Why You Still Feel Anxious When Life Is Going Well

What is Happiness Anxiety?

Happiness anxiety is precisely what it sounds like. It’s feeling anxious or uneasy during those stereotypical moments in life that should bring joy and life satisfaction— you just got a promotion, you’re getting married, you’re about to graduate college, you bought your first home. In theory, all of these are positive life experiences that you’ve worked hard for and should be proud of. Yet, you feel anxiety.  

It’s important to note that the primary difference between happiness anxiety and the more typical type is that — as the name implies — this form of anxiety doesn’t stem from things going wrong. Instead, it comes from a deep-seated fear that your good moments or positive experiences won’t last. Once you accept that these emotions can coexist, you can learn to master happiness anxiety, manage anxiety disorders, and enjoy what you’ve worked hard to achieve. 

There are many reasons why happiness might induce anxiety, and you need to figure out the root cause.

Why Do We Feel Anxious When Things Are Going Well?

Although feeling anxious about being happy seems counterintuitive, it’s not uncommon. Emotions are complex and multi-faceted, so you won’t always have a linear response to the things you experience in life. Even something you want and work hard for can ultimately cause you anxiety.

Understanding why you have nervous happy feelings can help you navigate them in a positive, healthy way. This will allow you to let go of the anxiety while still holding on to the happiness.

Fear of losing happiness

One of the most common reasons for having anxiety when things are going well is the fear of losing something you enjoy.

Your fear is likely rooted in an understanding that happiness can be fleeting, and good things don’t always last. Even the joy you feel about a new relationship, success in your career, or personal achievement can trigger anxiety if you’re waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop.

Fear of failure

Beyond the fear of losing happiness, many people have a fear of failure. If you’re working toward or have recently achieved a life goal — professional or personal — it’s common to fear being unable to achieve or maintain that status. The possibility of not meeting expectations (your own or others) can stifle the joy you feel upon finding success.

It’s anticlimactic

The saying about the grass not always being greener is true. It’s possible to be more excited about the idea of achieving something than you are after you reach your goal. If you’ve built something up in your mind but are disappointed about the reality once you get there, it’s normal to feel a sense of happiness anxiety.

The arrival fallacy

The arrival fallacy occurs when you feel empty inside instead of happy after you achieve a goal. You likely assume that once you have a major accomplishment, your hard work will pay off, and you’ll experience joy — but sometimes the anticipation is bigger than the reward.

Unrealistic or unhealthy expectations

Anxiety during happy moments in life might come from unrealistic or unhealthy expectations. It’s easy to convince yourself that attaining a certain level of success will result in perpetual happiness. In reality, though, nothing in life guarantees you’ll be happy all the time. It’s an unattainable, unrealistic, and unhealthy expectation you’re hoping to find. You can feel conflicted once you realize this.

Comparing our happiness to others

Social media makes it almost impossible not to compare your life to others. Most of the time, the snippet, snapshot, or image you’re seeing is no more than a half-truth. People post and share what they want others to see, not the whole truth of their experiences. Focusing on the success and happiness of other people present can make your achievements feel less significant.

When you perceive others as more happy, successful, or content in life, it can cause anxiety, despite everything you’ve achieved on your own. Research shows that the happiest people don’t compare themselves to others.

Lack of purpose after achieving a goal

Accomplishing a major goal should be satisfying, but sometimes, it can cause a sense of loss instead of fulfillment. This might happen if you attach your identity and purpose to pursuing and finding success. The void that’s left once you’ve reached a certain point in life can foster anxiety.

How to Cope with Happiness Anxiety

Happiness anxiety can be exhausting. You might not understand your feelings, and you may even feel guilty or frustrated about why you can’t accept the good in your life. It’s possible to want success but still feel happy anxiety after you find it. The phenomenon is real, and if you don’t learn healthy ways to cope, it can steal the joy from some of life’s most incredible moments. Fortunately, there are effective ways to manage this form of anxiety.

Engage in self-care

Self-care is essential to maintaining balance and happiness in life. Practicing self-care means being intentional in caring for your physical, mental, and emotional health. It becomes even more crucial if you’re anxious when things are going well. Dedicating time to self-care reinforces the idea that you’re worthy and deserve good things in life.

Tips for practicing self-care:

• Create a routine that promotes a healthy lifestyle — Focus on eating well and getting enough sleep.
• Do things you love — Enjoy relaxing activities like spending time with friends and doing your favorite hobbies.
• Set boundaries — Protect your time, energy, and spirit by setting boundaries that ensure you don’t overcommit yourself to unhealthy or toxic environments or people.

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of being in the moment. It can help you learn to recognize the good in life and focus on gratitude so you can let go of whatever is causing you anxiety. Studies have shown that mindfulness-based interventions can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression by increasing awareness of your experiences.

Tips for practicing mindfulness:

• Use mindfulness exercises — Meditation or breathing exercises for anxiety can calm the mind and alleviate symptoms
• Stay grounded and present — Learning to stay in the moment can be helpful, especially if your anxiety about happiness comes from a fear of loss. Try not to worry about the “what ifs.” Remind yourself that you have no control over what the future holds.
• Identify and label feelings — Sometimes, it’s helpful to acknowledge your feelings as they arise so you can use coping tools specific to your emotions. It can also help to remember the phrase feelings aren’t forever. This premise offers perspective and can reduce the intensity of your anxiety.

Lean on support

Having a solid support system ensures you have a safe space to share your feelings and get helpful guidance. A supportive network can play a significant role in your ability to overcome happiness anxiety.

Tips for finding support:

• Join a support group — Like-minded people you trust can help when you think you don’t deserve happiness.
• Don’t isolate — Engaging with others will help you feel grounded and connected, improve your self-worth, and remind you that you can be happy.
• Find someone who understands — A friend who’s experienced something similar can offer empathy and advice as you navigate anxiety from happiness.

Challenge negative thoughts

Negative thoughts can quickly become embedded beliefs — even when they’re untrue or unhealthy. Believing you don’t have the right to be happy or that your happiness is at risk is detrimental to your mental health, which is why challenging negative thought patterns is so critical.

Tips on challenging negative thought patterns:

• Identify thought patterns that are unhealthy, unhelpful, or untrue — During what should be happy times, see if you catch yourself thinking things like This won’t last or I don’t deserve this.
• Change your thinking — Shift your perspective by focusing on the hard work it took to get here.
• Practice affirmations for anxiety — Positive affirmations can help reframe negative thoughts and reduce anxiety. Repeat affirmations for anxiety that resonate with you, such as “I am capable of handling whatever comes my way” or “I deserve to feel calm and at peace.” Consistent practice can build self-confidence and reduce anxiety over time.

Get professional help

If happiness anxiety is impacting your life and overall sense of well-being, it might be time to seek professional help with therapy for anxiety. A therapist can show you effective coping tools to overcome the burden of feeling like you can’t accept happiness in your life.

Tips on getting professional help:

• Find the right therapist — Look for a mental health professional who’s experienced in treating anxiety.
• Ask about their therapeutic techniques — Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the gold standard in treating anxiety. Cognitive behavioral therapy can help you identify and change unhealthy thought processes.
• Explore healthy stress management techniques — A therapist can help you find the coping tools that are most effective for you.

Manage Anxiety During Your Happiest Times

Managing the anxiety you feel during happy times can be challenging, but it’s essential if you want to embrace and enjoy success. There are many things you can do to overcome happiness anxiety, including prioritizing self-care, practicing mindfulness, and seeking professional help. 

If you feel anxiety when things are going well and want help breaking the anxiety cycle, Talkspace can be a resource where you’ll discover anxiety coping skills that allow you to manage your daily life during the good times and the difficult periods. Talkspace is an online platform that simplifies the process of finding therapy. It provides a flexible, convenient, accessible way to gain support and learn effective techniques for overcoming anxiety. Reach out to Talkspace today to learn more about online treatment for anxiety.