How to Deal with a Bully: What to Do & Not Do

Bullying comes in many forms. It’s no longer just the stereotypical physical type of bullying many of us once thought of. Bullies can use verbal or psychological tactics to terrorize their victims — and with the advent of the Internet, cyberbullying on social media is yet another dangerous form we need to address when we talk about how to deal with a bully. 

Bullying can have a severe impact on mental health and should never be taken lightly. Studies show that being bullied is associated with suicidal ideation and attempts. Further research suggests bullying can lead to depression, anxiety, and self-harm.   

Dealing with bullies can be scary, but arming yourself with effective ways to prevent bullying can help. Read on to learn how to handle a bully, including what you should (and shouldn’t) do about bullying behavior and how to get help when you need it.  

What to Do if You Are Getting Bullied

Knowing how to deal with a bully means being resilient. It also means having a strategic, effective game plan when you need it. By nature, bullies thrive on control, so disempowering them as quickly as possible is crucial. Try the following tactics when dealing with bullies to gain control and end the abuse.

Ignore them

Don’t worry about looking weak if you try to ignore a bully. While on the surface, it may feel like the least aggressive response, ignoring them actually shows them that they don’t have power over you, your emotions, or your attitude. 

The next time you encounter bully trouble, keep social interactions as brief as possible. Staying unemotional signals their tactics and bad behavior aren’t impacting you. Often, a bully will lose interest and move on once they realize they don’t have any control over you.

Get out of the situation 

Get out of the situation as soon as possible, especially if you feel unsafe. Removing yourself from harm’s way is non-negotiable, and you should always prioritize your physical and mental well-being above anything else. Any time an encounter with a bully starts to escalate with physical bullying, your number 1 goal should be to get to a safe place.

Tell an adult/report the bully

Never keep bullying a secret. Whether you’re being bullied or you witness someone else being abused, you must talk to somebody about it. If possible, involve a trusted adult who can take action — like a teacher, parent, school counselor, or any other authority figure. 

Report the bullying formally and let them help you. Ask what the established process for dealing with bullying is, and follow up to ensure proper responses are being taken.

Trying to talk with the bully

This won’t always be an appropriate response as you navigate how to handle a bully — and it’s important only to engage if you feel safe. Sometimes, though, an honest conversation might let someone see the pain their bullying is causing you and encourage them to change their bad behavior. 

Stay true to yourself

If you’re being bullied, remaining true to yourself is critical. Research and multiple psychological theories support that the true self is directly related to well-being. 

“When someone is bullying you, whether it is persistent or in an isolated incident, it’s important to remember we can never know what that person is thinking or feeling. You can only know how you are feeling at any moment. Stay true to yourself; if you are feeling anxious, restless, or uneasy, step away, connect with support, and remove yourself as we can only account for our reactions.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C

Stick to your support system

Finding and leaning on friends for emotional support is always important — it can become a lifeline if you’re experiencing bullying. Being emotionally backed can enhance resilience during this trying time. 

Practice being confident

Confidence is more than how you feel about yourself. It impacts how others see and think of you, too. When you project a sense of self-confidence, it signals to others — yes, even your bully — that you won’t tolerate mistreatment. Many bullies will back off when confronted with assertive behavior and body language. 

Set and stick to boundaries

Boundaries are essential in any relationship, but setting them with a bully is critical. Having (and enforcing) healthy boundaries is one way to show a bully that you no longer accept their behavior. 

Find true friends

Find true friends who care about you, your safety, and your physical and mental well-being. These relationships can offer positive social interactions and a safe space to counteract what you’re experiencing from a bully.  

Start or join a bullying prevention program

If your school or work has resources that fight against bullying, consider joining the group or club. If they don’t have anything already established, maybe it’s time you start a support system. 

Seek professional help

You don’t have to wait to get help if you’re being bullied. Seek support from a qualified mental health professional who can give you effective coping tools and strategies for dealing with bullies. Standing up to a bully takes away their power, and you can do it when you have the right tools.

What Not to Do if You Are Getting Bullied

While there are several things you can do in response to bullying behavior, there are also a few things you shouldn’t do. Knowing what to avoid will help ensure your safety and that you can manage any situation with a bully successfully. 

Don’t get physical

Answering violence with violence is never a good idea. Though self-defense might be acceptable and appropriate in certain situations, more often than not, violent behavior will only escalate things. 

Don’t blame yourself

You are never to blame if you’re bullied. It’s not your fault, ever. Placing blame on yourself contributes to a vicious cycle of self-doubt, self-loathing, and low self-esteem. It’s never acceptable to control or abuse someone — don’t let a bully’s behavior make you question your self-worth. 

Don’t retaliate 

When figuring out how to deal with bullies, getting even can be tempting. You may even gain some — albeit temporary — satisfaction. Ultimately, though, retaliation will just fuel ongoing conflict. You also risk inadvertently emboldening a bully by signaling that violence and aggression is OK. 

Don’t start bullying others

The simple truth is, hurt people hurt people. There’s a good chance your bully has been harmed or neglected at some point in their life. For this reason alone, perpetuating the mentality and cycle of bullying is something you want to be careful to avoid. It’s important not to normalize this behavior; you certainly don’t want to inflict the pain you’ve been feeling on anyone else. 

Don’t skip school or activities

It’s common to avoid school or activities where you know you’ll be forced to face your bully. Although it might feel logical to avoid these places in an attempt to avoid the bullying, doing so essentially lets them win by allowing the intimidation to dictate your life.

“Avoidance may seem like the only option, but it is important to prioritize and honor routine and things you enjoy. If you can, talk things through with a peer or adult you trust for some support instead of sacrificing the things you love.”

Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C

Don’t stay silent

Above all else, never stay silent about bullying. This is true whether it’s you being bullied, you know the person being bullied, or you know the actual bully themself. Find someone you can trust and share the information you have to help stop the cycle.

Learn How to Deal with Bullies in Therapy

Confronting your bully and overcoming the trauma they’ve inflicted might require you to seek professional guidance. Therapy can offer tangible, effective ways to empower anyone facing bullying. It can become a safe place to process emotions while learning and practicing coping strategies that can change the dynamics of the bully-bullied relationship. 

Talkspace can help you figure out how to deal with a bully in a safe and low-stakes environment. You deserve peace of mind and respect, but you might need some support along the way. Online therapy for teens can be the first step in taking back control and learning to live a life of joy, not one where you fear a bully. 

Contact Talkspace today to learn more about getting help if you’re being bullied. You don’t have to go through this alone — help is available, and you deserve it.