How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor

Updated 03/20/24

Studies show that romantic relationship satisfaction significantly impacts well-being and quality of life. Seeking therapy is a proactive step towards nurturing a healthy relationship, yet the key lies in finding the right marriage counselor or therapist. If you’re unsure how to find a marriage counselor, these marriage counseling tips will help you find someone who can guide you and your partner to a happier marriage.

Couples therapy has the potential to transform your relationship profoundly, but you need to work with the right therapist to get the most out of the process. Learn how to find a good marriage counselor in this guide.

1. Consider What’s Important to You & Your Partner

Before you start searching for a marriage counselor, you and your partner should discuss your preferences and goals. Would you prefer to see a marriage therapist or counselor who shares your religious background? Do you want to work towards specific goals during each marriage therapy session, like bringing back intimacy or developing a shared value system?

When deciding how to choose a marriage counselor, it’s crucial to ensure that you’re both on the same page. If you and your partner have a detailed conversation about what’s important to you, you’ll be able to find a couples counselor you both feel comfortable with.

“In individual therapy, we always try to get to the core issues, and couples’ work is similar. When looking for a therapist, it’s crucial to remember your independent values and the value system you share as a couple. When those are clear, it can often keep you aligned in therapy with the acknowledgment that is not something you’d want to compromise but rather honor as a couple.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW

2. Search for a Therapist Trained in Couples or Marriage Counseling

Selecting the right therapist specialized in couples or marriage counseling is a pivotal step in the journey towards improving your relationship. Various professionals, each with distinct qualifications and expertise, offer couples counseling services aimed at addressing marital issues. Understanding the differences among them can guide you in choosing the most suitable marriage therapist for your needs.

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)

A licensed marriage family therapist specializes in working with couples and families. These couples counseling professionals focus on helping people repair relationships and develop essential relationship skills. A LMFT must have a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy or a similar discipline.

Clinical Psychologist (CP)

Clinical psychologists offer a wide range of mental health services, including therapy, psychological assessment, and diagnosis. You may want to see a psychologist for marriage counseling if you believe your partner or you may be dealing with an undiagnosed mental health condition. As mental health professionals, psychologists must pass state and national licensing exams and obtain a doctoral degree in psychology.

Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC)

Sometimes called Licensed Professional Counselors (LPCs), these mental health professionals are trained in counseling. Typically, an LMHC or LPC will offer several types of counseling. Accreditation requirements vary from state to state, but most couples counselors will have a master’s degree in psychology.

Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)

LCSWs work in various settings and offer many services, including therapy, mental health assessments and diagnosis, and social support. While some LCSWs work with couples, most professionals offer individual counseling services. To work as an LCSW, you need a master’s degree in social work. In addition to LCSWs, there are also LMSWs — Licensed Masters Social Workers — who work under clinical supervision to provide therapy.

What type of counselor is best for marriage?

When figuring out how to find a marriage counselor, it’s generally best to look for a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. These relationship counseling professionals specialize in assisting couples and use a variety of techniques to help people build healthier marriages. However, you may want to consider another type of marriage therapist or counselor if there are specific concerns that you want to address.

3. Search Online & In Therapist Directories

Suppose you’re not sure how to choose a couples therapist or where to find the right professional to work with. In that case, online directories can help you find online therapy and online marriage counseling options or professionals in your area.

4. Ask Important Questions When Vetting Counselors

Once you’ve found a few marriage counselors you’d potentially like to see, take the time to learn more about them. Interviewing therapists can provide valuable information to help determine how to choose a marriage counselor.

“Therapy is certainly an investment, and in this day and age, it’s more than OK to be clear on what you’re investing in. It’s common to ask questions and study online profiles. Still, I certainly encourage inquiring about even a “mini session” by phone to learn about style, fit, and payment schedule. It’s not enough to just have faith in the process when it takes time to build rapport within a therapeutic relationship, which can be such an indicator for success.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW

Questions to ask a potential marriage counselor

When vetting a marriage counselor, try to get a better sense of what it would be like to work with them. Find out more about the methods and techniques they use.

You should also ask questions about any unique concerns. For example, if there are specific issues you’d like to address, such as grief or traumatic events, ask the therapist if they’ve treated couples with similar marriage problems. Other questions you may want to ask include the following:

• Do you primarily work with couples?
• How long is a typical counseling session?
• How do you measure progress?
• How do you feel about divorce?
• What can we expect if we work with you?
• Do you work in any particular modality or type of therapy?
• Do you recommend that we each be in individual therapy as well?
• Do you see clients in-person, virtually, or both?

5. Discuss Their Specialized Therapy Approaches

There are many ways to approach marriage counseling. Depending on your needs, you may find that specific types of therapy are the best options. For example, Gottman Couple Therapy has been shown to improve relationship intimacy. Many other couples therapy techniques have proven successful in building healthy relationships, such as Imago therapy.

Figuring out how to find a marriage counselor can be challenging. However, if you have plenty of information about a professional’s methods, you’ll have a better sense of what to expect. You and your partner can decide if a couples therapist’s approach seems right for you.

6. Don’t Settle for a Bad Fit

It can take time to figure out how to find a good marriage counselor. Some research suggests that, on average, it takes couples 4 to 7 years before they seek therapy to improve relationship problems. While it’s best not to wait too long to start relationship counseling, you shouldn’t settle for a counselor who’s not right for you.

Marriage counseling is a collaborative process, which is why it’s crucial that you and your partner both feel comfortable with the therapist you decide on. If someone has an issue with a counselor, you should cross that professional off your list.

How Do I Know if My Marriage Counselor is Good or Bad?

Part of learning how to choose a couples therapist is figuring out how to identify red flags. Warning signs to watch out for include:

• Taking sides: A good marriage counselor shouldn’t decide which party is “right” or “wrong.” Instead, they should give a married couple the tools they need to resolve conflicts.
• Sharing personal information: It’s OK if a counselor occasionally shares details about their personal life, but their focus should always be on the married couple they’re working with.
• Failing to disclose a conflict of interest: Therapists should always disclose conflicts of interest and turn away couples they can’t ethically treat.
• Ignoring issues: If a marriage counselor fails to address serious relationship problems or focuses on surface issues, they may be unable to help you and your partner grow.

“Reciprocity for feedback can be such a positive criteria for therapy. Offer feedback and ask for it. It’s important to be clear about goals and feel comfortable about ways to reach them. More important than grading or rating your therapist is the establishment of honesty from the outset. If that exists, it becomes easier to discuss barriers to treatment openly rather than feeling in the dark about what is at play or on the treatment plan. Take time to build trust while being communicative to effect the process of relief and healing.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW

Find a Marriage Counselor with Talkspace

Even if you’re not clear on how to find a marriage counselor or you think that you don’t have much time for couples therapy, you can get the help you need with Talkspace.

Talkspace is an online therapy platform that lets you get effective, affordable online marriage counseling in the comfort of your own home. Many types of counseling are available, and Talkspace can match you with a licensed therapist who’s right for you.