Overcoming the Challenges of Motherhood

Being a mom is hard. Anyone who tells you differently is either not being honest, or they aren’t a mother. Yes, motherhood is a rewarding journey. It’s full of unbelievable joy, but it’s also filled with hard work and challenges that you can never totally prepare for. The hardest part of child care often involves sleepless nights, public tantrums, teenage defiance, struggling to find work and family life balance, and, one day, accepting that your children are leaving the nest. The obstacles moms face are as universal as they are unique. Admitting to yourself that motherhood is hard is the first step you’ll take on a journey toward overcoming its challenges. 

Read on for practical advice, insights, and effective strategies that’ll help you navigate some of the common issues all moms face. Feel empowered in your role as a mother, knowing you’re not alone, you’re doing your best as you learn how to be a better parent. That’s enough for personal growth.  

Why is Being a Mom So Hard?

Motherhood is commonly portrayed as a magical, wondrous, fulfilling time, when you see the world through your child’s eyes and have a new sense of purpose. While all that can be true, it’s also true that being a mom is hard, and being a single mom can be harder. 

The reality is that moms face just as many complex, challenging days as they do sweet, happy ones. Sometimes, both even happen on the same day. Motherhood is hard for many reasons. Understanding why you’re struggling is an important step in finding the right coping tools.  

Postpartum anxiety and depression

While postpartum mental health issues like depression and anxiety are common — research suggests around 1 in 7 women will experience postpartum depression (PPD) during or after pregnancy — it’s not talked about nearly enough. Being a new mom is challenging enough on its own. When you add in a clinical concern like depression or anxiety, the pressure for a new mom can feel insurmountable. 

Postpartum depression (PPD)

Symptoms of PPD can include:

• Extreme sadness
• Frequent crying
• Low energy
• Guilt 
• Anxiety
• Changes in sleeping or eating patterns
• Difficulty bonding with or trouble caring for your baby

Although it’s rare, an extreme form of postpartum depression, known as postpartum psychosis (PPP), can occur in some women. PPP is much more severe than PPD and requires immediate medical attention. Women with PPP can experience hallucinations, have false beliefs, and exhibit manic behavior. 

Postpartum anxiety (PPA)

In addition to PPD, many women experience postpartum anxiety (PPA), which can be just as challenging. Symptoms of PPA can include:

• Excessive worry or fear
• Restlessness
• Racing thoughts
• Physical symptoms such as dizziness, hot flashes, and nausea
• Irritability
• Sleep disturbances
• Difficulty focusing or making decisions

It’s important for new moms to recognize these symptoms and seek help when needed. Postpartum anxiety can be managed with support from healthcare providers, counseling, and sometimes medication.

The expectation vs. reality gap

Because we’ve been fed an idealized version of motherhood for so long, when the daily realities of parenting don’t align with the polished version we expect, it can lead to disappointment, confusion, and feelings of inadequacy. The truth is, every mom has ups and downs. Realizing this is critical for your mental health and well-being.

Juggling multiple roles and responsibilities

Today’s modern moms face the daunting task of trying to balance everything from career ambitions to family obligations while looking put together, well-rested, and happy. Juggling the demands of motherhood can be an almost impossible feat. It can lead to high levels of stress and, eventually, burnout. 

Setting realistic expectations and prioritizing tasks can help decrease stress and ensure you can get through every day. To alleviate some of the pressure of being a working mom, ask for support from family, friends, or community resources.

The constant pressure of making the right choices

The constant pressure to make the “right” choice for a child can be exhausting, especially for new moms. From dietary decisions, to what schools you look at, to the social experiences you expose your child to, mothers are inundated daily with what might feel like life-and-death situations that have incredibly heavy consequences. 

“Lower that bar early. Expectations can be so hard to fulfill and with motherhood, flexibility is key. Riding out changes and staying the course can help. When we feel like we aren’t enough we don’t give ourselves room for growth and optimism. Call in the support, stay connected and remember to pour into yourself, in order to stay engaged in possibilities instead of feeling like you need to be more. You are more than enough and at times it’s important to root for yourself by building confidence and self esteem to show your kids and yourself that you are more than equipped to meet their needs.”

– Talkspace therapist, Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C 

Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can, and that doesn’t mean you’ll do everything perfectly or make the right decision every time. Give yourself grace and remember that children are resilient; if you’re trying, they will be OK.

Continuous lack of sleep and its impacts

Sleep deprivation is a hallmark rite of passage for new parents, but it’s harmful. Chronic lack of sleep can affect cognitive function and emotional regulation. It can also impact overall physical health, making every other aspect of parenting more challenging. 

If possible, share nighttime responsibilities with a partner or someone else who can help. Whenever you can, find time to rest, especially in the early days, as you adjust to your new routine and try to get your baby on a schedule.

The challenge of consistent parenting and discipline

Being consistent is a difficult aspect of parenting, especially when it comes to discipline. A lot of the time, it would be much easier to just let things go, but that’ll end up hurting you in the long run more often than not. Good, consistent parenting requires patience, a calm demeanor, and resolve. Because children thrive on consistency, your dedication will pay off, even when the effort of adhering to the right parenting style wears you out.

Judgment from others

Most moms can relate to the feeling of being judged. Whether real or perceived, judgment can be a significant source of stress for mothers. Unintending family members, friends, or even strangers on social media can make you feel like you’re doing an inadequate job. Building confidence and tuning out unsolicited advice is crucial for your emotional resilience.

Dealing with isolation and loss of social life

Motherhood can be very isolating at times. Feeling cut off from support networks or not getting the adult interaction you’re used to can be lonely. Finding or creating a community of other moms or parents ensures you get the socialization you’re craving. Having a support system also gives you a healthy outlet for sharing experiences, reminding you that you’re not alone.

“Motherhood is a ride like no other. It tests your emotional resilience and stamina so differently than what we might expect. At times, the need for giving, compromise, and sacrifice is unrelenting testing your ability to overlook your own needs. Take stock of what you need, in terms of what gives you light, emotional oxygen, and also fun! It can be too easy to feel alone, unconnected, and also unfamiliar with who you are when you are always supporting others.”

– Talkspace therapist, Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C 

How to Overcome the Challenges of Motherhood

Even if it seems impossible, you can overcome the challenges of motherhood. Being a great mom requires more than just being loving and having patience. Being a mom is hard, so you need strategies that support your emotional well-being and help you answer the practical demands of being a parent. 

Practicing self-care, finding social support, and being realistic about what you can do are all effective ways to manage parenting pressures. Use some or all of the following to help you navigate the more difficult days of motherhood.

Establish a supportive network of family and friends

One of the best and most effective ways you can reduce stress and lighten your load is by having a strong support network. Now is the time to rely on family, friends, or other parents who understand what you’re going through. Having someone to talk to and who’s there when you need them can be incredibly reassuring and give you strength.

Prioritize self-care to recharge mentally and physically

Self-care is so much more than just pampering yourself. For busy moms, it’s vital. It means taking time to care for your physical and mental health. Working out, doing hobbies you enjoy, or even just resting can all reduce stress and prevent mom burnout.  

Seek professional help when overwhelmed

There might be days or periods when the challenges of motherhood feel too overwhelming to handle on your own. First, it’s important to know how common this is. Second, this might be the time to seek professional help. 

Mental health professionals can offer you coping tools to manage stress, anxiety, and depression, so you can build a strong foundation that allows you to enjoy motherhood.

Set realistic goals and celebrate small victories

Nothing is more demoralizing than feeling like you’re not living up to expectations. Setting realistic and achievable goals will help alleviate much of that stress. Don’t forget to acknowledge and celebrate your small victories. Whether you got through that last tantrum or avoided a major crisis today, recognizing growth can boost your morale and motivate you to keep going on the more challenging days.

Embrace imperfection and learning to let go

Embracing imperfection is freeing. The idea of being a perfect parent is more than just unrealistic. It’s impossible — not to mention, extremely detrimental to your mental health. Accept that mistakes are part of the process and let go of the picture you have in your head about what being a good mom looks like. Focus on what truly matters — the well-being and happiness of your child and the joy you find along the way. 

Celebrating motherhood, with all its flaws and triumphs, makes it a fulfilling and rewarding experience, which is what you’ve been seeking all along. 

Navigate the Challenges of Motherhood with Professional Support

Motherhood is hard, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. You might find relief in some of the strategies discussed here but don’t hesitate to ask for help if you’re still struggling. Seeking support can be the game-changer you’ve been looking for to manage the more complex parts of parenting. 

Platforms like Talkspace make getting therapy convenient and affordable. Without having to leave the comfort of your own home, Talkspace makes it easy to get professional, qualified advice on everyday challenges or find help with postpartum depression or anxiety. Talkspace connects you with mental health professionals who understand the pressures of motherhood, so you can get back to enjoying being a mom. 

Reach out to Talkspace today to learn more about online therapy for parents.