The post What to Do if You’re Questioning Your Sexuality appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>The process of questioning sexuality is a profoundly personal experience that many people find themselves trying to navigate throughout life. It’s also (perhaps surprisingly) common — a recent Gallup poll found that more than 7% of the adult U.S. population identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or something else other than heterosexual (commonly referred to as LGBTQ). That’s more than double the number in 2012 when Gallup first began measuring it.
The journey of self-exploration can be fraught with mixed emotions. People can feel anything from hesitation, to inquisitiveness, to trepidation, to fear — and many people even experience delight.
For anyone trying to understand who they are in terms of their sexual orientation, the process can be a long road. If you or someone you care about has ever felt confused about sexuality, first and foremost, know that you’re not alone.
Learning more can offer insight, resources, and support. Patience, education, honesty, and professional help with an LGBTQIA+ therapist are helpful to go through the process in a healthy way. In the end, keeping an open mind is crucial, and self-discovery is a journey that’s well worth exploring.
Take Time to Understand & Explore Your Feelings
If you’re questioning your sexuality, making time for introspection and exploration is important. Your personal journey will be most successful if you take the time to understand your feelings and thoughts on a deeper level. Rest assured, this range of emotions you’re feeling is normal. You might feel excitement one moment and frightened the next — these feelings are all part of the process.
Things to ask yourself
Asking yourself a few questions might help if you’re struggling or confused about your sexuality. Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple suggests doing some self-reflection by exploring the following:
- Who do you see when you close your eyes and imagine yourself with a partner in a romantic relationship?
- Imagine photos you see of couples and families — are you drawn toward a specific type of couple?
- Being told your feelings are inadequate, wrong, or unworthy can cause significant internal turmoil — if you could set that aside, would it change how you feel?
- Are you conflicted due to your upbringing?
Educate Yourself on Different Sexual Orientations
If you’ve ever felt confused about sexuality, understanding the broad sexuality spectrum of sexual orientation is important. It may involve familiarizing yourself with various terms and concepts that define human sexuality.
The term sexual orientation isn’t confined to heterosexuality or homosexuality. It’s far more complex than this. Some are attracted to the opposite sex. Some people identify as bisexual, and bisexuality means they are drawn to both men and women. Others might recognize themselves as pansexual or queer, indicating they may be attracted to someone regardless of gender identity, or that they simply don’t identify with the “traditional” notation of sexual orientation, gender expression, or gender identity. You may also identify somewhere along the asexuality spectrum, meaning there is a certain lack of sexual attraction.
Pivotal research was done decades ago by the Kinsey Institute. One study where thousands were interviewed shed light on the complexities of sexuality, illustrating how it exists along a continuum rather than in binary form.
A note about fluidity
Beyond understanding the labels and categories, we must also acknowledge the concept of fluidity — which is simply recognizing that sexuality isn’t fixed.
Sexual fluidity accepts that attraction can change over time. It’s not unnatural for feelings toward specific genders to evolve throughout personal journeys — attractions can shift, whether due to environmental factors or internal growth. Learning about the diversity of sexual orientation can help create a safe space for exploration.
Seek Support
Anyone who’s exploring their sexuality or questioning their gender should find support. Often, the quickest and most accessible road to a support system can be through organizations dedicated to promoting LGBTQIA+ mental health — online communities and outreach programs are great options. Many organizations are committed to supporting people exploring their sexuality.
- The Trevor Project: The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention services for young people in the LGBTQIA+ community.
- GLSEN: The Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network (GLSEN) works tirelessly to create resources to help students grasp diverse identities while promoting acceptance across schools throughout America.
- Kinsey Institute: Kinsey Institute’s Kinsey scale, developed by Alfred Kinsey, offers insightful exploration into behaviors related to sexuality. While somewhat controversial today, Kinsey’s research into human sexuality opened the door to discussions that still prove immensely beneficial.
Explore Relationships & Experiences at Your Own Pace
When questioning sexuality, giving yourself the time and space to explore relationships and experiences at your own pace is important. This journey is unique to you, and there’s no right or wrong way to walk through it. Grant yourself the time, space, and permission to uncover what speaks to you and discover what you need to feel comfortable living your authentic truth.
Other tips to keep in mind while on this journey:
- Experience sexual attraction authentically: As you come to terms with your sexuality, focus on accepting your attraction toward others. Be true to your authentic self, embrace your desires, and do so without judgment or shame. Remember — your feelings are valid.
- Create safe spaces for exploration: Exploring in a safe space means surrounding yourself with supportive, understanding people who respect your journey and offer a non-judgmental environment. This might be a close friend, a family member, or an LGBTQIA+ support group. Find places where you feel confident being yourself and don’t fear being mistreated or disrespected.
- Navigate same-gender relationships healthily: Navigating early same-gender relationships can be overwhelming. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in this experience — seek out resources and support networks that provide guidance and are understanding. Connecting with others who’ve gone through similar experiences can help you find a sense of belonging.
“It’s okay to take time to get to know someone and even date someone without coming out or declaring yourself LGBTQIA. Be patient with yourself and try to remember that it’s your identity, and there is nothing wrong with you.”
– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple
Be Honest with What You Like & Don’t Like
Think of honesty as an emotional exercise. You can’t be honest with anyone until you’re comfortable being true to yourself. The process can be slow, but the results are worth the wait. Self-validation is instrumental in being able to live your life authentically.
Don’t Feel Pressured into Labeling Yourself
Avoid rushing to assign labels during your journey of self-discovery and exploration of sexuality. This process doesn’t require immediate labeling or definition, and you can choose when and how to come out (if you want to).
Look for Professional Counseling
Therapy can play a prominent role in coming to terms with your sexuality. The key to using the therapy process successfully involves several components, including:
- Seeking professional help: A licensed therapist specializing in LGBTQIA+ issues can offer a safe space that’s less daunting. Learn how to find an LGBTQIA+ therapist in our guide.
- Finding the right therapist: Selecting a mental health professional who respects and supports your process is crucial. This could mean seeking someone who’s experienced in working with those exploring gender identities and their sexuality. Online therapy platforms like Talkspace match clients with therapists who are versed in sexual identity exploration. As an added bonus, online therapy offers flexibility, convenience, and affordability.
- Finding acceptance within yourself: The most essential part of your journey is understanding that your sexual orientation doesn’t define you. It’s just one part of what makes you unique. Embracing your identity means acknowledging all aspects of yourself without shame. You can practice emotional exercises such as mindfulness meditation and self-compassion techniques to cultivate self-acceptance. These practices can help alleviate anxiety and stress if you’re questioning your sexuality.
“Questioning your sexuality is a normal part of maturing and understanding or defining your identity. Unfortunately, the media, and even friends and family, can provide incorrect information or information that tells an individual how to feel but does not help them understand or process these feelings. It’s important to seek professional help from someone who understands and can safely explain the process and provide guidance.”
– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple
Embrace Your Identity & Find Self-Acceptance
Questioning sexuality is a self-discovery journey full of extreme emotions and experiences. Understanding your feelings takes time, patience, and honesty. It begins with embracing your identity so you can learn to accept yourself.
Finding support from friends, family, or a licensed therapist is crucial. If questioning your sexuality feels overwhelming, remember it’s OK not to have all the answers right now. The important thing is that you’re working toward being true to yourself.
If you’re questioning your sexuality and looking for support, Talkspace is here for you. Questioning your sexuality is normal. In fact, it can lead to personal growth and increased self-awareness, allowing you to live the best, most authentic, happiest life you’ve ever imagined. Getting there isn’t something you have to do alone. Reach out to Talkspace today to learn more.
Sources:
- Jones JM. LGBT identification in U.S. ticks up to 7.1%. Gallup.com. June 5, 2023. Accessed July 20, 2023. https://news.gallup.com/poll/389792/lgbt-identification-ticks-up.aspx.
- Exploring sexuality, relationships, and well-being. kinseyinstitute.org. Accessed July 20, 2023. https://kinseyinstitute.org/.
- For young LGBTQ LIVES. The Trevor Project. June 1, 2023. Accessed July 20, 2023. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/.
- Homepage. GLSEN. Accessed July 20, 2023. https://www.glsen.org/.
- The Kinsey Scale. Prevalence of Homosexuality study. Accessed July 20, 2023. https://kinseyinstitute.org/research/publications/kinsey-scale.php.
- Zietsch BP, Sidari MJ. The Kinsey Scale is ill-suited to most sexuality research because it does not measure a single construct. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2020;117(44):27080-27080. doi:10.1073/pnas.2015820117. https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.2015820117.
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]]>The post What is Gender Blindness? appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Gender blindness, a term that might be unfamiliar and is often misunderstood, has multiple meanings and significant implications — both for society and in interpersonal relationships.
The concept can refer to the disregard or ignorance of gender being a factor in decision-making behind policies or practices. For example, we see this in “gender-blind hiring” processes, where in an effort to reduce gender bias, gender isn’t considered as applications and resumes are being reviewed. The practice sounds excellent on paper, but as we’ll discuss here, the outcome isn’t always as beneficial as expected.
Gender blindness can also be a term used when discussing sexuality. Someone who’s gender blind might not view gender as a factor in attraction. They might identify as either bisexual (attracted to multiple genders) or pansexual (attracted to all genders).
A common misconception is that gender blindness implies an absence of gender. Rather, it signifies a failure to consider the influence and importance of gender. It’s crucial to understand what gender blindness truly means to avoid the pitfalls of the practice. A genuine understanding can pave the way toward more inclusive societies where equality thrives beyond traditional gender roles and gender stereotypes.
Keep reading to explore the concept of gender blindness.
Understanding Gender Blindness
The term gender blindness refers to ignoring or overlooking the significance of gender as a factor in life. It’s not a denial of gender itself. Regardless of intent, we must be aware of gender blindness. It can be incredibly harmful and actually work to further gender inequality since it blatantly overlooks the differences between different gender identities.
Research suggests gender blindness can sabotage a social-ecological system’s resilience by fostering attitudes that encourage the ignoring of ongoing issues related to gender, like unconscious bias and gender discrimination. It can also considerably downplay the need to embrace gender diversity.
The roots of gender blindness
In many cultures, positions traditionally associated with masculine names have created male-dominated environments. The result is a culture that disregards individuality, with perceived notions about masculinity and femininity becoming commonplace, leading to gender-blind behavior.
The perspective ignores ongoing issues related to biases against those who don’t fit neatly into preconceived categories. Further, it promotes discriminatory actions that can negatively impact gender equity.
Stereotypes contributing to gender blindness
A key contributor to gender blindness is the stereotypical role that revolves around deeply entrenched beliefs about “appropriate” behaviors for men versus women — from occupational choices to personal interests to hobbies and more.
Culturally ingrained differences also play a role. They might encourage biased thinking that exacerbates situations. Mainstream expectations can result in some people conforming to societal norms rather than expressing themselves freely and without fear.
Gender Blindness vs. Gender Neutrality
The discourse around gender often includes the terms gender blindness and gender neutrality. Though these terms seem similar on the surface, they have unique meanings.
Gender blindness
Gender blindness is a perspective that disregards sex or identified gender. For some, the approach has good intentions, aiming to promote equality by treating everyone uniformly regardless of gender.
Some argue the mindset can be beneficial — like an effort to thwart traditional masculinity that’s attached to roles and leads to bias. For instance, male-dominated environments, like tech companies, might benefit from adopting gender-blind practices during hiring processes.
That said, critics of gender blindness note that completely overlooking differences between sexes and genders can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and biases, not address them directly.
Gender neutrality
The expression “gender-neutral” considers existing different genders while striving to not assign roles based on sex or identified gender.
The ideology promotes acceptance without enforcing norms primarily rooted in binary thinking. Gender neutrality can permit and encourage embracing differences among nonbinary people and cisgender and transgender identities.
A simple example is children’s toys — instead of labeling for boys or for girls, manufacturers who adopt a gender-neutral strategy can produce and promote products as suitable for all children, irrespective of perceived gender. Another example is not assigning bathrooms to “Men” or “Women.”
Differentiating between gender blindness and gender neutrality
Both approaches promote equity by recognizing unique needs rather than using uniform treatment. However, an altogether “blind” approach can unintentionally perpetuate systemic inequalities by ignoring inherent societal disparities between sexes and genders.
Achieving equal opportunities requires taking active measures instead of ignoring individual characteristics that are tied to identity.
The Impacts of Gender Blindness
Gender blindness has both positive and negative aspects. While on the one hand, it can promote equality by not considering someone’s identified sex, ignoring gender differences often overlooks or blatantly ignores ongoing gender-related issues.
The positive sides
When applied appropriately within context, a gender-blind approach can have some positive effects, including:
- Starting to dismantle stereotypes associated with specific genders, for example, the proven gender bias in the science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) fields.
- Helping society judge people based on aptitudes instead of preconceived notions.
- Expanding opportunity for all.
- Improving workplace confidence, especially for women.
- Eliminating sexual and domestic violence laws written under the assumption that only women can be victimized.
The methodology also opens the door to recognizing that titles driven by masculine names — such as “fireman” or “mailman” — can make some roles less accessible for those identifying as cisgender or transgender.
The negative effects
Despite potential benefits, significant drawbacks can be tied to taking an utterly blind approach toward gender. Some major concerns include:
- Being blind to all gender-related issues might result in ignoring or missing discrimination.
- Potential for overcorrecting that results in (perceived or actual) special treatment.
“While gender blindness can have a positive impact, some disadvantages to this approach exist. It significantly downplays the struggles and discriminations that have occurred for various genders historically and currently. It negates the need for reasonable accommodations as egregious. For instance, the need for parental leave can differ based on gender. However, it does not take into account a single parent of any gender.”
– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC
Why We Should Promote Gender Neutrality
The concept of gender neutrality embraces a broad spectrum, including nonbinary and transgender identities. It encourages an environment where people are treated equally, regardless of gender identity.
Achieving true gender neutrality demands that we recognize and address culturally ingrained gender differences to foster a more equitable atmosphere and create opportunities where everyone can flourish.
Promoting equality through gender neutrality
Gender neutrality is fundamentally about promoting equality. It aims to eliminate biases based on traditional masculinity or other stereotypical indicators we associate with sex or a perceived role in society.
The practice discourages discrimination against cisgender women in male-dominated environments. It also supports those who identify outside the conventional male-female dichotomy by focusing on individual capabilities rather than the preconceived notions tied to biological sex or identity.
Fostering inclusivity with a gender-neutral approach
Incorporating a gender-neutral approach can foster inclusivity by acknowledging diverse identities while ensuring fair treatment. Instead of ignoring the differences under the guise of being “gender blind,” the method celebrates diversity and promotes social acceptance.
In short, moving away from stereotypes linked with specific genders opens opportunities, regardless of sexual orientation or gender expression.
“Gender neutrality helps in promoting equality by removing gender-specific descriptions for roles that were traditionally gender specific. For instance, more families are deciding that a father stays home with their children rather than the mother. So reframing the term stay-at-home-mother to stay-at-home-parent promotes the acceptance that any gender parent can fulfill that role.”
– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC
Support for the Negative Impacts of Gender Blindness
Gender blindness is a societal construct that overlooks the influence of gender in our lives. Talkspace is an online therapy platform that provides mental health support for anyone who is struggling with gender bias, exploring sexual identity, or has any other needs. Talkspace offers an inclusive environment where it’s possible to express concerns freely about any form of discrimination — including those resulting from misguided attempts at being “blind” towards gender differences.
Talkspace therapists are trained to understand the identity-based struggles and challenges marginalized communities often face, with an emphasis on LGBTQIA+ therapy that makes adequate mental health care accessible and affordable for all individuals. A Talkspace therapist can be instrumental in countering harmful effects that result from gender blindness.
By fostering gender awareness and sensitivity, Talkspace can be a crucial resource, effectively mitigating the negative implications that stem from (often unintentional, yet still damaging) consequences of adopting overly simplistic gender-blind perspectives.
Sources:
- Aregu L, Darnhofer I, Tegegne A, Hoekstra D, Wurzinger M. The impact of gender-blindness on social-ecological resilience: The case of a communal pasture in the highlands of Ethiopia. Ambio. 2016;45(S3):287-296. doi:10.1007/s13280-016-0846-x. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5120030/. Accessed July 22, 2023.
- Moss-Racusin CA, Dovidio JF, Brescoll VL, Graham MJ, Handelsman J. Science faculty’s subtle gender biases favor male students. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2012;109(41):16474-16479. doi:10.1073/pnas.1211286109. https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1211286109. Accessed July 22, 2023.
- Martin AE, Phillips KW. What “blindness” to gender differences helps women see and do: Implications for confidence, agency, and action in male-dominated environments. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes. 2017;142:28-44. doi:10.1016/j.obhdp.2017.07.004. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/318863273_What_blindness_to_gender_differences_helps_women_see_and_do_Implications_for_confidence_agency_and_action_in_male-dominated_environments. Accessed July 22, 2023.
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]]>The post Misgendering: Exploring the Harmful Impact of It appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Understanding and honoring the different gender identities is essential to living in a world that fosters and respects individuality and inclusiveness. Misgendering, when the wrong gender pronoun or name is used, can be incredibly damaging to those who identify as a transgender person or consider themselves within the transgender spectrum.
The act of misgendering, whether it’s intentional or not, can cause someone to feel fundamentally misunderstood and disrespected. Even worse, the experience can make a misgendered person feel unsafe in their environment. Being misgendered is usually a harrowing experience that does lasting damage. For marginalized communities — including people who identify as trans or gender diverse — studies show the added stress of misgendering can exacerbate existing mental health concerns, leading to a known increase in anxiety, depression, and poor self-esteem.
Keep reading to learn more about the critical importance of understanding gender identity and the need for respectful language that avoids misgendering.
What is Misgendering?
Misgendering is an unfamiliar concept to some. In simplest terms, it means incorrectly labeling someone’s gender by using the wrong pronouns or names when addressing them. This seemingly simple action can have far-reaching implications that affect people on both an emotional and psychological level.
The concept of misgendering has come into focus recently as parts of society attempt to create a more inclusive atmosphere that honors gender diversity. Despite growing awareness, many people still unknowingly engage in misgendering due to a lack of knowledge or ingrained societal norms.
Understanding what misgendering is and knowing the potential harm it can cause is crucial to fostering respect for all genders. By educating ourselves and others about the issue, we can contribute positively toward creating inclusive environments where everyone feels acknowledged and respected.
Forms of misgendering
While several forms of misgendering can occur, they all have the same harmful impact. Some common ways people misgender others include:
- Incorrect pronoun use: The first form often involves the misuse of pronouns. Miscalling a female he rather than she, or using the wrong pronoun, like referring to a trans man as she instead of he, are some examples of incorrect pronoun use. It’s important to note some people prefer non-binary pronouns like they/them.
- Deadnaming: Another typical scenario is deadnaming — using the wrong name to address someone. This generally involves using the birth name rather than a chosen name. Deadnaming frequently happens to those on the transgender spectrum who’ve selected new words or names to reflect their true identities more accurately.
- Incorrect assumptions based on appearance: One more form of misgendering includes making assumptions about gender based on appearance, voice pitch, or stereotypes — this constitutes misclassification too since these external factors cannot determine an individual’s identity.
Whether intentional or not, the harm and pain misgendering can cause are the same. Online resources can help you understand more about diverse identities, reducing the chance of inadvertently using damaging or offensive language.
Why is Misgendering Harmful?
Even in cases where it’s an innocent mistake, misgendering can inflict profound psychological implications as harmful as harassment.
Feeling fundamentally misunderstood leads to heightened stress among those who identify as transgender or are gender-nonconforming. This has been backed by minority stress model research, which illustrates how minority groups experience unique chronic social stress due to a stigmatized societal position.
By contrast, research also shows that reaffirming gender-preferred pronouns and names can have a significantly positive and profound impact. Chosen name use is linked to lessened suicidal ideation, lower depression rates, and reduced suicidal behavior.
The psychological impact
In a study surveying 28,000 people who identify as transgender, about 32% have had negative experiences, including being attacked, denied services, or harassed due to having a gender listed on a government ID that doesn’t match their presentation.
The psychological — and physical — harm caused by misgendering can range from feelings of humiliation and irritation to grave mental health issues and repercussions, like panic attacks, melancholy, self-harm inclinations, or even suicidal thoughts.
Impact on social relationships
Social relationships can also be impacted by misidentification based on perceived gender signifiers. Misgendering is linked to feelings of disrespect and alienation within social circles and further amplifies feelings of isolation.
Marginalization and discrimination
Categorizing everyone into stereotypical binary categories — male (cisgender man) or female (cisgender woman) — reinforces harmful assumptions around cisnormativity. It subjects those on the transgender spectrum to systemic marginalization as a result of nothing more than a rigid perception.
Discrimination worsens existing disparities — one example being access to healthcare — making those on the transgender spectrum some of the most vulnerable populations today.
Research suggests that marginalized communities face increased stress compared with their cis counterparts, largely due to societal prejudice that we know is perpetuated through actions like misgendering.
“Being subjected to misgendering repeatedly can be exhausting and often invalidates someone, and it’s worse when someone is casual about it. Over time, grappling with the decision to correct others can feel like someone is taking away your dignity.”
– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW
How to Deal with Misgendering
Misgendering — whether you’ve been misidentified or you’ve mistakenly used incorrect gender signifiers — requires careful, thoughtful handling. The right reaction can help create an environment where those who identify as transgender individuals feel safe and respected.
If you misgender someone
Inadvertently using the wrong pronoun or name can happen, but the response matters most. If you find you’ve made a mistake, here are some ways you can correct your mistake:
- Acknowledge promptly but briefly: An immediate I’m sorry, followed by correctly addressing someone helps prevent unnecessary spotlight on the error.
- Avoid excessive apologies: Over-apologizing can make someone uncomfortable, as they might feel obligated to comfort you instead of having the space to focus on their feelings.
- Correct others if needed: This step shows respect for people’s identities and encourages those around you to strive for more mindful interactions. Any action to reduce minority stress perspectives can be helpful.
If you are misgendered
You deserve to be acknowledged with respect in a way that honors your authentic self. If you’re misgendered, use the following to educate others and correct behavior or gendered language.
- Safely express emotions: Directly communicating hurtful experiences generally leads to more respectful future interactions. Research supports that taking the time to learn how to avoid misusing gender terms matters so much.
- Educate: In cases where ignorance seems genuinely innocent rather than intentional, providing resources like articles explaining the definition of misgendering, and offering examples from personal narratives can be beneficial in preventing misunderstandings in the future.
- Create boundaries: If attempts at education don’t work or aren’t feasible, boundaries become necessary until someone is willing to learn and change behavior.
How to Avoid Misgendering Someone
Learning to not misgender someone takes continuous effort, understanding, and a willingness to change. Start with the following:
Tip 1: Ask for pronouns
Avoid making assumptions based on appearance or other gender signifiers — ask people about their preferred pronouns. Doing so shows respect toward identity and ensures you’re addressing someone correctly.
Tip 2: Practice using correct pronouns
If pronoun usage feels unfamiliar, practice can make it second nature over time. Remember that everyone makes mistakes — what matters most is a commitment to correcting your errors and growing from experience.
Tip 3: Educate yourself about gender identity issues
Educating yourself about topics related to gender identity will go far in preventing accidental misclassification. Several online resources are available to help you learn about different aspects of transgender experiences. You can also spend time learning about various identities within the transgender spectrum, for example, the difference between nonbinary and cisgender.
Resources:
- GLSEN: Activity and a short video that teaches students (or anyone) about the importance of the use of pronouns and misgendering.
- Uplift Center for Grieving Children: Infographic with tips on how to avoid misgendering and deadnaming.
- National Institutes of Health: Website dedicated to the importance of gender pronoun use in the workplace.
- U.S. Department of Education: Resources for LGBTQI+ students.
Understanding the concept of misgendering ensures we can help people feel safe, respected, and validated in our society.
“Addressing someone, in general, is a sign of courtesy and respect, and taking a minute to pause is helpful, rather than rushing through or ignoring an appropriate acknowledgment, which can be hurtful and negatively impactful. It is always OK to take the time to understand each other and to practice the same respect you may want in mixed company. When in doubt, ask kindly what someone prefers regarding pronouns. It’s always more awkward and less kind to assume and get it wrong.”
Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW
Education is Key to Overcoming Misgendering
Misunderstanding or miscommunication about gender identities can lead to misgendering. By cultivating an environment of learning, we can prevent these situations from arising and create a society that respects anyone on the transgender spectrum.
Education about diverse gender identities helps us understand how language and behavior can negatively impact others. This awareness can pave the way for healthy interactions that reduce cases of identity misclassification. Marginalized communities face increased stress from frequent incidents of being misgendered, so recognizing the harm caused by unintentional misgendering, ignorance or bias is critical.
If you’ve ever been on either end of misgendering or you want to learn more about respectful communication practices that contribute positively towards inclusivity, you might consider seeking help from Talkspace. This online therapy platform offers resources explicitly designed to address LGBTQIA+ challenges. Talking to an LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist can help you navigate conversations around gender identities and discuss any impact of misgendering on LGBTQIA+ mental health. Learn more about how online therapy can be a source of support for the LBGTQIA+ community and those wanting to address misgendering today.
Sources:
- The experience of misgendering among trans and gender diverse people. ScholarWorks at UMass Boston. Accessed July 22, 2023. https://scholarworks.umb.edu/doctoral_dissertations/600/.
- Understanding nonbinary people: How to be respectful and supportive. National Center for Transgender Equality. January 12, 2023. Accessed July 22, 2023. https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-nonbinary-people-how-to-be-respectful-and-supportive.
- Minority stress model. Minority Stress Model – an overview | ScienceDirect Topics. Accessed July 22, 2023. https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/minority-stress-model.
- Russell ST, Pollitt AM, Li G, Grossman AH. Chosen name use is linked to reduced depressive symptoms, suicidal ideation, and suicidal behavior among transgender youth. Journal of Adolescent Health. 2018;63(4):503-505. doi:10.1016/j.jadohealth.2018.02.003. https://www.jahonline.org/article/S1054-139X(18)30085-5/fulltext#intraref0010a. Accessed July 22, 2023.
- The report of the – U.S. Transgender Survey. National Center for Transgender Equality. December 2017. Accessed July 2, 2023. https://transequality.org/sites/default/files/docs/usts/USTS-Full-Report-Dec17.pdf.
- Millar K, Brooks CV. Double jeopardy: Minority stress and the influence of transgender identity and Race/Ethnicity. International Journal of Transgender Health. Published online 2021:1-16. doi:10.1080/26895269.2021.1890660. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8986215/. Accessed July 22, 2023.
- Supporting the transgender people in your life: A guide to being a good ally. National Center for Transgender Equality. January 27, 2023. Accessed July 22, 2023. https://transequality.org/issues/resources/supporting-the-transgender-people-in-your-life-a-guide-to-being-a-good-ally.
- Misgendering and respect for pronouns. GLSEN. Accessed July 22, 2023. https://www.glsen.org/activity/misgendering-and-respect-pronouns.
- Gender 101: Avoiding misgendering and deadnaming – uplift philly. Uplift Center for Grieving Children. Accessed July 22, 2023. https://upliftphilly.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Gender-101_-Avoiding-Misgendering-and-Deadnaming.pdf.
- Gender Pronouns Resource. National Institutes of Health. Accessed July 22, 2023. https://dpcpsi.nih.gov/sgmro/gender-pronouns-resource.
- Resources for LGBTQI+ students. Home. July 3, 2023. Accessed July 22, 2023. https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/lgbt.html.
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]]>The post The Asexuality Spectrum: Understanding the Different Types of Asexual appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Updated 03/21/24
Discussions about sexual orientation are often focused on sexual attraction toward a specific gender. However, some people feel little to no sexual attraction to anyone, regardless of the type of gender. This is where the discussion of the asexuality (which is its own sexual orientation) spectrum begins.
While approximately 1% of the population identifies as asexual (or as “an ace”), it’s likely that many more people have similar thoughts and feelings. It’s important to note that asexuality isn’t the same thing as abstinence or celibacy, where a conscious decision is at play. So, what does it mean to be asexual? It’s feeling no (or very little) sexual arousal or attraction to anyone at all, even if someone is or has been sexually active in the past.
If you don’t feel sexually attracted to others, you’re not alone. There’s a lot to understand about what the asexuality spectrum really means, and we’re breaking it all down here.
Defining the Asexuality Spectrum
Understanding the asexuality spectrum is crucial in recognizing the diverse experiences within the Ace (asexual) community. This spectrum encompasses various identities, including the three most commonly identified subsections: asexual, demisexual, and gray asexual.
Not everyone on the asexuality spectrum will have the same sexual intimacy, feelings, or experiences. Just because an ace person isn’t sexually attracted to a specific gender doesn’t mean they don’t have the same wants, needs, or desires as everyone else.
Asexuality itself is simply the absence of sexual attraction towards others, serving as a baseline within the spectrum. Demisexual individuals experience sexual attraction only after forming a deep emotional connection, whereas gray asexual (gray-A) people might only occasionally feel sexual attraction or do so under specific circumstances. Collectively, these identities highlight the spectrum’s complexity and the importance of acknowledging each person’s unique experience with sexual attraction.
Types of Asexuality
Sexual orientation describes how you experience sexual attraction. It specifically refers to feelings of sexual desire. While asexuality is a sexual orientation, different types of asexuals experience it in different ways. Asexuality is a spectrum, and there are several different types of asexual people.
People in the ace community may fall anywhere on this asexual spectrum:
Asexual
As discussed, the term asexual describes the sexual identity of someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction to others. Some people who are asexual may still experience sexual desire, while others may not have any sexual feelings at all.
Greysexual
Sometimes referred to as “gray aces” or “gray-a,” people who are greysexual are primarily asexual. However, these members of the asexual community may enjoy sexual behavior under very specific circumstances, or they might experience sexual interest on rare occasions.
Demisexual
People who identify as demisexual will only feel sexual attraction once they have a strong emotional connection to someone else. Although people who are demisexual are on the asexual spectrum, they’re more likely to engage in sex than people who are asexual or greysexual.
“Asexuality is different from abstinence, where someone chooses to not have sexual contact regardless of their sexual urges. Someone with an asexual identity is not necessarily someone who has never engaged in sex. Asexual individuals don’t feel sexual attraction towards people of any gender and it is also considered a type of sexual orientation. It is important to clarify that asexuality is not a medical or mental condition or diagnosis. It is a sexual orientation in the same way that homosexuality, bisexuality, and pansexuality are.”
– Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar, LMHC
Understanding the Diverse Attitudes Toward Sex
Within the asexuality spectrum, individuals’ attitudes towards sex vary significantly, reflecting the complexity of their experiences and feelings about sexual activity. These attitudes range from sex-negative to sex-neutral, and even to sex-positive, each offering a unique perspective on how asexual (or Ace-spectrum) individuals engage with the concept of sexuality.
Sex-negative
For a sex-negative asexual person, sex seems unpalatable or even disgusting. While asexuals who are sex-repulsed might not believe sexual activity is morally wrong, they do find it to be extremely unpleasant.
Sex-neutral
A sex-neutral asexual individual can feel indifferent to sexual activity. They don’t have any strong positive or negative feelings about sex, and may not think about it much at all.
Sex-positive
While sex-positive aces don’t experience sexual attraction, the feelings they have about sex and sexual things are generally favorable. They may see sex as a normal, healthy part of life. Some sex-positive asexuals may even choose to have a sexual relationship.
Romantic Orientation
While asexuals might not experience primary sexual attraction, they may still have romantic connections with others. In fact, approximately 74% of asexuals say they experience romantic attraction. The asexuality spectrum is broad, and feelings about sex, romantic orientation, and romance can vary greatly from person to person.
Aromantic
Sometimes referred to as “aroaces” or just “aro,” aromantic describes those who don’t have any (or very little) feelings of romantic attraction. An aromantic asexual is more likely to avoid sex than some other asexual types. An aromantic person simply may not feel any need to connect on that level, either physically or emotionally.
Greyromantic
As the name implies, greyromantic asexuality falls into a grey area. While they don’t usually feel any sort of romantic interest, someone who’s greyromantic may have romantic feelings for another person at some point in their lives.
Demiromantic
People who are demiromantic can have romantic feelings towards others, but they’re not able to develop them until after they’ve become very close to someone. Some people who identify as demisexual also identify as demiromantic.
Biromantic
When people are bisexual, they experience sexual attraction to both males and females. Being biromantic is similar, but it refers to romantic feelings.
Heteroromantic
When someone only has romantic feelings for people of the opposite gender, heteroromantic attraction and heterosexuality often go hand in hand. However, people who are asexual may also identify as heteroromantic.
Homoromantic
Someone who’s homoromantic exclusively feels romantic desire for people of the same gender. Asexuals of any gender can experience homoromantic attraction.
Panromantic
Someone who is panromantic has romantic, emotional feelings and connections to all people, regardless of gender. For panromantic people, gender has no influence over romantic attraction.
Polyromantic
While there are similarities between polyromantic and panromantic attraction, people who are polyromantic can have a romantic attraction to many (though not necessarily all) genders. Their attraction doesn’t always include sexual attraction, though.
Asexuality vs. Sexual Arousal Disorder
Asexuality can often be misunderstood as sexual interest/arousal disorder. The difference between the two is that asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, and sexual interest/arousal disorder is the lack of sexual desire.
The Bottom Line
When discussing asexuality, it’s important to remember that not all asexual people have the same experiences with sex and romance. Some may choose to have sex even though they don’t feel sexual attraction. Others may have no interest in sex or any romantic relationship at all.
There are many asexual types, and not everyone who identifies as asexual experiences their sexuality in the same way.
People who feel little to no sexual attraction don’t have to follow any specific rules or meet any specific criteria about the emotional, sexual, or spiritual connections and relationships they have in life. Asexuality is both a spectrum and a sexual orientation and identifying as asexual may help some people form a healthier view of themselves.
Asexuality is not a condition, and there’s no “treatment” you need if you’re questioning your sexuality or how you identify. However, heteronormative views are common in the United States. They can be a contributing factor to the discrimination and abuse felt by so many people who don’t express “traditional” (as established by our society) sexual orientation, sexual identity, and/or gender roles.
“Asexuality is not something that needs treatment or intervention. If a person is looking for support and affirmation in regards to their sexuality and/or sexual orientation, then therapy can be really helpful.”
– Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar, LMHC
For anyone who doesn’t align with society’s expectations of things like gender identity and sexual orientation, the rates of mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, and self-harm are staggering. Specifically regarding ace-spectrum people, the little research that has been done shows that ace-spectrum youth are likely to experience higher rates of anxiety and depression than even the LGBTQIA+ community (which is already drastically higher than the cisgender population).
If you’re sexuality or gender questioning and you need help, it’s available. Talkspace offers online therapy and has therapists who are skilled, trained, and experienced in affirmative therapy, which was designed specifically to treat the mental health needs of minority populations. Find a LGBTQIA+ therapist today.
Sources:
1. Bogaert A. Asexuality: Prevalence and associated factors in a national probability sample. The Journal of Sex Research. 2004;41(3):279-287. doi:10.1080/00224490409552235. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15497056/. Accessed June 9, 2022.
2. Yule M, Brotto L, Gorzalka B. Sexual Fantasy and Masturbation Among Asexual Individuals: An In-Depth Exploration. Arch Sex Behav. 2016;46(1):311-328. doi:10.1007/s10508-016-0870-8. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-016-0870-8. Accessed June 9, 2022.
3. Copulsky D, Hammack P. Asexuality, Graysexuality, and Demisexuality: Distinctions in Desire, Behavior, and Identity. The Journal of Sex Research. 2021:1-10. doi:10.1080/00224499.2021.2012113. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2021.2012113?journalCode=hjsr20. Accessed June 9, 2022.
4. Antonsen A, Zdaniuk B, Yule M, Brotto L. Ace and Aro: Understanding Differences in Romantic Attractions Among Persons Identifying as Asexual. Arch Sex Behav. 2020;49(5):1615-1630. doi:10.1007/s10508-019-01600-1. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32095971. Accessed June 9, 2022.
5. Asexual and Ace Spectrum Youth. The Trevor Project. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/research-briefs/asexual-and-ace-spectrum-youth/. Published 2020. Accessed June 9, 2022.
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]]>The post Gender Questioning: Working Through Uncertainty in Your Gender appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Gender can be a complicated topic. Not everyone feels confident or comfortable when thinking about or discussing their ideas about gender or gender expression. If you’re gender questioning, you should know that it’s perfectly normal to have these feelings, especially if you’re a young adult.
While it can be stressful to have questions about gender, it can also be exciting to explore your identity. In time, and with the right support system, you can grow to feel more self-assured and assertive about your gender identity and how you express yourself. Talking to a LGBT therapist can help you work through gender questioning.
Learn more about the concept of gender here as we look at things like the notion of gender fluidity and how you can find your identity in a safe, supported way.
What is Gender?
The term “gender” really just describes our societal and cultural views associated with sex — that is, the gender norms that accompany being a woman, girl, man, or boy. It often refers to behavioral expectations (gender role) related to someone’s assigned sex at birth (assigned gender), but gender also affects how we feel about ourselves. Thus, it’s our feelings about our gender that really make up our gender identity.
Simply put, gender identity is just how you feel internally about which gender you identify with. In the most basic of terms, it’s how you see yourself.
While many people know that they’re the male or female they were born as, you’re free to choose any identity that feels right, comfortable, and natural to you. Some people may identify as masculine or feminine, while others may identify as gender-fluid — more on gender fluidity in a bit.
Gender can be expressed in many ways, including through:
- Clothing
- Hairstyles
- Names
- Speech
- Pronouns
Though many people identify with a gender that aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth (meaning someone born with male sex parts identifies as male), others may identify differently than what their anatomy suggests, or they may feel confused and unsure about their gender.
No one else can see your inner gender identity, and how you choose to identify or express yourself is entirely up to you. It’s crucial to acknowledge (and respect) that gender identity is independent of sexual orientation, sexual attraction or sexual identity.
Gender fluidity
Gender identity is personal and not necessarily set in stone. How someone identifies can change over time. Thus, some people identify as gender-fluid, meaning they don’t feel as if they have a specific, standing, or binding gender. A nonbinary person can also be gender-fluid or gender diverse, meaning that they don’t identify with one gender in particular.
The concept of gender fluidity is the formal recognition that gender is on a spectrum. How we experience gender can change at different times throughout our lives or when we find ourselves in various situations.
“It’s important to respect an individual’s matter of expression when it comes to gender fluidity and how one might wish to express themselves to the world, as it can often relate to how one might identify internally rather than subscribing to societal norms. Practicing respect through this exploration can be enormously validating, especially if there may be fear of judgment.”
Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW
Steps to Take to Find Your Identity
There are no set rules about gender identity, but if you’re currently in a state of gender questioning, there are steps you can take to help you explore your feelings about yourself and your gender.
You should never feel pressured to choose a label. Instead, give yourself a chance to consider your identity and accept it within yourself so you can feel confident as you begin to outwardly express your gender.
“Just as you would for a friend, it’s important to have some self-compassion in the process. It can be a place of ambivalence and confusion in understanding your own terms, but considering that you deserve self-respect, advocacy, and support might be some first steps towards clarity for yourself, your identity, and what you want to present and express to the world.”
Pay attention to the images you connect with
When you look at pictures of others, what kind of images resonate with you? Are you drawn to certain things where people express themselves in a specific way? Pay close attention to any positive or negative feelings you experience as you come across visual images throughout your day.
Imagine your ideal self
If you had the power to transform yourself, how would you want to look? Use your imagination and try to envision an ideal version of yourself. What would this identity wear? How would their hair be styled? What would people call them?
No matter what you picture, this fictional version of yourself doesn’t have to be a fantasy. If an imagined self-identity doesn’t match up with how you currently express yourself, you can begin to reinvent your image however you’re comfortable.
Let yourself experiment
Gender questioning is normal, and it’s okay if you don’t figure out your gender identity right away. Give yourself a chance to experiment and try expressing your gender in different ways.
You can try out a new style of clothing, start or stop wearing makeup, or ask your friends, family members, and teachers to refer to you with a different pronoun. Gender identity isn’t static, and it’s okay to change your mind as you try different things.
Seek out supportive environments
Having support while you’re questioning your identity is essential. It can help you feel safe and more confident as you begin to express yourself in new and different ways.
Many people find they’re very anxious when unsure of and exploring their gender identity. When you surround yourself with people who accept you, questioning your gender is less likely to become a source of anxiety. You’ll feel more comfortable trying out new things. Eventually, you’ll figure out how you really want to express yourself in a way that makes you feel like, well, you.
When to Seek Help
Questioning gender identity isn’t something to ever be ashamed of. That said, if your current gender expression is causing you psychological distress, it might be time to seek professional help and treatment.
Some people experience what’s known as gender dysphoria, a marked and upsetting disconnect between biological sex and gender identity. People with gender dysphoria may feel uncomfortable in their bodies and strongly desire to be another gender.
Although gender dysphoria isn’t a diagnosable mental health condition, people may experience mental health symptoms if they don’t receive treatment. These symptoms may include:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Self-harm
- Substance abuse
- Suicide ideation (research shows a clear link between gender dysphoria and a higher risk of suicide)
This makes it all the more important for people with gender dysphoria to get help and guidance in managing their symptoms.
Gender-affirming therapy with support from a gender therapist can significantly reduce feelings of depression and anxiety in people struggling with gender identity. It can allow them to figure out how to express their gender in a way they feel comfortable.
Overwhelmingly, when people feel supported as they begin questioning gender identity, it’s possible to dramatically decrease some or all of the mental and emotional distress that’s often associated with the process.
Gender identity can be complex, and you shouldn’t feel worried if you’ve been questioning how you identify. At the same time, you also shouldn’t hesitate to seek help if your current gender expression is causing you any form of anguish or distress. A professional can talk to you about your gender identity and help you decide if gender-affirmative therapy and treatment might be right for you. Seeking in-person or online therapy can help you explore your identity in a safe space.
Sources:
1. Roselli C. Neurobiology of gender identity and sexual orientation. J Neuroendocrinol. 2018;30(7):e12562. doi:10.1111/jne.12562. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6677266/. Accessed June 7, 2022.
2. Olson S. Challenging Gender Identity: Biologists Say Gender Expands Across A Spectrum, Rather Than Simply Boy And Girl. UCLA Institute for Society and Genetics. https://socgen.ucla.edu/2015/03/01/challenging-gender-identity-biologists-say-gender-expands-across-a-spectrum-rather-than-simply-boy-and-girl/. Published 2015. Accessed June 7, 2022.
3. Garg G, Elshimy G, Marwaha R. Gender Dysphoria. Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK532313/. Published 2022. Accessed June 7, 2022.
4. García-Vega E, Camero A, Fernández M, Villaverde A. Suicidal ideation and suicide attempts in persons with gender dysphoria. Psicothema. 2018;30(3):283-288. doi: 10.7334/psicothema2017.438. https://doi.org/10.7334/psicothema2017.438. https://www.psicothema.com/pi?pii=4483. Accessed June 7, 2022.
5. Olson K, Durwood L, DeMeules M, McLaughlin K. Mental Health of Transgender Children Who Are Supported in Their Identities. Pediatrics. 2016;137(3). doi:10.1542/peds.2015-3223. https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/137/3/e20153223/81409/Mental-Health-of-Transgender-Children-Who-Are?redirectedFrom=fulltext?autologincheck=redirected. Accessed June 7, 2022.
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]]>The post Affirmative Therapy: Caring for the LGBTQIA+ Community appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>One-size-fits-all doesn’t apply to therapy. No two sessions are the same, no two people’s needs are the same, and no treatment plans will work in the same way. Add into the mix the barriers and prejudices faced by members of the LGBTQIA+ community, and things become even more challenging.
The fact that there’s been blatant bias against people who identify LGBTQIA+ is undeniable. We see it every day in the real world, and it’s glaringly obvious in the world of mental health. Much research has been done on the topic of LGBTQIA+ mental health, and studies offer some striking, disturbing findings. Some of the most notable stats include:
- Compared to heterosexual counterparts, LGBTQIA+ people are at least 1.5 times more likely to receive a mental health diagnosis for anxiety, depression, or substance abuse.
- Those who identify as LGBT have a higher rate of suicidal ideations and are about 2 times more likely to attempt suicide.
- The transgender population (who identify, behave, or express differently than the sex they were assigned at birth) has some of the highest risk for mental health challenges throughout life, including:
- More than 33% will be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder
- Over 41% will be diagnosed with depression
- Another study found that within the last 3 years, 57.4% of females and 55.3% of males who identify as transgender were either diagnosed with or treated for a mental health condition.
- Finally, people who identify as transgender overwhelmingly have higher rates of suicide attempts.
The need for a new approach is clear, and affirmative therapy — therapy that seeks to inclusively meet the needs of any minority group, including and perhaps especially, those who identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community — might be part of the solution.
Exactly what is gender-affirming therapy? How does it work? Who can it help? We’re answering all of that and more here.
What Is Affirmative Therapy?
Affirmative therapy, or gender-affirming therapy, is one of many types of therapy (also known as talk therapy). It’s used in LGBQTIA+ therapy to effectively validate the needs of minority populations, like those who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, or asexual (LGBTQIA+).
Therapists who are trained in affirmative therapy learn to use both nonverbal and verbal tactics to establish a positive, affirming position toward clients who identify other than cisgender (people who identify with the gender they were assigned at birth).
Though the reasons for attending therapy don’t vary much (if at all) from any other population, the life experiences of someone who identifies LGBTQIA+ are often largely shaped by their gender identities.
At a high level, gender affirmative therapy can work to:
- Help therapists address their own internalized transphobia or homophobia (even if they’re unaware they have these)
- Acknowledge the many challenges members of the LGBTQIA+ community face
- Offer resources and support
- Help people resist judging nontraditional identities
- Allow people to resolve beliefs or needs contradictory to how they identify
How Does Affirmative Therapy Work?
LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy works by training therapists to effectively treat minority populations, like LGBTQIA+, who’ve historically had to deal with higher rates of mental health conditions than the cisgender population has.
Research shows that most therapists who’ve been trained in affirmative therapy believe they’re well-prepared to treat and work with people who identify LGBTQIA+. They also feel less likely to exhibit trans-negativity and/or homo-negativity attitudes. Overwhelmingly, most therapists feel that they benefit from the training and are better equipped to help their LGBTQIA+ clients and patients.
“Affirmative therapy is a type of therapy that focuses on the needs of individuals from sexual and gender minority groups. This kind of therapy intends to meet the clients where they are. The idea is to create a safe space for the client to share their thoughts and feelings around sexuality and gender free from judgment and bias.”
Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW
Members of the LGBTQIA+ community face many obstacles and challenges throughout life. For example, they might regularly need to navigate things like:
- Discrimination
- LGBTQIA+ bullying
- Physical abuse
- Shunning
- Verbal abuse
- Hostility
Not only does affirmative therapy help them learn to deal with injustices, but it can also work to raise awareness. It can ensure people avoid loneliness, thoughts of self-harm or suicide, depression, anxiety, and a general sense of hopelessness that might develop as a result of not feeling accepted and supported.
Who Benefits from Affirmative Therapy?
By focusing on enhancing awareness and inclusion, LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy can benefit more than just the person in treatment. It’s a proven modality that can be exceptionally beneficial for both the LGBTQIA+ community and those around them.
The minority stress theory recognizes that an overwhelmingly homophobic culture has resulted in sometimes life-long discrimination and harassment for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. The mental health discrepancies we see throughout the population can largely be explained through this theory.
In addition to helping minority groups themselves, affirmative therapy can also be an effective approach that benefits families and couples, too.
LGBTQIA+ community
Gender affirming therapy offers us a way to rethink how as a society, we approach an entire community. It reinforces the idea that we should all strive to want to better understand sexuality and gender. We can begin to normalize that these concepts don’t necessarily fit into a box. In the broadest sense, affirmative therapy can help us begin to accept one another.
Families
Particularly in the early stages after someone comes out, affirmative therapy can help all family members. Coming to terms with new roles and letting go of pre-existing ideas for someone’s future can be tough. Learning to accept and honor a loved one’s identity can be easier with the use of affirmative therapy.
Couples
It makes sense that therapy can be most effective when it’s structured to directly deal with issues and concerns specific to a couple’s relationship. Affirmative therapy can help by providing a therapist who understands the dynamics of what LGBTQIA+ couples might face.
Additionally, couples might find they’re able to relax, trust the process, and open up a bit more when they’re working with someone who’s trained in this specialized modality. Because it’s specifically designed to treat couples who identify LGBTQIA+ without bias, the entire process might feel more comfortable.
“Affirming therapy is not only beneficial for the LGBTQIA+ client, it can also help friends and family members understand how to relate to the individual. In couples therapy it can be used to target interpersonal issues that can come up related to gender and sexuality.”
Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW
Seeking Help with Affirmative Therapy
If you’re struggling with your identity, or you know someone else who might need help, reach out. You can find the support and care you deserve. Working with a therapist who’s skilled and trained in LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy can change your life. You’ll get gentle, understanding care and guidance from someone who knows what you’re experiencing. They can help you learn to accept your identity, or show you how to work towards more positive, healthy relationships with friends and family members.
The most important thing for you to understand is that you’re not alone. So many people in the world accept you and love you, exactly as you are. Affirmative therapy might just help you realize that. Learn how to find an LGBTQIA+ therapist with Talkspace today.
Sources:
1. King M, Semlyen J, Tai S et al. A systematic review of mental disorder, suicide, and deliberate self harm in lesbian, gay and bisexual people. BMC Psychiatry. 2008;8(1). doi:10.1186/1471-244x-8-70. https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1471-244X-8-70. Accessed June 2, 2022.
2. Bockting W, Miner M, Swinburne Romine R, Hamilton A, Coleman E. Stigma, Mental Health, and Resilience in an Online Sample of the US Transgender Population. Am J Public Health. 2013;103(5):943-951. doi:10.2105/ajph.2013.301241. https://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/abs/10.2105/AJPH.2013.301241?journalCode=ajph. Accessed June 2, 2022.
3. Leonard W, Lyons A, Bariola E. A closer look at private lives 2. Apo.org.au. https://apo.org.au/node/53996. Published 2015. Accessed June 2, 2022.
4. Grossman A, D’Augelli A. Transgender Youth and Life-Threatening Behaviors. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior. 2007;37(5):527-537. doi:10.1521/suli.2007.37.5.527. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1521/suli.2007.37.5.527. Accessed June 2, 2022.
5. Pepping C, Lyons A, Morris E. Affirmative LGBT psychotherapy: Outcomes of a therapist training protocol. Psychotherapy. 2018;55(1):52-62. doi:10.1037/pst0000149. https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2018-11631-007.html. Accessed June 2, 2022.
6. King M, Semlyen J, Tai S et al. A systematic review of mental disorder, suicide, and deliberate self harm in lesbian, gay and bisexual people. BMC Psychiatry. 2008;8(1). doi:10.1186/1471-244x-8-70. https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1471-244X-8-70. Accessed June 2, 2022.
7. Dentato, PhD, MSW M. The minority stress perspective. https://www.apa.org. https://www.apa.org/pi/aids/resources/exchange/2012/04/minority-stress. Published 2012. Accessed June 2, 2022.
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]]>The post Supporting a Child With Gender Dysphoria: Tips for Parents appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Gender dysphoria support for parents can be difficult to find when you’re first starting your journey. Regardless of how overwhelmed you might feel right now, it’s worth taking the time and energy to get the help you need. The truth is, if your child needs it, knowing how to help a child with gender identity might be the most important thing you’ll ever do for them.
Gender dysphoria is the distress that can be caused when your biological sex (the assigned gender at birth) doesn’t match the gender you identify with. Children who experience gender dysphoria are more likely to deal with depression, anxiety, and self-harm than their cisgender peers might. They’re also more likely to have suicidal thoughts. All of these can be exasperated if they’re bullied about their gender or if they have other negative experiences as a result of their type of gender identity.
Research shows that gender dysphoria might affect 3.2% of people assigned female and 4.6% of people who are assigned male at birth. Understanding more about gender dysphoria and how to help adolescents with gender identity issues is crucial. If you’re looking for help, you’re in the right place. Keep reading for gender dysphoria support for parents who want to help their children with their gender identity and how an LGBTQIA+ therapist can help.
Understanding gender dysphoria and mental health
Trying to learn how to help children with gender identity issues can seem daunting, but there are a few things to note. The first is understanding that gender dysphoria can cause mental health complications for children, including extreme pain, disconnect, and unsettled feelings about their place in the world.
Sometimes children will act out. They might refuse to go to school, social events, or even play in sports or go to extracurricular activities they once enjoyed. It’s common for children with gender dysphoria to stop participating in activities or sports that require physical contact. They may also begin avoiding social settings and circumstances where their bodies would be exposed — think: pool parties or going to the beach.
Signs of gender dysphoria in children and teens
Children and teens who are experiencing gender dysphoria are likely to express or feel:
- An extreme and intense desire to be a different sex than their assigned gender at birth
- Angry about the gender binary (female vs. male)
- An intense and long term ongoing discomfort with biological sex
- Difficulty getting through their day
- Seeming emotionally disconnected from life
- Being unable or finding it difficult to communicate their needs and feelings
- Feeling like there’s no purpose to life
- Feeling like they’re different from others and can’t relate to anyone else
- Developing unhealthy coping skills — for example, turning to alcohol or drugs
There are several ways you can actively help your child if they’re experiencing gender dysphoria. That help can be critical, too. Gender diverse children can have self-worth levels similar to their cisgender peers when they get the support they need and are able to find a place where they can affirm their gender.
“This can be a scary, unsure time. It’s vital to provide an opportunity for kids who are experiencing gender dysphoria to have a safe space to process their thoughts and feelings. It can be difficult for any adolescent to understand and embrace their unique identity. For those individuals who are also navigating gender diversity it can feel extra lonely and scary. Finding connection and guidance is crucial to maintaining mental wellness.“
How Can I Help My Child with Gender Dysphoria?
As we’ve lightly touched on, the single best thing you can do to help your child on how to deal with gender dysphoria or how to help teenagers with gender identity is simply be there for them. Being supportive includes valuing who they are and loving them wholeheartedly. Talking openly with your child about what they’re experiencing and what they need from you is key. Understanding how you can help them will be instrumental.
If your child decides they’re ready to tell others about their gender identity, you can be there as a support system. By helping your child affirm their gender, you’re helping them discover how to come out and to be their authentic self.
Offer support
The simplest and most effective thing you can do to help your child with gender dysphoria is: love them, acknowledge them, and let them know you’re there for them. Oftentimes, children who struggle with gender dysphoria feel very alone. Knowing that their parents are there and want to help them can make all the difference in the world.
“Check in often, with yourself and with your child. Make sure you have someone to process and debrief with, so that your mental health is taken care of in order to be the best you can for your child. And check in with them. Invite conversation, ask questions. Make sure you take your understanding of their experience directly from them.”
Educate yourself
Educating yourself as a parent is an amazing way for you to help your child. Take the time to learn about the types of LGBTQIA+ mental health issues in teens. Make sure you dive into everything you can about gender dysphoria. The more you understand what your child’s going through, the more you’ll be able to connect with them. When your gender non conforming youth feels that they can relate to you, they’re more likely to be open and honest.
Get them in gender-affirming therapy
Gender-affirming therapy focuses on helping children affirm their gender identity rather than trying to “fix” them. There are several core themes of gender-affirming therapy, including addressing:
- Trauma
- Depression
- Shame
- Self-harm
- Violence
- Medical treatment
- Sexuality
- Stigma
Some of the work that’ll be done in therapy can include:
- Affirming gender
- Offering space for children and families to process and understand their experience
- Giving support through legal services and healthcare providers
Therapy also creates a safe zone and allows for diversity to be something that’s accepted, encouraged, and respected.
Ask questions
Taking the time to ask your child questions about what they’re experiencing or feeling lets them know you’re willing (and want) to hear them. Communicating that you have an interest in them helps them understand that you truly and genuinely care. Your gender diverse child deserves and needs to feel safe, and engaging them in conversation is one way to do that.
Allow for (and encourage) exploration
Social exploration is one of the first ways young people or a child can begin exploring their gender identity. Gender expression might include your child trying new styles of clothing, hairstyles, names, and makeup that align with the gender spectrum they identify with.
Social expression is known to help people who have gender dysphoria develop their sense of self. It’s a great way to encourage your child to accept their gender identity.
Help them with a medical transition
Sometimes medical treatment can help children if that’s a route they are interested in exploring. Medical transition is a step that can be considered in an effort to help align gender and physical characteristics. Some medical treatments can include:
- Hormone therapy: Hormones are given to force physical changes that’ll help align gender identity with sex parts.
- Puberty blockers: If your child hasn’t decided on hormone therapy yet, puberty blockers can help by preventing the developmental changes that are common during puberty.
- Gender confirmation surgery: Surgery can be completed to allow the physical body to completely align with the gender. Some people decide to only do certain types of surgery.
Advocate for your child
We all want to be a great advocate for our kids. Advocating for a child who’s struggling with gender dysphoria reassures them that you’re on their team. Speak up when you hear or see transphobic comments. Let your child know that you’re there for them and that you’ll always fight to protect them.
“The most important thing you can do for your child is to consistently send the message that you are with them, they are not alone in this experience. If a child knows they are unconditionally loved and supported, it provides the solid foundation needed to share fully, ask questions, and feel all of their feelings. It also builds trust. As they encounter various situations and different experiences, they’ll rely on you for guidance, just as they would rely on you with other social and developmental phases of their lives, and they need to trust you for this.”
If your child or teenager has recently come to you and discussed their gender dysphoria, it’s essential that you help them find the support they need as soon as possible. Your child might be experiencing extreme mental health distress that could quickly manifest into more. Gender dysphoria support for parents can be found through support groups, online, or from your doctor or therapist.
Sources:
1. Garg G, Elshimy G, Marwaha R. Gender Dysphoria. Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK532313/. Published 2021. Accessed December 11, 2021.
2. Walter Pierre Bouman, Annelou LC de Vries & Guy T’Sjoen (2016) Gender Dysphoria and Gender Incongruence: An evolving inter-disciplinary field, International Review of Psychiatry, 28:1, 1-4, DOI: 10.3109/09540261.2016.1125740
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]]>Gender dysphoria is the term used to describe when your physical body doesn’t align with your gender or sexual orientation. It can present a challenging internal conflict, especially if you’re trying to navigate it on your own. The discomfort that accompanies the disconnect between one’s identity and physical qualities can lead to other internal distress.
Gender dysphoria can have a significant impact on mental health. It can hinder your sense of self-worth, how (or if) you can reach a place of contentment, and your ability to trust or love. If you or someone you love is trying to learn how to deal with gender dysphoria, use the tips we’re sharing here. We’re discussing ways to cope, and we’re explaining why it’s so important to learn how to deal with dysphoria in the first place.
Keep reading to learn more about simple techniques you can use that might help you manage and cope with your gender dysphoria, and how an LGBTQIA+ therapist can help you. Below we’ve listed tips to cope with gender dysphoria.
Use what you have to conceal certain parts of your body
It can be those moments when you’re alone, like lying in bed during the night or when you’re in the shower in the morning, that you feel the most dysphoric. Being face to face with the physical reality of who you are according to your body can be difficult at times.
Try using the things closest to you — they might actually be your best aids. Simple acts like holding a blanket or pillow from your bed against your chest or genitals might help you find relief. When you’re in the shower, try using a large cloth or body sponge to cover your genitalia. Tactics like these might help release you from thinking about the parts of your body you’re most uncomfortable with.
Buy or find gender-affirming clothing and make up, get a haircut or a wig
Some people find that creating an appearance that’s more aligned with how they feel can be helpful. How you look might greatly impact how intense your dysphoria may be on any given day. Gender presentation can be an effective tool if you’re looking for how to cope with gender dysphoria.
“You may also want to experiment with new hairstyles, clothing, and accessories for changes to your appearance. Use everyday items to conceal the parts of you that you want to be less prominent.”
Any of these might be beneficial and help you feel better about the gender you’re presenting. These tips might even relieve some anxiety.
- Clothing: Consider buying clothes that are more aligned with what you’re feeling.
- Hair and Makeup: You can also do simple things like buy a wig, get a specific haircut, or learn how to put on makeup.
- Gear: Consider finding gear designed specifically to help you change the appearance of your physical body. A binder, packer, padding, or other garments can help you become more confident and comfortable when you’re in public settings or at social events.
Admittedly, you might not be ready to take this step of gender expression, and that’s OK. If openly wearing gender-affirming items in public is too much right now, sometimes even just wearing something under your clothes or dressing in a specific style when you’re alone at home might be able to help. Let this become a therapeutic or meditative routine you establish for yourself.
Use affirmations to reaffirm your gender
Affirmations can be a wonderful way to establish a positive mentality and center yourself every single day. Affirming your gender can help you remember that being true to who you are is the most important thing you can do for yourself.
“Be patient with yourself. Some individuals will change their pronoun and name several times before they are comfortable with their identity. You might want to come up with daily affirmations to help you stay positive when you’re feeling anxious or vulnerable. Finally, while you are going through these changes you may want to consider meeting with a gender affirming therapist.”
Even if you’re not ready to admit to the world how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking just yet, using some of the following affirmations and phrases might help you build confidence so one day you’ll be ready to do so.
- I am here and I am true to myself.
- My body does not dictate my gender or who I am.
- Regardless of what my body looks like, I know who I am.
- I am valid and worthy of living my life.
- My gender is valid.
Spend time with people who support you and your gender identity
Regardless of what’s going on in your life, everyone needs support. This is especially true if you’re trying to learn how to deal with gender dysphoria. It can be challenging to first tell someone whether it’s a family member or friend about your gender identity or gender nonconformity. You might be worried about the responses you’ll get. It’s one of the reasons why finding support is so crucial.
If you’re finding that certain people in your life tend to have very negative reactions, try to limit your time with them. You want to surround yourself with loving, caring, supportive people who make efforts to validate your gender and who accept you. It is also one of the first steps on how to come out.
Try to let go of relationships with people who seem to be having a difficult time accepting you. You definitely can, and should, establish boundaries for anyone in your life who’s actively trying to change you. Investing in the right relationships is one of the most important parts of your life right now.
Studies show that there’s a direct correlation between suicidal thoughts and attempts and transgender youth or adolescents who don’t have the support they need in their life. Surrounding yourself with friends, loved ones, and family who support you is critical to your mental health and well-being. Read our guide on gender dysphoria support for parents for more information on how to help children experiencing this condition.
Go to therapy or find a support group
Therapy and support groups can be great resources if you need help learning how to cope with gender dysphoria. Therapy can teach you how to best-manage your gender dysphoria or better express your gender nonconformity, and support groups will allow you to find other transgender people who might be experiencing dysphoria as well.
You can find a therapist or support group online or through your local LGBTQIA+ center — check the postings and listings available on their website to find groups and meeting times.
“First of all, it’s important for you to remember that what you’re going through is natural and it is a process. It will take some time for you to get used to your identity and to explore who you are. It is important that you surround yourself with people who support you and your identity, make sure your friends and family know what to call you and what pronouns to use to address you. Mypronouns.org is a useful website for exploring the use of gender pronouns.”
What Happens if You Don’t Address Gender Dysphoria
An important thing to understand about gender dysphoria is that it can be lessened when you seek out supportive environments. The more you know about treatment options available to reduce the conflict between your assigned gender role at birth (or your physical sex characteristics) and your inner gender identity or sexual orientation, the healthier and happier you’ll feel.
If you don’t address your gender dysphoria, you may experience mental and emotional distress as well as other mental health conditions. People with gender dysphoria who don’t get the help they need and deserve might begin to experience anxiety, depression, self-harm, substance misuse or abuse, and other mental health conditions that can be difficult to manage.
“Not addressing gender dysphoria can be psychologically dangerous for the individual. There can be psychological distress such as depression, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness. Many people who experience gender dysphoria but are not in a position to live their true and authentic selves can fall into a downward spiral. This can lead to substance use thoughts of suicide and even attempts. For individuals who are not experiencing gender dysphoria it can be confusing.”
Research has shown us that people with gender dysphoria have a higher risk of suicide. In fact, nearly half (more than 48%) of participants in one study reported having suicidal thoughts or ideation. Another nearly 24% said they have attempted suicide at least one time.
Transgender people often experience harassment and discrimination that can lead to worse feelings and significant distress that are associated with their dysphoria. The good news, though, is you don’t have to live without support. There are healthy ways to cope with gender dysphoria and improve your mental health.
Sources:
García-Vega E, Camero A, Fernández M, Villaverde A. Suicidal ideation and suicide attempts in persons with gender dysphoria. Psicothema. 2018;30(3):283-288. doi: 10.7334/psicothema2017.438. https://doi.org/10.7334/psicothema2017.438. Accessed December 9, 2021.
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]]>The post How to Come Out: A Guide for the LGBTQIA+ Community appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>For many people, deciding when and how to come out is empowering. However, it can be daunting in the beginning and coming to terms with your decision can feel overwhelming. When to do it, how to do it, who you should tell first…it’s all part of the process.
Loving and accepting your gender identity means you can begin to ask others to love and accept you too. Once you’re comfortable and confident with your decision, coming out may not be as intimidating as you feared. Recent studies show that as many as 86% of respondents have come out to at least one (or more) close people in their lives.
If you’ve been wondering about ways to come out, we’re exploring everything you need to know here. What you should think out about before you do it, what are the different stages of coming out, what are some of the different ways you might go about it, and what you can expect after. Get prepared and informed with the right coming out tips in this guide.
Whether you’re coming out as trans, lesbian, gay, queer, bisexual, asexual, or any other type of gender identity, read on.
Things to Consider Before Coming Out
It’s true that coming out can be complicated. We live in a society that often wants us to conform to mainstream ideas about sexuality. Unfortunately, this can make it hard for people to live a true and authentic life. Feeling like you don’t fit a specific role that’s based solely on societal norms can make the process even more difficult. However, your gender identity and sexual orientation is worthy of embracing.
If you’ve decided it’s time, you might be looking for coming out tips. You need to be ready to face not only reactions from friends and family, but the societal responses that may come your way as well. Keeping certain things in mind can make the process a bit easier.
“Coming out is an ongoing process. One way to start this process is by reading about other peoples’ experiences of coming out and learning about organizations and groups that can support and mentor you.”
If you’re ready, you’re ready
If you feel committed to and confident about coming out, then you’re probably ready. Don’t let others’ expectations about you dictate when the time is right. Many people recall their coming out journey as a very liberating experience.
Reasons people say helped them come to the decision include:
- They were in a healthy and committed relationship and excited to introduce their partner to others in their life
- They were ready to connect with a community of like-minded people and didn’t want to have to hide those relationships
- They were looking for a relationship and ready to be open about it
- They just felt it was time and wanted to share their authentic self with others in their life
Know that your journey is your own
Remember that deciding when and how to come out probably isn’t going to be the same experience for any two people. This is more than just OK — it can be something really great if you look at it the right way.
Your journey is yours and yours alone. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. There may not be a perfect time, and that’s fine. It’s whatever feels right, healthy, and safe for you and your situation.
It’s OK to change your mind or be selective
You certainly don’t have to come out to everybody in your life all at once. Many people decide to come out to one trusted and close friend or family member at first. The process can be slow, and it can take time. You can be selective in who you share your news with, and there’s nothing wrong with slowly coming out as you gain confidence along the way.
There are no rules about how, when, or who
By now you might be sensing a theme…there are no rules to coming out. It should feel right for you. Deciding when you come out, how to come out, and to whom you come out is a personal decision.
Find your safe place
Ideally, you’ll come out in a safe and comfortable place. We’re not just talking about physical location here — rather, we’re talking about the whole environment, a combination of the people you’re surrounded with and how you choose to express your identity.
“When you are ready to share with others, be intentional about seeking out supportive individuals and organizations. Your story is important. Surround yourself with safe people that you trust to hear your story and respond with compassion. You don’t have to come out to everyone all at once.”
Your coming out journey will be much easier if you feel safe and like you’re in a trustworthy space. You might feel safest coming out to a close friend or family member first. Maybe you feel safer with members of your school community or a religious circle instead. Wherever you feel most supported in your life can be a good place to start.
The Stages of Coming Out
The stages to coming out are largely based on a theory that was developed by Vivian Cass in 1979. The Cass theory describes the process most people go through developmentally as they explore and begin to understand their identity as LGBTQIA+.
Cass’s 6 stages are:
- Identity confusion: Identity confusion begins with a general sense of wondering about homosexuality. During this first stage, you might have feelings of denial or feel confused about your sexual identity.
- Identity comparison: The comparison stage is where you begin to accept the idea that you might be gay. Often, there can be a sense of social isolation during this stage.
- Identity tolerance: As you begin to accept your sexual identity more and more, you might feel less confused. However, this stage often coincides with increasing social isolation because the idea of being different from what society expects of you begins to sink in.
- Identity acceptance: During the acceptance stage, you might be feeling like you’ve come to terms with how you identify. You’ve internally answered most, if not all, of the questions you might have had at one time. You might even begin seeking out contact with the LGBTQIA+ community.
- Identity pride: Identity pride is the stage where you can start to feel a sense of pride about belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community. You might find you’re immersing yourself in the culture, and you may be having feelings of anger towards heterosexual communities or others in your life who aren’t willing to accept you.
- Identity synthesis: The final stage involves starting to bring your sexual identity into other areas of your life as you begin to build a whole identity. Sometimes the overt pride or extreme anger that was felt in stage 5 begins to dissipate, and you might even begin to find yourself able to feel authentic in both heterosexual groups as well as LGTBQIA+ communities. Identity synthesis can typically be viewed as finally getting to the place where you have an internal, symbiotic relationship between who you are publicly and who you see yourself as privately.
Tips to Keep in Mind When You’re Ready to Share
Once you’re confident about coming out, there are a few things you might want to keep in mind:
- Many people find it helps to choose one person to come out to first. This can be someone you feel you can trust and who would be the most supportive.
- Think about what you want to say before you have the conversation.
- Choose a time and place that feels safe to you.
- Remember that some people in your life might have a negative reaction at first. Try to give them their space and allow them to absorb the information you just gave them.
- If you do run into any adverse reactions, try not to let that get you down. Many people just need time. If someone in your life truly can’t accept who you are, remember that your authenticity and your own truth is more important than anyone else’s opinion. You have the right to be who you are. Someone’s acceptance or rejection of you and your sexual identity doesn’t need to define you. Yes, it can be hard to face friend or family rejection, which is why it’s so important for you to find a support system.
- On that note, as you come out to more people, keep those who are most accepting closest to you. Allies can help you every step of the way. It always helps to know you have somebody on your team.
Remember that if you need support, finding an online therapist is one way you can get the help you’re looking for. An LGBTQIA+ therapist can ensure you have the mental health resources you need while navigating this time.
Different Ways to Come Out
“Everyone’s coming out process is different and that’s okay. There is no right or wrong way to come out.”
The most important part is that you do it in a way that feels true, honest, and safe.
You can choose to come out to one person at a time, or you can do one big announcement to groups of people in your life. At the end of the day, how you come out is a personal decision. You can decide to share your news:
- In person
- Over the phone
- Via text
- In a small group setting
- On social media
- By writing a letter
- Posting a video on YouTube
- In a creative way, like through a poem, skit, or performance
- During a special gathering where your closest friends, family, and loved ones will all be together
- Baking a rainbow cake
However you decide to come out, trust that when you feel ready to do it, you’re strong enough. It can be as serious or lighthearted and fun as you need it to be.
There are many resources available to you, so if you don’t find immediate support and acceptance in your inner circle, you can reach out for outside help — from local support groups to online organizations and groups, you can get the assistance you need.
What to Expect After Coming Out
You should be prepared going into the conversation that people might have questions. Even if the initial reaction is one of disbelief, try to be patient and give people the time they need to come to terms with what you’ve just told them.
Common questions people ask when a friend or a loved one comes out to them might include:
- How long have you known?
- Are you sure?
- Are you dating anyone?
- How do you know for sure?
- Do you need anything from me?
- Are you sure this is not a phase?
- How can I support you?
Just like there’s no one way for you to come out, there’s no one standard reaction you can expect. Know that you’re within your right to not answer any questions that make you uncomfortable, but having an open and honest dialogue can be a good way to move forward.
You should be prepared in case somebody does not believe you, and unfortunately, you may have people in your life who try to convince you that you’re not a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. Again, it’s really important that you know and believe your sexual identity is valid and that your authenticity is yours alone, regardless of what other people might try to tell you.
Often people find that they need to set boundaries in the beginning, and you should probably be prepared with what that might look like for you.
How to prepare for the reaction
In a perfect world, you’ll find immediate acceptance and support. The people closest to you will love you and reassure you that they accept you. That said, this is not always the case. Try to prepare for any negative reactions or discrimination you might get, and though it’s hard, try not to take them personally. To help you through it, find LGBTQIA+ mental health resources or visit our emergency resources page for additional resources for immediate help.
Be sure to let people know if they can share your information — this is most important in the beginning if you come out to one or two people at a time. It’s perfectly fine for you to let people know if you haven’t told your parents, close friends, or other family members. Remind people that this is your news to share and if you’re not ready, their confidence is important to you.
Coming out can feel downright terrifying, but you’re perfect exactly as you are. You’ve got this.
Sources:
1. Handout models – California State University, Dominguez Hills. (n.d.). from https://www.csudh.edu/Assets/csudh-sites/safe-space/docs/handout-models.pdf. Published 2011. Accessed December 30, 2021.
2. Chapter 3: The Coming Out Experience. Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/06/13/chapter-3-the-coming-out-experience/. Published 2013. Accessed November 30, 2021.
3. Coming Out As You!. The Trevor Project; 2021:26. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/ComingOutAsYou.pdf. Accessed November 30, 2021.
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]]>The post Coming Out As Transgender: Everything You Need to Know appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Knowing when or how to come out as trans can be scary. It can also be very liberating if you’re ready to do it. Embracing who you are, and then having the courage to communicate that to those closest to you can be very empowering.
The most important thing to know about coming out as trans is there is no right or wrong way to do it. There’s no “one way” to come out. At the end of the day, you need to do what feels the most comfortable, and the safest, for you. However, you can seek support through helpful articles, the LGBTQ community, and an LGBTQIA+ therapist to help you prepare.
If you’re considering coming out, we can give you some tips on things you should know or consider as you get ready to take this next step.
What Does “Coming Out” Really Mean?
First things first — let’s define what coming out means. The truth is, coming out as transgender can mean different things to different people.
Sharing your pronouns
You might be ready to tell the people closest to you that you identify as transgender. You may want to express your preference regarding pronouns. Do you want to be referred to as she/her, he/him, they/them, or another pronoun you identify with?
Establishing name or gender identity
Other things you can decide before you make the decision to come out can include: What name you want to go by and what gender identity and expression you want people to associate you with.
Medical transition
You might be thinking about a medical transition. This can be something to discuss with people in your life, as you may be hoping for support from them during this time.
Know that coming out doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing thing. You don’t have to announce to everybody in the world, all at the same time, that you’re transgender. You can tell one person, 10 people, or everybody you’ve ever met — the choice is wholly up to you. Only you can decide when it’s the right time to come out.
You should also keep in mind that the experience of coming out can be different depending on your identity. What coming out means for someone who identifies as gay, lesbian, or bisexual can be different than what it might mean for you to come out as transgender. The biggest point to note here is this — even though the idea of what it means to be LGBTQIA+ has come a long way in recent years, there still can often be confusion about what transgender means. Members of the LGBTQIA+ community are twice as likely to be bullied or experience harassment and discrimination than their cisgender peers are.
The most important part of your coming out experience is that you have people who you trust around you so you can have a support system in place if you need it. Build a relationship with individuals who will be there for you during the process.
What to Expect When Coming Out
Again, when coming out as trans, no two experiences will be the same. There will likely be some uncertainty, and you should know that’s to be expected.
Try to remember that there is no normal in this world when it comes to gender. You are perfect, exactly as you are, and once you accept who you are, you’ll be able to take the next steps in your coming out journey.
It might help to look at it like this: the very first person you’ll ever come out to will be yourself.
A few other things some people tend to experience when they come out can include transgender mental health issues, feeling frightened, or being nervous about how people will react to them.
Stages of coming out
“There are a number of stages a transgender person goes through on their coming out journey. Coming out as transgender should be thought of as an extension of your identity. It may evolve and change as you learn more about yourself and your feelings.”
Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW
Stage 1: Self discovery
The self discovery stage can be very private. It typically involves a variety of feelings and emotions. At some point, you may feel anxiety or confusion about different gender identities as well as your own identity. You might even try to deny how you feel.
During this stage, many people try to find information to help them understand who they are and what they’re feeling. Information can be found online, from friends you trust, or from a handful of other places. Once you work through the self discovery phase and feel confident in how you identify, you might be ready to come out.
Stage 2: Disclosure
The disclosure stage tends to be ongoing. First, you might be ready to share your identity with just one family member, or one very close friend.
If you get a positive and supportive response, you might feel safe enough to expand the circle of people you trust, eventually sharing with more and more people in your life.
However, if you experience rejection, you might feel the urge to revert back to stage one. It’s important that you know this is perfectly OK.
Stage 3: Socialization
As you begin to come out and find acceptance, you might find you’re ready to expand your circle and reach out to others in the LGBTQIA+ community.
Feelings of isolation, anxiety, and fear might start to diminish at this stage, and support will become increasingly important. You may begin to seek more help from those you’ve come out to in your life. Many people find they want to begin socializing with others in the LGBTQIA+ community, too. Socializing can help give you a positive sense of self. Finding and connecting with strong LGBTQ role models is extremely important during stage three.
Stage 4: Positive self-identification
During stage four, it’s common to start feeling really good about yourself. You might start looking for healthy relationships, and the best benefit can be the sense of peace many start to feel in their life.
You might come to terms with who you’re attracted to and begin to really internalize and believe that you actually can be happy. You can start to view your expressions and identity as both healthy and positive. Honesty and truth are strong hallmarks of this stage.
Stage 5: Acceptance and integration
As you integrate, accept, and become more open about your sexual orientation or gender identity, you might start to feel more confident, too. This can lead to you wanting to express yourself in several ways.
Maybe you start to openly share your identity with others. Maybe you’re still quietly “out.” This means you aren’t necessarily hiding your identity as a transgender person, but you may not be announcing it to everyone you meet either.
A number of factors can contribute to how quickly you get to the integration and acceptance stage. Positive and affirming relationships with friends and families and the different communities you interact with can have a huge influence on how well you’re able to self accept.
Stage 6: The lifelong journey
You don’t come out as trans just one time. Your journey will be lifelong. You’ll continuously be discovering yourself, learning new ways to accept yourself, and figuring out how to share yourself with others in your life. Experiencing a lifelong journey of self discovery is no different than anybody who identifies any other way. We’re all on a lifelong journey of self discovery and reflection.
“Understanding your identity is a personal process. You should not feel pressured to settle on a label or pronoun because people are curious. The most important thing is to learn about yourself and discover who you are, especially if your entire life you have been ascribed a gender that does not fit who you really are.”
Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW
How to Come Out as Transgender
Yes, we said there’s no one way to come out, but there are a few things to keep in mind that might make your process easier.
Make sure you’re ready
Being ready is the most important step of the entire coming-out process. You want to be confident in your truth and yourself. If you’re thinking about coming out, try and make sure that you actually want to do so, versus feeling like you have to do it.
Make sure you’re educated
Educating yourself about what it means to be transgender and how you know that you are can help you navigate the conversations you’re about to have. When you’re in tune with yourself and confident with your decisions, it will help others to better understand where you’re coming from.
Make sure you have support
Nothing is more important than the support you have during your coming out journey. You can look at websites for support and resources, find online forums, join support groups, seek an online therapist, or find somebody in your life you trust to be your support system in the very beginning.
Make sure you think through the logistics (who, where, when, and how)
Figure out who you want to tell first. Make sure that you trust that person or people. If you’re nervous about the reaction, having the conversation somewhere that’s safe and neutral can be a good idea. Make sure you have enough time so the conversation isn’t rushed, and it’s a good idea to prepare for and expect questions.
Make sure you’re being intentional
It can be difficult to figure out how to word your actual coming-out conversation. You don’t need to be scripted or formal, but if you feel like you need to write something down, that’s fine.
Try to pace yourself. Giving too much information can be overwhelming to the person you’re speaking to and could leave you feeling uncomfortably vulnerable. Being intentional can help avoid feeling defensive or unduly confrontational.
Make sure you’re ready for reactions
You can’t control how people react. So try to be ready for any response you might get, especially if you think your news will be a surprise to the people you’re telling.
Make sure you remember that first reactions may not be true feelings
To piggyback on the last point, if someone you come out to is surprised by your announcement, remember that their initial reaction may not be how they actually feel.
It can be hard, but try to be willing to give your friends and family a chance to really process what you’re telling them. If this is difficult for you, thinking back to your own self-discovery stage might help.
What to Consider
You should consider as much as possible before you make the decision to come out. Since no two journeys are the same, your experience may result in liberation, like a sense of freedom washing over you, or it might be a little less freeing. Either way, think about some of the following pros and considerations of coming out.
Benefits to coming out
You may find that after you come out, you absolutely love the feeling of being true to yourself. If hiding that you’re trans has been a burden, coming out can let you live the life you’ve always wanted.
You may also get the opportunity to meet others in the trans community, which can offer you the support that you may desperately be seeking or need. You might even feel a sense of power as you educate others and work to break down some of the negative stereotypes that are associated with transgender.
Considerations to coming out
The following can help prepare for anyone coming out.
- First and foremost — it’s essential to make sure you’re safe
- Figure out where and when you’ll have the conversation
- Be sure to let someone know if you want your information to be public or private after you come out to them
- Prepare for the possibility of a transphobic response or LGBTQ bullying
- Think about negative (and positive) reactions you might get
- Be prepared for somebody to try to convince you that you’re not trans
- Think about how you might feel if you’re rejected
- Try to be realistic if you’re considering medical procedures
- Consider the ways you may want to ask for support from the person you tell
- Remind yourself that you have the right to be your authentic self
- Some individuals may need longer to process
- Remember this can be a long process, but a rewarding journey
“Remember, not everyone will understand, and many may have questions you cannot answer. It is okay to end conversations with unsupportive people or tell people that you are still learning about yourself. The most important thing to remember is that you are okay not knowing all the answers. Be patient with yourself.”
Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW
Ways to come out
There’s no “right” or “better” way when it comes to coming out as trans. You just have to decide what feels the most comfortable to you. You can choose to have intimate conversations, or you could write letters if facing people feels too overwhelming.
For some people, the most difficult part can be knowing how to come out as trans to their parents. Since friends can feel like family, coming out to them can be hard too. You can decide to come out:
- In-person
- Through a letter
- On a video call
- On social media
- Through email
However you decide to do it, remember how brave and strong you are. Make sure you’re in a safe place. Find the support you might really need.
Taking the steps to come out can be the scariest, and best, thing you ever do in your life.
“Talking to other trans individuals who have come out can help you develop a strategy, and think through what you want to communicate and how to respond, or not respond, to questions. You may also want to speak to the family and friends of trans individuals who have come out about how they felt when their loved one came out to them. The most important thing is to do what feels right to you.”
Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW
Finding Support
Even if you might not feel like it, there is a lot of support out there for you as you embark on your journey. Emotional support can come from friends, family, online references and sites, support groups, online chat groups, individual or family therapy, teachers, and more.
If you’d like the support of a therapist, learn how to find an LGBTQIA+ friendly therapist with Talkspace today.
Sources:
- BULLYING AND LGBT YOUTH. Mental Health America; 2014:1-2. https://www.mhanational.org/sites/default/files/BACK%20TO%20SCHOOL%202014%20-%20Bullying%20and%20LGBT%20Youth.pdf. Accessed October 6, 2021.
- Know Your Rights. Lambda Legal. https://www.lambdalegal.org/know-your-rights?gclid=CjwKCAjw2P-KBhByEiwADBYWCh5YAoFKqKQFHiVBzqem_5fk8YEy0yurawKJbvjIZN9b9Jf0hsZ8JRoCjOkQAvD_BwE. Published 2021. Accessed October 6, 2021.
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