The post How to Respond & Deal with Microaggressions appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Microaggressions are subtle, indirect forms of discrimination that can be either intentional or unintentional. You can encounter microaggressions in various situations and settings, including the workplace, academic arenas, or personal relationships.
Knowing how to deal with microaggressions can be tricky — it requires a delicate balance of being confident and asserting yourself while being able to maintain the relationship. With the right strategies, though, you can effectively handle these inappropriate and dangerous interactions.
Use our tips to prepare for when and how to respond to microaggressions. The following techniques will empower you to rise above and set your boundaries.
Identify the Type of Microaggression
Before effectively responding to microaggressive behavior, you need to identify the problem. There are three types, and understanding each is the first step in knowing how to respond to microaggressions effectively:
- Microassault: For example, a coworker makes an offensive joke about your ethnicity.
- Microinsult: For example, a professor expresses surprise at your grade or test score because of your gender.
- Microinvalidation: For example, a friend dismisses your concerns about racial profiling with a snarky retort, “all lives matter.”
A recent review looked at 138 studies on microaggressive behavior that were published from 2007 – 2020. Researchers found microaggressions happen in a variety of settings, target minority groups, and that there are also secondary forms that occur after someone challenges an offender. Gaslighting, ’splaining, speaking for others, and victim-blaming are typical reactions when someone is called out on microaggressive behavior.
Decide If and How to Respond
It won’t always be in your best interest to respond to every microaggression. How, and if, you respond will depend on several factors. You’ll need to address the pros and cons of each incident before you decide how to react.
“HIstorically, microaggressions were attributed to racial minorities. However, over time, it had evolved to be a part of any marginalized population. Responding to these microaggressions starts with whether or not the affected person wants to address the microaggression. Each person is different and how they react to microaggressions is different. When deciding to respond to microaggressions, it is important to consider the different ways to confront it. It usually starts with clarification and moves on to correcting the offender in some way. While it is upsetting to the offended person, how they address it (i.e. tone) is important too.”
– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC
Strategies for Responding to Microaggressions
You may be hesitant to have a difficult dialogue, but addressing such behavior is important. There are several strategic ways you can respond to a microaggression. Of course, which of these you use will depend on the offender, the environment, and the actual aggression that was made. Not all of these will be appropriate in every instance, but these can aid in addressing microaggressions.
Asking them to clarify
Request that they further explain their statement. This could prompt the offender to reconsider their view, statement, or action, or they might double down. Either way, you’ll have a better idea of your next steps.
Addressing the impact on oneself
You might try to explain how a comment or behavior has affected you personally. Helping someone become more self-aware can go a long way with some people, especially if their actions are unintentional.
Using empathy
Sometimes you can show understanding towards the offender while still being able to assert your feelings. Try putting yourself in their shoes and think about why they might have made a comment or behaved in a certain way. Understanding their perspective may lead to a more constructive conversation about biases and stereotypes.
Challenging the stereotype
You can challenge stereotypes by showing that you don’t fit into a preconceived notion. Offer examples from your own life or point out exceptions within the world. Discuss topics like environmental racism and the model minority myth, and how even unintentionally targeting a minority or marginalized group can be devastating and harmful.
Educating the offender
You might try to explain why a comment was offensive and why it might be taken personally. You can offer information about why a statement is destructive, sharing what you know about racial trauma and the effects it has on mental health. You could also share resources, like articles, videos, or books encouraging learning while avoiding arguments.
Separating intent from the outcome
Try to figure out if the offender was aware of their words or actions and how they might come across. Then, you can focus on addressing what happened instead of assigning blame. This is a non-confrontational way to manage a microaggressive situation.
Sharing your process
You can be vulnerable in front of the offender by explaining how their behavior, actions, and words make you feel. If applicable, share your personal experiences to try and create understanding.
Expressing your feelings
It’s OK to be honest about how microaggressive behavior affects you emotionally and personally. Sometimes this can help the offender see how destructive their actions can be. It might even foster empathy in them.
“Microaggressions are so subtle sometimes that it isn’t always clear if it has occurred. When it is apparent it isn’t always clear how to approach the person or if it should be addressed at all. Talking to others like one’s support system, therapist, and/or other trusted community leaders is a start in navigating the structure and nuisances of microaggressions.”
– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC
Considerations When Responding
As you’re deciding how to respond to a microaggression, you should consider the several possible outcomes or ramifications of your response. Of course, it’s essential that you always make your safety and the safety of others around you a priority.
It’s a good idea to assess each situation case by case before reacting to a microaggression.
Start by looking at the following to help determine what your response will be:
- Context and timing: Are you at work? Is it professional to respond? Sometimes it won’t be appropriate or feasible to address workplace microaggressions immediately. If this is the case, you can decide whether discussing the issue at another time in the near future might be more effective.
- Relationship with the offender: Is it your boss, a colleague, or a peer? Can you respond appropriately? Consider your relationship with the person before you decide how to react. If it’s someone you’re close with and you genuinely care for one another, having an open conversation about their behavior might be an effective way of addressing microaggression behavior.
- Power dynamics at play: Do you have power or authority over them? Or vice versa? When you’re aware of power imbalances, you can decide if confronting someone might lead to a negative outcome. If you’re worried about retaliation, it might be best not to respond right away.
- Emotional state: How comfortable are you addressing the issue? It’s important to be resolute and firm when confronting microaggressions. If you’re not up to it, it might be best to wait until you have strength or support so you’re not vulnerable.
- One-time or pattern: Is this a one-time incident or an ongoing pattern?
- Do you feel safe in responding: If there’s any risk of physical harm or retaliation, it might not be wise to respond this time. Instead, you might seek support or help from a trusted colleague or address appropriate channels in the chain of command to file a complaint or report the behavior.
- Tone and delivery: Try to remain calm and composed when you address microaggressions. This helps keep the situation from escalating. Use “I” statements to express how you were affected by the comment. Resist the temptation to be accusatory or attack the other person, which can make them more defensive and refuse to listen.
How to Deal with Microaggressions
Dealing with microaggressions can be challenging, but when you’re prepared and armed with the strategies and techniques we’ve given you here, it can be less emotionally draining. It is possible to navigate microaggressions while keeping your mental health and well-being intact.
Use the following tips if you’re trying to learn how to deal with microaggressions:
- Get support: Seeking support from others, like friends and family members or colleagues, can be beneficial. Especially if they’ve experienced a similar situation, they might be able to offer you valuable advice. Most importantly, it can be a safe space to vent your feelings.
- Talk to a therapist: Mental health professionals are skilled in helping you process and respond to microaggressions. Managing the emotions triggered by microaggressive behavior can be hard, but it’s possible, especially when you have coping mechanisms. Leaning on culturally sensitive therapy can be beneficial in dealing with such situations if they’re aimed toward your race or culture.
- Establish boundaries: When you know how to set healthy boundaries, it can be easier to maintain a healthy relationship, even if you’re dealing with microaggressions. Make sure you clearly express your limits and that you’re assertive.
- Educate yourself about different forms of discrimination: Understanding different types of bias can be empowering. It can allow you to address them effectively and non-confrontationally. You can read books and articles or listen to podcasts, or even attend workshops on cultural diversity and inclusion — all of which will help broaden your knowledge and offer you a strategic platform to respond from.
- Use self care: Dealing with microaggressions requires emotional resilience. Make sure that you’re taking care of yourself and using self care. Activities like meditation, yoga, journaling for mental health, and even eating healthy and getting enough sleep can all preserve your mental and physical health.
- Document all incidents: Especially if microaggressions are happening at work, you should keep a record of it. Include the date, time, and as much detail and context as possible. Hopefully, it won’t be needed, but documentation can be helpful if you end up reporting an incident or discussing it with someone who has authority.
Learn to Deal with Microaggressions with Talkspace
Confronting microaggressions can result in negative feelings and emotional turmoil. It can be a complex process to navigate and manage, especially if you’re trying to do it on your own.
Getting help from a qualified and experienced mental health professional can help you develop coping mechanisms, so you know how to deal with microaggressions while being able to protect your own mental health. Talkspace is an online therapy platform that makes getting support easy.
Talkspace can be an invaluable resource in your journey. Your therapist can be a reliable support system and offer you all the tools and support you need to effectively and successfully address microaggressions. You don’t have to let these subtle forms of discrimination take a toll on you, your relationships, or your mental health.
Sources:
- Current understandings of microaggressions: Impacts on individuals and Society. Association for Psychological Science – APS. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/2021-sept-microaggressions.html. Published September 13, 2021. Accessed April 21, 2023.
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]]>The post How to Cope with Being Laid Off appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Getting laid off can be a devastating experience, but it doesn’t have to define you. It’s essential to recognize that being dismissed from your work is not an indicator of your character. Job cuts can cause workers emotional and physical reactions, including anxiety, fear, feelings of worthlessness, headaches, sleep disturbance, and changes in weight.
Knowing how to deal with being laid off means acknowledging and accepting any anger, sadness, or fear that may arise — then moving on and focusing on what comes next. These feelings can be hard to manage, but turning to friends, family or online therapy can help you get through this difficult time.
Understand that it’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions after being laid off. It’s never easy, but with the right attitude and a healthy mindset, it can be an opportunity for growth. Don’t let the dismissal get you down — let’s explore some tips on managing your feelings during this time.
Top 8 tips for how to deal with emotions after a layoff:
- Acknowledge your feelings
- Try not to take it personally
- Be kind to yourself
- Talk to a therapist
- Avoid unhealthy coping skills
- Adopt a new outlook
- Don’t burn yourself out looking for a new job
- Be open to new experiences
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
A big part of knowing how to handle being laid off is learning to acknowledge and process your feelings rather than trying to ignore or push them away. Doing so will help you move forward in a healthy manner.
The first step is accepting that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, scared, frustrated, or any other emotion that comes up for you. You may even feel multiple emotions at once — rest assured, this is normal.
It might be helpful to talk about your feelings with someone who understands what you’re going through. This could be a friend or family member, therapist, support group leader, or another professional. Talking about your experiences can offer insight into why certain emotions come up.
2. Try Not to Take It Personally
It can be tempting to take the news personally when you’ve been laid off, which can contribute to layoff anxiety. You may feel like you failed or that your employer doesn’t value your contributions, which may cause anxiety about going back to work. It’s important to remember, though, that a layoff doesn’t necessarily reflect who you are as an employee or even a person. Layoffs are often due to a number of reasons that have nothing to do with affected employees or their performance.
“Allow yourself some time to absorb what has happened and to deal with the initial emotional reactions you and significant others might have. It’s not a matter of personal failure to lose one’s job due to cutbacks.”
– Talkspace Therapist Famous Erwin, LMHC, LPC
3. Be Kind to Yourself
It’s easy to be hard on yourself when laid off, but it won’t help. Criticizing yourself can exacerbate feelings of hopelessness, making it even more difficult to manage the situation. Instead, focus on being kind to yourself during this difficult time. Take this time you have to practice self care, especially if you felt overwhelmed at work before the layoff.
- Partake in activities that spark joy: When you can, try to take a break from work-related activities like job searching or networking. Make an effort to engage in activities that bring you joy, like going for a walk outdoors, playing music, or flipping through a novel. Giving yourself an escape from stressors is crucial for you to recuperate and reorient.
- Reinforce positive thinking: Be mindful of how you talk about yourself, too — don’t let negative thoughts take over. When unhealthy or unhelpful thoughts arise, try returning with positive affirmations such as “I am capable of finding another job” or “I will get through this tough period.” You may find it helpful to write these mantras down and keep them somewhere visible so you can refer back to them as needed.
4. Talk to a Therapist
Coping with the sudden loss of a job can be overwhelming. Though it may be understandable if you’re experiencing negative emotions in response to a job loss, dwelling on these feelings for too long without seeking professional assistance is not beneficial.
Consulting a mental health professional can be helpful if you want to express and understand your feelings so you can develop effective ways to manage emotions and make progress.
5. Avoid Unhealthy Coping Skills
Knowing how to cope with being laid off can be difficult, and finding healthy ways to manage your emotions is important. Unhealthy coping skills such as excessive drinking or drug use might provide temporary relief, but they’ll ultimately make the situation worse.
Tips for avoiding unhealthy coping strategies after a job loss:
- Find your triggers: Identifying your triggers can help you manage them. If you know that certain people, places, or activities tend to lead you toward unhealthy behaviors, avoid or limit your exposure to them.
- Look for alternatives: When faced with an urge for unhealthy behavior, take a few moments to think of alternative options that can provide similar benefits without negative consequences. For example, instead of having a drink when stressed out, try going for a walk or talking with someone you trust.
- Get support: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand what you’re going through and won’t encourage bad habits. Having somebody there who listens without judgment can be incredibly helpful during this time of transition. Consider seeking professional help from a therapist who can offer advice on dealing with stress in healthy ways as you look for new employment opportunities.
“Spend time with people who are confident in you and your future and have positively worked through their crises. Share thoughts and feelings in a support group.”
– Talkspace Therapist Famous Erwin, LMHC, LPC
6. Adopt a New Outlook
Feeling disheartened is a normal reaction to being let go from a job, but instead of letting your circumstances define you, try adopting a new outlook on life. This helps you stay positive and motivated while searching for new employment opportunities.
Reflecting objectively on what happened in your last job might help you learn from the experience. It can be tough to assess a situation that caused such an emotional toll, but looking back and recognizing why things unfolded as they did can lend insight into how to best move forward.
7. Don’t Burn Yourself Out Looking for a New Job
Of course, you want to find a new job as soon as possible — especially if you’re feeling stressed about lost income. However, you mustn’t burn yourself out in the job search process. As important as securing a new job is, don’t forget to take care of yourself and be mindful of how much time you devote to your search.
As a job seeker, it can be tempting to spend hours scrolling through job postings or networking with contacts or prospective employers to land an interview. While finding the next role is important, try not to become overwhelmed by the task.
On your new job search, set reasonable daily goals and don’t forget to take breaks throughout the day — even if they’re short ones.
8. Be Open to New Experiences
Being open to new experiences can help you figure out how to cope with layoff anxiety and depression as you work to find new opportunities and move forward on your career path. This may be difficult, especially if you feel you were wrongfully terminated or weren’t given enough notice about your job ending. Dwelling on these negative thoughts won’t do any good, though — instead, try to focus on things you can change and look forward to a healthy work-life balance on the horizon.
Get Support Through Talkspace
Talkspace is an online therapy platform that supports anyone dealing with stressors in life, including job loss and layoffs. If you need help learning how to deal with being laid off, Talkspace offers a safe, secure environment for you to discuss your feelings and concerns without fear of judgment or stigma. Talkspace allows users to work with professional therapists who are experienced in managing the psychological repercussions of job loss.
The Talkspace platform includes tools such as video chat, messaging, text-based communication, and audio recordings to allow you to communicate however you feel most comfortable. You can even access personalized therapy from mental health professionals so you can learn how to deal with layoffs, coping strategies for your mental health, and more.
Sources:
- Coping with the emotional impact of a layoff. Stanford | Faculty Staff Help Center. https://helpcenter.stanford.edu/resources/work-related-resources/coping-emotional-impact-layoff. Accessed March 24, 2023.
The post How to Cope with Being Laid Off appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>The post 9 Ways to Cope with War Anxiety appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>It’s been a difficult couple of years. People are experiencing anxiety about macro events including everything from political stress, to social, racial, and justice battles, to a global pandemic — and now, we’re grappling with a war abroad. So, if you’re feeling a heightened sense of anxiety about war today, we can assure you, you’re not alone.
War anxiety could be expected any time great conflict occurs in the world, but given the fact that this war in particular is happening during one of the most collectively stressful times in recent history, it makes sense if you feel like you’re struggling a bit more lately. Whether you’re scared about the Ukraine conflict or the idea of a World War III, your distress, fear, and anxiety are valid.
With the right tools and information, however, it is possible for you to learn coping techniques to deal with anxiety. The tips below can be useful if you’re feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and anxious about the looming uncertainty and fear that often comes with war.
Keep reading to learn more on how to deal with anxiety about war.
1. Limit Social Media
Social media can be a great way to keep in contact with family and friends. It can all but eliminate the long-distance barrier relationships once suffered from. Like everything else in life, though, too much of anything can have a negative impact.
If you’re like most people out there, you probably have a morning routine that includes checking your social accounts within seconds of your eyes opening. While this might be a habit that’s difficult to break, be careful about what you’re allowing yourself to be inundated with on social media.
Misinformation, negativity, and abusive discourse have unfortunately become the norm across virtually every major social platform. Overexposure can result in major anxiety and stress, even about specific topics like war. If you’re finding that your social media usage is negatively impacting you, consider limiting how much time you spend scrolling each day. Look for ways to reduce your social media intake.
TIPS:
- Commit to a time period (IE: 30 minutes a day, or 15 minutes per session)
- Set a definitive number of click-throughs you allow yourself (IE: 5 articles, or 3 sites)
- Limit the sites you connect with
- Delete apps or platforms you find most stressful
- Mute or unfollow profiles that add to your anxiety about war
2. Be Mindful About Over Consumption of News
We all want to be informed, but with the 24-hour news cycle, it can be easy to get lost in bad news, especially about the war. Smartphones alert you via notifications and pop-ups about each recent traumatic event. You have 10+ news channels pushing out constant programming, literally any time of the day or night. Newsletter emails are delivered on the hour, around the clock. “Breaking” news is available any time you want to find it.
“Find ways that work for you to stay informed about the war and current events that don’t also trigger your anxiety symptoms so much and make you feel overwhelmed (ie: perhaps turn off your news notifications, and then instead, check the news when it feels right for you).”
Be mindful of how much you allow yourself to become sucked into the news each day. Setting limits on how much you’re exposed to can be helpful, particularly if you have anxiety about war-related information.
TIPS:
- Give yourself a time limit on how much news you’re getting each day
- Pick programs you trust and record them
- Mute alerts during your workday so you’re not receiving constant interruptions
- Delete apps that give you anxiety or increase your fear
- Take a break from any news sites that you find distressing
“If, however, you’re living with someone who wants to have the news on all the time, and you know that increases your anxiety, consider communicating your needs. Find a solution that helps you both to stay informed while also allowing you to stay as mentally well as you can at this time.”
3. Fact Check
Digital access makes finding information simple. Fortunately, it also allows you to fact-check sources and information. While this can be a slippery slope, and it can be easy to go down that proverbial rabbit hole, a quick fact check on alarming or concerning information can be a great way to keep your anxiety in check.
Be aware of clickbait (shocking or catchy headlines that are used to entice you to click on an article). Take the time to ensure quotes are in context, facts aren’t being embellished, and headlines aren’t intentionally misleading. You’ll find this is a useful skill even when it’s not a time of war.
TIPS:
- Check and verify credentials
- Assess bias
- Check dates
- Read “About Us” sections
- Analyze URLS — .edu and .org domains are typically valid, but if there’s a “lo” or a “.co” at the end, you should be leery
- Trust your gut — if something sounds sensational or unbelievable, it might be worth doing a little digging
- Use authoritative and trustworthy fact checking sites like:
- Use a browser extension for alerts and notifications on suspicions sites and organizations:
- Look for manipulated videos — Washington Post has a great video on how to spot altered video content
4. Practice Self Care
Self-care is essential and beneficial all the time, but it’s even more critical if you’re experiencing recent war anxiety. You can learn how to calm your mind and relieve major stress about the things you have no control over by using some very easy-to-follow techniques that encourage peace and structure in your life.
Deep breathing and relaxation exercises can help decrease anxiety symptoms. Deep belly breathing activates our parasympathetic nervous system response, helping to bring our bodies and minds out of that anxiety ‘fight or flight’ response and into a more relaxed ‘rest and digest’ response. It signals to your body and mind that you are safe. To practice this exercise, try taking three deep breaths, making your exhales a little longer than your inhales. Even if it only helps turn the ‘volume’ of your anxiety down from a 10 to a 9, taking small actions like this can support you in doing the next right thing, so that your anxiety is not the decision-maker, but rather, you are.
There’s a reason flight attendants instruct parents to put on their own oxygen mask first in the event of an in-flight emergency. Think of self-care like your oxygen — if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t have the time, energy, resources, or ability to take care of anyone who needs you.
TIPS:
- Learn how to meditate for anxiety
- Exercise
- Listen to calming music or sounds
- Diffuse essential oils
- Get outdoors
- Be mindful of your sleep schedule
- Eat well
- Stay hydrated
“Getting back to the basics is important when managing anxiety symptoms. Think about how you’re sleeping, if you’re drinking enough water, if you’re moving your body every day (if you’re able-bodied and can do so), eating well, etc. Sleep issues can often manifest as depression or anxiety symptoms. Making sure you can get a strong foundation for your mental health by taking care of your basic needs as best you can is a good line of prevention for mental health conditions. Regarding eating well, consider your caffeine intake. Experiment to see how your anxiety symptoms are with that cup of coffee, and see how your anxiety symptoms feel if you switch to caffeine-free or decaf for a while (you might notice a decrease in anxiety symptoms, but everyone is different).”
5. Learn Your Triggers
Knowing what triggers your anxiety is step one in learning to manage it. If you know that you get riled up when looking at Twitter, avoid it. If a certain person’s posts on Meta ( formerly known as Facebook) stresses you out, mute or unfollow them. If a specific news program is constantly keeping you up worried about the war, think about taking a break or canceling the DVR recording for a bit.
Learning your triggers is a powerful way to take control of your life and your anxiety or depression. This is true during isolated times of stress (like a war) as well as when struggling with the stressors from normal, everyday life.
TIPS:
- Take inventory of things that lead to severe anxiety about the war (and avoid them)
- Notice if a specific activity is triggering you — like scrolling on social media or watching a certain program
- Find things that give you a sense of control
- Mute or delete apps that are triggering your war anxiety
- Avoid conversations or spending time with people who add to your anxiety
6. Lean on Loved Ones
Having a support system can be incredibly important if you’re finding it difficult to know how to deal with anxiety about war. Surround yourself with people who understand you, support you, and want the best for you. Anxiety can result in feelings of isolation, and spending time with people who love and care about you can be helpful.
Remember that you don’t need to only surround yourself with people who are like-minded. That said, realizing who you’re comfortable with might make it easier for you to share your feelings. Getting into combative conversations with people probably isn’t going to be the best for coping with war anxiety.
TIPS:
- Surround yourself with people you can trust
- Don’t be afraid to open up and share your anxiety
- Be honest if you want conversations to remain confidential
- Don’t feel the need to label your feelings
“If you’re a parent or guardian and caring for children or loved ones who are also feeling anxious, find age-appropriate ways of talking with them and supporting them through this. Then you’re not only coping with your war anxiety, but your entire home and community is also getting healthy ways to cope with this anxiety as well.”
7. Focus on the Positives
The power of positive thinking has been proven in scientific research and studies. Particularly if you already struggle with anxiety, or if you’ve been previously diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, reminding yourself of the good things in life can be a powerful way to combat war anxiety.
Simple acts that focus on the positives can help you manage anxiety about war stress that’s interfering with your daily functioning. One great way to manage anxiety can be to give back or find volunteer opportunities to donate your time and resources to.
“If you’re feeling helpless, but think doing something to help support victims of war might help your anxiety symptoms, look into ways that you can help that feel right for you. No effort is too small. See if doing something for others helps mitigate your anxiety in any way.”
Rosenblatt offers the following ideas:
- Make a monetary donation to an organization doing great work
- Organize a food and clothing drive for your community that you can share with organizations delivering food and basic needs
- Join a solidarity march or movement in your community
- Talk with your kids about offering age-appropriate support to victims (for example, with younger children, you can ask if they want to draw pictures or write letters to people in war-torn communities)
Giving back can make you feel good in times of hopelessness, but there are also several other ways to re-focus your mind on the positives.
TIPS:
- Physically list the people you care about and are grateful for
- Keep a gratitude journal
- Take the time to get outdoors and go for a walk
- Set a time each day to recognize, enjoy, and appreciate the little things you might normally take for granted
- Volunteer
8. Come to Terms with Uncertainty
The unfortunate reality is there’s a lot of uncertainty in our world right now. Coming to terms with that, and accepting it, might help you get through your days.
Of course you want to know what tomorrow holds — we all do. That feeling can be wildly amplified if you’re worried for the people who are directly affected by war and concerned about what the ultimate, final outcome might be. However, the simple truth is this: you’re not in control of any of these things. Allowing yourself to accept this idea can be game-changing.
TIPS:
- Make your health a priority
- Take a break from news and negativity
- Acknowledge and accept your emotions, but don’t let them take hold of your mental state
9. Consider Therapy
Therapy can be an invaluable tool when you’re dealing with feelings of anxiety, worry, and fear. If you find yourself feeling more anxious than usually because of war anxiety, feel free to ask your therapist for more weekly sessions or more support if that feels helpful.
Let your therapist know how you’re feeling, and ask them for coping skills and ideas to help prevent and manage your anxiety symptoms. In therapy, you learn that you don’t have to believe everything you think, especially anxiety thoughts that can be the worst-case scenario type or automatic negative thoughts.
Learning skills to identify these thoughts and ways to cope with them can be key to managing war anxiety. If you’re prescribed medications for anxiety, make sure you have enough and you’re taking them as directed.
TIPS:
- Take the time to find a therapist you’re comfortable with
- Be willing to put in the work — therapy isn’t always easy, but it is rewarding when you’re committed
- Be patient — therapy doesn’t fix things overnight
“Research in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS) shows that if you’re feeling anxious, you can try an emotion regulation technique called ‘cognitive distancing’ to start feeling better. Cognitive distancing works by creating some separation between yourself and your feelings. One way to do this is when you’re feeling anxious, talk to yourself in the third person instead of first person. For example, instead of asking yourself “Why did I do that?” ask yourself “Why did <your name> do that?” Self talk matters for managing anxiety symptoms, and therapy by messaging seems to help with that.”
Finding Support
If you feel that your war anxiety is increasing or becoming something you can’t manage on your own, reach out for help with your mental health. You can talk to your doctor or find an online therapist with Talkspace to help you find ways to deal with your anxiety. It’s normal to experience anxiety about war, but you don’t have to go through it alone.
Sources:
1. “Fake News” & Misinformation – How to Fact Check. Utopia.ut.edu. https://utopia.ut.edu/FakeNews/factcheck#s-lg-box-13625239. Published 2022. Accessed March 4, 2022.
2. Fang H, Tu S, Sheng J, Shao A. Depression in sleep disturbance: A review on a bidirectional relationship, mechanisms and treatment. J Cell Mol Med. 2019;23(4):2324-2332. doi:10.1111/jcmm.14170. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6433686/. Accessed March 4, 2022.
3. Eagleson C, Hayes S, Mathews A, Perman G, Hirsch C. The power of positive thinking: Pathological worry is reduced by thought replacement in Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Behav Res Ther. 2016;78:13-18. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2015.12.017. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4760272/ Accessed March 4, 2022.
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]]>The post Ask a Therapist: How Can I Hold on to Hope When I’ve Been Feeling Lonely For So Long? appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Q: Last year for Valentine’s Day, pre-COVID, I was single, and it didn’t really have a huge impact on me. My close friends and I celebrated the day by going out and having a fun night on the town. This year though, I’m single again, and this past Valentine’s day was awful; I felt so lonely and isolated, and the pandemic has made it so much worse because my friends and I don’t feel safe to go out and celebrate. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since COVID. How can I hold on to hope when I’ve been feeling so lonely for so long?
Dear Alma,
Thank you so much for asking a question that has undoubtedly been on many people’s minds this year! A year of COVID has really taken its toll on all of us, and your situation is certainly one that a ton of us can relate to! Loneliness may very well be dubbed the tidal wave of the pandemic. Why the tidal wave? Well the first, second, and third waves have already been assigned–and, frankly, loneliness can feel a whole lot like the entire ocean is crashing down on top of you right? So what do we do with all of these big, sweeping feelings? How do we maintain hope during such daunting times?
- Stay connected with those that you do have in your life. I know it isn’t the same as going out for a night on the town or Sunday brunch, but small get togethers and even online social meetups are vital right now to maintain our sense of connection to those we love. Humans are wired to be social. We need human contact to survive and to continue growing. Look ahead to the new, creative ways to find your joy. I was just opened up to the world of renting out the movie theater. In my current city, for $100 you can rent an entire theater room and invite 10 friends – plenty of space to spread out and remain socially distanced yet still having fun together. (That’s only $10/person which is way cheaper than pre-COVID, packed-seating prices!)
- I want you to think about your connection to yourself. Independence is a vibe all on its own. Connection is key and so is learning how to thrive in our current environment. While being alone is totally not a mindset, it’s easy for our situation to turn itself into an ugly habit of negative thinking. Because of that, I challenge my clients to have some productive, thoughtful quiet time. How? Listen to podcasts, music, and audiobooks that energize and inspire–ones that challenge the negative thoughts and replace them with more productive ones. Have a “Positivity Playlist” in your phone, host a virtual self-love book club for women, in part. Challenge yourself to stay on top of putting healthy information into your mind in an attempt to ward off the unhealthy thoughts that like to creep in.
- Find creative ways to contribute to your community—and it can look like anything that is important to YOU. It could include: leaving candy grams on your neighbors’ doorsteps with a little note letting them know you’re thinking of them, donating money to a cause you are passionate about, dog sitting for a friend, or really anything else. A ton of research has been put into understanding how to improve happiness, and a couple of things always seem to shake out in the results: Practice gratitude. Give back. It really comes up over and over again that the equation to a more fulfilling life includes being thankful for what we do have and contributing to others in ways that add value to your own life.
Thank you again for the vulnerability needed to reach out and share your struggle. We really are all in this together.
-Ashley
Ask a Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. By submitting a question you are agreeing to let Talkspace use it. Full names will not be used. *In case of urgent issues, do not ask a question, call 1-800-273-8255 or go to https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
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]]>The post 3 Ways POC Can Prioritize Growth in the Face of Hardship appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>“I’m just so tired,” I wailed to my therapist. She suggested that I reach out to my Auntie to learn more about my family history since my father is more or less shut down and I’m knee-deep in unpacking some serious intergenerational trauma. For some reason, though, this idea infuriated me. The thought of adding one extra task to my plate for the sake of healing was more than I could handle. It got me thinking: Do we have to keep working on ourselves forever?
Here are three therapist-based ways to achieve growth without pushing yourself beyond your personal limits:
1. Reframe Rest as a Form of Self-Care
In graduate school, I studied burnout in women because I wanted to understand why my female friends, clients, and I were so tired all of the time. Not surprisingly, I came across research that found that women, and especially women of color, are more prone to burnout because it is emotionally exhausting to try so hard to fit into a white-supremecist, patriarchal society every time you walk out the door (and sometimes within your own home).
“Unfortunately, those of us who are individuals of color or minoritized individuals — like members of the LGBTQ community, those with a disability, and so forth, are often compared to others from the dominant point of view,” explained Talkspace therapist Dr. Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW. “Folks of color are often scrutinized, compared to white people, or overgeneralized when we make mistakes.” Constantly trying to prove yourself in the face of preconceived biases can cause marginalized folks to become overly critical and strive for perfection at the cost of attending to their own needs. Learning to embrace rest as a form of self-care is a critical part of one’s personal growth journey.
2. Practice Unconditional Self-Acceptance
As someone who strives to be the best at everything, I notice myself bringing this kind of perfectionism into my personal growth work as well. It’s hard for me to accept that it’s ok to be flawed, to acknowledge that there may always be things I don’t like about myself or wish were different. In many ways, I feel like the self-help world has become another type of rat race, a competition of self-optimization of sorts. Chappel finds that people often compare themselves to others on social media, believing that if one person achieves something, then we’re all expected to achieve the same. “A way to break the cycle is to remind yourself that we all have to walk our own path and while some roads may be similar, none of them will ever be exactly the same,” said Chapple.
I was also encouraged to learn that there’s a benefit to accepting our flaws. Studies on the matter showed that people who practice unconditional self-acceptance, a core tenant of rational emotive behavior therapy, tend to be more resilient in the face of negative feedback, criticism, and setbacks because they don’t tie their self-worth to achievements. It turns out that accepting your imperfections is a type of growth in and of itself.
3. Give Yourself Permission to Ask for Help
There are times when our suffering is too much for us or our loved ones to deal with on our own. Part of self-improvement is acknowledging when it’s time to seek the professional help of a therapist. It is not uncommon, though, especially among POC, to believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness. “Most folks of color do not seek out any type of mental health or wellness because of the stigma associated with these services,” said Chapple. “We also tend to prioritize other people’s needs over our own.”
I was just as skeptical as the next person when I started therapy over eight years ago, but it’s become one of the greatest gifts I’ve given myself. According to Talkspace therapist Amy Cirbus, PhD, LMHC, LPC, therapy provides a structure for you to think and reflect each week. Moreover, therapy can help you develop skills in areas you might not have thought of or wouldn’t have been able to develop on your own. “We develop habits of familiarity that make us safe and comfortable, but aren’t conducive to growth,” Cirbus explained. “Therapy can challenge those habits and help you create realistic goals for yourself – and help you pace the achievement of those goals, creating markers of success along the way!”
As much as I’m committed to my personal growth journey, I’m also committed to enjoying my life. Sometimes enjoying my life looks like diving deep into my emotional wounds and carving out time to reach my goals. Other times, enjoying my life looks like taking a nap. There is room for many different types of growth and you don’t need to push yourself beyond your limits in order to find it. And when you need a little guidance, professional help from an online therapist is only a click away.
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]]>The post How to Manage When You Lose Touch with Your Support Systems appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>On top of handling all that’s new, transitions force us to grieve as we say goodbye to old friends and environments. As we embark on new adventures, it’s often bittersweet to realize what we’re leaving behind.
Recently, I graduated from University of Michigan and moved across the country to Washington state. Before I arrived, I knew a total of one person here. It’s been a massive departure from my well-worn routine in college, where I walked the same paths daily, saw the same therapist for three years, and knew everyone in my 80-person program by name.
Despite the challenges my new situation poses, I know this transition is pushing me to grow and will ultimately lead to amazing experiences and relationships. If you’re going through a transition right now, be gentle with yourself. As difficult as it may be, it will likely be worth it. And, there are some things you can do to make it easier on yourself.
Practice (Extra) Self-Care
Self-care is always important, but especially so during a transition period when everything feels in flux. In between unpacking boxes or acquainting yourself with a new office, make sure you take time for yourself. Although self-care may look different for everyone, it should probably include:
- Getting enough sleep. Too much or too little sleep will have you feeling out of sorts, and make your adjustment feel all the more difficult. Aim to get 7-8 hours of sleep per night so you can attack your days with energy.
- Moving your body. On top of the host of mental health benefits you get from exercise, it’s also a great activity to do solo. If you don’t have a bunch of friends in your new environment just yet, explore on your own via a long run or bike ride.
- Journaling. Transitions are bound to bring up lots of feelings of the good, bad, and in-between varieties. A journal can be a place to process these feelings outside your own head and give them a visual representation. It’s also nice to have these thoughts to look back on when you’re months down the road and able to reflect on how far you’ve come.
- Doing activities that bring you joy. It can be comforting to remember that, while you may be in a new city or job, you’re still you. Connect to the parts of yourself that you can access no matter where you are or who you’re with. This could be through art, music, time in nature, sports, or whatever brings you true joy.
Balance Old and New Relationships
As you navigate a transition, you absolutely should try to build new relationships. Your neighbors, co-workers, and friends of friends are all great places to start, and can help you build a network in your new environment. Though it may feel overwhelming, it’s helpful to remember all the friendships you cherish now were new at one point.
At the same time, it’s important to stay connected to your old support systems. While you may not physically be in the same place as your family and friends, keeping in touch via texts and calls can go a long way. These are the people who already know you deeply and are easy to talk to, so they can be amazing resources as you move through your transition.
“A good way to stay in touch with old support systems is to create family Friday or Sunday sunshine (for old friends that make you happy),” psychotherapist Cynthia Catchings said. “Those days are for you to communicate with them. You can always stay in touch with them any other day, but the day of the week reminder helps.”
Like most things, balance is key here. If you spend all your time talking to your old friends, you’ll miss out on opportunities to build new, meaningful relationships. If you focus exclusively on new friends, you risk losing important people who already know and love you. Strive to prioritize both, and let your circle of loved ones grow.
Be Patient
You might find yourself wanting to “fast forward” through the most challenging parts of a transition, wanting to get to the point where you feel comfortable and at home. While this desire is normal and understandable, patience is key.
Depending on how monumental your transition is, it’s unlikely you’ll feel totally at ease within the first few weeks. This is okay and won’t last forever. It can be helpful to remember the last time you went through a big transition — how difficult it may have been at first, and all the good that ultimately came of it.
However, patience should not be confused with masochism. How long people deal with “transition pains” depends on the person, but Catchings tells us it’s usually around 2-3 months. If you’re not seeing many positive changes or are still feeling anxious or depressed after 6 months, it may be the sign of something bigger.
“Adjustment disorder is real and not understanding it or having the help of a mental health professional to guide you through it can make the process more difficult,” Catchings said.
Seeing an in-person or online therapist can make all the difference when navigating a challenging transition. With the help of a mental health professional, new and old support systems, and the knowledge that this will pass, you can and will move through it.
“Transitions make you stronger and wiser,” Catchings said. “You will do just fine and you will conquer this mountain too.”
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]]>The post 4 Ways to “Catch a Break” When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>I know I’m not alone in thinking that this has been one of the longest years of my life. From a global pandemic and the worst recession since the Great Depression, to the murders of innocent Black people, and one of the most controversial election seasons in U.S. history, among horrific wildfires in the West and destructive hurricanes in the South, the collective stress and tragedies we’re enduring are almost too much to bear.
If you, similarly, are overwhelmed and looking to catch a break, here are 4 therapy-based suggestions to consider.
1. Try Mindful Movement
According to Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC, overwhelm can look different for everyone. That said, across the board, she recommends people find moments of groundedness and mindfulness. “It doesn’t need to be anything major to have the lasting effects that we are looking for,” said Rice. She believes it’s possible to carve out at least a few minutes every day to move your body in a mindful way without interrupting other areas of your life. She suggests intensive exercises like jumping jacks, going on a walk for a change in environmental scenery, or a muscle relaxation practice like tensing up all of your muscles and then releasing them on an exhale.
Personally, a regular at-home yoga practice has been critical to get me through this difficult time. I like the YouTube channel Yoga with Adriene for a wide variety of free, body-positive at-home yoga classes. Classes range from under ten minutes to over an hour so you can select a video that fits into your schedule. I also love having the ability to select a more vigorous class when I’m feeling more energetic or a slower, more relaxing class when I’m feeling depleted. There’s something for everyone.
2. Remind Yourself Everything is Temporary
Rest assured, even therapists admit it’s easy to lose hope right now. They’ve also observed it’s challenging to be the beacon of hope right now. Sometimes you need to just sit in the pain and remind yourself that everything is temporary, that nothing lasts forever. “Just like with all terrible things that happen to us or around us,” said Rice, “there will eventually be some light at the end of the tunnel.” Rice finds that it’s sometimes easier to find gratitude when we have seen what an especially challenging experience looks like. As she says, “When we create our new version of normal, we can do a healthy reflection on what happened in the past and be happier about how we aren’t there anymore.”
I am someone who often “catastrophizes” or imagines the worst case scenario. These days, I’ve been having a hard time not feeling like the world is crashing down around me. I have to actively remind myself that no matter how bad something seems, it will pass. Going on walks where I see seasonal changes, flowers blossoming or leaves falling off trees, helps remind me about the passage of time, that everything is temporary.
3. Connect Your Mind and Body
If you feel burned out, Rice recommends doing something that connects your mind and body at the start of the day. It could be a walk, hike, swimming, or even something more extensive like Orange Theory. Find something that works for you and be intentional about it. For example, if you go on a power walk, challenge yourself to only focus on your breath. If you go for a swim, everytime you hold your breath, bring your mind to that spot. If you go on a hike, bring your focus to the birds chirping or try to make shapes with the clouds. “Pulling ourselves into the present moment is challenging,” Rice admits, “but it’s the only way to get away from getting stuck in the past or in the future.”
Personally, I’ve been doing a lot of active meditations. Going on walks around the block in the morning and noticing one thing in the external environment and then bringing my attention inward to notice one thing in my internal environment. I’ve also been enjoying closing my eyes outside and seeing how many different noises I can identify. These little ways to connect my mind and body have helped me stay calm and keep life in perspective.
4. Fill Your Own Cup First
I know how hard it is sometimes to prioritize your health and well-being when it feels like there is so much suffering around you. It makes me feel guilty, why do I deserve to rest when so many others can’t? “My logic is that I can’t assist other people with putting on their oxygen mask if I haven’t ensured that mine is tightly fastened and ready to go,” said Rice.
So, think about: what fills your cup? It might have been a mindfulness practice, a massage, a facial, or spending time with the people you love. The tricky thing is you might not be able to do a lot of the things that normally fill up your cup because of COVID-19. In that case, it’s time to get creative. I’ve been prioritizing spending more time outside, laying in the grass, journaling, talking to my therapist, cooking, and taking walks by myself. As an introvert, spending more time alone and away from the screen has been an important way for me to fill up my cup these days.
2020 has illuminated a lot of ways our society is broken. It’s sad, maddening, stressful, and sometimes evokes so many emotions there’s nothing left for me to do but curl up in a ball and cry. I’ve had more breakdowns this year than ever before and — it’s uncomfortable and disconcerting to say the least. But when I remember we are in this together, and we will get through it, I am able to muster up the energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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]]>The post How To Stay Resilient in the Long-Term Fight For Racial Justice appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>“When people, particularly white people, look for me, they have the whole ocean to choose from,” Herring says. “They choose me for a reason.”
For clients of color, that reason is often to find a mental health practitioner sensitive to the joy and trauma of being Black in the United States. For white clients, says Herring, it’s often to ensure personal growth and accountability. “When they choose me, they’re choosing me to have critical conversations.”
Since Minneapolis police killed George Floyd in late May, many of us have been having these critical conversations. For many Americans of color, who are coping with recent police violence, on top of disproportionate devastation from the coronavirus pandemic, this is simply the latest installment of 500 years of traumatic, exhausting post-colonization U.S. history. For white Americans, who may not have deeply considered the reality of racism previously, this conversation may feel new and challenging. “People are coming in and they’re hurting,” says Herring.
Staying Sustainable in the Streets
This pain may be particularly sharp for those who have been taking to the streets, as part of the worldwide wave of protests against systemic anti-Black racism that has particularly rocked the United States since late May. All forms of action against systemic racism are important, but the impact of ongoing police violence against protestors — as well as the sheer physical and mental exhaustion of activism — can make protest a deeply traumatic experience.
At the same time, as Black mental health professionals remind us, the struggle against racism is a movement, not a moment — and for people of color, particularly Black people, it’s an involuntary, lifelong struggle for survival. Staying resilient requires self-care and community healing. But Herring also says that racial differences in lived experience require different approaches to resilience. “I’m telling my Black clients and my people of color clients something different than I’m telling my white clients,” says Herring.
Here is some of the advice Herring offers her clients, and all those who are involved in the long-term fight for racial justice.
Resilience for People of Color
Herring emphasizes one central tenet of sustainability for people of color in struggle: rest. While the fight for racial justice is a personal, life-or-death struggle, Herring also reminds her Black clients that the burden of undoing racism should not fall on them. “We’re having to put our lives on the front lines again for something we didn’t start,” she says.
Herring advises clients and protestors of color to acknowledge the trauma they are experiencing, and honor their own selves and need for healing, by practicing self- and community care.
Acknowledge the trauma
News stories about race and racism have dominated the headlines for the past six weeks, but the trauma of racial violence stretches back hundreds of years. “We’ve been yelling but haven’t been heard,” says Herring.
She encourages people of color, and particularly Black Americans, to acknowledge the trauma caused by both the overt acts of violence and the constant hyper-vigilance that violence may be immanent. “There’s negative language around being a victim,” Herring says. But acknowledging that you have been harmed, and that it’s not your fault, can be a huge step toward healing. “I don’t have to label myself a victim but I’ve been a byproduct of victimhood. It’s been an action toward me, not that I am this thing.”
Trauma can look like rage, sadness, or any number of feelings. No matter what you’re experiencing, says Herring, it’s okay to ask for support. “I think reaching out for help if you need it is really important.”
Take breaks
When you’re fighting for your life and the lives of your loved ones and community, it’s normal to want to do as much as you can. But Herring also reminds activists of color to take breaks, and take care of themselves.
Struggle in the streets is physically taxing and emotionally traumatic. Even if you’ve lived your entire life facing the risk of incarceration and interpersonal violence, being tear gassed, arrested, injured, or seeing other people injured is still incredibly difficult — and physically exhausting. “Going out there every day is too much,” says Herring. “Make sure you’re taking days off.”
Taking time to rest is important both for your own well being and for the wellbeing of the movement. Tired, stressed out, and traumatized people aren’t always able to make the most strategic decisions, and exhaustion can escalate conflicts among protestors, which could otherwise be easily resolved.
Many people feel guilt when they take breaks or wonder if they should be doing more. But Herring says it’s important to remember that white supremacy is not your responsibility even though it is a burden that has been placed on you. “We didn’t create this problem, we don’t need to be guilty of it,” she says.
Instead of pushing yourself beyond your capacity, Herring recommends working from your strengths.“What are your gifts?” she asks. “Go from there.”
Finally, rest is an important part of valuing yourself as a whole person, something white supremacy attempts to take away from people of color. “Do nothing, it’s okay. It’s really okay to rest, sleep. It’s really okay,” says Herring.
Be gentle with yourself
It’s hard to keep a tender place inside of you when fighting for your survival, but Herring says it’s important to keep in touch with joy. Self-care and joy are ways to challenge the white supremacist and capitalist assumptions that people of color are only worth as much as their economic productivity or value to white society.
No one is exempt from the struggle with self-criticism; Herring too found herself feeling guilty she wasn’t in the streets, before reminding herself that providing care, like therapy, is also a vital part of any movement.
That’s why Herring recommends being intentional about doing things that give you joy. “Talk to a friend. Go to therapy. Rest. Take a bath,” she says. The world may not be gentle to you, but you can be gentle to yourself.
Resilience for White People
While people of color, and particularly Black Americans, have no choice but to constantly contend with racism, many white people may find themselves engaging with race and activism for the first time.
Because most white people have not had to actively engage with the trauma of racism or experienced state violence the way Black people have, engaging with the movement can feel overwhelming. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed; it’s a sign that you’re learning and growing.
If you’re not new to the fight against racism and have been taking action against white supremacy for some time, now is a chance to deepen your commitment, and practice self-care so you can stay resilient. If you’ve just recently begun engaging in the struggle against racism, now’s the time to develop your stamina so you can continue this work even when it leaves the headlines. Herring has a message for you: “When people finally get it I’m like, welcome to the fold.”
Above all, it’s important to remember that the struggle against white supremacy is not a favor we are doing anyone: it’s a debt we owe due to the material benefits white people as a whole have gained by exploiting Black people and people of color. “White people need to be out there. It’s their doing,” says Herring.
Racial justice work is also something we should do in accordance with our own values and with the understanding that it is neither ethical nor spiritually healthy to benefit from the exploitation of other human beings.
“This is for humanity or not for humanity,” says Herring. “Which side are you going to fall on?”
Practice humility
If you as a white person started doing racial justice work any time after childhood, you’re late to the movement — about five hundred years late. That’s why even as we progress in our understanding of race and activism, we must continue to acknowledge what we don’t know.
If people of color are doubtful of your intentions or critical of your actions in racial justice spaces, that’s something to take seriously and learn from. Herring says that seeing so many white people engaged in the current movement can be positive, but it’s also something that people of color may feel skeptical of due to centuries of betrayal from self-proclaimed white allies. People of color may look at you and wonder, “Can they keep it up?” says Herring.
Rather than getting defensive about feedback, we can choose to hear it openly, think through it, and internalize the lessons. It’s okay to take some time to sit with your feelings of guilt; it’s not okay to get defensive. This is true humility.
After all, if we are truly engaging in this movement from a place of deep conviction in what is right, rather than a desire to gain acclaim, that conviction will only grow through criticism.
Embrace discomfort
Underlying much of white discomfort in racial justice spaces is guilt, both of the harm we may have directly caused through our racial privilege and the harm our ancestors have caused. Herring says it’s okay to simply experience this guilt, without getting defensive or projecting it onto people of color. “Your ancestors have been egregious. Go ahead and sit with it. It is what it is.”
Building our tolerance for discomfort — physical, mental, and emotional — is a huge part of unlearning white supremacy. “Comfort is a privilege,” says Herring. “We have been living in this discomfort forever and you can do it, too.”
Embracing discomfort may mean having difficult conversations about race with white loved ones, challenging your boss or workplace for their racism, or putting yourself in physical danger at the front lines of protest. These are all ways you can use your privileges to help undo white supremacy.
Guilt and discomfort can keep us paralyzed. It’s okay to notice these feelings of discomfort and simply experience them, but it’s also important to continuously challenge yourself to move through them. “Let’s learn to sit in our discomfort and keep it moving,” says Herring.
Grow through mistakes
The reality of it is, you will make mistakes. We all do. Political work is a lifelong commitment, and no one is fully formed and totally secure in their beliefs and actions. We all have privileges that make us insensitive to the experiences of others; for white people, this is privilege around race.
Learning to grow through mistakes, rather than giving up when you mess up, is part of making sure we’re in this as a movement, not as a trend. “Put your seatbelt on, buckle up, and realize this is a lifetime commitment,” says Herring. You’ll never stop messing up, but you will continuously learn, and you will find yourself making better or different mistakes over time. “That is a muscle building activity,” says Herring.
You will build your stamina for struggle and your ability to take criticism without becoming defensive. It won’t always feel good, but it is for good.
It’s a Relay Race
It’s often said that movements are a marathon, not a sprint. But in truth, as I’ve heard protestors say, it’s truly a relay race. We pass the baton to each other when we need to take a breather, and enter the race again strong.
Racism has existed in America for 500 years. Transforming it is the work of many lifetimes, but it must start now. “These systems of oppression have to be broken down,” says Herring.
The struggle will be hard — and always harder for people of color than for white people. At the same time, says Herring, “You can still give yourself permission to hold some hope.”
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]]>The post The Good Stress: How Eustress Helps You Grow appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Good stress? It’s not as wild as you think. If you’re a scary movie fan, you know the feeling: The killer is right around the corner, the last protagonist alive is hiding behind the tree, and your heart is pounding. Yes, you’re stressed. You’re also excited, intrigued, and eager to keep watching.
You’ll experience bouts of eustress throughout your life, and it’s easy to mistake them for regular distress. Perhaps you’re about to start your first year at college. Sure, you’re petrified; You’ll be living alone in a new place where you know no one.
Eustress pushes you to new heights. It encourages you to dive into new career experiences, finish that tough workout, and take on that major renovation project.
Here’s what you need to know about stress’s less-scary side.
How is Eustress Good For You?
No, eustress doesn’t always feel good. You’re preoccupied, your heart’s pounding, and you can feel the adrenaline in your veins. But in reality, it’s good for you.
Eustress drives you to achieve better things. Imagine you’ve just been rejected by a person you really wanted to date. Yes, that’s stressful — but it also encourages you to improve yourself, reevaluate your approach, and search for the silver lining.
It’s also key to developing resilience, which is super-important for your emotional health. For most of us, resilience isn’t something we’re born with. It’s something we develop through times of struggle — times of eustress. Living through hard days teaches us how to survive hard days. Eustress is vital to that process.
It’s also essential for our physical wellbeing. Anxious about that tough workout? Eustress powers you through. Sure, it’s difficult, but no one got biceps by lazing on the couch.
Examples of Eustress
Eustress manifests in a number of different arenas. Here are some examples, so you can start identifying it in your own life:
- Traveling. Dealing with international flights and unfamiliar customs can be stressful, but the end result is worth the pain. These new experiences shape your worldview and expand your mind.
- Life changes. Bride and grooms might pause on their wedding day and think, “This is a happy time. Why am I stressed?” Similarly, new parents are notoriously overwhelmed. Big life changes inherently spark eustress — but lead to great things.
- New hobbies. We’ve all felt stressed and embarrassed when starting something new — like our first art class or language lesson. Pushing through that feeling teaches you new skills and keeps your brain active.
How Can I Tell if it’s Eustress or Distress?
Eustress is good, but distress can be bad for you. Cumulative negative stress can affect your physical wellbeing and increase your risk for anxiety and depression. But how can you tell if you’re experiencing eustress or distress?
Start by thinking of events in terms of “threats” and “challenges.” Undeniably, a threat is a bad thing — like an abusive relationship, a failing grade, or a family member’s illness. These events are distressing, and over a prolonged period of time, they can lead to all the negative ramifications of distress.
Eustress indicates a challenge, like a hard workout, a new language, a promotion, or a brand-new house. Challenges are difficult, and will definitely raise your hackles momentarily, but they can be overcome.
Remember that distress can turn into eustress, if you have the right mindset. No, you aren’t expected to immediately transform every setback into a challenge — no one’s blaming you if you’re feeling legitimately distressed for a few weeks after losing your job. It’s what comes after those few weeks that’s important. Job loss becomes a job hunt, and you’ve gone from distress to eustress. The threat came and passed, and now you’re fighting a challenge on the other side.
Avoiding stress may come naturally, but consider leaning into eustress. Positive stress encourages positive growth — so next time you feel your heartbeat pounding, think about how the sensation can help you learn.
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]]>But what is resilience, really? And how do you go about cultivating it, especially when it feels like the rug is being pulled right out from under you?
Cultivating Resilience Is Simpler Than You Might Think
The important thing to keep in mind is that being resilient doesn’t mean that you have it all together all the time. It doesn’t mean that you don’t sometimes feel like you have lost all faith and courage. It just means that you have the mindset of perseverance despite all the difficulties thrown your way. It simply means that you showed up — you tried.
The good news is that experts agree that resilience is a learned behavior, and something you can strengthen throughout your life. And what better way to start your journey toward resilience than with some motivating and empowering quotes from incredible women and men who have been through it all and come out the other inside stronger than ever?
10 Inspiring Quotes About Resilience
- “My scars remind me that I did indeed survive my deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on me has, in many places, left me stronger and more resilient. What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present.” —Steve Goodier, author and minister
- “Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” —Nelson Mandela, South African anti-apartheid revolutionary, political leader, and philanthropist
- “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” —Maya Angelou, poet, memoirist, Civil Rights activist
- “Rock bottom became the solid foundation in which I rebuilt my life.” —J.K. Rowling, writer
- “Someone I once loved gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.” —Mary Oliver, poet
- “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” —Jon Kabat-Zinn, mindfulness meditation teacher, author, and clinician
- “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” —Michael Jordan, NBA Hall of Fame basketball player
- “Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” —Leonard Cohen, singer-songwriter and author
- “Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.” —Elizabeth Edwards, attorney, author, and health care activist.
- “When we tackle obstacles, we find hidden reserves of courage and resilience we did not know we had. And it is only when we are faced with failure do we realise that these resources were always there within us. We only need to find them and move on with our lives,” —A. P. J. Abdul Kalam, scientist and 11th president of India
You Are More Resilient Than You Realize
One of the amazing things about resilience is that many of us didn’t realize how resilient we were until we looked back at difficult times in our lives and saw the simple fact that we made it through, that we learned a thing or two, and that we had enough faith to keep going.
So the next time you are in a tough spot in life — and believe me, these moments will come up whether we want them to or not — think back on a time that you did persevere. That right there is your resilience. It’s always accessible to you, and you have more of it than you know.
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