How to Heal from an Abusive Relationship

Research suggests that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced at least 1 form of physical abuse by a partner. Deciding to leave an abusive relationship is an emotionally daunting experience. The journey can be filled with uncertainty, and the road isn’t always easy. However, recovering from an abusive relationship can be empowering — it can help you regain self-confidence and rebuild your self-worth. 

Learning how to heal from an abusive relationship takes time, and while it can be lonely at times, it’s important to keep in mind that you have people in your corner. Remind yourself, every day, that you are brave and resilient — and you got out. 

As you navigate your new life and world, know that your feelings are valid, and with the support and guidance you find along the way, you will come out the other side of this. Be kind to yourself, and trust that at the end of this, you’ll have rebuilt your life and reclaimed your sense of self. 

Read on for practical advice, professional insights, and emotional support strategies that will help survivors like you move forward while healing from an abusive relationship.

Immediate Steps After Leaving an Abusive Relationship

The most important thing to do after leaving an abusive relationship is to prioritize your safety. You need to go somewhere secure, away from your abusive partner. If you’re hurt, get medical attention as soon as possible, and be sure to document the domestic violence and emotional abuse. 

Reach out to trusted friends and family. If that’s not an option, contact organizations in your area for emotional support and other types of assistance. Resources are available to help you find safe shelter, legal aid, and counseling.

If you need help or resources, contact any of these survivor support services:

• Onelove: Advice and information are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, year-round through live chat or text messaging — text “LOVEIS” to 22522 for an immediate response from a peer advocate who can help.
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788 for expert support on surviving an abusive relationship.
• Search a directory of assistance providers in your area.

Implement necessary legal measures

After leaving an abusive relationship, it’s essential to take legal measures to protect yourself. Document all instances of relationship abuse, and if you have photographs of injuries, keep them in a safe place. You should also keep a record of any threatening messages or interactions you receive. 

If possible, get legal counsel to help you understand your rights and options. For example, you might:

• Need to obtain a restraining order
• Consider filing for divorce
• Think about custody if children are involved
• Contact local law enforcement if criminal behavior occurs
• Explore support services for legal aid and advocacy

Establish a support system

A solid support system will be vital as you focus on recovering from an abusive relationship safely. 

“Abusive partners have the tendency to isolate us from our loved ones so they can control the narratives about themselves. That makes people feel really lonely when they go to separate from their abusive partners. It is important to access the family and friend relationships that are salvageable because they can offer resources that can keep us from relationships that aren’t the right fit for us.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Start with trusted friends and family who can offer stability and emotional support. You can also join support groups to connect with others who understand what you’re going through and have had similar experiences. Starting therapy can be beneficial if you’re seeking guidance and need access to resources or organizations that support survivors.

Your support system can offer validation, encouragement, strength, and assistance during this difficult time.

Seek professional help 

Getting professional help can be instrumental in the healing process as you navigate a world free from your abusive partner. Seeking help is the first step in prioritizing your mental and physical health and learning how to recover from an abusive relationship.

First and foremost, if you need medical attention, it’s crucial that you get it. Then, consider seeking professional mental health help from a licensed therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist. 

They can help you heal from the emotional trauma you’ve gone through and reduce the psychological impact your physical and emotional abuser likely had on you. Mental health professionals are trained to offer valuable guidance and support, combined with therapeutic interventions to help you process and recover from your experience.

Manage logistical concerns

You’ll have countless logistical concerns to deal with as you leave an abusive relationship. Establishing your independence and creating stability will rely heavily on your ability to find safe housing. Whether it’s temporary shelter, staying with friends or family, finding a local housing program, or moving into your own place, a safe housing situation will be key to being able to stay separated from your abusive situation.

You’ll also want to figure out your finances. If possible, make sure you have access to your bank account before leaving. If that’s not an option, figure out where and how you can seek financial assistance. You might want to consider creating a budget to help you manage your expenses as you transition into this new reality.

If you have children, you’ll want to navigate custody arrangements cautiously. Seek legal advice to determine your rights and to ensure you can protect your children’s emotional and physical safety and well-being.

Emotional and Psychological Healing

It’s not uncommon for people to believe that leaving will be the hardest part, but the truth is the emotional and psychological healing you’ll go through while recovering from an abusive relationship can be the most complex and difficult aspect of the process for many people. 

It’s important to acknowledge what you’ve been through and to allow yourself to process the wide range of emotions you’re likely to experience as a result. Some people feel sadness, anger, or fear, or they second-guess their decision. It might help to know that everything you’re feeling is all normal. 

To get through this time, reach out to friends and family members you trust or seek professional advice to get the validation, empathy, and guidance you need.

Processing the trauma 

To heal from any trauma, you must first process it. So, how do you deal with trauma? There’s no right or wrong way to feel about what you’ve been through. Allowing yourself to have any emotions that surface and practicing self-compassion and patience will help you move through the healing after emotional abuse or domestic violence.

Seeking professional support can be especially helpful in this stage of recovery. Therapists, support groups, and helplines that specialize in trauma recovery will guide you as you work on healing. 

A therapist might use any of the following techniques to help you:

• Trauma therapy 
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)
• Cognitive processing therapy (CPT)
• Psychodynamic therapy

“After trauma and/or abuse, I will often recommend a few different things: Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR), a support group for trauma and/or abuse, a support structure outside of ourselves, deep breathing, deep muscle relaxation, and grounding techniques.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Building self-esteem

Building self-esteem can be challenging for survivors of domestic abuse. It’s a critical part of the healing process, though, and it can help you redefine a strong sense of self and autonomy. 

To start improving your self-esteem, try to challenge the negative beliefs your abuser tried to control you with. Replace those thoughts with positive affirmations about your strength and resilience.

“Create mantras that emphasize your value/worth. For example, ‘I am smart, talented, and beautiful.’”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Another effective way to improve self-esteem is by surrounding yourself with people who validate your experience and work to support, encourage, and uplift you. Self-care is also important and can remind you that you’re worthy and deserving of healthy, good things in life.

Forgiveness and letting go

Letting go of the past allows you to embrace the future — however, forgiving does not mean forgetting. Deciding to forgive someone doesn’t excuse or condone their behavior. Rather, being able to let go and forgive can ease the resentment and anger you might feel toward the person who abused you. 

It’s important to remember that healing takes time, and you should be patient with yourself as you process a wide range of emotions. Forgiveness doesn’t only apply to your abuser, either. It’s something you must offer yourself as well. 

Utilizing coping skills

Coping skills can help you manage the emotional stress and fallout of leaving an abusive relationship. They’ll also allow you to navigate triggers you might experience as you heal. There are countless coping mechanisms you can choose from — the key is selecting those that work best for you. 

Effective coping mechanisms can include:

• Meditation
• Deep breathing exercises
• Journaling
• Being creative
• Spending time with supportive friends and family
• Focusing on emotional regulation
• Self-soothing

Rebuilding trust

One of the most challenging aspects of surviving an abusive relationship is often rebuilding trust. While many find it difficult to trust others after leaving an abusive situation, some people even doubt their own instincts and boundaries. This is where therapy can be instrumental in reaffirming that you can — and should — learn to trust yourself again. 

To rebuild your trust in others, surround yourself with supportive and trustworthy people. Practice effective communication and honesty, and be open about your needs and concerns.

To trust yourself again, allow yourself grace and time to heal and recognize that it doesn’t happen overnight.

“Remind yourself that just because you have been abused/traumatized does not mean that everyone will treat us so poorly.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Moving Forward

Moving forward after leaving an abusive relationship can be overwhelming. You can start by openly acknowledging — to yourself and others — how much strength it took you to break free from the cycle of abuse.  

Celebrate, and remember that every step you take forward — regardless of how big or small — is you winning and taking back control.

Creating a positive future 

To create a positive future, envision the life you want and deserve. Picture a home that symbolizes safety, joy, and fulfillment. Set goals that align with your values, and take proactive, positive steps to pursue them. Rely on your network and honor your sense of self-worth by prioritizing your needs.

Nurturing healthy relationships

As you leave your unhealthy relationship behind, nurture the ones that are fulfilling and rewarding. Healthy relationships depend on mutual respect and compassion and often involve shared values that cultivate deep, meaningful connections.

Continued support 

Seeking continued support after you leave your abusive relationship will be essential to remain strong and dedicated to your independence. Ongoing therapy can be vital in building a solid support network that nurtures your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

Embracing Your Journey of Transformation

Leaving your abusive situation is monumental — as difficult as is, you should try to embrace the journey of transformation. Acknowledge your courage as you take critical steps to start your new life. Let yourself explore new opportunities and enjoy the excitement of self-discovery. Trust that you can navigate any challenges in life with strength and resilience.

Even the strongest people can benefit from support at some point in their life. If you need help healing now that you’ve gotten out of an abusive relationship, therapy can be a great asset. Online therapy makes it convenient, accessible, and affordable so you can become the healthiest, best version of yourself. 

Connect with an online therapist at Talkspace if you need support while healing from an abusive relationship.