What to Know About Dating After Narcissistic Abuse

Effects of Narcissistic Abuse on Future Relationships

People who’ve survived narcissistic relationships learn to expect the worst from their partners. Often, the unpredictability of the future relationship will result in a deep-seated feeling of being undeserving of kindness, trust, or respect.

Narcissistic behavior can include things like:

• Narcissistic gaslighting
• Denying or trivializing feelings
• Emotional blackmail to exert control
• Manipulation of feelings
• “Love bombing” (overwhelming with affection, praise, or gifts)
• Repeated, often unwanted contact after trying to end the relationship

Before you attempt dating after narcissistic abuse, you should be able to recognize the patterns so you don’t repeat the past.

One extreme or the other

Narcissistic abuse can cause trauma that leads to extreme behavior. For some people, this can mean avoiding romantic involvement altogether. For others, it might mean diving headfirst into a new relationship to try and fill the void.

Extreme reactions are common for many people, and it makes sense. They’re the attempts of a narcissistic abuse survivor trying to regain control after being emotionally abused. However, leaning so far one way or the other like this can ultimately hinder genuine connections.

You’re conflicted about how much — or what — to share

Figuring out how much or what information to share with a new partner can be tricky after experiencing narcissistic abuse. Oversharing can scare some people away, but withholding too many details might lead to misunderstandings or mistrust later on.

Finding the right balance takes time. Be patient as you rebuild trust — both in others and yourself. Your judgment was undermined in your last relationship with a narcissistic abuser, so it might be hard for you to decide who deserves and will protect your vulnerability.

If you’re struggling to determine what’s appropriate to share with a new partner, a therapist can help you learn healthy thought and behavior patterns.

You experience outside pressure to start dating again

Sometimes, people closest to you who want the best for you might encourage you to start dating again. This generally comes from a mistaken belief that moving on will help you heal faster from the emotional abuse — but remember, everybody heals from narcissistic abuse at their own pace, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution.

The truth is, forcing yourself back into a romance before you’re ready can do more harm than good. There’s no rush when it comes to narcissistic abuse recovery. Reassure family and friends that you’re doing what you need to heal and focus on your recovery until you feel ready for your next healthy relationship.

Signs You’re Ready to Start Dating After Narcissistic Abuse

Recognizing that you’re ready to date again after a narcissistic relationship can be tricky, but there are some signs to look for that can help you determine when it might be time. The most important part of healing from any abusive situation is giving yourself enough time to prevent the past from repeating. 

Signs you’re ready to date again after narcissistic abuse:

• You’ve let go of your feelings about the past relationship
• You feel in control and don’t have the urge to rush a new relationship
• You find your former partner — or their qualities — unattractive
• You don’t overshare  
• You’ve forgiven yourself
• You’re able to see red flags 

How to Navigate Dating After Narcissistic Abuse

To break the cycle of emotional abuse and maintain a healthy relationship when you first start dating after a narcissist, you need to find and channel your strength and resilience. Use the following tips to ensure you’re ready.

Take time for self-reflection

Taking time for self-reflection before returning to the dating world can help you regain your self-worth. An excellent place to start is by identifying patterns in your past relationship and exploring why you were drawn to those dynamics.

Establish, share, and enforce healthy boundaries

Identifying and implementing healthy boundaries is vital in any relationship. It’s even more critical if you’re thinking about dating after narcissistic abuse, though. Practice feeling comfortable saying no when something doesn’t feel right, or it doesn’t serve your best interests. Over time, the more often you do this, the easier it will become.

Find — and lean on — a support system

Friends, family, and support groups will be great resources as you take steps toward finding and nurturing healthy relationships after narcissistic abuse.

You don’t need to do this alone. Reach out for help; if you’re struggling to find support, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Therapists who specialize in narcissistic abuse can help you navigate your new relationship in a healthy, productive, mutually respectful way.

Go slowly

While it can be tempting to jump in head first, rushing into another serious relationship is strongly discouraged. Take the time you need to get to know a potential partner. Remember that trust must be earned. It’s not something you should give away freely just because somebody shows interest in you.

Stay true to yourself

Staying true to yourself depends on learning what makes you happy as you pursue love. Don’t lose sight of who you are — you’ve worked hard to regain the belief that you’re worthy of love. Keep that in mind as you embark on a new relationship.

Find Support in Your Healing with Talkspace

Navigating relationships after narcissistic abuse can be daunting. You must find the right support system and guidance to understand your experience so you don’t repeat past mistakes. Talkspace is an online therapy platform that can help you explore the effects of narcissistic abuse on future relationships. 

Connect with licensed Talkspace therapists who are experienced and trained in helping people recover from the specific and unique abuse narcissistic relationships involve. Talkspace professionals encourage growth and healing by promoting self-awareness and identifying unhealthy patterns. If you’re thinking about dating after narcissistic abuse, reach out to Talkspace to get support.