourself exaggerating or overreacting to certain aspects of your relationship, allowing the relationship issues to overshadow the good parts.

Persistent sadness or emptiness

Feeling sad or empty is a hallmark symptom of depression and can lead to a disconnect from your partner. It’s easy to confuse this with the same emotional disengagement you might feel when falling out of love. Still, if you feel disconnected from other areas in your life, it might be more than just a lack of emotional connection or falling out of love.

How to Tell Which is the Case

If either falling out of love or depression is the reason you’re experiencing a change in your relationship, identifying the root cause of your feelings and behaviors is vital. Only then will you be able to understand your emotional state so you can take action to get yourself (and your relationship) in a better place. 

Key factors to consider to differentiate between depression and falling out of love include:

• Duration of feelings: How long have you been feeling this way? Sudden changes can be due to situational factors like issues within the relationship, but long-lasting emotional states that don’t improve or worsen over time can be indicative of a depressive disorder.
• Lack of interest in your partner vs. general disinterest in every area of life: Is your disinterest specific to your partner? Or does it extend to other aspects of your life? If you lack a general sense of enthusiasm for your relationship, different people, hobbies, or work or school, it might be due to depression.
• Your emotional response differs depending on the scenario: Try to notice your reactions in various situations. Suppose you’re still experiencing excitement and joy in certain aspects of your life but feel indifferent, disengaged, or unhappy around your partner. In that case, your issues might be because you’re falling out of love.
• Physical symptoms: Depression often has common physical symptoms like a change in appetite, sleep disturbance, unexplained aches, headaches, and lack of energy. Isolating your symptoms can offer you insight so you can take proactive steps to overcome what you’re experiencing.
• Your thought patterns: Pay particular attention to your thought patterns. Feeling negative, hopeless, or sad about everything in your life might be a sign of depression. In contrast, negative thoughts that primarily focus on your relationship may suggest you’re intrinsically unhappy with your partner and your relationship.
• Social engagements: Evaluate your overall interest in socializing. Are you withdrawing from all or most social interactions? Or are you only hesitant about engaging in those that involve your partner?
• Energy levels and motivation: Low energy and lack of motivation can be symptoms of depression. If they’re pervasive and persistent in all areas of your life, not just those that have to do with your partner, it might be more due to depression.
• Mood changes based on context: Does your mood improve in some environments outside your relationship? Depression can cause a consistently low or depressed mood regardless of environment or context, not just when you’re with your partner.

Understand Your Emotions with Talkspace

Depression and falling out of love can feel similar in a lot of ways, and it can be a confusing time to navigate. Whether you’re depressed or you need help during a difficult time in your relationship, Talkspace is there. Talkspace connects you with online therapists who can help you understand your emotions. Therapy with the right mental health professional can offer a clearer understanding of your feelings so you can determine if you have fallen out of love or you’re depressed. 

If you’re having symptoms of depression, there are ways to manage it with the help of coping skills for depression so you can take back control of your life. Talkspace can provide a diagnosis and a tailored treatment plan to help you overcome symptoms. If you’re ready to get answers and support, get online treatment for depression from Talkspace today.