How to Heal from Narcissistic Parents

Recognize the Effects They’ve Had on You

The first step in learning how to heal from narcissistic parents is acknowledging how deeply their narcissistic behavior has affected you. You might not even realize the impact their narcissistic parenting has had on you.

For example, it’s common for children healing from a narcissistic mother or father to struggle with things like:

• Low self-esteem
• A pervasive and intense sense of guilt
• Trusting others
• Feeling deep-seated obligation to others
• Setting boundaries
• Lack of empathy
• Codependency

Understanding where traits like this stem from — your narcissistic parents — means you can begin to work to overcome the effect of narcissistic abuse.

Establish & Maintain Boundaries

Setting boundaries is an essential skill in all relationships, but it becomes even more vital for those who grew up in a home with narcissistic parents.

Most people with narcissistic tendencies will push or blatantly ignore boundaries. Over time, this behavior can make it difficult for others to believe they have a right to demand their limits be respected.

Expert Tip: When setting boundaries with a narcissist, communicate your boundaries assertively and often. Make sure to share what the consequences will be if your expectations aren’t met. Then — and this can be the hardest part — be sure to follow through.

Resist Gaslighting Attempts

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation that’s prevalent in narcissistic relationships. Your parents may be trying to revise history, making you doubt your own experiences, views, and truths, even when you can offer evidence of the reality of a given situation.

Because of the level of manipulation at play here, you must take back your truth and stand firm in your conviction when you recognize the signs of narcissistic gaslighting.

Expert Tip: Keep records of events, conversations, and interactions. Find people you can trust who aren’t part of the toxic relationship, that you can seek validation and support from.

Build a Chosen Family/Community

Find a chosen family through your friends and communities. This can be instrumental when healing from narcissistic parents. These newfound relationships can be transformative as you learn to break the unhealthy cycle of narcissistic parenting, abuse, and control. You can start by deliberately connecting with people who value and support you.

Expert Tip: If you don’t have anyone in your life to lean on, you can create a network by finding support groups or online communities that focus on recovery from narcissism.

Talk to a Therapist

Recovering from a narcissistic father or mother can be challenging to attempt on your own. While you can use several self-help strategies, like journaling, working out, meditating, and other acts of self-care, sometimes you need a little more guided, professional support.

Therapy can be a safe space where you learn to explore your inner feelings, process the pain you’ve endured, and start healing from a narcissistic parent. It can also help you build up your sense of self-worth and internalize how much you deserve in life and from others.

Expert Tip: Finding the right therapist will be critical to getting the most out of your therapeutic journey. Look for one with experience in treating and healing from narcissistic abuse, as they’ll have the specific, proven techniques and tools you need to use to fully recover from your past.

Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness is powerful and essential for your emotional recovery and healing from a narcissistic parent. Do not confuse letting go through forgiveness with being OK with what happened to you. Remember that being able to forgive is a healing step and allows you to let go of the hold your past has on you. By forgiving, you’re making a choice not to allow the narcissistic abuse you experienced to define you.

Expert Tip: To begin the process of forgiveness, you might want to reach out to an expert who’s skilled in navigating the aftermath of narcissistic wounds. Therapy can be an excellent place to explore your (understandably complex) emotions so you can start to forge a path toward emotional freedom.

Reclaim Your Identity

Reclaiming your identity is crucial for anyone coming out of an abusive relationship. You must find a way to take back your life and find your self-worth. This will require patience and determination, but as you come out the other side, you’ll rediscover who you are and learn to embrace a life filled with love, trust, and satisfaction.

Expert Tip:  To reclaim your identity, you need to first learn to recognize the manipulation tactics your parents used or use on you. When you understand how they manipulate you, you can set firm limits and boundaries to protect yourself. You should also make a practice of putting yourself first so you can focus on your own needs and desires completely separate from your narcissistic parents’ expectations.

Develop Healthy Coping Skills

Healthy coping skills help you heal from your past and establish new, positive, rich relationships in the future. Coping techniques are integral in learning to manage stress and anxiety and recognize stimuli that pull you back into old, unhealthy, and unhelpful behavior and thought patterns. Armed with the right coping techniques, you can break free from the emotions and cycles you learned at a young age.

Expert Tip: Coping skills can range from journal writing to releasing stress via exercise to practicing meditation to having a friend you can call when you need support. These tools help you unlearn harmful ingrained behaviors to create new patterns that better serve you and your relationships.

Start Your Healing Journey with Talkspace

The first steps you take when healing from narcissistic parents are often the hardest — so start by trying to overcome even small things you know aren’t good for you. Set boundaries, work on your sense of self, and build relationships with healthy people.

As you heal, you’ll learn to appreciate and value the new, stronger version of yourself. When you focus on knowing how to heal from narcissistic parents, you’ll likely find you’re better able to handle everything else in life, too. You’ll have more meaningful relationships with others and expect people to treat and value you how you deserve.

You don’t have to embark on your journey of healing from narcissistic parents on your own. Talkspace is an online therapy platform with skilled therapists who truly understand how overwhelming the recovery process is. Talkspace offers flexibility, so you can work with a therapist when and how it works for you in a comfortable and safe place.

Start developing healthy coping skills and healing from narcissistic parents today. It might not always feel easy, but it’s worth every ounce of effort, especially when Talkspace is helping you navigate the process. Find online therapy and effective mental health support with Talkspace today.