17 Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Parenting can be tough at any stage, but parenting a teenager is on another level. You’re dealing with developmental changes, emotional shifts, and hormonal influences. On top of that, there are typical teen issues, social drama, growing independence, and their quest to create their own identity. Parenting teen children involves all these challenges while also trying to give them a bit of independence so they can learn to navigate their world during adolescence. If that wasn’t enough, you’re doing all this while trying to come to terms with your baby growing up. In many ways, learning how to parent a teenager means letting go, and it can be painful at times.  

Parenting is hard, and empathy and patience are crucial for getting through these transformative, often challenging teenage years. Recognizing your teen’s unique needs as you guide them through their adolescent development will strengthen your family dynamic and your parent-child relationship. The following positive parenting tips for teenagers can help you get started. 

1. Maintain Open Communication

Communication is key when parenting a teenager. Especially during the teen years, meaningful, consistent, non-judgmental discussions will encourage your child to come to you when they need you. 

Have those difficult talks — about sex, about drugs, about self-harm — because if they’re not getting their information from you, they’re definitely getting it somewhere else. Make sure you use active listening skills during conversations, give them a chance to talk, and never use your discussion against them in a time of frustration or during a heated moment. Above all, make it abundantly clear that you’re always there for them and willing to listen, as this is all part of learning how to be a better parent.   

2. Show Empathy and Understanding

Demonstrating empathy and understanding when raising teenagers shows your teen that you care about their perspective and needs and that you want to relate to what they’re going through. Yes, times have changed since you were their age, but acknowledging and validating their feelings helps them trust that you want to help them. 

In the long run, empathy ensures that teens feel supported and less alone in their struggles. Research shows that parental empathy positively impacts attachment security, social competence, and emotional openness — these are lifelong skills that will serve your child well after, even in the teen years.    

3. Spend Quality Time Together

Life is fast-paced for teens today. Between school, sports, work, and social events, you might feel like you and your teen are ships in the night. Carving out time to spend together is crucial for your relationship. It will strengthen your bond and create a time and space for you to reconnect. Quality time is when your teen can open up and share insights into their world, their evolving interests, and any worries they may have about now and their future. 

4. Set Consistent Rules and Consequences

Rules and consequences are a critical component of a healthy parent-child dynamic, but they only work if you enforce them. Teens need consistency, even if they don’t realize it or they challenge you. 

Being consistent with your expectations and consequences when boundaries aren’t respected gives teenagers structure. It also helps them understand that rules are a reality of life, even long after they’ve left home. 

5. Stay Calm and Composed

There will be times when the teen years are tumultuous and taxing — on you, your teen, and the rest of the family. Staying calm and composed when parenting teens is vital to maintaining as much peace as possible in your home. 

Keeping your composure also models healthy emotional regulation for your teenager, who may be struggling with hormones and emotions they don’t know how to process. At some point, teens need to take that leap of maturity. When they have positive role models, they’ll be able to get through challenging times in adulthood in appropriate and composed ways. 

6. Focus on Solutions, Not Blame

Avoid approaching situations by blaming your teen — this will ultimately backfire. When issues arise, focus on solutions and be forward-thinking instead of assigning blame. It’s an approach that encourages problem-solving and allows teenagers to learn from their mistakes. 

Keep in mind that this does not mean there shouldn’t be consequences for actions when parenting teenagers. Boundaries must still be in place, but it’s possible to move forward in constructive ways that will promote resilience instead of harping on their wrongdoing. 

7. Recognize Signs of Stress and Anxiety

Teens today are under unprecedented amounts of stress. Anxiety rates are higher than they’ve ever been. The National Institute of Mental Health found that almost 32% of adolescents have an anxiety disorder. Recent research by KFF suggests an estimated 1 in 5 adolescents have symptoms of anxiety or depression, and death by suicide is the second leading cause of death among teens. Recognizing signs of teen anxiety or stress ensures you’ll be able to help your teen. 

Look for things like:

• An increase in mood swings
• Change in appetite or sleeping habits
• New social circles
• Loss of interest in activities or things once enjoyed
• Drop in grades
• Missing school
• Withdrawing from family or friends
• Overreacting to criticism
• Expressing hopelessness
• New, unexplained ailments like headaches or gastrointestinal issues
• Low energy
• Nervous behavior, like hair-pulling or nail-biting
• Use of alcohol or drugs

“It is important to remember, as with medical concerns, intervening sooner with mental health concerns and getting support earlier can prevent more serious issues in the future. Do not assume these concerns will go away on their own or it is simply a phase. Working with a licensed mental health professional provides crucial care and skills for the teenager to implement right away.”

– Talkspace therapist, Jill Daino, LCSW-R, BC-TMH

8. Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Teaching positive coping skills (and modeling in your own life) helps teens learn healthy ways to manage stress. Effective coping mechanisms are valuable, lifelong skills that promote emotional regulation, strong communication, and positive relationships. 

Coping mechanisms your teenager can use include:

• Working out
• Eating healthy
• Journaling for their mental health
• Reading
• Engaging in hobbies
• Meditating

9. Create a Safe Space for Them to Open Up

Making your home a safe space where teenagers can express themselves freely will encourage them to open up. Create an environment where you prioritize mutual respect and emotional safety, and make sure they aren’t afraid of retribution. It’s important that they know you won’t use anything they say against them.

10. Seek Professional Help When Needed

Don’t be afraid to get your teen help if you don’t know how to navigate something they’re dealing with. If you notice persistent or worsening issues and are unsure how to help, a mental health professional can teach your teenager how to process and survive difficult situations. There are several types of therapy for teens, tailored for different issues or mental health challenges.

Remember, there’s strength in recognizing your teenager needs more than you can offer. You’ll also model the importance of being willing to ask for help when they need it later in life.

11. Encourage Responsibility

Age-appropriate responsibilities and expectations help teenagers become independent and confident in their abilities. They also teach them effective time management, accountability, and pride in their growing independence.

12. Allow Autonomy

Autonomy — allowing teens to make their own decisions — will enable them to make choices within the boundaries you’ve set for them. It helps teens develop essential critical thinking and decision-making skills that will serve them well into adulthood. Offering your teenager autonomy also ensures they have a safe place to make mistakes under your watch, so you can help them course-correct or learn from their mistakes, which can lower the stakes in many circumstances.  

13. Boost Teen Self-Esteem

Take every opportunity you get to boost your teen’s self-esteem. These years are critical in developing a sense of self. They’re also in a time that’s full of self-doubt and confusion. Offering genuine praise and recognition for their efforts and accomplishments reminds a teen that you support them and are proud of them. Take an interest in everything they do and acknowledge their strengths to give them a sense of pride.

13. Avoid Helicopter Parenting

Helicopter parenting — hovering over your teen’s every move and micromanaging every aspect of their life — is directly linked to anxiety and depression.

It can be difficult to change your parenting style, but excessive control during the teen years stifles independence and growth. Of course, you still need to be involved, but try to seek a balance that allows your teenager to explore their own path and future within safe boundaries.

14. Promote Cautious Social Media Use

Countless studies link social media use to increased mental distress, self-harming behaviors, and increased suicidality tendencies. While it might be challenging to disallow social media altogether, educating your teen about the risks is essential. 

Promote caution and smart social media use by:

• Encouraging teens to use positive online behavior
• Reminding them how critical it is to be aware of the content they consume and share
• Educating them on the effects of social media on teens
• Showing them how to spot fake information and recognize phishing attempts
• Teaching them on how to identify and avoid unsafe people online
• Putting safeguards in place like time limits and setting up private profiles

15. Respect Privacy Boundaries

Respecting a teen’s privacy fosters trust in your relationship. Make sure they know that you value their privacy, but you should also share when and why you might need to intervene. 

Unlike younger children, teens often need more personal space and time alone. For example, they might cherish having their own room as a sanctuary where they can relax, reflect, and enjoy some solitude. Additionally, their personal devices, like phones or laptops, are often used for private conversations with friends or working on school projects. Acknowledging and respecting these needs for privacy helps strengthen the trust and understanding between you and your teen.

16. Prepare for Adulthood

To help your teen prepare for adulthood, it’s important to discuss and teach basic life skills, like financial literacy, how to cook, the importance of self-care, and other practical tasks that help them transition into the next phase of life confidently.

17. Practice Self-Care to Prevent Parental Burnout

As you deal with the challenges of parenting a teenager, don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. Self-care gives you the strength and energy you’ll need to be there for your child. Managing your own stress and taking care of your own health helps you be a present and effective parent. It also reminds your teen how essential self-care is in their own life.