Sources:

1. Current understandings of microaggressions: Impacts on individuals and Society. Association for Psychological Science – APS. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/2021-sept-microaggressions.html. Published September 13, 2021. Accessed April 21, 2023. 

The post How to Respond & Deal with Microaggressions appeared first on Talkspace.

“Having grown up as a multiracial individual, I have had to manage my own feelings of not being ‘enough’ of any one particular racial/ethnic group. If you’re struggling with racial imposter syndrome, it can be helpful to seek out support groups or talk therapy to help you embrace your own, unique identity — quirks, flaws, joys, and all.”

– Talkspace therapist Ashley Ertel, LCSW, BCD, C-DBT

“Anytime a person does not feel as though they belong, seeds of self-doubt, shame, and anxiety are sewn. Please know that there is a seat at the table for you. You belong just as you are.”

– Talkspace therapist Ashley Ertel, LCSW, BCD, C-DBT

“While you are on your self-discovery journey, it’s important to spend some time learning about your family, your cultural background, and your community at large. Approaching these sources from a place of curiosity vs judgment may help you learn about yourself from a more holistic viewpoint.”

– Talkspace therapist Ashley Ertel, LCSW, BCD, C-DBT

The post Racial Imposter Syndrome: A Racial Identity Crisis appeared first on Talkspace.

What is Gender Dysphoria?

Gender dysphoria (GD) is a term used to describe when someone has an internal conflict or psychological distress where they identify with a gender other than the biological gender they were assigned at birth. What exactly does this mean? 

An example of gender dysphoria is someone was born male, but their gender identity doesn’t align with the biological sex they were assigned. So while they have male sex characteristics, they actually identify as a female (and of course, the opposite could also be true). Although it’s a diagnosis named in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), it’s extremely important to understand that gender dysphoria itself is not a mental illness or mental disorder.  

Gender dysphoria symptoms can include anxiety stemming from a severe dissatisfaction with the body one is in. There can be a strong desire to lose the physical identifiers of one’s biological sex (such as wanting or not wanting facial hair or breasts). Other symptoms of gender dysphoria might include: 

• Sadness or an inability to feel satisfied with basic life activities and low self esteem
• An intense desire to remove or add primary sex characteristics 
• An innate want to be treated as a sex other than what one was born with
• A conviction that one has the reactions or feelings that another gender would typically display 

Summed up, those with gender dysphoria often describe a feeling of “being stuck” or being born in the wrong body. Over time, these feelings can manifest into depression, unhappiness, distress, anxiety, sadness, or even anger. 

The difference between gender dysphoria vs body dysmorphia can be better understood once we look a bit more closely at the definition and symptoms of body dysmorphia.  

What is Body Dysmorphia? 

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), also referred to as body dysmorphia, is a mental health condition. It’s best described as an anxiety disorder (specifically, a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder) involving a belief that a certain body part or physical appearance is defective or “wrong.” A key to understanding what having a distorted body image can feel like is realizing that there’s a fundamental disconnect between reality and perception for those suffering from body dysmorphia. Understanding BDD can help with learning how to deal with body dysmorphia. 

Most often, the aspect or body part someone with body dysmorphia fixates on isn’t noticeable or recognized by anyone else. A common symptom of this mental health disorder is to hone in on a perceived flaw — like seeing one part of the body as “fat” — often to the point that the fixation interferes with daily life and the ability to function normally. Someone with body dysmorphia may experience debilitating, obsessive, and/or uncontrollable thoughts.    

BDD symptoms can result in beliefs that manifest into extreme and intrusive thoughts. Another common symptom is becoming obsessive over the thought that something is wrong, like seeing altered or distorted flaws. Other symptoms of body dysmorphia can include: 

• Having a false view of oneself that affects multiple areas of life
• Becoming obsessed with a perceived flaw, or “defect”
• Seeking repeated reassurance from others 
• Engaging in constant, time-consuming, repetitive behaviors (looking in the mirror, trying to hide a flaw, picking at skin, obsessively exercising, etc.)
• Being extremely self-consciousness 
• Seeing dermatologists, plastic surgeons, or other medical professionals

Dysphoria vs. Dysmorphia: What’s the Difference 

The differences between dysphoria vs. dysmorphia comes down to the following. 

Gender dysphoria means someone feels the body they were born into doesn’t reflect their true self or who they are or identify with in terms of their gender. 

Body dysmorphia is a disorder that results in someone perceiving a major flaw or problem with their own body, even if that perception is not based in reality. They see themselves, or a certain aspect of themselves, as “distorted” or “ugly.”

Though gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia are two different things, it’s very possible to experience both disorders, sometimes at the same time. For example, someone who has gender dysphoria may also become preoccupied with breast size. Gender identity is often linked to self or body image and can often lead to mental disorders like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), depression, and anxiety. 

Getting Help 

If you think you may have gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, or both, and you need help or support, know that there are options out there, from gender-affirming therapy to behavior-focused therapy to help you learn how to cope with your dysmorphia. Some have found success with therapy options, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), while many others use a combination of talk-therapy and medications to help navigate the healing process. A Talkspace therapist can help you adjust to and reduce symptoms of gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia. Understanding dysphoria vs dysmorphia is the first step in getting help. Sometimes it can be comforting just knowing that you’re not alone and that with the right support and coping strategies, you can begin on a path toward living a full, happy life.

The post Dysphoria vs Dysmorphia: The Difference Between Gender and Body appeared first on Talkspace.

What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

For those who experience rejection sensitive dysphoria, normal life experiences such as rejection, criticism, or failure simply become too much to bear. Their responses are much more severe than would be typically expected, and can be restricting, difficult to manage, and affect quality of life. Sometimes, this complete dread of rejection will fuel a person to work hard to be universally liked, or they may avoid situations where they could be hurt emotionally. RSD can also negatively impact relationships — the belief that you are being, or will be, rejected becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Signs of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

While no one enjoys rejection or failure, those with RSD may exhibit symptoms such as:

• Being easily embarrassed or ashamed
• Having an emotional outburst and getting angry when they feel rejected
• Setting impossibly high standards for themselves
• Experiencing low self-esteem
• Feeling anxious, especially in social settings
• Having issues with relationships
• Avoiding social situations and other people
• Feeling like a failure because they haven’t lived up to others’ expectations
• Thinking about hurting themselves after experiencing rejection

It is important to note, some of these symptoms are also common in other mental health conditions, such as:

• Bipolar disorder
• Borderline personality disorder
• Posttraumatic stress disorder
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder
• Depression
• Social phobia

Because RSD can look like other mental health disorders, it is important to get the right diagnosis from a licensed psychologist, psychotherapist, counselor, doctor, or other mental health provider. Because of a causal link, if you have ADHD and experience any of these symptoms, consider seeking a more immediate diagnosis.

Causes of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Those who have RSD are extremely sensitive to rejection and triggered by certain situations — but the exact reason for this is not yet fully understood. Like many mental health issues, there is not one single factor that causes this rejection sensitivity, but rather, it is often a history of trauma — rejection and neglect early in life — as well as genetics that play a role.

Some people are genetically predisposed to RSD, and it can be passed down in families. In other instances, someone with RSD may have experienced a parent or caretaker who is overly critical or neglectful. In these situations, it’s likely that trauma may have contributed to the sufferer’s low self-esteem, intense fear of rejection and of abandonment in their relationships. Other situations can also cause an extreme sensitivity to rejection, including being bullied by peers or a romantic partner.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and ADHD

While rejection sensitive dysphoria can impact anyone, research suggests some groups are much more susceptible to those feelings. Often, people who have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are very sensitive to what other people think or say about them, with up to 99% of teens and adults with ADHD reporting they are more sensitive to rejection.

ADHD involves the nervous system overreacting to stimuli from the outside world. Thus almost any type of rejection can trigger a stress response and cause extreme emotional reactions. In fact, researchers estimate by age 12, children with ADHD get 20,000 more negative messages about themselves than other children their age, chipping away at their self-esteem. The criticism or rejection can be imagined, but it is often based on real feedback because of their condition.

How to Diagnose Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

A doctor must first rule out if the rejection sensitive dysphoria is connected to an underlying mental health issue when determining if a person has the condition. This is because its symptoms are also common in other mental health issues. To assess symptoms, be sure to seek a professional diagnosis from a licensed counselor, psychologist, psychotherapist, or other mental health professional.

During the initial consultation, a doctor may ask about family history and symptoms. A person will likely answer questions about how they react and feel in certain situations. There is also an online self-test to help determine if a person’s symptoms match those of RSD. Some of the screening questions may include:

• Do you experience sudden, intense feelings of rage when your feelings are hurt?
• Do you experience sudden depression when you feel rejected or criticized?
• Are you your harshest critic?
• Do you feel anxious in social situations because you assume no one likes you?
• Are you a “people pleaser” who goes above and beyond to get on someone’s good side?
• Do you think that you cannot go on feeling this way?

Treating Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

While there is not a cure for this condition, there are treatment opportunities. The best treatment options for rejection sensitive dysphoria depend on two primary factors: the intensity of your symptoms and whether there is overlap with other disorders. Medication may be prescribed to help calm a person’s physiological reactions to rejection and also relieve associated symptoms such as hyperactivity and depression.

Besides medication, cognitive behavioral therapy can also help reduce a person’s hypersensitivity and help them cope with rejection and criticism. During cognitive behavioral therapy, an individual works with a licensed professional therapist in a highly structured way to help develop specific, actionable coping techniques. The focus is placed on treating a person’s problems by managing dysfunctional emotions, behaviors, and thought patterns.

Better managing life’s stress can also help treat RSD, as a person is more likely to have an emotional reaction to rejection if they are stressed out. Be sure to eat well, get enough sleep and participate in physical exercise to help promote a calm mind.

There is promise in treating rejection sensitive dysphoria — and the first step is awareness. Although rejection sensitive dysphoria is linked to ADHD and some other mental health conditions, anyone can experience extreme emotional sensitivity at being criticized or rejected. Over time, symptoms will get worse if they are not treated, making it essential to start the conversation with a mental health professional if intense or overwhelming emotional reactions do occur when you experience rejection.

If you’re looking for immediate help with your rejection sensitive dysphoria, consider speaking with an online therapist — a convenient way to start feeling better fast.

The post Everything You Need to Know About Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria appeared first on Talkspace.

There are memes and jokes all over social media about the “quarantine 15” — regarding the weight gain that some people might be experiencing during quarantine. There are articles and Youtube videos all about how to get rid of that lockdown weight, ads promoting intermittent fasting and other “tools” for weight loss. Furthermore, as a writer, my inbox has been bombarded with pitches from publicists providing statistics about quarantine weight gain and pitching stories about how to “shed those pounds.”

But wait… shouldn’t we be focusing on other things right now? Like, I don’t know… trying to not catch or spread a deadly virus?

The Problem With ‘Quarantine 15’ Talk

Celeste Smith LMFT, CEDS, a therapist who specializes in eating disorders, reminds us that all the talk about COVID-19 weight gain is toxic and harmful, and not just for people with eating disorders and body image struggles, but for everyone.

“It reinforces that weight gain is the worst thing that could ever happen to us, when our very lives and the lives of our loved ones are a stake,” Smith says. “This focus sets the expectation that our goal is to keep up an unrelenting ridiculous body standard, even during a pandemic.”

Smith believes all the COVID-19 weight gain talk is distracting us from what we really need right now, which is self-compassion. While it’s certainly not ideal, Smith says it’s understandable as we enter the summer months that people would be experiencing increased thoughts about body image. “You are stressed and times are uncertain. It only makes sense that body image thoughts would be on the rise,” she says.

6 Ways to Deal with Negative Feelings About Your Body

These thoughts are not likely going to go away on their own. You will have to be proactive and put in work in order to build or rebuild healthy self-esteem and confidence.

Below are some therapist-approved tips to help you deal with negative feelings about your body during the quarantine.

1. Use social media in a healthier way

Comparison is a killer when it comes to body image and confidence. Scrolling endlessly through social media, you’ll likely be comparing yourself to those you see in your feed, whether you realize it or not. Smith recommends unfollowing accounts that cause you to compare or body bash. You can also press the “mute” button on their profile, if you just want their content off your feed for now.

You may especially want to do this with celebrity and model accounts, who are likely posting heavily edited photos. Remember, that most of the time, social media is an illusion. Instead, Smith urges you to fill your feed with accounts that will help you have a healthier relationship with your body, accounts that promote: body positivity, fat positivity, and education surrounding body image. In light of current social justice movements, now is also a great time to diversify your feed with accounts that give you more perspective of other experiences, if you haven’t already. Another option is to limit social media use altogether, particularly on days when you’re feeling down.

2. Be kind to yourself

This, of course, is easier said than done. Still, having self-compassion during this time is crucial. Smith suggests, “When you catch yourself tearing your body down, place a loving hand on the part or parts of your body you are bashing and send it some compassion. Say to this part of yourself, ‘May I be kind to you in this difficult time.’” Additionally, you can make a list of things you love about yourself, inside and out, no matter how trivial these things may seem. We get so caught up focusing on the bad that we can forget about the good. Don’t let yourself forget what you love about yourself!

3. Have a healthier relationship with your mirror

One fun and easy way to bring some positivity to the mirrors you often glance at is to use stickers or notes that can help you remember your values and help push your brain toward positive thoughts, rather than to immediately beat yourself up when you look in the mirror. Smith recommends these stickers that say “All bodies are good bodies,” for example. Alternatively, you can put positive sayings like this on Post-Its and stick those on your mirrors, too.

You can also use the mirror as a reminder to use mantras. Smith suggests coming up with a body-acceptance mantra that you can tell yourself when you’re feeling down, or whenever you see your reflection. For example, hers is, “I will live life fully, in my today-body.” You can make your mantra whatever resonates most with you, and you could even put that Post-It on your mirror, too.

4. Meditate with a focus on body image

Meditation is great for stress relief and relaxation, but it can also help you be more aware of the thoughts that flit in and out of your mind — including those negative body-bashing ones. Did you know you can also meditate to focus on specific issues?

Look for guided meditations that focus on self-esteem or body positivity. For example, meditation app Headspace has a 30 day self-esteem meditation course. Insight Timer, another meditation app, also offers a variety of guided meditations focusing on self esteem. Smith specifically recommends Jennifer Rollin’s Body Gratitude Meditation which is available on Insight Timer. Furthermore, you can even search for self-love meditations on YouTube and find many great free options.

5. Challenge the messages you have received about bodies

Smith recommends digging deep and thinking about the messages society, family, or friends may have imposed on you from an early age. For example, if you believe that your stomach has to be smooth and roll-free, can you think back to the first time you received the message that your body “should” be that way? Smith says about folks who are feeling poorly about their body that, “They might remember first believing this at eight years old when they went to the beach with their aunt who pointed out someone else’s stomach and said ‘She has no business wearing that swimsuit!’”

Then, think about a child in your life — your own, a niece or nephew, a friend’s kid — and ask yourself, would you pass this same rule or beauty standard on to that child? “If we apply different rules to ourselves than we do to others, this tells us that the true nature of our values would be kindness and compassion, not harshness and rigidity,” Smith says.

6. Speak with a therapist and/or dietitian

If your body image woes are really taking a toll on your mental health, or if you’ve noticed that you’ve slipped into any unhealthy or disordered eating patterns, you can work with a therapist and determine what the root of your issues could be. It’s sometimes important to get at what’s behind your body image struggles, as challenges with body image sometimes mask other issues, and are often not solely about the body.

Smith says, “This may not mean that you never struggle with body image thoughts again, but it will mean that you will know, for a fact, when you have thoughts like this, it is not about your body.” Working with a dietician can allow you to create healthy meal plans and ensure you’re getting all the nutrients you need, without binging, purging, starving yourself, or any combination. Smith particularly endorses therapists and dietitians affiliated with Health at Every Size to get the utmost body-positivity and to avoid fat-phobic providers.

Once you’ve fallen into patterns of negative thoughts or feelings about your body, it can be difficult to change your perspective to a healthy one. Follow these tips, work hard, and with time, you’ll be on track to loving your body — even during this incredibly tumultuous time.

The post How to Deal with Negative Feelings About Your Body During Quarantine appeared first on Talkspace.

Here’s how to know if it’s something you should be worried about, and what to do about it.

Is it Bad to Not Recognize Yourself?

Whether not recognizing yourself is a “good” or “bad” thing is dependent on the situation — it’s important why the changes occured, and whether they are positive or negative. According to Talkspace provider Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S, it’s all relative.

“It can be a negative thing when we realize that we have become the type of person we don’t want to be. For example, becoming an extremely quiet or dependent person, when before we were more social and independent,” Catchings says.

Other examples include becoming more reckless, when you used to be responsible and careful; or turning toward lazy, inactive behavior when you used to be extremely fit and athletic. You might feel disconnected from yourself or the person you used to be, or you might be uncomfortable with yourself now.

You can feel disconnected from the person you used to be even if the changes are positive. “On the other hand, it can be positive when our personality evolves and it helps us to become the person that we dreamed of. For example, from being afraid of flying to becoming a pilot or a flight attendant,” Catchings says. “The main idea is that for it to be positive, it needs to involve us doing or accomplishing something that benefited us or others, or something that we dreamed of.”

There May Be a Reason You Don’t Recognize Yourself

There are many causes that can contribute to no longer recognizing yourself. Oftentimes, a major life shift can trigger changes, or significant alterations to routine. Some examples of these life shifts could be:

• Getting married
• Getting divorced
• Having a baby
• Being in a long term, serious relationship for the first time
• Moving to a different city, state, or country
• Getting a promotion at work or a new job with long hours
• Getting fired or laid off at work
• Dealing with mental health conditions
• Experiencing a traumatic incident
• Losing a loved one

Of course, some of these seem inherently good or inherently bad, but it’s possible they could result in unexpected feelings. Something positive like an amazing job promotion could bring about negative changes — like losing yourself to long hours at the office and neglecting your family or social life, or finding yourself on a major power trip. On the flip side, something negative like losing a loved one can force you into uncomfortable territory and make you into a much stronger person than you were before. Either situation can put you into territory where you no longer recognize yourself.

How to Get Back in Touch with Yourself

Sometimes, it isn’t obvious what caused the changes that made you unrecognizable to yourself. Catchings has four tips for determining what the catalyst may have been.

1. Be Mindful
   Spend time with yourself and look back at who you were by journaling, coloring, or drawing.
2. Meditate
   Think about past experiences and possible traumas and then try to quiet your mind. Allow the peaceful effect of meditation to heal or restore what might have been lost or changed.
3. Be Grateful
   If the change was positive, give thanks and continue growing. If it was negative, be thankful for the opportunity to recognize it and create change. It is never too late.
4. Creative Visioning
   Take a few minutes a day to imagine what you want your life to be like and come up with goals that you can break down into specific, actionable tasks.

Overall, the goal is to reconnect with yourself and try to understand the “new you” and determine whether you like the person you’ve become or not.

When not recognizing yourself should be a cause for concern

There are a few situations where not recognizing yourself can be a cause for concern and you should consult a mental health professional — if abuse or trauma occurred, or if a mental health condition such as an anxiety or depression could be causing the negative changes. Catchings says some other big red flags could be if you’re unable to keep a job or have fulfilling relationships.

“The help of a mental health professional is always beneficial and we shouldn’t wait until there is a change,” states Catchings. “We can also be proactive and open to seeing a therapist in the same way we see a yoga instructor or a trainer.”So, while it can be really alarming when you realize you don’t quite recognize yourself, remember that it’s a relatively common experience. Rarely do we stay exactly the same as years go on. As long as the change is positive and healthy, it isn’t a cause for concern, but if the changes are due to the aforementioned negative situations, it isn’t a bad idea to get in touch with a mental health professional.

The post What to Do When You Don’t Recognize Yourself Anymore? appeared first on Talkspace.

It can be an extremely stressful and upsetting holiday, but only if you let it be. Follow these tips to protect your mental health this Valentine’s Day.

If You’re Single

Ignore society’s pressure

Society makes it seem like the right way to live is to be in a relationship. Sometimes being single seems to be looked down upon — but that’s a sham! There’s no shame at all in being single, even on Valentine’s Day. Don’t feel like you need to be in a relationship or dating somebody to enjoy the holiday.

Indulge in self care

Since you aren’t showering someone else with love on the holiday, why not shower yourself in some self-love? Show yourself some love by taking great care of yourself, doing your favorite self care activities, whether it’s taking a bath with a fancy bath bomb, doing some yoga, going for a run, journaling, or meditating. You know best what will benefit your mental health.

Treat yourself

Who says you can’t be your own Valentine? Okay, so you might not want to go out to eat by yourself on “the most romantic day of the year,” but you can treat yourself to ordering in some of your favorite foods and watching a movie or binging a show. Buy yourself chocolates, flowers, or both if you feel so compelled… because…why not!

Plan something with friends or family

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be romantic. You can celebrate other types of love, like friend love or family love. Planning something to look forward to on Valentine’s Day can take the gloom and doom out of the holiday. Instead of worrying about how you’ll feel alone, you’ll be excited about hanging out with friends or family. For example, you can wrangle your single friends together and plan something fun, whether it’s a chill movie night in or a big night out.

Seek support if necessary

If you end up alone on Valentine’s Day and are feeling down, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Text or call a trusted person, whether a licensed therapist or a friend in your circle, and let them know that you need to vent. If you find yourself slipping into the territory of harmful or suicidal thoughts, it’s a good idea to call or text a crisis hotline such as Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741) or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (call 1-800-273-8255).

If You’re in a Relationship

Ignore society’s pressure

Yep, the first same tip as for the single folk! There can be even more pressure if you’re a couple to do something elaborate or buy your partner expensive gifts. Every couple is different, and not everybody is going to want to go out to a fancy dinner or long for a necklace from Kay Jewelers — despite how TV commercials make it seem. Try to shake off the pressure of having a “perfect” day.

Communicate

You can’t expect one another to be mind readers, no matter how long you’ve been together. Here’s a revolutionary idea: have an actual conversation about what you both realistically want to do for the holiday, or if you’d even like to celebrate at all. Just because there’s a holiday, it doesn’t mean you have to observe it! This can be a great way to manage your expectations.

Plan in advance

If you do decide to do something for Valentine’s Day or give each other gifts, do not leave planning for the last minute! If you and your partner have an idea of what you want to do on Valentine’s Day, make a reservation at the restaurant in advance, buy tickets for the show before they sell out, whatever the plan may be — get an early start. Also, don’t wait to buy gifts or order flowers. Scrambling for last minute gifts equals anxiety central.

Avoid comparison

Again, every couple is different. You probably already realize that your relationship is different than the relationships other couples, right? Everyone’s different, afterall and therefore, your Valentine’s Day isn’t going to be the same. When you hear about friends’ plans, try not to compare your plans to theirs. This is also a good time to stay off of social media. Your feed is sure to be flooded with people bragging about their holiday, and seeing all of this can make you second guess yourself and question what you and your partner are doing. If your plans are good enough for you and your partner, and make both of you happy, that’s all that matters.

Remember the meaning of the holiday

Sure, all these companies want you to think the meaning of the holiday is to buy the coolest, most expensive gift for your partner, but it’s not — they’re just after your cash. Valentine’s Day is about celebrating love, and you don’t necessarily need lavish gifts or meals to prove that you and your partner are in a good place. Celebrate you and your partner’s unique love, appreciate the relationship you have, and be grateful.

Remember these tips leading up to Valentine’s Day so you can have a stress-free holiday, or at least feel a little bit less stressed than you did before. When it comes down to it, it’s just another day of the year, and on February 15th, everything will go back to normal.

The post How to Have a Great Valentine’s Day for Your Mental Health appeared first on Talkspace.

Many people are quick to point fingers and play the blame game. In fact, recent research has shown that we expect this behavior to happen. We expect to experience others engaging in blame-shifting, placing the blame on others for their own mistakes.

My hands aren’t clean. I’ve blamed people for my own mistakes more than once, that’s for sure. Why? It’s easy.

Why We Blame Others

Simply put, it’s much easier to place the blame on someone else than to take full responsibility for your actions. It’s also easier to blame someone for our actions rather than take a deeper look at why we made the mistake that we did and face possible consequences — whether it was something you did at work or something that happened during a tiff between you and your partner. Blame shifting takes less effort, and it’s easier on us emotionally — at least in the moment.

“Blame is like another defense mechanism,” says Talkspace provider Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S. “We could call it denial or projection, because it helps us preserve our sense of self-esteem or pride by avoiding awareness of our own issues.”

Why do we use defense mechanisms? To protect ourselves — whether it’s from criticism, negative consequences, attention, whatever it is you’re afraid of. You might even be in denial that you are, in fact, the one who’s making mistakes.

“We can think of it as a tool we use when we’re in attack mode,” Catchings adds. Alternatively, she notes that some people blame others in an attempt to hurt them — which is certainly not cool!

Furthermore, it’s possible that you might have some deep rooted negative experiences from your childhood that make you predisposed to acting in this way. “Psychologically, we can also see that attachment issues can create problems that manifest when we grow up,” Catchings explains. “Insecure and ambivalent attachments can lead to us not accepting responsibilities and finding blaming easier.”

Negative Consequences of Blaming Others

Seldom does blaming others for our mistakes come without consequences. It might feel like we’re winning in the moment, benefitting ourselves when we don’t take responsibility for our actions, but that’s definitely not the case in the long run. Blaming others can, and likely will, backfire on you, leaving you wishing you never played the blame game in the first place.

If it wasn’t obvious, those you blame will realize it, and they’re not going to be happy that you’re not owning up to your own blunders.

“Typically, when we engage in this behavior, people around us might start to resent us or even walk away,” says Catchings. “Another result can be the loss of communication or trust. People who are victimized start to feel like they are walking on eggshells and avoid communicating to prevent having to experience the blaming.”

Blaming others obviously isn’t just affecting you in the long run, it’s also affecting those who you’re pointing fingers at. According to Catchings, “This can lead to low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and even permanent emotional damage if the behavior doesn’t change and/or the person affected doesn’t look for professional help.”

You might end up losing friendships, relationships, or jobs, depending on what your situation is. “[Blaming] can also lead to loneliness and abandonment, since the people around those who blame can leave and never come back,” Catchings warns.

How to Stop This Behavior

As with many toxic behaviors, acknowledging that you have the problem is the first step to addressing it. Even acknowledging it might not be easy for you, since finally, you’ll have to take the blame yourself, and hold yourself accountable for your actions. If you’re a chronic blamer, it might have been a while since you took responsibility for yourself.

“Family and friends can help by being understanding and helpful. It is different to hear a kind voice telling us that there is a problem instead of hearing someone yelling at us that we need help,” says Catchings.

Looping in a few trustworthy people, folks you can count on, can assist with accountability — and act as a support system. It’s easier to make positive changes in our lives when we have people on our side, rooting us on…and kindly calling us out when we deviate from the new less blamey path we’ve set out on.

Actively notice your thought process the next time you make a mistake. Where does your mind jump to first? Do you want to blame someone, or do you want to explain yourself and take ownership for what you’ve done? Make a conscious effort to choose the second option — although that’s easier said than done. Especially if you’re not accustomed to it!

“Professional help is the most recommended way to learn how to stop this behavior,” says Catchings. “This behavior might be a result of unresolved childhood experiences and issues and consulting a therapist would be the best way to make a true change in our lives.” If you’re interested in finding out whether a therapist can help you dig to the root of this problem and help you avoid this behavior down the line, try talking to an online therapist today.

We have to learn to be able to hold ourselves accountable for mistakes big and small, even though it can be scary. It’s not easy to own up to our errors, but without a doubt, it’s the right thing to do.

The post Why Do We Blame Others For Our Mistakes? appeared first on Talkspace.

When it comes to fat acceptance, though, we still have a long way to go.

According to those who are a part of the fat acceptance movement, body positivity is not necessarily inclusive for them, and they still face a ton of discrimination, whether it’s from strangers on the street or from their own doctors. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s important for all of us to be educated on the topic, put ourselves in others’ shoes, and above all, be kind to one another.

A Discussion on Fat Acceptance

We spoke to 3 influencers who openly discuss fat acceptance on their platforms, raise awareness surrounding the topic, and aim to inspire those in similar shoes.

Here are their responses.

1. What does fat acceptance mean to you?

Aarti Olivia Dubey / @curvesbecomeher:
Fat Acceptance to me is about learning to unpack the prejudices surrounding fatness that gets drilled into our psyche from a tender age. It is about reclaiming my body from decades of body dysmorphia.

Maui Bigelow / @mauibigelow:
In my opinion, fat acceptance is a movement that strives to combat size discrimination with education. Fat acceptance activists empower fat individuals to love and express themselves despite their size and what others think.

Liz Black / @psitsfashion:
It means self-acceptance and the acceptance of others who are fat without any type of demonization of their body. It means eschewing diet culture, ignoring advertising and media telling us we should always be changing ourselves, and accepting ourselves however we are.

2. Can you talk about the difference between body positivity and fat acceptance…and why fat acceptance is an important add on?

Dubey:
Body Positivity actually stemmed from fat feminism and was created by queer fat women of colour. In today’s context however it is an umbrella term for anyone who has experienced body shaming. So fat acceptance is not an add-on. Because body positivity now largely caters to the mainstream and discusses a variety of issues surrounding body politics, we had to break away, in a sense, and bring back an inclusive space for fatfolks.

Bigelow:
First of all, it is important to assure everyone understands that body positivity is not a term or a movement that is exclusive to plus size people. Lately there have been a lot of individuals making body positivity a size thing when it is far from that. Secondly, fat acceptance is size specific and in my opinion, fat acceptance is about pushing fat agendas to the forefront. However, body positivity is about body love despite size, race, age and handicaps. Body positivity is also about respecting the bodies and differences of others. I’m not sure that one has to be added to another because truthfully they have their own importance and are capable of standing alone.

Black:
They once were the same in my mind, but the body positive movement has been co-opted by so many brands at this point, who interpret it however they see fit — like claiming they’re “body positive” because they don’t retouch — yet they still don’t offer actual plus sizes.

Fat acceptance is what really began the body positive movement, it was for more marginalized people, not conventionally societally attractive people who maybe have a tiny belly when they sit down. But that’s who’s using it, and those people are gaining massive followings for it. Those are not actually fat people, and it takes away from the message.

3. Why is it important to you to raise awareness on fat acceptance/being fat positive on Instagram?

Dubey:
Fat shaming is the most accepted prejudice known. There are so many misconceptions surrounding fatness and the fear of fatness, that require educating. As an Asian, pushing past beauty standards and bringing representation for diversity is also an important reason why I advocate for fat positivity.

Bigelow:
More than anything, the message of fat acceptance is important because people don’t lose value based on their weight. Social media has become a hotbed for negativity, shame and hate, it is important to check and correct it wherever it goes left. There are young kids who need to know that their size doesn’t compromise their beauty, intelligence, or potential. They need to see that hard work grants them the same rewards and applauds as others and that, despite what may be different or unfavorable, they are still great.

Black:
For more than half my life I struggled to not be fat. I started dieting in elementary school, did weight watchers, tried every fad diet out there, starved myself, threw up my food…and yet I was still “fat.” I fought so hard to not be fat, to not look like my mom…to not look like what my body predisposed me to look like. And I was so f****** miserable.

It took so long for me to accept myself and my body, regardless of my shape and size, and if I can help even one person to love themselves and not go through all that I did, then it’s worth putting myself out there. I want to help people see that being fat is not the worst thing you can be, that it’s not life-ending or even life-defining. You can be fat and beautiful, fat and stylish, fat and successful. Being fat does not negate all the other things about you.

4. Can you talk about some of the biases you face from people who are discriminatory and/or not fat-positive?

Dubey:
The biases stare right into my face the moment I step out of my apartment. The concept of personal space is lacking in Asia and it is commonplace to be gawked at if you look “different.” To have husbands point at you and tell their wives “Well see, you’re not that fat.” To be constantly persecuted for my fatness as a patient, making me want to limit my interactions with physicians, is undoubtedly unfair. Not being recognised in the local fashion scene as a plus-size fashion blogger, due to fat bias, has been a source of frustration as well. Being told that what I promote is obesity, and is inherently unhealthy, is untrue and damaging.

Bigelow:
As a person who strives to be a voice for women from all walks of life, many times I find myself in a box. People see my value when they need to add a fat girl to the conversation, but many others time I am excluded. This is the truth of many plus size women. Nobody wants the fat people, not even the fat people. This is why you don’t see more plus-size people who exceed a certain weight representing the plus size community. I am a single mother, I am a HBCU grad, I have cancer, I am black, I am an abuse survivor… but no one cares because, to society, I am fat first. While I am not ashamed of being fat, that isn’t where it ends for me.

Black:
I’ve experienced everything from microaggressions, like when someone doesn’t sit next to me on a crowded subway, to more major discriminations, like being repeatedly passed over for jobs in the fashion industry simply because they don’t want to have someone my size in a visible position. I’ve had doctors tell me I need to lose weight when I’ve seen them for illnesses that have nothing to do with my size, and been applauded by medical professionals and told to “keep it up” when I’ve confessed to starving myself and disordered eating.

5. What do you wish people know about the fat positivity movement?

Dubey:
I wish people would understand that fat positivity has changed lives, in ways they may not comprehend. Not being shackled by those words used to taunt us, to find kinship among the marginalised, and to find healing. Not every fat person is in eating disorder recovery and social determinants impact us in different ways. Do we then punish people for coping in ways that bring them comfort? Or, do we instead provide a safe space of understanding, healing, and solidarity?

Bigelow:
I wish people understood that fat acceptance isn’t about glorifying obesity or unhealthy habits. It is about acceptance and respect for people in their existing state. It is about acknowledging the differences that we have and creating spaces and opportunities for us despite our differences.

Black:
At the end of the day, fat people are people just like anyone else. Everyone deserves kindness and respect, to live their lives without fear of ridicule and judgement. Fat positivity isn’t about “glorifying obesity,” as so many trolls like to proclaim; it’s about self acceptance and self love, and the desire to be treated fairly in the world.

Speaking to these three women has helped me better understand the prejudices — the sometimes relentless harassment and discrimination — that fat people face on a daily basis, both in person and online. I hope that you’ll stand with these women in helping to spread awareness about the fat acceptance movement and challenging traditional beauty standards. Afterall, there’s no wrong way to have a body.

Even if you don’t face the same discrimination that someone else faces, it doesn’t mean you should turn a blind eye to the problem. We all need to recognize that body positivity isn’t as inclusive as it’s cracked up to be, that it’s been co-opted in ways that are far from the original intent of the movement, and that we all have to band together to make changes so that everyone feels welcome in this world.

The post The Fat Acceptance Movement: Answers to 5 Important Questions appeared first on Talkspace.

The post Inferiority Complex: Definition, Causes, Signs, & Treatment appeared first on Talkspace.