The post Male Loneliness: The Unspoken Struggle appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Recent research shows that men are lonelier than ever. Only 27% of men say they have 6 close friends (this number is half what it was 30 years ago). Further, 15% of men say they have no close friends at all (up an astounding 500% since 1990).
Why do these numbers matter? First, studies suggest that loneliness is a significant factor in developing depression. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America notes that clinical depression is something an estimated 6 million men live with each year in this country. Since depression in men often goes undiagnosed and, thus, untreated, we need to explore the causes of male loneliness to assess how it might impact mental health over time. This becomes even more critical when we consider that loneliness is associated with an increased risk of death in men.
Read on to learn more about men and loneliness. We’ll explore the link between loneliness and depression and share coping techniques that can help if you or a man you care about is affected by male loneliness.
Causes of Loneliness in Men
The causes of loneliness in men are often complex and varied. Some factors have deep roots. Others may seem superficial on the surface, but they still significantly impact the intensity of loneliness a man might be experiencing.
Lack of close friendships
It’s not uncommon for older men to struggle with making close friends — especially after college. This may be because of societal expectations that encourage them to focus on things like their career and achieving financial success, which might leave less time to socialize and develop deep and meaningful relationships with a new friend.
Before this point in life, social networks were generally abundant and a consistent source that offered easy friendships and meaningful, rewarding connections. Without access to these, feelings of isolation can creep in and cause loneliness.
Societal expectations
Societal pressure and expectations cause men to feel like they have no choice but to be strong and independent. The tough guy image resulting from masculine norms discourages some men from expressing their emotional needs or desires. This can quickly lead to emotional isolation — even for those men with people in their lives who care deeply about them.
Not being willing or able to open up
Some research suggests that many men have a hard time discussing their feelings of loneliness. Unfortunately, being unwilling to open up may stifle deep connections with others and exacerbate loneliness. Plus, these societal expectations may prevent a lonely man from investing in a new friendship or opening up to a close friend. The stigma associated with shame or embarrassment over feeling lonely may be another driver.
Career pressure and stress
The pursuit of career success may be a culprit that causes some men to sacrifice personal relationships or hobbies that could help reduce male loneliness.
Even men in romantic relationships might feel lonely if their partners shut down because they’re tired of feeling like they come second to the time and energy a man puts in at the office.
Mental health conditions
Several mental health conditions have been linked to loneliness in men. As discussed, loneliness is directly associated with the onset of depression, according to multiple studies and research.
More than 8% of adults in the United States had at least one major depressive episode in the last year — and while depression is slightly more prevalent in women, more than 6% of men experienced symptoms of depression. Depression causes some men to withdraw from social interactions, further increasing feelings of loneliness.
“Loneliness can be a significant prompt for depression. When individuals feel isolated and disconnected from others, they may experience feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and despair. Over time, these emotions can intensify into clinical depression if not addressed.”
– Talkspace therapist Famous Erwin, LMHC
The Impact on Mental Health
It’s clear that loneliness takes a silent toll on men’s mental health that results in conditions like depression or anxiety. In extreme cases, loneliness can even lead to suicidal ideation or acts in both young and older adults.
Depression
While we’ve already touched on the idea that loneliness can manifest as depression — this is about more than just “feeling blue” or down. Depression often impacts every aspect of life.
Isolation can create feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness in men. Over time, these feelings may spiral into clinical depression, sparking an exhausting cycle that’s almost impossible to break free from without professional help.
Anxiety
Research also shows that chronic loneliness can be a predictor of anxiety. Fearful thoughts about being alone forever, or feeling like an outcast feeds an anxious mindset. Especially for men, who are taught from a young age that being male means being strong, it can be challenging to ask for help when dealing with loneliness-related anxiety.
Suicide
In very severe cases, persistent loneliness pushes some men toward contemplating death by suicide as they desperately seek an escape from the emotional pain they’re experiencing. This is why it’s so crucial to recognize and address male loneliness before symptoms escalate.
“The connection between male loneliness and suicide is influenced by social, cultural, and psychological factors. Addressing this issue requires a comprehensive approach that includes reducing stigma, promoting emotional well-being, and fostering supportive communities and relationships. It’s essential to recognize the signs of unhappiness in men and provide them with the help and support they need to prevent suicide.”
– Talkspace therapist Famous Erwin, LMHC
Coping Strategies for Men Dealing with Loneliness
A major study found that when social isolation is experienced long-term, it substantially increases the risk of premature death. This is yet another reason why it’s so critical to find coping techniques when men are so lonely. The following strategies can help men learn to manage the adverse outcomes loneliness causes.
Connect with others
Sometimes feeling lonely makes reaching out and connecting with others difficult. Connection, though, is essential to overcoming feelings of isolation.
Try joining a club or sports team. A mutually shared interest may bridge gaps and spark conversations that might develop into meaningful relationships. As you connect with others in these new circles, it’s important to be open and willing to share your emotions. Vulnerability can encourage others to reciprocate and deepen relationships.
Prioritize self-care
Self-care can address the mental and physical health aspects that loneliness significantly impacts. Prioritize taking care of yourself by doing small things that rejuvenate you.
Try focusing on things like regularly exercising to boost your mood, developing better sleep patterns, and eating well.
These are the things that play a significant role in maintaining emotional balance and, ultimately, help reduce feelings of loneliness.
Leverage technology
In the digital age we live in, technology offers several avenues that can help men deal with loneliness. Online support groups and therapy platforms make getting help and connecting with others easier than ever. Virtual communities offer comfort and remind you that you’re not alone in your struggle.
Get professional help
If your chronic loneliness is too much, it might be time to seek professional help. Therapy and counseling provides tools and tips to manage your emotions effectively.
Treatment is about more than just talking about being lonely. Therapeutic sessions offer benefits such as:
- Learning anxiety management techniques help you gain control over irrational fears, preventing you from making positive social connections with others.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you identify and challenge negative thought processes that might encourage an inclination toward isolation.
- Solution-focused therapy guide you to a place where you begin to establish and nurture meaningful connections in all areas of your life.
Mental Health Support for Men
Dealing with loneliness alone is really hard. Finding the courage to seek help might be one of the most challenging things you’ll ever do in life — this is one of the reasons that loneliness in men has been referred to as a silent battle.
The good news is that even though the road to healing can be difficult, you don’t have to walk it alone. Talkspace is an online therapy platform that offers tools to help you navigate those lonely days and overcome feelings of isolation.
Talkspace provides easy access to therapists who can support you as you address your loneliness. Simply acknowledging that you’re lonely is the first step toward overcoming it. Take action against your loneliness by starting therapy today. You’ll learn to identify negative, unhealthy thought and behavior patterns that contribute to how you feel. From there, you’ll be empowered to build healthy, positive relationships that are mutually rewarding.
Loneliness doesn’t have to define you — there are options to overcome it, and Talkspace can help. Reach out today to learn more about how you can beat male loneliness.
Sources:
1. Cox DA. Men’s social circles are shrinking. The Survey Center on American Life. June 29, 2021. Accessed September 23, 2023. https://www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-circles-are-shrinking/.
2. Mushtaq R. Relationship between loneliness, psychiatric disorders and physical health ? A review on the psychological aspects of loneliness. JOURNAL OF CLINICAL AND DIAGNOSTIC RESEARCH. 2014;8(9). doi:10.7860/jcdr/2014/10077.4828.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4225959/. Accessed September 23, 2023.
3. Men’s Mental Health. Men’s Mental Health | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA. Accessed September 23, 2023. https://adaa.org/find-help/by-demographics/mens-mental-health.
4. Rico-Uribe LA, Caballero FF, Martín-María N, Cabello M, Ayuso-Mateos JL, Miret M. Association of Loneliness with all-cause mortality: A meta-analysis. PLOS ONE. 2018;13(1). doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0190033. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5754055/. Accessed September 23, 2023.
5. 1. Payne K. Millions of men are hiding their loneliness. Campaign to End Loneliness. May 17, 2017. Accessed September 23, 2023. https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/millions-of-men-are-hiding-their-loneliness/.
6. McKenzie SK, Oliffe JL, Black A, Collings S. Men’s experiences of mental illness stigma across the lifespan: A scoping review. American Journal of Men’s Health. 2022;16(1):155798832210747. doi:10.1177/15579883221074789. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8832600/. Accessed September 23, 2023.
7. Mann F, Wang J, Pearce E, et al. Loneliness and the onset of new mental health problems in the general population. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology. 2022;57(11):2161-2178. doi:10.1007/s00127-022-02261-7. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9636084/. Accessed September 23, 2023.
8. Major depression. National Institute of Mental Health. Accessed September 23, 2023. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/major-depression.
9. Owczarek M, Nolan E, Shevlin M, et al. How is loneliness related to anxiety and depression: A population‐based network analysis in the early lockdown period. International Journal of Psychology. 2022;57(5):585-596. doi:10.1002/ijop.12851. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9545877/. Accessed September 23, 2023.
10. 1. Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Harris T, Stephenson D. Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review . Brigham Young University BYU ScholarsArchive. March 23, 2015. Accessed September 23, 2023. https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3024&context=facpub.
The post Male Loneliness: The Unspoken Struggle appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>The post 9 Reasons Why You May Feel So Lonely appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Loneliness is a universal human emotion, something that everyone experiences at one point or another in life. Though it’s normal, feeling lonely can be a devastating, crushing experience.
If you’ve ever felt so lonely that it’s affecting your life, social relationships, job, or ability to function, it’s time to get help. Excessive loneliness can lead to more significant issues, like depression, anxiety, or, in extreme cases, thoughts of suicide.
Knowing why you feel so lonely is essential to overcome your feelings and find ways to connect with others. When you understand the root cause of your loneliness, you can start implementing effective coping tools.
Learn about the common causes of loneliness and how to address them here.
1. Lack of Meaningful Connections
Not having deep connections or meaningful relationships with others can seriously impact psychological well-being, and feeling lonely often stems from a lack of these connections. People often feel lonely in college as they navigate new crowds of people they don’t know. It’s rarely about the number of people you know, and generally more about how significant your relationships are.
Even in a large social setting or crowd, people can still feel isolated. This phenomenon is known as perceived social isolation, and it can occur anytime you’re physically present with others but don’t feel connected on either an emotional or an intellectual level.
2. Social Anxiety & Shyness
Social anxiety and shyness can be the culprit for feelings of loneliness.
Social anxiety can prevent you from forming lasting relationships throughout life. The condition is about more than being shy, though — social anxiety manifests as a profound, paralyzing fear of social interactions and situations that’s so severe that it can lead to avoidant behaviors, especially in social activities.
“Individuals with social anxiety are at greater risk for loneliness. Feelings of loneliness may be caused by a lack of interpersonal relationships, physical isolation, and divorce.”
– Talkspace therapist Dr. Olga Molina, D.S.W., LCSW
3. Loss of Loved Ones
Losing a loved one can create a void that ultimately leads to loneliness. Loss and grief can intensely impact mental well-being, and it’s not uncommon to feel extreme loneliness when someone close to you is no longer in your life.
4. Relocation
Relocating to a new place can be a catalyst for loneliness for some people. While moving can be exciting, feeling lonely is common if you can’t establish a strong social connection with people in your new environment.
5. Lack of Hobbies or Shared Interests
The sensation of loneliness can take over every aspect of your world. It can leave you without the desire or energy to invest time into hobbies or shared interests — things that might be able to bring you joy and help you foster connections. Without having hobbies, you might feel further isolated from others.
6. Life Transitions & Aging
The journey through life and aging can bring about feelings of loneliness. Every major life transition we experience later in life — from retirement to losing people, to children growing up and leaving home, to going through or watching loved ones battle serious health problems — can all bring about a sense of loneliness as you come to terms with the fact that your life is progressing.
7. Mental Health Conditions
Mental health conditions like anxiety and depression can feed the cycle of persistent loneliness. Studies show that loneliness increases the risk of depression and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).
8. The Isolating Feeling of the Digital Age
Technology and the digital age offer significant benefits regarding connectivity and access to others. Yet, for all its good, some aspects of the digital age, like social media, are known to increase feelings of loneliness. Instead of participating in social activities and creating meaningful relationships, younger people and older adults, spend more time behind a screen.
Research shows us that prolonged use of social media might be linked to symptoms of depression. The great paradox here is that the very thing social media intends to do — connect us — might have the opposite effect, instead driving isolation and loneliness even though we think we’re connected to others.
9. Low Self-Esteem
People with low levels of self-worth are more likely to experience chronic or persistent loneliness — low self-esteem has even been linked to feeling lonely in studies. It seems that feelings of worthlessness and concern about how others perceive you can prevent deep connections in your life.
“Research studies show that low self-esteem and loneliness can influence one another. Self-esteem can lead to feelings of loneliness when individuals perceive lack of acceptance from others.”
– Talkspace therapist Dr. Olga Molina, D.S.W., LCSW
What to Do When You Feel So Lonely
It’s important to remember that loneliness isn’t a sign of weakness. Recognizing your feelings is the first and most important step you can take toward improving negative thoughts tied to loneliness.
Acknowledge your feelings
Acknowledging your emotions and feelings plays a significant role in emotional well-being. Identifying when you’re lonely or feeling disconnected from others can alleviate some of the distress you’re experiencing.
Join a support group
Support groups can be powerful resources. They can allow you to spend time with others with a similar relationship with loneliness. The comfort you gain from these social support meetings might even help you overcome some of the emotional isolation you experience and even make a new friend in the process.
“It’s beneficial to join a support group if you feel lonely. It allows you to connect with new people who may be sharing similar feelings and can understand what you are going through. The group can lead to shared problem solving, learning about helpful community resources, and gaining a sense of belonging.”
– Talkspace therapist Dr. Olga Molina, D.S.W., LCSW
Work out
Working out increases endorphins, known mood enhancers that can give you energy and motivation to break out of your cycle of loneliness.
Get involved or volunteer
Getting involved or volunteering will help you make social connections effortlessly, allowing you to gradually become mentally stronger and more willing to reach out to others.
Do yoga & meditate
Yoga and mindfulness meditation help center you, so you can focus on the present, rather than worry about the past or the future. Both activities benefit mental well-being by reducing stress, improving overall mood, and keeping you grounded — all of which are ways to combat feelings of loneliness.
Journal
Studies have demonstrated that journaling is an effective strategy for enhancing mental health. Journaling for mental health can foster emotional regulation and help you identify negative thoughts and behavior patterns that might contribute to social isolation.
Keep a structured routine
Humans thrive on routine. Maintaining structure can offer stability and reassurance, even during periods of loneliness.
Talk Through Your Feelings at Talkspace
Feeling lonely can stem from a variety of causes. Lacking meaningful connections in your life can intensify these feelings. If you’re feeling very lonely, Talkspace is an online therapy platform that can offer tools like individualized therapy and coping techniques to help you deal with loneliness.
Reach out to Talkspace today to learn more about taking steps toward understanding your loneliness. With help, you can find a way to build solid and meaningful connections that ultimately offer you a healthier mental state.
Sources:
- Steen OD, Ori AP, Wardenaar KJ, van Loo HM. Loneliness Associates strongly with anxiety and depression during the COVID pandemic, especially in men and younger adults. Scientific Reports. 2022;12(1). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-022-13049-9. Accessed August 19, 2023.
- Pantic I. Online social networking and Mental Health. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking. 2014;17(10):652-657. https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2014.0070. Accessed August 19, 2023.
- Szcześniak M, Bielecka G, Madej D, Pieńkowska E, Rodzeń W. <P>the role of self-esteem in the relationship between loneliness and life satisfaction in late adulthood: Evidence from Poland</p>. Psychology Research and Behavior Management. 2020;Volume 13:1201-1212. doi:10.2147/prbm.s275902. https://doi.org/10.2147/prbm.s275902. Accessed August 19, 2023.
The post 9 Reasons Why You May Feel So Lonely appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>The post Feeling Lonely in College? Here’s Why & What to Do appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Updated 12/14/2023.
Going away to college is a major milestone — the experience can be unlike any other we go through in life. The transition from high school to university, from childhood home to dorm room, is often filled with excitement and anticipation. However, it can also be a time of fear and loneliness for many students.
Even some of the most social young adults you know might feel lonely in college — it’s more common than people tend to think. Social connections that, for some, have been life-long can suddenly break, as students make new homes on campuses across the country. Leaving behind family, friends, and familiarity can be overwhelming, to say the least.
Even though loneliness in college is challenging, there are ways to get through it. We’re exploring why so many college students are lonely and what contributes to the negative feelings of isolation. We’re also uncovering the mental health impact and sharing tips on how to overcome loneliness.
Is it Normal to Feel Lonely in College?
If you are wondering why you feel so lonely, you are not alone. It’s normal to feel lonely in college.
The reality is the college experience includes bouts of loneliness for most students. A recent study found that as many as 87% of Gen Z adults in college said that their college life experience is a big source of stress in their lives, which can cause feelings of loneliness.
Another survey conducted by the American College Health Association (ACHA) – National College Health Assessment (NCHA) found that more than 60% of students reported feeling “very lonely” in college over the last year.
A German study in 2018 also found that nearly a third (32.4%) of students at their university felt moderate social or emotional loneliness.
Why is College So Lonely?
College is full of new opportunities that can be exhilarating. That said, college life can also lead to isolation due to several factors, like leaving the comfort of a childhood home, experiencing new or enhanced social anxiety, or being in a new environment for the first time.
Being away from home
Moving away from home is a big life transition. Stepping into unfamiliar territory can be stressful and require an adjustment period. Being far away from family and high school friends and trying to get used to a new environment can lead young students down a path of loneliness.
Leaving behind a romantic relationship
First love is often experienced during the high school years. Leaving for college can be difficult on a romantic relationship, whether it means breaking up or trying to manage a new life, new school, new demands, and a long-distance relationship. Missing a partner (who also might have been a best friend) can be the culprit of near-unbearable loneliness for some students as they try to navigate a new social life and circle of friends.
Challenges of making friends in a new environment
Even the most confident teenager might find it challenging to make new bonds and connections at the beginning of college. Despite an abundance of social opportunities, the rigorous expectations that come with moving from high school coursework to challenging collegiate studies might take away from having the time or energy to go out and make new friends.
Social pressure
Social pressure is inherent in university life. After spending decades watching movies and reading books that make it seem so easy to find new friends in college, the reality can be more painful. Some students might find their social circle quickly, but for those who don’t, the feelings of loneliness can be intense.
Academic stress
Most students find that academic stress ramps up in college. Even extremely bright scholars can discover they’re suddenly more challenged than they were in high school. Stress can lead to anxiety and depression, which can hamper energy or desire to go out and make friends.
Balancing daily responsibilities
It can be challenging for any 18-year-old to figure out how to balance the demands of essential daily duties. Without mom or dad to remind them to start laundry or pack food for a long day, they might struggle to get into a routine that leaves time for socializing and making friends. While these life lessons are necessary, they can be difficult and add to feelings of loneliness.
Lack of support system
It’s not uncommon for students to struggle with not having a support system in college. Feeling alone and unsupported can be hard for some students, especially if they are also experiencing homesickness. Not having the much-needed support they’re used to can lead to lonely days.
New routine
College offers newfound independence, but with it comes demanding routines that can be difficult for some students to get used to. Suddenly, students need to find time and learn how to do things like manage their finances, cook or pick up meals, do laundry, get enough sleep, and keep up with their studies. Their new routine can be exhausting and make finding meaningful connections even harder.
Anxiety and depression
Rates of anxiety and depression among college-age students are higher than ever, according to the latest research. A study of nearly 100,000 U.S. college students found that 37% have an anxiety disorder and 44% have symptoms of depression.
Loneliness often accompanies both these mental health conditions. It can be daunting to try to make friends when struggling with the symptoms depression or anxiety can cause.
The Mental Health Impact
Navigating the college experience can be confusing for anyone dealing with loneliness. In many cases, it can impact a college student’s mental health. Some research suggests that loneliness is a risk factor for generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and major depressive disorder (MDD).
There’s a direct link between loneliness and symptoms of depression. Young adults who feel lonely for prolonged periods can see increased depressive symptoms over time. The correlation exists because isolation can trigger negative thought patterns, further intensifying feelings of loneliness.
Anxiety also has a connection to loneliness. Social anxiety in college is prevalent, and the added stress and newness can exacerbate these fears and feelings, making students even more lonely.
“It’s important to remember that everyone feels lonely at some point during college, and while it can feel overwhelming, it is manageable. Loneliness can make people feel more anxious or depressed if it’s not addressed, especially since it can seem like you’re the only one experiencing this feeling. Being able to acknowledge feelings of loneliness and taking steps toward addressing them can create change.”
– Talkspace therapist Jill Daino, LCSW-R, BC-TMH
How to Cope with Loneliness in College
College is about more than just getting an education. It’s a time for self-realization and interpersonal relationship growth. For students who feel intense loneliness, learning effective coping strategies is critical. Here’s how to deal with loneliness as you navigate college.
Recognize what you’re feeling
Recognizing your feelings is the first step toward overcoming loneliness. It’s common to feel lonely after being thrust into a new environment, but acknowledging those feelings and learning to seek solutions and make changes can empower a person.
Change your mindset
Mindset significantly influences our perception of the situations around us. If loneliness is connected to a student’s dorm room, changing their perspective about solitude might help. It can be an opportunity for introspection rather than isolation.
If that doesn’t help, sometimes changing surroundings can. Maybe finding a spot outside to read, going to the campus library, or sitting in a coffee shop can help lift the sense of loneliness.
Join clubs and extracurricular activities
Getting involved and being active on campus can help combat loneliness for many students. Involvement creates avenues to meet others who share similar interests.
- Join clubs: Make new friends and interact with other students who share interests and passions.
- Develop social skills: Participate in group activities that foster the development of interpersonal skills.
- Cultural exchange: Join clubs or groups that promote cultural exchange to learn about diverse cultures and traditions while meeting people and broadening horizons.
Call home
Leaving home doesn’t mean cutting off contact. Maintaining regular contact with loved ones back home can alleviate isolation as students learn to adapt to their new life and surroundings. A familiar voice can do wonders in reducing homesickness.
Practice being comfortable by yourself
Learning to be alone and comfortable is a life-long skill that everyone should develop. Practice going to the movies or eating alone. It will become easier in time, perhaps even to the point that it’s enjoyable.
Reconnect with old friends from high school
Reconnecting with friends from high school (or middle or elementary school) can offer a sense of familiarity that might help ease loneliness. Thanks to technology and social media, it’s easier than ever to keep in touch with people from the past.
Get professional help
If loneliness progresses or worsens, it might be time to get help. Fortunately, multiple resources on college campuses can help students realize they’re not as isolated as they might think. On-campus and virtual support services can help anyone fight their loneliness.
“Connecting with others in small ways can make a significant difference in feeling lonely. It does not have to be a big step each day. Small steps create change. For example, speaking to someone in class about the assignment or the professor can decrease isolation and loneliness. Joining your roommate for dinner in the dining hall instead of eating in your dorm is another step in finding a connection. The bottom line of any strategy is to acknowledge that you feel lonely so you can address it — ignoring it won’t make it easier or make it go away.”
– Talkspace therapist Jill Daino, LCSW-R, BC-TMH
Find Support During College
Feeling lonely in college is normal, but it can be overcome. With the right tools and knowledge, it’s possible to recognize feelings of loneliness and do something about them.
If you or a college student you know needs help or support dealing with loneliness, Talkspace offers convenient, affordable, accessible options for online therapy. Talkspace accepts most major insurance providers like Cigna, Anthem, Aetna, Aetna Student Health, Optum, and more. Reach out today to learn how online therapy can enhance the college experience, making it a time of joy and discovery and offering emotional support that tackles loneliness.
Sources:
- “Stress in AmericaTM 2020: A National Mental Health Crisis.” American Psychological Association, October 2020. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2020/report-october. Accessed August 19, 2023.
- “Spring 2018 – ACHA Reference Group Executive Summary.” American College Health Association. Accessed August 19, 2023. https://www.acha.org/documents/ncha/NCHA-II_Spring_2018_Reference_Group_Executive_Summary.pdf. Accessed August 19, 2023.
- Diehl, Katharina, Charlotte Jansen, Kamila Ishchanova, and Jennifer Hilger-Kolb. “Loneliness at Universities: Determinants of Emotional and Social Loneliness among Students.” MDPI, August 29, 2018. https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/15/9/1865.
- “Healthy Minds Study – Student Survey.” Healthy Minds Network, August 2023. https://healthymindsnetwork.org/hms/. Accessed August 19, 2023.
- Steen, Olivier D., Anil P. Ori, Klaas J. Wardenaar, and Hanna M. van Loo. “Loneliness Associates Strongly with Anxiety and Depression during the COVID Pandemic, Especially in Men and Younger Adults.” Scientific Reports 12, no. 1 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-022-13049-9. Accessed August 19, 2023.
- Mushtaq, Raheel. “Relationship between Loneliness, Psychiatric Disorders and Physical Health ? A Review on the Psychological Aspects of Loneliness.” JOURNAL OF CLINICAL AND DIAGNOSTIC RESEARCH, 2014. https://doi.org/10.7860/jcdr/2014/10077.4828. Accessed August 19, 2023.
The post Feeling Lonely in College? Here’s Why & What to Do appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>The post How to Deal with Holiday Loneliness appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Every year, there comes a time when we are all propelled full force into the holiday spirit. This year, however, we are coming out of several years worth of hybrid isolation and many of us are facing the complicated duality of excitement and fear: managing feelings of social awkwardness with excitement and holiday cheer. While there certainly is a lighter spirit, higher energy levels, and a global change in routine that gives us hope for the future, we cannot ignore the other side of this coin. Layers of pain- abandonment, loneliness, grief and loss are still present in many of our lives. Both of these sides deserve our time and attention in similar ways. It’s important to confront uncomfortable feelings rather than avoiding them or masking the side effects.
COVID’s Impact on Our Social Skills
COVID changed the way we each existed in the world in a way we have never had to experience before. The first thing it did was remove our identification in the community. We stayed home, so we did not have the opportunity to run into fellow moms at our kid’s schools, or coworkers at our jobs, or even converse with others on sports teams or group fitness. There were no longer friendly, casual interactions at the grocery store, or the routine of self-care regimens with professionals; nor was there any space between work life and home life. All of these essential social tactics were removed and many of us might still be struggling to reclaim our places in community and find our value once again.
Combine the lack of these items with the congestion at home, and we all feel as though we have significantly regressed in our world. We lived on top of our intimate partners, family members, kids, pets, etc. How do we miss someone or something that is always around? Because we have lost the ability to separate things that we love from the people we love, the love might seem to decrease for both categories simultaneously.
Holiday triggers that might make us feel alone
Holiday season is an exciting time, many individuals tend to be more positive, and positivity is contagious just like negativity seems to be. People like change when change is the norm AND societally accepted. During the holidays, positive change has the ability to engulf us completely through our five senses.
- We listen to the holiday music on the radio
- We see plays like the Nutcracker and Christmas Carol
- We taste and decorate cookies, candies, and cakes in anticipation
- We touch gifts deciding what to buy and receive them in our hands
- We smell pine, chilled air (at least many of us do!), and fresh baked goodies
And, while not all of us will resonate with every sense on this list, we probably resonate with at least one or can understand others who resonate with items on this list.
That being said, a lot of people are left wondering: Why do I feel so alone?
Even with all its positive energy, the holiday season also brings an array of complicated emotions that might be triggering. The most common reasons why we might feel triggered during the holiday season, include, but are not limited to:
- Being reminded of close friends or relatives that have passed
- Childhood memories can be traumatic for a lot of people
- There is incongruence between our expectations and what actually happens
- Negatively comparing our circumstances to others
- Feeling low on resources and unable to have the full experience
- Being pulled away from work, which is where a lot of us build our identities and feel most comfortable
- Being bombarded by additional obligations we need to navigate
- Facing difficulties getting along with relatives in the same space
“The holidays can often trigger complicated feelings like grief or disappointment. Holiday events can highlight the death or absence of a loved one, complex family dynamics, and unfulfilled hopes or dreams.”
If you’re feeling down during the holiday season, know that the demand for mental health services substantially increases during this time of year, which attests to the fact that you are not alone in these feelings. People face battles all the time that we know very little about.
“Seeing the flawless images of holiday celebrations in advertising and social media can trigger feelings of inadequacy and disappointment. Those images simply are not realistic for most people. If you are having trouble feeling the holiday spirit, there is nothing wrong with you. This can be a hard time of year.”
Liz Kelly, LICSW
Warning signs that our triggers are taking over
Triggers have slight variations among different people. Some people cannot identify triggers as much as they recognize that they have been triggered. Other people have a thorough understanding of their triggers, but may feel helpless in terms of either preventing the triggers from taking over or digging out when they get there.
Several warning signs that seem to universally stand out:
- Snapping at people that we care about for no identified reason
- Removing ourselves from opportunities to connect
- Talking negatively about other people
- Repeating the same worry loop
- Missing out on needed sleep or sleeping too much
- Forgetting to eat or eating too much, developing irregular eating patterns
Combating holiday loneliness: The two-part system
Social awkwardness is real in the same way that social competence requires us to practice our skills on the regular. So practicing the art of slow and steady feels better than not at all. We all need to feel like we have a place in the world, so it feels safe to acknowledge that we all need other people to a certain degree. We need a spot to unload without criticism, we need to be able to relate, and most importantly we need to feel like we would be missed in the same way that we miss others.
So how do we practice socialization again without completely overwhelming ourselves?
- What about trying a virtual book club? Or even a hybrid version if you’re ready.
- Download the app Nextdoor to get to know your neighbors more
- Use the app Bumble BFF to find filters that might connect you with likeminded people who turn into friends
- Have a paint and sip event (even if you prefer seltzer water!)
- Find a physical fitness group on Meetup.com
- Join spiritual groups (if you’re into that!)
- Set-up a regular routine, so you don’t overlook the importance of socialization
It’s scary to take the first step. People fear rejection more than death. If we stick out our neck, there is the chance that people say no, certainly. But, what if they say yes? Just think about the new connection that also brings other connections to the table? Just by our willingness to be transparent and start the momentum, people want to follow suit.
Never getting space. A lot of cool things happen when we have a free moment to reflect. Reflection that pertains to ourselves with several things coming to mind.
- How do we view ourselves, others, and the world?
- What about boundaries? Do we tell other people no when we need to?
- Are we mindful about what we put into our bodies?
- Do we have a regular rhythm of how we take care of our bodies?
- Are we investing in the relationships that mean the most to us?
- What is our societal contribution? How do we give back to the world?
So even in a crowded home where we are on top of our partners, family members, and even friends, can we create separate lanes?
- How about that closet in our home being turned into a creativity room?
- Can we have a closed door, do not bother me, kind of policy?
- Can we be more present in each category with more boundaries between categories?
- What about checklists or schedules that do not leave anything unattended to?
- Is there room to delegate? Relinquishing control?
- Can we sneak out and go for an activity alone and outdoors?
Finding The Balance Between Excitement And Loneliness
Think of life as a journey where we are just trying to be better than we were yesterday. No matter how little the adjustment we have to make to get us to the best version of ourselves is, we are constantly trying to implement new things. This post-COVID, early entry into the holidays, is no different.
We can reach out, socially, in the way that we are comfortable with, finding items that we are really passionate about. For me, I love the cooking part of the holidays. Trying out new recipes and sharing with my friends and family. Nothing really makes me happier. For others, it might be Zoo lights or just cruising around neighborhoods looking at the lights. Go where you find the most joy and then bask in gratitude.
We can also do things that recharge us as individuals even if that means demanding and protecting that space with everything we have.
But when that all-encompassing fear and loneliness hits us, allow it to wash over us. Welcome it openly. Have an ugly cry, scream into a pillow, or spend a whole day binge watching Netflix. Our bodies and our minds actually know what to do if we can find comfort in discomfort. If that feels impossible, reach out to a professional that can assist. We are here for you.
Sending positive vibes your way.
The post How to Deal with Holiday Loneliness appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>The post Ask a Therapist: How Can I Hold on to Hope When I’ve Been Feeling Lonely For So Long? appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Q: Last year for Valentine’s Day, pre-COVID, I was single, and it didn’t really have a huge impact on me. My close friends and I celebrated the day by going out and having a fun night on the town. This year though, I’m single again, and this past Valentine’s day was awful; I felt so lonely and isolated, and the pandemic has made it so much worse because my friends and I don’t feel safe to go out and celebrate. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since COVID. How can I hold on to hope when I’ve been feeling so lonely for so long?
Dear Alma,
Thank you so much for asking a question that has undoubtedly been on many people’s minds this year! A year of COVID has really taken its toll on all of us, and your situation is certainly one that a ton of us can relate to! Loneliness may very well be dubbed the tidal wave of the pandemic. Why the tidal wave? Well the first, second, and third waves have already been assigned–and, frankly, loneliness can feel a whole lot like the entire ocean is crashing down on top of you right? So what do we do with all of these big, sweeping feelings? How do we maintain hope during such daunting times?
- Stay connected with those that you do have in your life. I know it isn’t the same as going out for a night on the town or Sunday brunch, but small get togethers and even online social meetups are vital right now to maintain our sense of connection to those we love. Humans are wired to be social. We need human contact to survive and to continue growing. Look ahead to the new, creative ways to find your joy. I was just opened up to the world of renting out the movie theater. In my current city, for $100 you can rent an entire theater room and invite 10 friends – plenty of space to spread out and remain socially distanced yet still having fun together. (That’s only $10/person which is way cheaper than pre-COVID, packed-seating prices!)
- I want you to think about your connection to yourself. Independence is a vibe all on its own. Connection is key and so is learning how to thrive in our current environment. While being alone is totally not a mindset, it’s easy for our situation to turn itself into an ugly habit of negative thinking. Because of that, I challenge my clients to have some productive, thoughtful quiet time. How? Listen to podcasts, music, and audiobooks that energize and inspire–ones that challenge the negative thoughts and replace them with more productive ones. Have a “Positivity Playlist” in your phone, host a virtual self-love book club for women, in part. Challenge yourself to stay on top of putting healthy information into your mind in an attempt to ward off the unhealthy thoughts that like to creep in.
- Find creative ways to contribute to your community—and it can look like anything that is important to YOU. It could include: leaving candy grams on your neighbors’ doorsteps with a little note letting them know you’re thinking of them, donating money to a cause you are passionate about, dog sitting for a friend, or really anything else. A ton of research has been put into understanding how to improve happiness, and a couple of things always seem to shake out in the results: Practice gratitude. Give back. It really comes up over and over again that the equation to a more fulfilling life includes being thankful for what we do have and contributing to others in ways that add value to your own life.
Thank you again for the vulnerability needed to reach out and share your struggle. We really are all in this together.
-Ashley
Ask a Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. By submitting a question you are agreeing to let Talkspace use it. Full names will not be used. *In case of urgent issues, do not ask a question, call 1-800-273-8255 or go to https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
The post Ask a Therapist: How Can I Hold on to Hope When I’ve Been Feeling Lonely For So Long? appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>The post Why Boredom Can Be a Good Thing and How to Utilize It appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Many of us view boredom as a bad thing, but can we switch our mindsets and actually see it as a good thing?
Why Boredom Can Be a Good Thing
Hear us out: boredom can be good for you. “Boredom can be a great indicator that we need to recharge but still be engaged,” says Talkspace provider Elizabeth Derickson, MSW, LCSW. “Being bored is like our brains telling us it has the energy to do something, but it wants to do something fun.”
Since the feeling of boredom can weigh heavy on us, it can also serve as motivation to get up and actually do something! Research backs this up. A 2019 study referred to boredom as a “little-known way to spark creativity,” after finding that in study participants, boredom increased productivity and idea generation.
Basically, when we’re bored, we’re lacking stimulation in one way or another. Motivation to get rid of the boredom causes us to seek stimulation, and that’s where the good stuff comes from.
How to Cure Boredom
Many of us try to cure boredom the same way: by turning on Netflix and mindlessly binge-watching a show while simultaneously scrolling through our social media feeds. Despite this “stimulation,” we’re usually still left feeling bored and even empty. Why? These activities aren’t actually very engaging.
Derickson says that there’s certainly a time and place for long naps and binge-watching, but they usually are not the best cures for boredom. She encourages clients to think of activities that can engage our minds or bodies, that are enjoyable and active. You want to find activities that get you occupied and in a flow. When you’re actively engaged, you’ll notice that boredom just isn’t a feeling anymore.
Can’t figure out what you should be doing? Derickson has some advice. “If you are really stuck on ways you can get into the flow, think back about things you did as a kid,” she says. “Did you color, do puzzles, or listen to music? For many of us, the things we did as a kid are natural ways to cure that boredom.”
There isn’t a universal way to cure boredom (sorry!) because what’s enjoyable for one person might be boring to the next. Finding what cures your boredom might take some trial and error, so you will need to have some patience when it comes to finding your personal cure. But once you find the activities that work for you, it will be worth it.
It may also be hard to find the motivation to get up and do something when you’re so used to just drowning yourself in TV shows and Instagram. After all, engaging in an activity does take more effort than sitting on the couch and rewatching every season of Friends for the third time. Hype yourself up and remind yourself that in order to cure your boredom, you need to stop doing the usual. It’s time to think outside the box, deviate from the norm, and get those gears of yours turning.
Here are three guidelines for curing boredom:
- Figure out what you’re craving
Derickson suggests asking yourself, “Do you need to move and be more physically active or do you need to be engaging in a cognitive sense?” Take it from there — maybe you need to go for a hike; maybe you need to find a particularly immersive novel to disappear into. - Be curious
Allow yourself to wonder about new things. Open up your mind and welcome curiosity as a positive tool. What have you always been interested in? What is something that you’ve always wanted to learn? - Don’t be afraid to be a beginner
Escaping boredom can lead us to try brand new things, things that we’ve never thought of trying before. The fear of failing or not doing something perfectly can hold us back from trying new things. However, embrace being a beginner and approach the situation as a great opportunity to learn.
20 Different boredom busters
Still in need of ideas? Don’t worry — we’ve got plenty for you. Whether you prefer to be mentally active, physically active, or both, here are 20 ideas you can do by yourself or with others in your household.
- Coloring
- Paint by numbers
- Needlepoint and embroidery
- Journaling
- Reading a book
- Researching a topic you’re interested in
- Learning a new language
- Working out
- Doing yoga
- Meditating
- Going for a walk or run
- Building Lego sets
- Cooking or baking
- Video chatting or calling friends and family members
- Playing interactive online games with friends
- Listening to a podcast
- Taking an online course
- Doing puzzles
- Creating home projects for yourself
- Playing an instrument
This is by no means an exhaustive list! There’s so much you can do today — yes, by yourself, and yes, at home.
So next time you’re feeling bored, remind yourself that boredom can be a good thing — it may be the thing to motivate you to take on a new challenge, get active, or take on a novel pursuit. Allow yourself to let ideas flow freely. Boredom and the resulting motivation and curiosity can take you to places you’ve never been before.
The post Why Boredom Can Be a Good Thing and How to Utilize It appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>The post How to Fend Off Loneliness appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>As Americans near a full year of living in our new pandemic-prompted reality, many are dealing with extended periods of solitude. Single people and those who live alone are likely feeling the emotional weight of this more than those in relationships. Quarantining with a significant other brings its own set of challenges, but if you’re craving companionship and intimacy, the grass probably looks a lot greener on that side of the fence.
If you’re feeling lonelier than usual this Valentine’s season, know that you are not the only one. Many singles are finding this to be an extra challenging time. Though we can’t always control when romantic relationships come in and out of our life, here are some tips to keep loneliness at bay this year.
Seek to Understand the Coupling Impulse
Even before the pandemic forced us to spend much of our time inside and alone, the phenomenon of wanting a partner more than usual during the cold winter months was well-documented. Sometimes called “finding your winter” or “cuffing season,” it refers to the idea that people are more likely to seek out partnership when there is less to do and when they are dealing with symptoms of seasonal affective disorder.
Depending on where you live, this time of year may severely limit your outdoor activities. This reality has a double impact this year when the outdoors might be our only option for safe socializing and recreation. Plus, shorter days and less sunlight can bring on feelings of hopelessness or fatigue.
Knowing this, it makes sense that many single people are increasingly interested in finding a relationship right now. We were already primed to think about coupling up more during the winter months, and this year the pandemic has taken it to the extreme.
So, next time you find yourself wishing for a partner and wallowing over the fact that you don’t have one, take a moment to question where these yearnings are coming from, and recognize the external factors at play. Yes, you might want to be in a relationship, but if you peel back that desire you might find that really what you want is to not be bored, to feel connected to others, to get more sunshine — all things that don’t actually require a partner.
Connect However You Can
We are social creatures and extended isolation can leave us feeling extra lonely and dejected. As humans, we crave connection, companionship, and intimacy. Sometimes we only recognize how essential these things are to our well-being when they are taken away.
Romantic partnership is a special type of connection; it’s normal to desire it and miss it when it’s absent from our lives. The value of other types of relationships, however, should not be overlooked. Connection, in all its forms, adds something beautiful and meaningful to the human experience, which is critical to our flourishing and growth.
While connecting with others might look different these days, make sure you’re putting in the time and energy to make it happen. Strive for high-quality interactions with family and friends. Schedule video or phone calls, and try to be as present for them as you would if you were spending time together in person.
You can also schedule virtual time with your loved ones where you don’t have to talk, and instead can just watch a movie together (using a service like Teleparty) or do a co-working hour. Just because you don’t have a built-in person to do things with in the form of a relationship, doesn’t mean you can’t have a rich social life and enjoy different kinds of companionship.
Think Long-Term
Time feels warped these days. On the one hand, it feels impossible that it’s about to be March again (that was fast!), and on the other, the days seem to blend together and crawl by (when will this end?).
A year is a long time. So is two years — god forbid we find ourselves living like this for another 12 months. But in the grand scheme of our entire lives, it’s really not that long. Placed in this context, it’s a miniscule amount of time. It’s important to keep this in mind before making a rash decision to try to rid yourself of loneliness, something like getting back with an ex or coupling up with the first person who agrees to go on a date.
The truth is, being single will always be better than staying with the wrong person or settling for someone you don’t like all that much. And, this time can be used for getting to know yourself better and becoming more comfortable with spending time alone. As my therapist told me last spring, this is a time of germination. We might not be able to see our growth just yet, or what it’s leading to, but it is slowly and surely happening under the surface.
Dating and navigating romantic relationships (or lack thereof) is already messy and difficult in the best of times, and trying to do it during a pandemic is a first for all of us. Be gentle with yourself as you move through feelings of loneliness this season — and remember that, single or coupled, you are already whole and deserving of joy, love, and connection.
If you’re struggling with loneliness this year, consider speaking with a licensed online therapist — it can be a good first step toward feeling more satisfied with the connections you have.
The post How to Fend Off Loneliness appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>The post How to Do the Holidays Alone in Style appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>The situation isn’t ideal. Most of us didn’t imagine the pandemic lasting through the holiday season — but this doesn’t mean that the holidays are going to be ruined. Remember that by spending the holidays by yourself, you’re being a responsible citizen, friend, and family member. You are doing your part to stop the spread of a deadly virus and keep your loved ones safe.
How to Celebrate the Holidays Alone
Just because you’re going to be alone, it doesn’t mean you have to spend the holidays moping around. There are plenty of things that you can do to bring some of that holiday cheer into your life, even without your loved ones physically present.
Here are 8 ideas to celebrate the holidays alone in style.
1. Have virtual celebrations
With all the technology we have at our fingertips, you don’t have to be truly alone this holiday season — you can socialize from a distance. Use Zoom or another video conferencing platform to “meet up” with your loved ones for dinners or even host Secret Santa gift exchanges (just draw names and mail each other gifts beforehand). Or, you can take the old fashioned route and simply call up some friends or family members to have a chat. Bonus points if you call someone else who is spending the holidays alone to brighten their day.
2. Practice gratitude
It’s easy to get hung up on the negative, but you can get yourself out of that negative cycle by practicing gratitude. Even though you can’t physically be with your loved ones this holiday season, focus on what is good and what you can be thankful for. Make a list of things you have to be grateful for, and revisit it, and reflect when you feel like you’re slipping into a negative mind space. If you’re grateful for certain people, be sure to spread some holiday cheer and let them know! We could all use an extra boost this year.
3. Stick with tradition
Just because you can’t engage in traditions with your loved ones it doesn’t mean that you can’t stick to them. Do you always watch The Grinch with your siblings every year? Watch it solo or use Netflix Party to watch it “together.” Do you normally make latkes during Hanukkah or bake cookies every Christmas Eve with your parents? Who says you can’t break out the family recipe and make them yourself (and of course, leave some out for Santa). Sticking with tradition can help things to feel a little more normal, even if you’re engaging in the tradition by yourself.
4. Indulge in self-care
One bonus of being by yourself? Having extra alone time to indulge in some juicy self-care. No need to feel guilty slipping away from your family for some much needed alone time, because this year the holiday is yours for the taking. Break out a new face mask, have a peaceful meditation session, take an extra-long bath with festive bath bombs, or take a relaxing yoga class. Think of self-care as a gift to yourself — because it is!
5. Treat yourself
While we’re on the topic of self-care, you can treat yourself in other ways, too. If there’s ever a time to splurge and treat yourself to a little something special, it’s now. Whether you buy yourself those shoes you’ve had your eyes on for months, order takeout from your favorite restaurant, or simply give yourself a couple of days off from your diet, you deserve it. This is the year to revel in the small pleasures.
6. Give back
Don’t forget to treat others less fortunate than you, too. Choose a charity or two that you support that you can donate to, go through your closet and put together a bag of things you don’t wear anymore to donate, or contact organizations you admire and ask how you can get involved. Giving back will give you a sense of purpose and make you feel good, even if you’re alone.
7. Look forward to the future
The holiday season is a time to look forward to the upcoming year, and boy, do we have things to look forward to. All those delays, cancellations, and rescheduled events — eventually 2021 is going to provide a cornucopia of things we’ve been denied all these long months. So leave disastrous 2020 in the past and look towards 2021 and beyond, when things may return to “normal.” Make a list of 2021 goals, create a vision board, or daydream about places you’d like to visit once it’s safe.
8. Reach out for help
Still having a rough time after all of these tips? Don’t feel bad about reaching out to a loved one for help. Let a trusted friend or family member know that you’re struggling, and how they can help, whether you need some advice or someone to simply listen to you vent. If things are getting dark, or you feel like you need the help of a trained crisis counselor, there are resources available. You can text HOME to 741741 to be connected to someone from Crisis Text Line, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you’d prefer to speak to someone on the phone at 1-800-273-TALK.
There are so many things you can do by yourself this holiday season that will make you feel less alone and bring you the same holiday cheer you’ve felt during holiday seasons past. Just because you’ll be alone doesn’t mean you can’t have a special and memorable holiday. Follow these tips and your holiday season can still be merry and bright!
The post How to Do the Holidays Alone in Style appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>The post How to Manage When You Lose Touch with Your Support Systems appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>On top of handling all that’s new, transitions force us to grieve as we say goodbye to old friends and environments. As we embark on new adventures, it’s often bittersweet to realize what we’re leaving behind.
Recently, I graduated from University of Michigan and moved across the country to Washington state. Before I arrived, I knew a total of one person here. It’s been a massive departure from my well-worn routine in college, where I walked the same paths daily, saw the same therapist for three years, and knew everyone in my 80-person program by name.
Despite the challenges my new situation poses, I know this transition is pushing me to grow and will ultimately lead to amazing experiences and relationships. If you’re going through a transition right now, be gentle with yourself. As difficult as it may be, it will likely be worth it. And, there are some things you can do to make it easier on yourself.
Practice (Extra) Self-Care
Self-care is always important, but especially so during a transition period when everything feels in flux. In between unpacking boxes or acquainting yourself with a new office, make sure you take time for yourself. Although self-care may look different for everyone, it should probably include:
- Getting enough sleep. Too much or too little sleep will have you feeling out of sorts, and make your adjustment feel all the more difficult. Aim to get 7-8 hours of sleep per night so you can attack your days with energy.
- Moving your body. On top of the host of mental health benefits you get from exercise, it’s also a great activity to do solo. If you don’t have a bunch of friends in your new environment just yet, explore on your own via a long run or bike ride.
- Journaling. Transitions are bound to bring up lots of feelings of the good, bad, and in-between varieties. A journal can be a place to process these feelings outside your own head and give them a visual representation. It’s also nice to have these thoughts to look back on when you’re months down the road and able to reflect on how far you’ve come.
- Doing activities that bring you joy. It can be comforting to remember that, while you may be in a new city or job, you’re still you. Connect to the parts of yourself that you can access no matter where you are or who you’re with. This could be through art, music, time in nature, sports, or whatever brings you true joy.
Balance Old and New Relationships
As you navigate a transition, you absolutely should try to build new relationships. Your neighbors, co-workers, and friends of friends are all great places to start, and can help you build a network in your new environment. Though it may feel overwhelming, it’s helpful to remember all the friendships you cherish now were new at one point.
At the same time, it’s important to stay connected to your old support systems. While you may not physically be in the same place as your family and friends, keeping in touch via texts and calls can go a long way. These are the people who already know you deeply and are easy to talk to, so they can be amazing resources as you move through your transition.
“A good way to stay in touch with old support systems is to create family Friday or Sunday sunshine (for old friends that make you happy),” psychotherapist Cynthia Catchings said. “Those days are for you to communicate with them. You can always stay in touch with them any other day, but the day of the week reminder helps.”
Like most things, balance is key here. If you spend all your time talking to your old friends, you’ll miss out on opportunities to build new, meaningful relationships. If you focus exclusively on new friends, you risk losing important people who already know and love you. Strive to prioritize both, and let your circle of loved ones grow.
Be Patient
You might find yourself wanting to “fast forward” through the most challenging parts of a transition, wanting to get to the point where you feel comfortable and at home. While this desire is normal and understandable, patience is key.
Depending on how monumental your transition is, it’s unlikely you’ll feel totally at ease within the first few weeks. This is okay and won’t last forever. It can be helpful to remember the last time you went through a big transition — how difficult it may have been at first, and all the good that ultimately came of it.
However, patience should not be confused with masochism. How long people deal with “transition pains” depends on the person, but Catchings tells us it’s usually around 2-3 months. If you’re not seeing many positive changes or are still feeling anxious or depressed after 6 months, it may be the sign of something bigger.
“Adjustment disorder is real and not understanding it or having the help of a mental health professional to guide you through it can make the process more difficult,” Catchings said.
Seeing an in-person or online therapist can make all the difference when navigating a challenging transition. With the help of a mental health professional, new and old support systems, and the knowledge that this will pass, you can and will move through it.
“Transitions make you stronger and wiser,” Catchings said. “You will do just fine and you will conquer this mountain too.”
The post How to Manage When You Lose Touch with Your Support Systems appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>The post How to Reconnect With Friends Safely and Save Your Mental Health appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Loneliness has been identified by many researchers as a significant public health issue. One study calls social interaction “a biological need, vital to physical wellbeing and even survival,” while another study links it to both depression and a 26% increase in premature mortality. Human beings are simply not meant to be socially isolated for long periods of time. If you haven’t been around others in months and feel a decline in mental health, there’s a lot of data that says you’ll likely get a strong boost of positivity just by going for a stroll outside with a friend.
But how do we engage with others and stay safe during an ongoing global pandemic? This is where things get much trickier. You don’t want to engage in a social activity that will get yourself sick or spread the virus to others. By staying informed, knowing your limits and respecting the boundaries of others, you can reconnect with friends without adding too much unnecessary risk.
If you noticed that your anxiety about social interactions, leaving the house, or getting the virus are resulting in maladaptive behaviours, talking to a therapist can be a good first step. You could be making things worse by continuing to isolate yourself — remember that your mental health is just as important as your physical health.
Follow the Guidelines (and Not Fake News)
The COVID-19 pandemic has spawned an “infodemic” according to the World Health Organization (WHO). This is because there’s way too much information online with little input or regulation on what is true and what is false. It can be extremely difficult to figure out what exactly we’re allowed to do and how much risk we’re taking with those activities.
It’s best to limit the over-consumption of media and stick to official health-expert updates. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and WHO websites are good options. You’ll get proper instructions for wearing a mask, downloadable posters to share with others, and even advice for how to host a safe cook-out.
To ease our anxiety about social interactions, we need information that’s straight-forward and backed by research. This stops us from speculating and coming up with our own safety behaviours that may or may not be practical or effective. For example, WHO recommends not wearing a mask for exercising and reports that mosquito bites can not spread the virus.
Generally, a healthy social interaction might include organizing a meet-up with friends at an outdoor location where you can stay six feet apart. Don’t hug or shake hands, and come equipped with hand sanitizer. If you’re in close contact, especially indoors, wear a mask. Also remember that the longer you’re together, the greater the risk.
Know Your Limits, Play Within Them
Individually, we all have factors that change our experience and response to coronavirus. As you’re opening up your social circle, this is a good time to take inventory of how you’re doing. How have the past few months been for you? How has this been traumatic?
The word “traumatic” can seem extreme to some people but trauma can be loosely defined as an experience that exceeded your ability to cope or integrate the emotions into your present self. The National Institute of Mental Health found that approximately 50% of American adults will experience at least one traumatic event in their lives; however, most don’t develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Humans are highly adaptable and will develop new coping skills to integrate these overwhelming emotions — connecting with others for social support will help with both.
However, if you’re struggling with overwhelming negative emotions, uncontrollable thoughts, changes in eating or sleeping, or an inability to connect with others, these can be signs that the trauma is having a significant impact on your mental health. Freezing your feelings (i.e. being “numb” to the world) can also be a sign that you’re emotionally overwhelmed. A therapist can help you process these feelings and help you adjust to social interactions.
Even if You Don’t Agree, Respect Other People’s Boundaries
There is a high likelihood that not all of your friends will be on the same page about coronavirus or rules for social interactions. This is okay. We are all living in our own subjective reality and the pandemic is simply highlighting this fact. You don’t know your friend’s experience and they don’t know yours — but you can still extend empathy and respect.
Before meeting up with a friend, have a direct and honest conversation about your boundaries. You should also encourage them to discuss their own. Are they okay with sitting on a patio? Do you want them to wear a mask? Are they comfortable with you using their bathroom? This isn’t about judgement, which keeps us apart, it’s about building an understanding. If you can adapt to their boundaries and they can adapt to yours, you will be rewarded with a social interaction that can help the mental health of both of you. However, if you think it will be more stressful for one or both of you, it might be best to acknowledge the difference and say that you’ll wait awhile longer before meeting up.
These are incredibly complex and difficult times to navigate. It’s important to support each other rather than create defensive conversations. Hopefully, we will each find activities and people that can safely bring us relief from loneliness. And remember, if you’re struggling with loneliness and social isolation, speaking to a professional, licensed therapist can offer a valuable form of support — and if you’d like to get started today, online therapy is an inexpensive, convenient way to do so.
The post How to Reconnect With Friends Safely and Save Your Mental Health appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>