What to Do When Your Parent Has Cancer

When a parent says, “I have cancer,” it shakes your world in an instant. Parents are our anchors, the ones who have nurtured and supported us through life’s ups and downs. The psychological impact of having a parent with cancer can launch you into uncharted emotional waters.

It’s completely natural to find yourself swept up in a storm of emotions. Whether it’s fear, anger, denial, sadness, resentment, or guilt, every feeling is valid. There’s no right or wrong way to process and cope with a cancer diagnosis.

While there’s no guidebook for coping when a parent has cancer, there are some things you can do to ease your mind and fears. Read on to discover tips for when you find out you have a parent with cancer.

1. Allow Yourself to Feel Emotions

One of the most important things to do—for both your parent and yourself—is to allow yourself to feel. You might instinctively shift into “go-mode,” planning, setting up consultations, and ensuring the house and meals are taken care of. However, while these tasks will eventually need attention, be careful not to busy yourself to the point that there’s no time or space for you to process what’s happening.

“Discovering that a parent has cancer can evoke a range of intense emotions such as shock, fear, sadness, and helplessness. It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed by grief in such a situation. This stems from the fear of losing a loved one and uncertainty about the future. It helps to acknowledge and accept these feelings as valid and can be an important step towards coping and seeking support.”

– Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar

To preserve your wellbeing and truly be there for them, admitting that your mom or dad has cancer is a crucial first step in moving forward. Don’t ignore or suppress your feelings. Doing so often backfires, and the last thing you want is to end up falling apart because you didn’t deal with your emotions in the moment. 

2. Educate Yourself About the Cancer

Educating yourself about the type of cancer, treatment options, and potential side effects is a great way to plan next steps. When you know what to expect, you can help prepare. 

For example, you might need to consider: 

• Transportation to and from doctor appointments
• Unique dietary restrictions or needs
• If they’re going to need more sleep
• Anything else that might be impacted by your parent’s diagnosis and treatment plan

For older children dealing with parental cancer, knowing the specifics about the type of cancer your parent is fighting not only gives you an idea about what the future might hold, but it will also help them. Studies show that up to 92% of people diagnosed with cancer want to know more about their illness — for example, most want to know what the chance of a cure is. 

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, educating yourself means you can be on the lookout for breakthroughs in promising treatment options.

3. Be Present and Listen

When a parent has cancer, chances are the thing they want most is to spend time with the people they love. 

Being present, listening, and showing you’re really there for them is invaluable. The American Cancer Society’s research suggests that people with cancer really need support. Those who have ample emotional backing adjust better, tend to have a more positive outlook, and report an overall better quality of life than those without support. 

4. Offer Practical Help

Roles change quickly when a parent has cancer. If you’re suddenly faced with trying to help but are unsure what to do, remember it’s the little things that often make the most difference. 

While it may seem small, taking small chores and to-dos off their plate can mean the world. Whether you organize meals, shop, arrange or provide transportation to and from doctor appointments, or just take care of light housekeeping, even the smallest gestures can ease their mind. 

5. Spend Quality Time Together

When facing serious illness, quality time is more precious than ever. According to research, friendships often suffer when someone is diagnosed with cancer. Because of this, spending quality time with a parent who has cancer means a lot. 

Spending time doing simple things, like watching a movie or show, taking a walk, or even just having an uninterrupted talk or sharing stories, can be comforting and calming.  

6. Encourage Open Communication

Open communication is critical during this time. Create a safe space where your parent can express their thoughts, fears, and, most importantly, wishes. As their family member, listen without judgment and be understanding, accepting, and supportive. 

7. Take Care of Yourself

Self-care is always important, but when you’re dealing with the stress of navigating a major health issue with a parent, it becomes even more essential. 

Research shows that people who actively engage in self-care are more confident in their decision-making, more productive, and happier. If you’re taking care of yourself, you’ll also have more bandwidth, energy, and clarity to help, which may help you prevent caregiver burnout

“Caregiver burnout can be a concern when caring for a loved one with cancer. The emotional toll of witnessing their suffering, managing their needs, and handling personal responsibilities can be overwhelming. Without self-care, caregivers may experience heightened stress, fatigue, and feelings of isolation. Prioritizing self-care through activities like seeking support, setting boundaries, and taking breaks helps prevent burnout and maintain overall well-being.”

– Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar

Taking care of yourself can mean doing small things, like meditating or going for a walk, but it can also mean reaching out to others and asking for help when you need it. Find what coping skills work best for you and keep them in your arsenal when you feel overwhelmed or sad. Don’t try to do everything on your own — letting others support you will ultimately allow you to support your parent. 

8. Seek Professional Advice

Seeking professional advice can help you better understand what the future holds for a parent with cancer. Consult one-on-one with other medical professionals — an oncologist, for example, can explain the prognosis and cancer treatment so you know what to expect. 

9. Utilize Resources and Support Networks

Your parent’s cancer doctor can recommend resources and support groups that offer advice and guidance from people who understand what you’re going through. You might also want to look into financial assistance and other types of support from organizations that provide practical help (like meal delivery), financial aid, or emotional support. 

“Support groups can help individuals have a sense of connection and understanding during this challenging time. Sharing experiences with others facing similar challenges can provide validation, comfort, and practical advice. These groups foster a sense of community, reducing feelings of isolation and offering emotional support.”

– Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar

10. Talk to a Therapist

Of course, you want to be strong, but you need to process what this cancer diagnosis means in your life, too. If you’re struggling to cope with your emotions during this time, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. A therapist also provides a safe space for you to express your feelings and fears, offering support and strategies to manage the emotional impact of your parent’s illness. 

This step can be vital in maintaining your own well-being and ensuring you are emotionally equipped to support your parent throughout their treatment journey.

11. Manage Financial and Legal Affairs

Part of coping when a parent has cancer means getting their financial and legal affairs in order. This should be paramount when a parent receives a diagnosis. 

Ensure the following:

• You know where important legal documents are kept
• The Estate plan — a Will or Trust — is updated
• Beneficiaries on accounts and policies are designated
• A healthcare proxy or Power of Attorney (POA) is identified to help make critical medical or financial decisions if needed

Taking care of these important issues isn’t easy, but it will make things much smoother in the long run. 

12. Stay Connected with Family and Friends

Stay connected to other family and friends while on this journey with your parent. You’ll need a strong support group as much as your mom or dad will. Lean on your loved ones for emotional support and moments of respite. These connections will provide you with strength and comfort along your journey. 

If you recently found out your dad or your mom has cancer and you’re finding it difficult to process the information, reach out to Talkspace to get expert advice from experienced therapists. Talkspace makes online therapy easy to access and convenient, so you can get help even when caring for a parent.