Understanding The “Favorite Person” Relationship in BPD

What Is a BPD “Favorite Person”?

What is a favorite person in BPD, and how does this BPD relationship differ from others? People with BPD see their favorite person as someone they can’t live without and may rely on them for emotional support.

People with BPD feel firmly attached to their favorite person and may depend on them for comfort, reassurance, emotional support, and guidance. In many cases, someone with BPD may rely entirely on their favorite person. As a result, they may idealize them and expect them to always be available. 

If you want the phenomena of a BPD favorite person explained, it can be helpful to look back to a person’s childhood. Studies show a strong link between personality disorders and abuse or maltreatment early in life. In short, many people with BPD didn’t receive support or acceptance from caregivers early on. This perhaps drives them to desperately seek validation from others later in life, which can lead to intense emotions for the individual with BPD and the other individual in the close relationship.

Symptoms & Signs of a “Favorite Person” in BPD

In the early stages, it’s common for both parties in a BPD favorite person relationship to see the connection through a positive lens. For the favorite person, it can seem flattering to be admired and adored by another person. Many people initially enjoy the attention that they receive.

Research shows it can be difficult for people with borderline personality disorder to form close relationships with others, especially if their BPD symptoms are severe. When someone with BPD forms a bond with another person, they may feel like they’ve finally found someone they can rely on. It’s common for people with BPD to ignore any negative traits their favorite person has.

Unfortunately, as the close relationship continues, it can be a source of stress for both parties. In fact, if the person with BPD feels rejection or abandonment by their favorite person, they can start developing negative thoughts and more severe behavior. That’s why it’s so important to learn to recognize BPD favorite-person symptoms and signs. If you’re involved in a favorite person relationship, both parties need to set healthy friendship boundaries to keep the relationship from becoming toxic. 

When you’re the “favorite person”

You’ll receive compliments and praise when you’re a borderline personality disorder favorite person. However, your actions will also be placed under intense scrutiny. High expectations are a vital aspect of the dynamic between someone with BPD and a favorite person. Failing to live up to those expectations can lead to conflict.

People with a BPD diagnosis depend on a favorite person to meet both physical and emotional needs. It can be exhausting to always feel needed, leading to burnout. If you’re the favorite person of a loved one or family member with BPD, they may show some of the following behaviors:

• Constantly asking for reassurance
• Wanting your attention all the time
• Panicking or lashing out if you spend time away from them
• Depending on you for support and guidance
• Making regular declarations of love and adoration
• Expressing jealousy over your other close relationships

When you have a “favorite person”

While a BPD favorite person is typically someone you have a close connection to, the relationship is unlikely to be healthy, stable, or secure. People with BPD frequently engage in a thought process called BPD splitting, which causes you to see people as all good or all bad.

At first, you might see your favorite person as perfect. However, whenever conflict arises, or if your favorite person tries to set boundaries, you may view these actions as a betrayal. Common BPD favorite person symptoms include:

• Having intense emotions and feelings that fluctuate between positive and negative
• Changing yourself to please your favorite person
• Fearing being abandoned
• Craving the attention and approval of your favorite person
• Projecting fantasies onto the relationship
• Finding ways to test the loyalty of your favorite person

The Dangers of a “Favorite Person” Relationship

The close relationship between someone with BPD and a favorite person can become toxic quickly. Projecting extreme fantasies and desires onto a favorite person can create a constant feeling of being let down. This can result in being plagued by fear of abandonment, leading to unhealthy behaviors that eventually damage the relationship. 

Being a favorite person can feel exhausting as well. They may feel pressured to give up other interests or relationships to make their partner happy. It’s common for them to feel like they’re constantly walking on eggshells to avoid their partner’s BPD triggers.

How to Deal with Being a “Favorite Person” for Someone with BPD

Being the favorite person in a relationship with someone who has BPD can be challenging. To manage this role effectively and maintain a healthy relationship, consider the following strategies.

Set clear boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries is crucial. It helps define what is acceptable and what is not, promoting emotional stability. This clarity can reduce the intensity of attachment and the mood swings often seen in BPD.

Maintain consistency

Consistency in your responses and behavior provides a sense of stability for someone with BPD. This predictability can help manage BPD symptoms such as BPD splitting, where the person sees others as all good or all bad based on the moment.

Encourage professional help

Encourage your loved one to seek help from a mental health professional. This step is crucial for accurately diagnosing the type of BPD present and can lead to targeted improvements in the associated symptoms. Professional assistance also offers essential tools for enhancing relationship management.

Use de-escalation techniques

When tensions rise, knowing how to de-escalate the situation is vital. Techniques such as taking a time-out, keeping your tone calm, and not responding to provocations can help maintain emotional stability.

Know your limits

It’s important to be aware of your own limits and communicate them clearly. Understanding your boundaries and limits can prevent burnout and ensure that both parties in the relationship continue to respect each other’s needs.

How to Ensure a Healthy Relationship with Your Favorite Person

Ensuring a healthy relationship with someone you hold dear requires effort and understanding from both parties. Here are some essential strategies to foster a nurturing and balanced relationship with your favorite person.

Respect boundaries

Respecting each other’s personal space and limits is crucial. This mutual respect helps in preventing conflicts and ensures that both individuals feel secure and valued in the relationship.

Remember to connect with other people

Cultivate relationships beyond your primary bond. This not only alleviates pressure on the favorite person relationship but also enriches your life and provides a well-rounded support system.

Maintain independence

Fostering independence is vital for both partners. Encouraging self-sufficiency helps to reduce the emotional load on any one person and promotes personal growth, which is beneficial for the relationship’s health.

Manage expectations

Clear and realistic expectations are the backbone of any strong relationship. Discussing what each person can realistically contribute avoids potential disappointments and misunderstandings, making the relationship more sustainable.

Seek support when needed

There’s no shame in seeking help from counselors or therapists. Their insights and coping strategies can assist both partners in navigating the complexities of your relationship more effectively.

Learn How to Create Healthy Boundaries with Talkspace

You can find ways to avoid the harmful, codependent relationship dynamics that are so common. Talkspace is an online therapy platform that connects you with an experienced, licensed mental health professional. Talkspace therapists can help you set and maintain boundaries in a BPD favorite person relationship.

Talkspace offers affordable, convenient virtual therapy, so getting help can be more accessible than ever. We’re changing how people access mental health care, making it simple, effective, and convenient. Reach out to Talkspace today to learn how to make it a healthy relationship and avoid toxic BPD relationship patterns.