1. Understand the Root Causes

The first step in how to deal with family issues is pinpointing the underlying factors shaping your current family dynamic. Often, family disputes stem from issues that aren’t immediately obvious.

Key elements that often lead to tension among family members include:

• Differences in values and beliefs: Like any relationship, families are full of individuals with unique perspectives. When differing beliefs clash, especially on sensitive topics like religion and politics, it can cause drama for everyone involved.
• Breakdown in communication: Miscommunication is often the cause of misunderstandings and disagreements. If a family member doesn’t express how they’re feeling or doesn’t fully listen to another person’s perspective, it can lead to resentment or arguments.  
• Unresolved issues from the past: Past grievances will almost always resurface if left unresolved. When it happens during an unrelated conflict, they can intensify the drama. Lingering feelings that were never dealt with in the past can exacerbate whatever is happening in the present, making it even more challenging to move on.
• External stress: External factors like work-related pressure, financial stress, or health issues can heighten tensions in a family. People under extreme stress might be more likely to overreact or take things the wrong way.
• Expectations and responsibilities: Differing expectations about family roles and responsibilities can become a huge source of contention in unhealthy family relationships. Seemingly minor issues like how to divide household chores, caregiving duties, or financial contributions can become big problems with your family if they’re not addressed openly.
• Personality clashes: Having different temperaments is normal, but when differences lead to disagreements, it can be a problem. Some family members can be more dominant or passive, leading to feelings of being unheard or causing power struggles.
• Toxic parents: When parents exhibit controlling, manipulative, or otherwise harmful behaviors, it can deeply affect the family dynamic. Recognizing the signs of toxic parents is crucial in understanding how these relationships influence family drama and finding ways to mitigate their impact.
• Family trauma and grief: Dealing with significant emotions from events like a death in the family, someone in the family hurting another, or past/current abuse can cause profound distress. Generational trauma—where unresolved traumas are passed down through generations—can also impact family interactions and dynamics.

2. Know Your Triggers

Triggers can be various factors—certain topics, behaviors, situations, or even specific people—that spark a strong emotional reaction from you. Knowing your triggers is critical for learning how to avoid family drama. By identifying these triggers, you’re better prepared to handle them with composure or sidestep them entirely.

Strategies to effectively manage triggers include:

• Practicing self-reflection: Reflect on past conflicts you’ve had with family members. Try to identify patterns and specific actions or words that regularly cause you to get upset. Once you pinpoint a recurring theme, actively work to avoid it.
• Using emotional awareness: Try reflecting on your emotional responses when interacting with various family members. Notice when you feel irritated or defensive with a difficult relative and remove yourself from situations before they get out of hand.
• Asking for feedback: Don’t be afraid to ask someone who knows your family for their opinions or advice. It’s easy for us to be so used to our patterns that we don’t even realize what’s happening. Someone else’s insight might offer you a valuable perspective to help you avoid being triggered.
• Considering your underlying needs: Conflict is commonly linked to unmet needs or unresolved issues. If you feel undervalued in your family or experience disrespect from a toxic family member, addressing your feelings and making people aware of what you need in the future can be a turning point.
• Practicing mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques like meditation and deep breathing may help you stay present and in the moment when you encounter challenging interactions with other family members. Mindfulness enables you to increase your emotional resilience and learn to control your reactions.
• Having effective coping strategies in your back pocket: If you’re heading into a volatile situation, come in ready to use the most effective techniques. You might try taking a break from a conversation, counting to 10, or having a pre-planned response to avoid confrontation.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Navigating family drama effectively requires clear and firm boundaries. It’s crucial to communicate your limits calmly and assertively, ensuring you’re prepared to act if these boundaries are crossed.

Here are some practical strategies to help you establish and uphold healthy family boundaries:

• Identify your limits: Determine what you find acceptable so you know your limits and can set clear boundaries that align with your needs.
• Communicate clearly and assertively: Boundaries only work if you express them to family members. Use “I” statements to share what you need without being accusatory. For example, instead of saying, “You’re too loud,” you could say, “I need some quiet time.”
• Be consistent: Consistency is key for boundaries to work. You must stick to them and insist they’re always respected to avoid sending mixed signals.
• Be ready for some pushback. Some resistance can be normal, especially if you’ve never set boundaries before and your family is caught off guard. Stay firm and patient, and don’t be afraid to repeat yourself if you’re not feeling heard.
• Respect others’ boundaries: If you’re going to set boundaries, you need to be willing to respect others’. Listen and respond when family members share their needs and limits and appreciate what they ask for.
• Be responsible for your emotions: Remember that boundaries are about managing your needs, not controlling others.
• Be willing to reevaluate and readjust: Boundaries are rarely a set-it-and-forget-it deal. You might need to adjust them over time, so you should be open to making changes as circumstances change.

“One example of a boundary you can set is staying separately when we are thinking about visiting family out of town. Staying in our own accommodations gives us the chance to reset, recharge, and show up to communal spaces as the best versions of ourselves.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

4. Communicate Openly and Honestly

When family conflicts arise from miscommunication, enhancing your communication skills is vital to preventing misunderstandings and fostering trust.

Here’s how you can start practicing healthy communication:

• Be honest and direct: Share your thoughts openly, and don’t sugarcoat complex topics.
• Use active listening. When it comes to improving communication, listening is just as essential as speaking.
• Use “I” statements: “I” statements let you take ownership of your feelings and reduce defensiveness from listeners. Telling someone, “I feel hurt when you don’t hear me,” is much different than saying, “You never listen to me.”
• Remain calm and respectful: Do your best to stay calm. Take deep breaths, pause a few seconds before responding, and keep your tone neutral. Avoid yelling or name-calling, which will almost always escalate the situation.
• Ask for clarification: If you don’t quite understand what someone is saying, don’t hesitate to ask them for more information before you respond.
• Empathetic: Showing empathy — even when disagreeing with someone — validates their emotions and allows for both parties to feel heard.
• Try not to be defensive: Staying open-minded instead of getting defensive helps you stay on subject and remain constructive.
• Practice patients: Effective communication doesn’t always come quickly. Be willing to put in the time and effort and be patient with yourself and others.

5. Practice Active Listening

Managing family drama effectively often starts with honing your active listening skills. This technique goes beyond simply hearing words; it’s about fully engaging with the speaker to grasp their message completely before crafting a thoughtful response. Active listening fosters a sense of understanding and respect between all involved, making each person feel valued and heard.

Key strategies to enhance your active listening include:

• Give your full attention
• Show engagement with body language
• Avoid interrupting each other
• Reflect and rephrase
• Ask open-ended questions
• Acknowledge each other’s emotions
• Offer thoughtful feedback
• Resist the temptation to judge
• Be patient

6. Avoid Taking Sides

Navigating family drama often involves steering clear of taking sides. By maintaining neutrality, you foster mutual respect and cultivate a balanced atmosphere. While it’s natural to want to support a loved one or champion a cause close to your heart, aligning too strongly with one side can intensify conflicts and deepen divisions. Remember, promoting unity often means resisting the urge to pick a side.

“Taking sides will naturally lead to someone being upset with us. But, playing the mediator allows everyone, including ourselves, to see a gray area that fosters mental flexibility. Surrendering to the idea that we have to have a definitive answer makes the outcome significantly more realistic.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Consider the following tips to remain neutral:

• Listening to both sides
• Encouraging open dialogue and honest communication
• Focusing on solutions instead of blame
• Empathizing with both sides
• Recognizing your own biases that might influence your perspective

7. Focus on Solutions, Not Problems

Shifting focus from the problem to the solution isn’t just about being positive—it’s about creating a path forward that fosters healing and constructive change.

Encourage your family to embrace a solution-oriented mindset and move beyond the issues by:

• Identifying the main issue: Identify the root cause of the conflict. Understanding the core issue is the first step in finding an effective solution.
• Using a collaborative mindset: Encourage family members to work together to find solutions.
• Focusing on the future: Redirect energy and focus on the future instead of rehashing the past. Try asking questions like “how can we move forward?” Or “what can we do differently? 
• Staying positive: Keeping a positive and constructive attitude can build momentum as you focus on improving the situation.
• Celebrating progress: Take the time to acknowledge progress and recognize even small victories. This can boost morale and keep people committed to finding solutions.

8. Seek Mediation or Counseling

If family drama continues to be a challenge, consider exploring external support options to help you learn how to deal with family drama. Research shows that meditation and counseling can effectively foster healthier relationships. 

Family counseling

Engaging in family counseling could provide you with strategies to better navigate and manage difficult or broken family dynamics by:

• Offering a safe space for communication: Give everyone a place to express their feelings without fearing judgment.
• Identifying underlying issues you might not know: Therapists can uncover root causes you don’t even know exist.
• Teaching effective and productive communication skills: A significant benefit of therapy is learning to communicate more effectively.
• Learning how to use problem-solving strategies: Therapy can help families develop collaborative problem-solving strategies for working together.

Individual therapy 

While family counseling addresses collective concerns, individual therapy focuses on personal well-being, making it a valuable complement. It allows for deep, personal exploration and healing that might be overlooked in group settings. 

Individual therapy can help you effectively manage family drama by:

• Offering personal support: You’ll get personal space to evaluate family drama’s emotional impact on you.
• Enhancing self-awareness: Therapy can help you identify behavior patterns contributing to unhealthy family dynamics.
• Teaching you stress management techniques: Get the tools you need to manage stress and anxiety in healthy ways.
• Building emotional resilience: Therapy can help you develop your emotional resilience so you can handle the family drama better.

9. Take Time for Self Care

Self-care is crucial during times of emotional and mental stress. Prioritizing your well-being will help you recharge so you can manage stress and conflict without letting it get the best of you.

To incorporate self care into your daily routine, you can:

• Incorporate physical activity: Exercise is a powerful stress reliever that can improve mood and energy.
• Maintain a healthy sleep schedule: Quality sleep is critical for emotional regulation and overall health. Establishing a healthy sleep routine can improve your patience and ability to cope with stress.
• Eat a healthy diet: Nutrition significantly affects how you feel physically and mentally. Eat a rich and balanced diet and stay hydrated.

10. Reflect on Personal Contributions to Conflict

Anytime you’re dealing with conflict, it’s essential to reflect on what role you might have played. That’s not only a critical step toward finding resolution; it’s also a sign of personal growth. Reflecting on your part in a conflict can help you recognize patterns of behavior that might be unhealthy or unhelpful so you can change them. 

To assess what role you’re playing in family conflict, you can:

• Practice self-awareness
• Acknowledge your emotions
• Think about how you communicate
• Consider your past experiences and determine if you’re bringing unresolved issues into the present
• Ask others for feedback
• Look for thought or behavior patterns that might be disruptive
• Take responsibility for your actions
• Set goals for self-improvement

Find Support for Family Drama with Talkspace Counseling

Learning how to deal with family drama can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate alone. Getting professional help can make a huge difference in how quickly you can find a peaceful resolution. Online therapy is a convenient and effective way to get help from the comfort of your home. Licensed Talkspace therapists and mental health professionals can help you and your family resolve conflicts and improve your relationships.

Talkspace offers a flexible, affordable solution so you can take steps to ensure everyone in your family feels heard and respected. Start online therapy today to work on family conflict issues.

Causes of Family Brokenness

There are many causes of brokenness within families. A broken family relationship can be multifaceted and often stem from more than one source. That said, common factors can include marital discord, financial strain, substance abuse, or a family member’s mental health issues. Identifying and trying to understand underlying causes can help when trying to heal fractured family relations.

Financial strain and economic pressure

Financial strain and economic pressure can be significant factors in a family’s breakdown. When families struggle to meet basic needs, the resulting stress can quickly lead to conflict. Over time, persistent financial difficulties can affect trust between partners, causing marital issues that, in some cases, lead to divorce and family estrangement.

The constant pressure to make ends meet when money is tight can also impact parenting. When parents are preoccupied or stressed over finances, it can cause emotional unavailability for their children, leading to an unstable or insecure environment.

Mental health issues and their impact

Mental health can have a profound impact on families. When someone you care about struggles with a condition like depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or bipolar disorder, it impacts the whole family. The resulting misunderstandings, emotional distance, ineffective communication, and lack of support can be devastating. Left untreated, mental health issues can cause deep wounds that ultimately lead to a breakdown in the family structure, causing a broken family relationship.

Substance abuse and addiction

Substance use and addiction can be damaging to any relationship. Addiction can cause significant emotional, financial, and psychological stress that’s difficult for families to navigate. 

Addictive behaviors often lead to neglect, abuse, and loss of trust. Family members who are dealing with someone who has an addiction might feel confused about their feelings of betrayal, anger, and helplessness as they try to understand and help.

Infidelity and trust issues

Infidelity and trust issues in a relationship are common reasons for family brokenness. Infidelity breaches a fundamental trust between partners that can be near-impossible to heal from. Feelings of betrayal, hurt, and even rage can cause a ripple effect that leads to jealousy issues, suspicion, and emotional distancing between partners. 

If children are involved in a situation where infidelity occurs, it can further complicate the dynamics. Children will likely experience confusion and insecurity and struggle with feeling divided in their loyalty.   

Parenting differences and disagreements

Parenting can be difficult under the best circumstances. Staying on the same page with a partner takes incredible effort and determination. When parents have conflicting views about how to raise children, discipline, education, or even fundamental values, it can cause tension in the household. Children often feel caught in the middle and are confused by the mixed messages they get from differing parenting styles.

In some cases, parental differences can lead to divorce, which further exacerbates the impact of family brokenness. Although every family and situation is unique, research shows that parental separation and divorce can be damaging to children. Children living with separated or divorced parents are up to 2 times more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior. 

Cultural and intergenerational conflicts

Cultural or intergenerational conflicts in families can cause misunderstandings that disrupt harmony in the home. Multicultural and intergenerational issues often revolve around lifestyle choices, careers, marriage, parenting styles, or generational trauma and differences. Unless a conscious effort is made to navigate these differences respectfully, the divide can cause resentment and alienation.

Types of Broken Families

Navigating the complexities of broken families requires understanding the unique challenges each situation presents, which can be challenging to process and heal from. This understanding is crucial for moving towards a healthier place.

Some of the most common broken family dynamics include:

• Divorced or separated families: This dynamic can become problematic due to factors like contentious custody battles, lack of cooperation between ex-partners, or inconsistent parenting styles, which can create instability and emotional distress for children.
• Single-parent families: Challenges such as financial strain, lack of support, and increased stress on the single mom or dad can lead to emotional or behavioral issues in children if the parent struggles to manage the household effectively. 
• Blended families: Blended families, formed when two separate families merge, can develop complex dynamics with stepparents and stepsiblings. Challenges such as favoritism, loyalty conflicts, and difficulty integrating family traditions can cause tension and misunderstandings.
• Families with absent parents: One or both parents are physically or emotionally absent due to reasons like work, incarceration, abandonment, or death. This absence can create a void in the family structure, leading to feelings of neglect, insecurity, and emotional instability for the children.
• Conflict-ridden families: Ongoing conflict or unresolved issues cause verbal, emotional, or physical abuse or an otherwise toxic or unstable environment. Such environments can severely impact the mental and emotional well-being of all family members, often resulting in long-term psychological effects.

Signs & Effects of a Broken Family

Recognizing the signs of a broken family is the first step in healing. Broken families can take an emotional, behavioral, or social toll on everyone, including — and perhaps especially — children.

Emotional impacts of a broken family:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Feeling abandoned
• Emotional instability
• Low self-esteem
  

Behavioral impacts of a broken family:

• Academic problems
• Aggression
• Withdrawing from social interactions 
• Risk-taking behavior
• Difficulty in following rules
• Challenging authority

Social impacts of a broken family:

• Finding it hard to establish and maintain healthy relationships
• Socially isolating
• Trust issues
• Poor communication skills
• Issues with peers

How to Reconcile a Broken Family

When a family is broken, healing won’t necessarily be easy, but it is possible. It takes work, dedication, and understanding, though. Focusing on open communication and offering each other emotional support are essential as you learn how to fix a broken family.  

Communicate openly

Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Communicating openly ensures everyone can express their feelings and needs. It makes sharing concerns and getting empathy easier.  

Seek family counseling

Family counseling can be very effective in creating a healthy dynamic. Therapy offers a structured, safe environment, where families can address and work through issues. Professional guidance can help you build healthier relationships and give you effective coping strategies for the next time your family struggles.

Establish boundaries

Boundaries help us maintain respect in our relationships. They establish limits that can help reduce misunderstandings and conflict. Setting clear family boundaries provides stability as your family heals.

“ An example of setting boundaries with family is, “I am busy this weekend with a personal project, so I won’t be able to help you with errands during that time. Let’s find another time during the week to do those tasks.”

– Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar, LPC, LMHC

Acknowledge past hurts

Past hurt can contribute to family brokenness. Acknowledging the hurt from family drama means validating one another’s feelings and experiences. This process alone can improve empathy and understanding, which are necessary for letting go of resentment.

Pursue forgiveness

Pursuing forgiveness helps you release anger and resentment, paving the way for emotional healing. Forgiveness also helps you regain trust as you work to recreate a harmonious family environment.

Engage in shared activities

Spending time together and engaging in shared experiences can strengthen family bonds and foster positive interactions while having fun and reconnecting. Building new memories and creating a sense of unity is essential to healing.

Allow time and patience

Mending a broken family takes time and patience. It’s important to allow everyone to process pain in their own way so they can gradually start to trust again. A gentle, steady approach can ensure reconciliation is meaningful and sustainable.

Conduct regular check-ins

Regularly checking in with one another shows that you’re making an effort to reconnect and support each other. It also creates a healthy space for addressing new issues when they happen instead of letting them build up.

“In order to have effective family check-ins it is important to establish an agenda and make sure everyone has a chance to speak. It helps to set ground rules for respectful communication, engage in active listening and keep the meeting focused on the relevant issues.”

– Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar, LPC, LMHC

Set realistic expectations

Being realistic—rather than having unhealthy expectations—can help families manage disappointment in positive ways and reduce frustration.

Create new traditions and positive experiences

Creating new traditions and having positive experiences can be instrumental in healing from past pain and hurt. Especially if resentment is part of what led to the family breakdown, replacing negative memories with joyful ones can instill a sense of renewal and hope within the family.

Start Healing with Talkspace

It’s not always easy to heal, but with the right support, you can learn how to fix a broken family. Taking the time to explore why the family breakdown occurred will let you begin taking actionable steps to rebuild trust and reconnect. From focusing on communication to seeking counseling and setting boundaries, reconnecting with your family might just be the best thing you’ve ever done.

If you want professional support, Talkspace offers convenient, affordable, individual therapy to help you navigate the challenges of broken family dynamics. Talkspace is an online therapy platform that will be with you on your healing journey as you work to restore your family harmony and well-being. Start online therapy with Talkspace today. 

Tip #1 Take Care of Your Own Well-Being

Self-care is a critical part of being an effective parent. Your emotional, physical, and mental health are directly linked to your ability to care for and nurture your children. When you prioritize self-care, you’ll be more likely to have patience, energy, and resilience to handle the taxing demands parenting sometimes requires. 

Self-care can include working out or eating well, getting enough sleep, relaxing, and recharging. It can also involve learning to manage stress in healthy ways and asking for support when needed.

Why this works: Taking care of yourself sets a positive example and models healthy behavior for your children. Research shows that parents who show self-compassion have reduced feelings of guilt and shame about their roles as parents.  

Tip #2 Foster Open Communication

Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy parent-child relationship. Working on open communication in your family dynamic is one of the best things you can do as you focus on how to be good parents. Communication is a parenting skill that stems from creating an environment where children feel safe enough to express what they’re thinking, how they’re feeling, and any concerns they have. Your job is to actively listen and engage in a non-judgmental way.

Why this works: Open communication builds trust and models lifelong healthy communication

skills. Encourage your child to share things with you by asking open-ended questions that show them you care about their experiences. They’ll feel valued and connected to you, opening up in a way that builds their confidence and sense of self-worth.  

“Establishing open communication from an early age builds trust, teaches kids about emotional intelligence, and strengthens the parent-child relationship. Listening more than you talk, being curious instead of judgemental with your questions, and offering your kids a safe space to land allows them to know they can come to you to share their joys and struggles.”

– Talkspace therapist, Jill Daino, LCSW-R

Tip #3 Set Clear Boundaries and Expectations

Establishing boundaries and making expectations clear gives children a sense of security and structure. While kids might think they’d love to have free reign in life and do as they please, the truth is that children thrive when they know rules are in place and understand what’s expected of them. The clarity they gain from having boundaries and expectations makes them feel safe, supported, and loved.

Why this works: This is a crucial aspect of authoritative parenting. Boundaries work because when children know what’s expected, it reduces anxiety and confusion while teaching them self-discipline and responsibility — skills that are crucial for personal development and growth throughout life. 

Tip #4 Prioritize Quality Time Together

Raising happy kids starts by figuring out how to become a better parent, and spending quality time is an easy way to do this. Sharing meaningful moments with your children helps you build a solid and lasting bond. 

A supportive family environment does more than just strengthen the parent-child connection. It shows children how to develop deep, meaningful relationships in their lives. To maximize your time, minimize distractions during these moments — turn off your phones or have “device-free” zones to ensure you have each other’s full attention.

“In this age of heavily scheduled calendars, screen time, and what can feel like not enough time in a week, prioritizing time together as a family is crucial. Quality time connecting without distractions strengthens family bonds while also supporting the emotional and social development of children.”

– Talkspace therapist, Jill Daino, LCSW-R

Why this works: Prioritizing quality time fosters emotional connections between you and your children. Kids who receive focused attention from their caregivers are more likely to develop a secure attachment, which is the healthiest form of attachment and translates to higher self-esteem, better social skills, and healthier relationships in adulthood.

“Being able to connect in this way allows families to have fun, share ideas and experiences, and simply be together in ways that create moments of connectedness that are invaluable. Whether that is doing a puzzle when your child is younger or movie/game night when they are older, finding ways to spend time together at home or out in the world as a family fosters the family bond and child development.”

– Talkspace therapist, Jill Daino, LCSW-R

Tip #5 Teach Responsibility and Independence

Being a better parent means helping your children become independent. Teaching your children to be responsible and independent is vital to their development.  When children are encouraged to find their independence, they learn to solve problems. While you can — and should — support them in finding solutions, allowing them to handle things helps them build confidence so they feel prepared to face challenges later in life.

Do this by giving age-appropriate chores, offering autonomy to make their own decisions, and letting them learn from their experiences and make mistakes. You can start with simple tasks—making their bed or wiping down the sink in the bathroom once a week—and gradually increase the responsibilities as they become ready to take on more. Encourage them to take ownership of their jobs so they can feel a sense of pride in accomplishing tasks and doing well.

Why this works: Teaching kids to be responsible and independent offers them essential life skills for their future. They’ll learn time management, organization, and accountability, often without even knowing it. Independence teaches children to be self-reliant. When they trust they can solve problems on their own, they gain critical thinking and decision-making skills, boosting self-esteem.

Tip #6 Show Unconditional Love and Support

Unconditional love and support are the foundation of healthy parent-child relationships. When children know your love for them is unwavering, regardless of their behavior, it helps them feel secure and valued. A constant and steady show of support reinforces the idea that you’ll be there for them during times of success and failure. Essentially, it develops a pattern where they understand your love is not contingent on performance.

Why this works: Unconditional love helps build confidence and resilience in children. Research shows that children who grow up in a home with unconditional love are more likely to have better stress resilience and healthier brain development. 

Tip #7 Model the Behavior You Expect

Children learn by watching. When your actions are positive, healthy, and kind, kids will want to emulate that in their own behavior. Studies show positive parenting practices influence a child’s development and behavioral outcomes. To model the behavior you want your children to adopt, be mindful of your actions and words. Be willing to apologize when you’re wrong, and live by the values you want them to develop in their own lives. 

Why this works: Children naturally want to emulate their parents. If they see you consistently acting in ways that align with the values you’re hoping to pass on, they’ll be much more likely to behave similarly. Modeling positive behavior also helps children develop healthy emotional and social skills, like communication and conflict resolution. 

Tip #8 Educate Yourself on Child Development

There is great power in educating yourself on how children grow and what they need at different stages in life. Tailoring your parenting style to align with their needs will ensure you can successfully support their emotional, physical, and cognitive development. You can read books, take a parenting class, attend workshops, and even get therapy to help you understand where your child is at. 

Why it works: Knowing how to support your child based on their growth and developmental stages might just be the most powerful tool you have as a parent. Staying educated about your children’s needs can also reduce stress and increase your confidence about being a good parent. 

Tip #9 Maintain Consistency in Discipline

Discipline can be one of the most challenging aspects of parenting, but it’s important to be consistent with it. Consistency means making rules known, enforcing them, and ensuring that all caretakers are on the same page. Being consistent and following through can be difficult, but it pays off. When children understand that rules apply to them and not following them will result in some form of discipline, they learn that their actions have consequences. 

Why this works: Maintaining consistency works because children thrive in a predictable and stable environment where they know what to expect and have clear boundaries. This type of environment helps them feel secure and regulate their behavior. 

In the long run, being consistent with discipline helps kids develop self-control and a sense of responsibility. 

Growing Together as a Family

Learning how to be a better parent isn’t as hard as you might think — especially when you use some of the tips we’ve shared here. These tools will help you focus on raising healthy, happy, resilient kids who know they’re loved and supported. Open communication, setting boundaries, spending time together, teaching them to be responsible and independent, and educating yourself on child development are ways to grow and focus on being a good parent. 

Investing in your growth can be a gift to you and your children. If you need guidance or help in doing this, Talkspace is there for you. Getting convenient, affordable, accessible online therapy can help your family thrive and your children become successful and happy adults. Get online mental health support for parenting from Talkspace today. 

Understand Dementia & Its Symptoms

Before you can provide care for an aging parent with dementia, it’s important to understand the condition and what symptoms might look like. Symptoms of dementia can vary, but there are some common signs to note. 

Symptoms and signs of dementia can include:

• Memory loss
• Difficulty communicating
• Changes in mood or behavior
• Losing things more frequently
• Confusion 
• Agitation
• Apathy
• Inability to accomplish everyday tasks, like paying bills and remembering appointments
• Difficulty concentrating

Communicate Effectively

Effective communication is crucial when learning how to care for someone with dementia. If they’ve recently been diagnosed and can still make decisions, take the time to have important, albeit tough, conversations about future needs and wants. Discuss things like future care and intervention they do and don’t want, end-of-life care, and funeral or memorial services.   

As dementia progresses, the ability to communicate effectively becomes more challenging yet increasingly important. Here are strategies to ensure meaningful communication throughout the journey:

• Simplify communication: Use simple words and short sentences. Speak clearly and calmly to avoid overwhelming your parent.
• Maintain eye contact and use verbal cues: Physical presence and touch can be comforting. Maintain eye contact to convey your message more effectively, and use appropriate gestures to support understanding.
• Be patient and supportive: Give them time to respond, and avoid interrupting or rushing the conversation. Show that you value their input, even if expressing thoughts becomes difficult for them.
• Focus on feelings, not facts: As dementia progresses, your parent may remember emotions more than specific events. Focus on how they feel rather than correcting inaccuracies in their memories.
• Use visual aids and reminders: Pictures, objects, or other visual aids can help in communication, especially when verbal skills are declining.
• Practice active listening: Show that you are listening and trying to understand their perspective. Validation of their feelings and experiences can go a long way in maintaining a connection.

It’s also beneficial to involve healthcare professionals in these conversations early on. They can offer guidance on navigating the disease progression and provide resources for support. As dementia advances, re-evaluating communication strategies regularly will help you adapt to your parent’s changing needs, ensuring that they feel supported and understood at every stage.

Engage in Memory Care Activities

As dementia progresses, helping an aging parent engage in memory care activities can be beneficial. It can enhance mood and reduce the frustration and agitation they might experience. 

The following activities can help stimulate cognitive function to improve well-being:

• Reminiscence therapy: Encourage your parent to reflect on their past, look through old photos, or discuss favorite family memories or special events.
• Sensory stimulation: Engage their senses with activities like listening to music, touching materials, or smelling favorite familiar scents.
• Art therapy: Some research suggests that art therapy can improve well-being in people with dementia. 
• Puzzles and games: Simple games and easy puzzles can stimulate cognitive function and enhance problem-solving skills, things that grow increasingly challenging over time for those living with dementia.
• Pet therapy: Therapy animals are proven to reduce stress, improve mood, encourage social interaction, and promote positive connections. 

Create a Supportive Environment

When caring for a parent with dementia, creating a supportive environment is vital. In many ways, their environment will contribute to overall well-being and quality of life. 

There are several ways caregivers can help establish and promote a supportive environment, including:

• Focusing on safety: Basic safety guards are crucial for people living with dementia. Locks and alarms on doors and windows can prevent wandering, and handrails and grab bars in bathrooms, hallways, and stairs will help avoid falls. 
• Maximizing independence: An elderly parent with dementia needs to be as independent as possible. Labeling drawers and cabinets can help them complete daily tasks successfully and give them a sense of accomplishment. 
• Reducing stress: Daily routines should be consistent, calm, and predictable to ensure stability and prevent anxiety in older adults with dementia.
• Using memory aids: Visual cues — like labels, calendars or daily schedules, large-font digital clocks, and easy-to-read lists of important people and appointments can help.
• Encouraging social interaction: Staying socially active will reduce feelings of isolation. Encourage regular visits from family and close friends, and plan recreational activities and group outings when possible.  

Seek Professional Help and Resources

Even the best caregivers need help and support. Seeking additional assistance doesn’t mean you’re not doing a good job caring for an elderly parent with dementia. Support and relief can help you reset and re-energize so you have more to give. 

Professional respite care services can offer caregivers a much-needed temporary break if family or friends can’t share responsibilities. They also provide additional interaction with others, which can be another layer of social interaction. 

Take Care of Your Emotional Health

It’s essential that, as a caregiver, you take care of yourself, too. That old adage about putting on your own oxygen mask first still applies. Emotional stress can cause burnout and lead to other mental health conditions, like depression and anxiety. Prioritizing your mental and emotional health is crucial to offering compassionate, effective care to your loved one and preventing caregiver burnout. 

To take care of yourself emotionally, make sure you are:

• Getting support from others — either mental health providers or from other trusted family members or close friends
• Practicing acceptance
• Taking breaks
• Setting family boundaries
• Practicing self-care

“One of the most important things a caregiver can do for their mental health and the care of their loved one would be to take care of themselves. This can be done in several ways: Do not forget about your own health, exercise, eat well and get plenty of rest. Try to take time to relax and ask for help when needed.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

Legal and Financial Planning

Legal and financial planning isn’t fun, but it’s a critical task that needs to be addressed as soon as possible after a dementia diagnosis. Getting affairs in order now will ensure future needs are met and can reduce stress on families later. 

Consider the following to address legal and financial concerns:

• Create or update important legal documents like a will, trust, Power of Attorney (POA), advanced healthcare directive, beneficiaries, TOD/POD accounts, and life insurance policies.
• Discuss guardianship or conservatorship
• Review finances
• Discuss and plan for long-term care needs

Find Joy in the Moment

Above all, look for ways to find joy every day. Time is precious, and we never know how long we will have with loved ones. Take the time to appreciate the little things and everyday moments that won’t always be there. 

“Make sure to try and stay in the moment and love your parents while you have time with them.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

These are some simple reminders of how you can find joy every day:

• Consider keeping a gratitude journal to remind yourself and a parent with dementia that there are still things we can be grateful for
• Laugh, spend time together, and appreciate one another
• Practice mindfulness, which focuses on being in the moment and present
• Celebrate small wins and accomplishments
• Focus on what you can control and be realistic with expectations

Get Support with Online Therapy

Learning how to cope with a parent with dementia can be daunting. Fortunately, you don’t have to go through it alone. Talkspace is an online therapy platform that makes getting expert guidance and support easy, convenient, and affordable. With text, voice, or video options for care, you can get professional mental health support when, where, and how it works with your busy schedule.

You deserve the time to care for yourself in as many ways as you care for others. Talkspace makes that possible. Get support with online therapy from Talkspace today.

What is a Toxic Parent?

The term “toxic parent” encompasses an extensive range of harmful behaviors, all of which serve to undermine a child’s sense of self-worth, stability, and overall mental well-being. A toxic mother or father can be controlling, demanding, and harsh, putting you at high risk for long-term mental and physical health issues well into adulthood. 

Toxic parent traits include deeply disturbing behaviors that can affect a child’s mental health at any age. Toxicity can be deceiving because it’s not always about obvious and overt abuse. Subtle demeanors, actions, and behaviors by a toxic person can harm a child’s well-being and development. Toxic parents might use verbal belittlement, emotional manipulation, and/or physical intimidation to control their children. 

“Family dynamics and relationships are complicated. It can be hard to understand how helpful or hurtful our family members, especially our parents, can sometimes be. Understanding and learning how to deal with and navigate unhealthy family dynamics can be crucial to having a more stable lifestyle.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Types of toxic parents

There are many types of toxic parents. Understanding various toxic parent traits can be the first step in learning how to identify unhealthy behavior your parents might engage in.

• Dismissive: The dismissive parent overlooks or undermines their child’s feelings and needs. They create an environment where the child feels undervalued and starts doubting their self-worth or struggling with self-expression.
• Helicopter: The helicopter parent hovers over their child to an unhealthy extent. They micromanage every aspect of a child’s life, and while it may appear to come from a loving and healthy place of concern, helicopter parenting ultimately stifles independence and hampers the development of critical problem-solving skills.
• Narcissistic: The narcissistic parent centers every part of the family dynamics around themselves. A narcissistic mother or narcissistic father seeks or demands admiration and struggles to empathize with anyone else’s — including their children’s — needs. Children raised by parents with narcissistic tendencies often have a difficult time establishing and maintaining healthy relationships later in life due to the environment they grew up in.
• Passive or permissive: Passive — also known as permissive — parents will avoid confrontation at all costs. They have difficulty maintaining expectations for their children and typically won’t set boundaries or demands. The household tends to have little structure, and they rarely punish their children. Children who grow up with permissive parents can have a chaotic path in life and might struggle with authority.

21 Signs of a Toxic Parent: How Do Toxic Parents Act?

There are several different types of toxic parents, and the signs of each can vary. Regardless of the type or the signs, the actions of a toxic mother or father can be incredibly damaging to a child’s self-perception and future relationships. 

Look out for these signs to determine if you have toxic parents:

1. They are verbally abusive

Verbal abuse is a hallmark of toxic parenting. It can come in the form of belittling, constant criticism, or verbally assaulting or dismissing a child’s feelings.

2. They are emotionally or psychologically abusive

The psychological or emotional abuse that toxic parents inflict on their children can be devastating. Harsh and intentional criticism from a toxic person can impact a child’s self-esteem or sense of self-worth and have lifelong implications. The psychological or emotional abuse that toxic parents inflict on their children can be devastating. This form of abuse includes a range of behaviors, such as constant criticism, threats, rejection, and manipulation, aimed at diminishing the child’s self-esteem or sense of self-worth. Harsh and intentional criticism from toxic parents can impact a child’s mental and emotional well-being, leading to lifelong implications. Undermining the child’s confidence and fostering a sense of worthlessness can have profound effects on their development and adult relationships.

3. They are violent or physically abusive 

Toxic parents might be violent with their children — they may kick, hit, punch, or even choke a child, often defending their actions with a claim that they’re just “trying to teach” the child a lesson. We know from extensive research, though, that violence has an intense and severe emotional impact on children, including a heightened risk of future violent behavior by the children themselves. 

4. They put their own needs first

These parents have no problem putting their own needs above their children’s. Their selfish approach to parenting commonly results in neglect and a blatant unwillingness to provide even basic necessities for their children.

5. They’re sexually inappropriate

Sexual inappropriateness can include molestation, exposure to sexual content, and other sexual acts, including trafficking or pornography.

6. They’re controlling

Parents who are overcontrolling will force themselves on their children, interfering with their natural development toward independence and an individual sense of self. These parents might expect their children to mold into their vision about who or what children should be. Controlling parents often refuse to give their children the freedom they need to grow, mature, and explore their interests in life.

7. They use harsh discipline and punishment

Harsh discipline and punishment are familiar traits of toxic parents. Reactions to a child’s mistake can be significantly more severe than warranted. Punishments can be physical, verbal, or emotional and rarely fit the “crime.”

8. They’re rigid

These parents demand total obedience from their children. They do so under the guise of teaching a child to respect authority. In reality, they’re discounting the natural stage where children begin to push back and question things in their lives (which is not only normal; it’s healthy). The toxic parent can’t or won’t understand that this developmental phase is part of growing up, and they’ll react to it with aggression and anger. 

9. They’re jealous

Like anyone with jealous tendencies, toxic parents can become insecure if their child establishes or maintains a meaningful, healthy relationship with someone else. They might see the connection as a threat, and they can go so far as to use manipulation or intimidation to sever the relationship in an attempt to keep the child to themself. 

10. They’re self-absorbed and expect or demand admiration

Self-absorbed parents have an intense need for admiration. They demand praise while refusing to offer it in return. If a child withholds, these parents tend to become fiercely angry and abusive.

11. They don’t support you

While healthy parents are their children’s biggest cheerleaders in life, in the toxic parenting cycle, a child rarely gets any support or recognition regarding their accomplishments and successes. As most children crave support and acknowledgment from their primary caregiver, this trait can be incredibly harmful.

12. They’re easily offended

A toxic parent can be easily offended and take any difference of opinion or questioning as disrespect. Over time, this behavior can cause a child to suppress any curiosity or ideas that don’t blatantly align with their parents’ ideals out of fear of the reaction they’ll get.

13. They don’t respect you

While toxic parents demand respect from their children, they rarely show it in return. Toxic parents who don’t respect their children often undermine their autonomy and dismiss their feelings, making it clear that the child’s opinions and desires are of little value. This behavior damages the parent-child relationship and instills a sense of worthlessness and insecurity. 

Additionally, such parents may invade their child’s privacy or disregard boundaries, further signaling a lack of respect. This constant dismissal can deeply affect the child’s ability to trust and engage in future relationships with a sense of equality and mutual respect.

14. They don’t respect boundaries

Boundaries are essential in any healthy relationship. Healthy parents will model how to set and enforce boundaries for their children. The toxic parent, by contrast, refuses to respect any boundaries their child sets, instead modeling behavior that continuously crosses them.

15. They are overly critical

Constructive criticism can be valuable, but overly critiquing a child — even an adult — offers little value or benefit. Toxic parents can criticize every aspect of their children’s lives, from the minute details to significant life decisions.

16. They share private matters with others

Oversharing private or sensitive matters can fracture the sense of safety and trust that should be intrinsic in the parent-child relationship. Whether it’s sharing information that’s not age-appropriate with the child or oversharing intimate details with an outsider that embarrasses the child, this behavior is harmful and long-lasting. It can create serious trust issues in the future.  

17. They embarrass you (often intentionally)

A toxic parent might embarrass their child, often on purpose, to instill a sense of power. The effect includes shame and fear, as a child learns they can’t trust their parent to protect and guard them, but instead is willing to humiliate them on a whim.

18. They blame others 

A classic trait in toxic or narcissistic parenting is an inability to take accountability. Instead, the go-to behavior is to blame others for anything and everything. This constant deflection prevents the parent from recognizing and correcting their mistakes and instills a skewed perspective of responsibility and accountability.

19. They are manipulative

Manipulation is common in toxic parents. They will use whatever they can to control a situation, including gaslighting and manipulation. They’ll go to great lengths to prove their authority and establish a sense of control over their child.

20. They are enmeshed with you

When parents become enmeshed with their children, they prevent the child from establishing any sense of individualization. They create a relationship where needs, wants, and goals are intertwined, with complete emotional attachment between parent and child. This goes far beyond a healthy, close relationship. The behavior can result in adult children feeling like they have a responsibility to protect their parents, often to a point beyond their own needs. 

21. They have emotional outbursts (usually unprovoked and out of nowhere)

Toxic parents can be emotionally immature, having unprovoked outbursts, resulting in children trying to avoid their parents out of fear of those emotional episodes. 

Physical and Mental Effects of Toxic Parents

The effects of toxic parenting can be both physical and mental. Worse, they don’t disappear just because a child grows up. The consequences tend to linger well into adulthood. People grow up in toxic environments often:

• Have a high risk of developing chronic mental health conditions like depression and anxiety
• Struggle with executive functioning
• Might develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Are more likely to be in abusive relationships in the future
• Can have a higher risk for cardiovascular disease
• Have low self-esteem
• Display self-harm tendencies or suicidal behavior
• Develop a weak immune system
• Struggle to establish healthy, mutually-rewarding relationships as adults

How to Deal with Toxic Parents: 7 Tips

Learning how to deal with toxic parents isn’t easy, but with the right tools, you can do it. 

1. Set boundaries (and stick to them)

Setting boundaries with parents is incredibly important when they exhibit toxic behaviors. This goes beyond just expressing how you expect to be treated. You also need to ensure that your boundaries are respected and have clear consequences if they’re not. 

2. Know that your feelings are very valid

Toxic parents might try to gaslight you into believing your feelings aren’t valid. Trust that your emotions are warranted — you have a right to be respected and heard.

3. Don’t try to change them (you can’t!)

If, at any point in the relationship, parentification has occurred — when a child takes on a parent’s role — nurturing can feel natural. You might feel an instinct to try and help a toxic parent, but remember, that’s not your place or your responsibility. 

4. Be realistic and avoid unhealthy expectations

Unhealthy expectations will lead to disappointment and frustration. Be realistic about your relationship and try to find a place of acceptance.

5. Be mindful about what you share with them

Unfortunately, if you hope to maintain a relationship with a toxic parent, you should be wary about what you share with them. Remember that toxic parents use emotional manipulation to control their children. Keeping your guard up can protect against further hurt.

6. Find a support system

Even if your parents can’t offer you the love and support you need, it’s still essential to find this somewhere in your life. Cultivating a solid support system can offer the tenderness your parents can’t. It can also provide an outside perspective when you need to be reassured that your feelings are valid.

Practice self-care

Self-care is an act you can perform for your own protection and vitality. It can rejuvenate and re-energize your spirit. Practice self-care through meditation, journaling, walking, reading a book, painting, cooking, or doing anything that feeds your soul.

“Seeking help in navigating and dealing with toxic parents is a positive step in learning to handle the effects of this type of parenting and how to heal from the consequences. It allows for a safe space to discuss emotions and thoughts and shows how to untangle oneself from the situation.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Seek Professional Help for Toxic Parents with Talkspace

If you’re dealing with toxic parents, knowing when and how to seek help is the first step. The impact of this type of parent-child relationship can have a profound effect on your mental health, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

Talkspace is an online therapy platform that offers convenient and affordable therapy to help you overcome a toxic upbringing. We can help you recognize the signs of what you experienced so you can break the cycle and begin to rebuild your sense of self-worth.

Reach out to Talkspace today to learn more about how to heal from your toxic parents with online therapy for teens and adults.

Emotions You Might Feel After Your Parents’ Divorce

As you go through your parents’ divorce, you’ll likely feel a range of emotions that seem like they can change instantly. Acknowledging them is the foundation for your healing. Try to embrace the emotional response you’re having without judging yourself. Slowly, over time, and with the help and support of family, friends, and possibly a mental health professional, you’ll begin to adapt to your new normal and grow as you transition to a new family structure and parent-child relationship.

The effects of divorce on children have been widely studied. Research shows there’s a direct link between family structure and the health and well-being of a child. Common emotions you might feel during your parents’ divorce include:

• Grief over the loss of the family unit you’ve always known
• Anger toward the situation or at one or both of your divorcing parents
• Sadness that stems from changes in daily life and family traditions (can lead to post-divorce depression)
• Guilt or a fear of any personal responsibility
• Anxiety about how things might look in the future
• Relief if family life has been volatile or stressful 

First Things First: Know It’s Not Your Fault

Regardless of the circumstances, the ending of your parents’ marriage is not your fault. It’s common for young children to shoulder guilt and blame themselves when parents divorce, but you need to understand that their marriage problems were beyond your control and influence.

If you’re feeling guilty or questioning what, if any, part you played in the time leading up to your parents’ divorce, you should seek out support. If you don’t have a trusted friend or family member to go to, consider talking to a therapist for divorce counseling.

“When we learn that our parents are separating, it’s a difficult pill to swallow. In some cases, it’s obvious that they aren’t happy; in other cases, it comes out of nowhere. It’s important to remember that the actions of our parents are not due to our presence. Regardless of age, we are autonomous, and responsibility for our actions lies with us. So, our actions are not the cause of a separation.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

1. Navigate Your Emotions

Whatever you’re feeling, you need to learn to navigate those emotions healthily. Trying to stuff them down or avoid them only delays the inevitable — they will bubble back up at some point. Unresolved feelings don’t just go away on their own.  

Recognizing and validating your feelings

Acknowledging the impact a divorce has on your emotional state is imperative for healing. You need to identify your feelings so you can accept and honor that they are valid. 

Coping with confusion, anger, and sadness

Coping with difficult emotions like confusion, anger, or sadness isn’t an easy task. Not only are you grieving the loss of your family unit, but you’re probably experiencing fierce and rapidly changing emotions along the way.

Try engaging in things known to foster emotional release — journaling for your mental health, meditation, creative outlets like art or music — these all offer time and space for personal expression that might distract you for a short time and offer you some sense of peace.

2. Adjust to Life Changes

Adapting to your new life and establishing family dynamic stability can be challenging — whether this means new living arrangements or only seeing your parents on certain days of the week.   

Dealing with new living arrangements

Creating a new routine can be beneficial if you’re going back and forth to different homes or trying to adjust to a parent moving out of the family home. Routines symbolize stability and offer comfort, especially during uncertain times full of change.

Maintaining relationships with both parents

Maintaining family relationships with both parents will be easier if all parties are invested in the effort. While you have little control over how your parents behave, regular and consistent contact — through scheduled visits, phone or video calls, or texts — can help preserve the vital parent-child connection.

3. Communicate Effectively During the Divorce

Clear communication is critical — it can help you manage and process your complex emotions. Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed to express what you’re feeling.  

How to talk to your parents about the divorce

When you have conversations about the divorce, it’s best if everyone remains focused and calm. Though it can be difficult, try your hardest to be open with your feelings, concerns, and questions as you talk to your parents.

Seeking support from friends and family

If you don’t feel like you can open up to your parents, lean on family or friends who understand what you’re going through. They can be a vital support system and offer you a fresh perspective and emotional support. 

4. Take Care of Yourself

Anytime you’re grieving a loss — which divorce is — practicing self care and prioritizing your own needs can help ensure your body and mind stay healthy — it can also help you work through the grieving process.

Importance of self-care and healthy habits

Self care is essential for your physical and emotional well-being. It can include:

• Healthy habits like eating well
• Getting enough sleep
• Working out
• Taking time for yourself

Engaging in stress-relieving activities

Activities like mindfulness meditation or yoga can offer an escape from the stress you might be feeling. Spending time doing things you enjoy or are interested in is great for stress relief — you might even find yourself smiling again at some point.   

Setting boundaries

Setting boundaries with parents can be a critical part of your healing process. Give yourself permission to say no, and tell your parents when you feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to admit that you need time or space, and it’s even better if you insist others respect those boundaries. 

5. Prepare for the Future

Regardless of how smoothly a divorce goes, at some point, you have to accept that things are inevitably going to change. There’s no getting around the fact that change can be challenging, but mentally preparing for it can help ease the burden.  

Handling changes in family dynamics

Your parents’ divorce will transform your family dynamics. Try to remain patient and be flexible throughout the process. This may sound like a tall order, but a calm approach will ultimately serve you as much as it does your parents. 

Embracing new beginnings and opportunities

New beginnings can bring new opportunities. You don’t have to be happy about your parents getting a divorce, but if you can, try to look for any chance it might offer you to grow or become independent. Some people find embracing change easier when they set goals, explore new interests, or just keep busy. 

6. Seek Professional Help

It’s okay if you feel stuck and need help — in fact, it’s normal. You might struggle to let go of anger and resentment, which would be perfectly understandable. Seeking professional help is brave and can be hugely beneficial. 

You should consider talking to a therapist if you feel overwhelmed or if daily functioning becomes too difficult to manage. Therapy can provide insights about your experience and offer you coping tools and strategies to manage the big feelings you might be having. It can also be a safe place to open up without worrying about how your parents will react to what you’re sharing. 

“Emotions are intense during the process of divorce. It’s helpful to have a place or person that will allow you complete autonomy and open regard for your emotions and thoughts. Having a support system with your friends and family is important, but sometimes, more help is needed. Therapy allows you to find the proper tools to help navigate the divorce process that includes building boundaries with parents.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Find Support Through Your Parents’ Divorce with Talkspace

Struggling with divorce is normal — getting through it is about more than just coping. It means growing and learning to thrive, even during the most challenging circumstances. If you feel like you can’t get through this alone, help is out there. Talkspace is an online therapy platform that gives you easy and convenient access to licensed therapists who are trained and skilled in helping people navigate challenging family dynamics.

Talkspace therapists understand how hard divorce is, and that the experience is different for everyone. They can offer you personalized strategies to get through your unique situation.  

Reach out to Talkspace today to learn more about how to cope with your parents’ divorce.

What Is Generational Trauma?

Generational trauma, also known as intergenerational trauma, refers to the passing down of traumatic experiences or stressors from one generation to another. This specific type of trauma often happens as a result of direct personal experiences, witnessing acts of violence, or residing in environments where the threat of violence is ever-present. Such trauma can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

“Generational trauma is the harmful effects of historical mistreatment or abuse. The symptoms of these traumas are passed down from generation to generation.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, Ph.D., LCSW

This form of psychological trauma can lead to physical and mental health problems as well as social and emotional difficulties. For example, children who grow up in homes with domestic violence and experience childhood trauma may develop anxiety or depression as adults. They may also have trouble trusting people or forming intimate relationships — this cycle of unresolved trauma can affect multiple generations to come.

Generational trauma can be passed down through DNA from family member to family member. Some people may be predisposed to it, but it’s important to remember that not everyone who experiences intergenerational trauma has symptoms related to their experience. It’s a complex trauma, and there are many factors at play regarding this inherited trauma, including resilience, support systems, and resource access.

“Some of the trauma may or may not have been experienced by each person in the family, but how family members who’ve experienced the trauma raise their children or interact with other family members affects the path of others’ lives. This could be because a mother or parents were hit by their parents or live in an unsafe neighborhood and are fearful for their child all the time that their child develops fears associated with their parents’ fears. This can also be because their parents are using substances to block out some of the effects from the trauma, and the children learn not to discuss their feelings but to mask them using substances as well.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, Ph.D., LCSW

The good news is healing generational trauma is possible. With support, therapy, and time, it’s possible to break the cycle of pain and unresolved trauma caused by this type of long-term psychological damage.

Signs & Symptoms of Generational Trauma

Generational trauma can occur when a group is subject to a traumatic experience like war, natural disasters, racism, sexism, or oppression. The effects of the trauma can be passed down to subsequent generations through both genetic and cultural transmission. 

“The symptoms of generational trauma include hypervigilance, fears of death or no hope for the future, mistrust of outsiders, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), low self-esteem, issues of addiction, domestic violence, and sexual abuse.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, Ph.D., LCSW

There are many signs of generational trauma, including:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Chronic pain
• Substance abuse disorders
• Eating disorders
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Insomnia
• Low self-esteem
• Fear of death
• Irritability
• Anger issues
• Difficulty trusting others

What Causes Generational Trauma?

War, natural disasters, genocide, and slavery can all cause generational trauma. When these traumatic experiences are passed down from generation to generation, they affect how people think, feel, and behave. Many factors can contribute to generational trauma.

Oppression

Historical oppression or violence against a particular group is a known cause of intergenerational trauma. African American people who were enslaved may experience generational trauma because of the brutal conditions past generations were forced to live in and the constant fear of being separated from their families.

Cultural dislocation

Another factor is cultural dislocation, which happens when someone’s forced to leave their homeland due to conflict or persecution. This can lead to feelings of loss and isolation that can be passed down through multiple generations.

Intergenerational poverty

Generational trauma can also be caused by poverty or difficult life circumstances that make it hard to thrive emotionally, mentally, or financially. An example might be if your parents grew up in extreme poverty and didn’t have access to adequate education resources or health care.

Lack of opportunity

A general lack of opportunity can create feelings of hopelessness that are passed down to future generations.  

In utero exposure

Some research suggests that exposure to toxic stressors in utero might result in changes in brain structure and function and cause developmental delays. The long-term effects might impact learning ability and emotional regulation, which can impact later generations.

Other effects

In addition to the above contributors, generational trauma is often accompanied by other disadvantages like racism, sexism, or homophobia, compounding the negative impact. People who suffer from generational trauma often face significant barriers to success in multiple areas of life. 

Examples of Generational Trauma

There are countless examples of how generational trauma can occur. Some common examples of generational trauma include the following:

• War: Children who grow up in an environment of conflict may be more likely to experience PTSD than those who don’t. This could lead to passing on symptoms to their children.
• Natural disasters: Survivors of a major national disaster — like an earthquake, major tornado, or tsunami — may suffer from long-term mental health problems like anxiety and depression. If they have children, it might be difficult to bond or provide adequate care because of their psychological distress. As a result, their kids may also struggle with similar symptoms later in life..
• Racism: Systemic racism can create an intergenerational cycle of poverty and violence that traumatizes individuals and entire communities. For example, people living in neighborhoods with high crime levels are more likely to develop types of depression and PTSD than those living in safer areas. This increased risk could be passed down through generations if not addressed. 

Generational trauma doesn’t just affect individuals — as we can see, it can have lasting consequences for whole families and communities for generations to come.

How to Heal Generational Trauma

As noted earlier, it is possible to heal from generational trauma. The following tips show you how. 

Coping mechanisms for generational trauma

Any population that’s experienced collective trauma has a risk for multigenerational trauma. However, several coping mechanisms can help. Some strategies include:

• Identifying and acknowledging the effects of past traumas on your life. This is an important first step in healing from generational trauma. Talking about your experiences as a trauma survivor with someone you trust can be incredibly beneficial.

• Educating yourself about your family history and learning about what happened to previous generations might help you make sense of your own experiences. Sometimes, it may become a source of pride and lead to a connection to those who came before you.
• Practicing self-care is essential. You must learn to care for yourself emotionally and physically. This might include exercise, relaxation techniques, outdoor time, and a healthy diet, for example.  
• Connecting with others who’ve shared similar experiences and understand what you’re going through can be very beneficial. Support groups are often available for people affected by specific types of trauma.
• Seeking a mental health professional if you feel like you’re struggling to cope. It might be time to consider talking to a therapist or counselor who works with trauma survivors. You can choose to do family therapy or individual therapy, depending on your preferences and situation. While talking through your trauma with peers can be helpful, partaking in trauma dumping can stimulate more psychological distress. Trauma therapy can help you learn how to deal with trauma effectively..

Professional treatment for generational trauma

Though some people may not be aware of the term “generational trauma,” it’s a reality for many. Generational trauma can be best defined as psychological and emotional wounds that have accumulated over time and transferred to future generations.

Trauma symptoms can manifest in multiple ways, including:  

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Substance abuse
• Self-harm 
• Relationship issues

It’s common for intergenerational trauma to go untreated. This might be attributed to people not even realizing that what they’re going through is a result of past unhealed trauma that’s been passed down through the generations.

Different types of therapy can provide support and guidance in working through complex emotions related to intergenerational trauma. If you’ve been affected by generational trauma, seek help from a trauma therapist or other mental health professional. They can assess your situation. There’s no shame in getting help — it’s incredibly courageous.

Taking steps to address your mental health is integral to taking care of yourself and working towards healing the wounds of the past. Most importantly, it’s instrumental in breaking the cycle so you don’t continue the pattern of passing down trauma to the next generation. 

Work Towards Healing Generational Trauma with Talkspace

If you’re struggling, first, know that you’re not alone. Then, remember that help is available. Many people have survived and broken the generational trauma cycle.

While it may seem daunting, there are effective steps you can take. Coping mechanisms such as trauma therapy services, journaling for mental health, and spending time in nature can help you work through your emotions and start to rebuild your life. With time and effort, you can heal from generational trauma.

Talkspace can connect you to a skilled, qualified therapist to get started with mental health services. So don’t suffer in silence — get the help you need to heal and move forward.

Be Prepared for What to Expect

Since dementia is a progressive disease, your responsibilities as a caregiver will change as time goes on. Learning more about the condition can help you figure out how to deal with someone with dementia so you can provide them with the best possible care. 

Stages

Dementia is progressive, so the condition gets more challenging as time progresses. Many people can maintain their independence in the early stages of the disease. While symptoms early on can be mild, you should always prioritize the safety and well-being of the person you care for. The stages of dementia are as follows:

• No Memory Deficit
• Slight Cognitive Decline
• Mild Cognitive Impairment
• Moderate Cognitive Decline
• Moderate Dementia
• Severe Cognitive Decline
• Severe Dementia

The middle stages of dementia are usually the longest. During this time, people may find communicating or completing routine tasks difficult. As a caregiver, you may need to assist the person you care for with many everyday tasks, such as eating and grooming. 

People with late-stage dementia have extensive needs and may require round-the-clock care. For example, it’s typical for people to need assistance with eating, swallowing, and walking. Sometimes, these needs may go beyond what you can provide at home. 

Behaviors

As dementia progresses, it can cause significant changes in a person’s behavior. Familiarizing yourself with what to expect can help you prepare as you learn how to care for someone with dementia. Common behaviors include:

• Restless behaviors, such as fidgeting and pacing 
• Repeating phrases, questions, and activities
• Sleep disturbances 
• Impulsive behaviors 
• Mood changes, such as apathy or increased irritability
• Incontinence 

These behaviors often appear or worsen during the late afternoon or early evening; this is referred to as sundowning. While experts don’t know the exact cause of sundowning, it’s believed that it may be caused by changes to the body’s internal clock. 

“Caring for someone you love with dementia can be confusing because we remember who they used to be. As dementia takes hold of them, they no longer see the world or you in the same way. This time of recalibration is important as you accept the condition and become one of the caregivers in their life.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Karmen Smith LCSW, DD.

Learn Tips for Daily Care for Someone with Dementia

Caring for someone with dementia can be challenging, especially if you’ve never been in a caregiver role. However, the right tools and strategies can ease your burden and help you meet your loved one’s needs, and even preserve their brain health. 

Create a consistent routine 

Dementia can make it hard for people to make plans and complete tasks due to severe cognitive impairment. Creating and sticking with a daily routine can help someone with dementia cope with the short-term memory issues that the disease causes. It often helps if you schedule daily tasks earlier in the day when symptoms typically are less severe. 

Encourage independence

While people with dementia need help and support, letting them play an active role in their own home care and daily tasks when possible is helpful. Studies show that dementia patients with more independence have a higher quality of life. So, for example, you could set out clothing, but try letting them dress independently. 

Track information 

Since dementia interferes with memory, finding ways to keep track of important information, like medical appointments and ongoing expenses is crucial. Use a calendar or daily planner to document this information. In the beginning stages, reminder apps and other tools can help people keep track of things they need to remember on their own while they still can. 

Install safety features

Dementia increases the risk of slips and falls. Safety features, such as shower chairs, raised toilet seats, and grab bars, can help to reduce those risks. When it comes to safety, it’s always best to be proactive. 

Communicate what you’re doing

People with dementia can quickly become confused, so you should communicate what you are about to do when providing care. For example, if you’re going to brush their teeth or wash their hair, clearly say what you will do before you begin. Clear communication can prevent disorientation and reduce distress.

“As we as a society become more aware about dementia, more daycare services, personal aides, and senior amber alerts are available. These services are a welcome addition to a caregiver’s toolkit. It’s important to know what is in your area that can provide added care in times of emergency and calm.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Karmen Smith LCSW, DD.

Understand How to Communicate with Someone With Dementia

As someone progresses through the stages of dementia, communicating their needs with others can become more challenging. Dementia can cause various language problems, including difficulties finding words, slurred speech, or using speech that doesn’t make sense. Therefore, finding ways to communicate is critical to learning how to deal with someone with dementia. 

The right techniques can help you navigate the communication challenges that dementia can cause. You may find that it helps to:

• Start conversations: People with dementia won’t always speak up. Don’t be afraid to start conversations and encourage them to speak. 
• Make eye contact: Being an active listener can encourage engagement in conversations. Use eye contact and encourage the person you’re speaking with to look at you while you talk. 
• Use short sentences: Speak clearly and keep your language simple. Try to use short sentences that are easy to understand. 
• Offer choices: Open-ended questions can be challenging for people with dementia. When possible, offer options or use yes or no questions while communicating. 
• Use body language: Your body language can significantly affect communication! Smile and keep your arms relaxed while you speak. When possible, speak with a friendly tone.
• Minimize distractions: Avoid distractions like background noise from the TV while trying to have a conversation.
• Be patient: Above all else, you should be patient with the person you’re speaking with. Give them plenty of time to respond to questions and tell them you’ve heard them.

“It’s very important not to add an angry tone or use frustrated body language when communicating with someone suffering from dementia. Be aware of your body language, tone, and how you phrase tasks. People with dementia may interpret your communication style as something uncomfortable and difficult to respond to.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Karmen Smith LCSW, DD.

Seek Support for Caregivers

Carrying out dementia care can be overwhelming. A CDC survey found that more than 70% of caregivers reported negative mental health symptoms. That’s why caregivers must find ways to reduce distress and prevent caregiver burnout. 

Learning how to avoid burnout can help caregivers figure out how to care for someone with dementia while still caring for themselves along the way:

• Prioritize self-care: What is self-care? When you take care of yourself, you’ll find it easier to manage stress and provide the person you’re caring for with the support they need. Even if your schedule is busy, set aside time for self-care and activities you enjoy. 
• Ask for help: Don’t try to do everything yourself. Whether you ask for help from friends and family or hire a home health aide, ensure you have plenty of support. There are also both online and in-person caregiver communities you can turn to for support as well.
• Look into respite care: Every caregiver needs breaks. Respite care can help you get time to yourself when you need it. 
• Stay active: Regular exercise can improve resilience and reduce stress. Find ways to stay physically active throughout the day. 
• Get therapy: Caring for a loved one with dementia may leave you with many complex emotions, and you may even display burnout symptoms. It isn’t always easy to find time for therapy when you’re a caregiver, but online therapy through Talkspace can help you get support on your schedule. Your therapist can even recommend a support group you can join.

“It’s important that you’re not the only caregiver. Even if you have someone coming in once a week, this can be a big relief. Caring for someone with dementia requires a team that can provide regular care. Care cannot be in the hands of one person 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The best thing you can do is gather a team and, on your time away, focus on your renewal.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Karmen Smith LCSW, DD.

Take Care of Yourself Too with Talkspace

Don’t neglect your own needs when learning how to take care of someone with dementia. Talkspace can connect you with a therapist who can support you during this difficult time. Therapy can help you process your feelings and find healthy coping tools to manage stress. Get started with Talkspace and discover the benefits of therapy today.