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]]>Have you been feeling glum, unhappy, or out of sorts lately? Don’t worry – it’s normal to feel sad sometimes. When you’re down but don’t know why, it’s called feeling blue.
It’s possible to feel blue without any obvious or apparent cause, but these low moods usually happen for a reason. While it can be challenging to cope with any sad feeling, thankfully, there are plenty of ways to deal with the blues. Read on to learn more about the blues and find ways to overcome them.
What Do the Blues Feel Like?
A “blue feeling” is a common way we describe gloominess or sorrow. For example, someone feeling blue might say they feel “mopey” or “down in the dumps.” It’s common to cry more than usual or struggle with motivation when blue.
Although people with the blues might describe themselves as depressed, the blues and depression actually aren’t the same thing. However, if you’ve been in a low mood for a while, and your feelings don’t seem to be going away, your sadness might be a symptom of depression. It’s important to understand the difference between the two.
Feeling the blues vs depression
How can you tell the difference between a blue feeling and depression? When people feel blue, it’s usually for a reason. For example, someone might feel blue if they miss out on an opportunity, have a disagreement with someone they’re close to, or are unhappy with their life’s state.
By contrast, while stressful events can trigger depression, people who are clinically depressed often feel unhappy even when their life is going well.
If you’re blue, fun activities or spending time with friends might be an effective way to lift your spirits. Depression, however, can cause you to lose interest in things you once thoroughly enjoyed (a symptom commonly known as anhedonia). When you’re depressed, doing something fun might not change your mood at all. In fact, depression can make it hard to find the motivation to socialize or do anything in the first place.
“Depression is stronger than feeling the blues. When depression is present, it’s more difficult, and sometimes nearly impossible, to stay motivated or complete our daily activities. Conversely, feeling the blues is more of a state of sadness, but we’re still able to perform our daily activities.”
– Talkspace therapist Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S
Sadness is one of the more common symptoms of depression everyone knows about, but there are other symptoms, too. Additional depressive symptoms can include difficulty concentrating, fatigue, and thoughts of suicide. Symptoms of depression can be severe and have a significant impact on day-to-day functioning.
Knowing when to get professional help
A passing feeling of sadness isn’t necessarily a cause for concern. However, if those feelings don’t seem to fade, you may want to talk to a mental health professional for treatment. You should seek help if you’re having thoughts of self-harm or suicide or if your sadness interferes with your ability to carry out everyday responsibilities. For more help with identifying when you need help, learn the differences between sadness and depression.
Is Feeling the Blues Normal?
Unpleasant emotions are a normal part of life — everyone feels the blues at one point or another. Feeling blue isn’t unusual or abnormal, and a low mood isn’t necessarily bad. People typically feel blue for a reason, so figuring out why you’re feeling down could help you make positive changes.
There’s nothing strange about the blues, but that doesn’t mean you should wallow in your sadness. It’s impossible to always be happy, but when you’re feeling down, it’s important that you try to cheer yourself up.
– Talkspace therapist Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S
“It’s normal to feel the blues. As emotional beings, we respond to life changes and adjustments and cannot always be happy. But as normal as it can be, it’s important to monitor our feelings through journaling or mindfulness activities to be able to track how often and how much the blues may be affecting us.”
How to Beat the Blues
Although it’s OK to feel the blues from time to time, if you’re truly unhappy and the feeling isn’t getting better, you should look for ways to cope with your feelings and improve your mood. The following are some of the best ways we know to fight back when feeling the blues.
1. Look for ways to laugh
They say laughter is the best medicine, and that adage holds when it comes to the blues. Laughter has a therapeutic effect and can increase dopamine and serotonin levels.
Whether you watch a comedy, spend time with your funniest friends, or look at silly pictures, try to find ways to bring more laughter into your life. When you’re laughing, your blue feelings can start to feel further away.
2. Spend time outside
Spending time in nature can have a positive impact on your mental health. Natural environments can be therapeutic, and research shows that being outside can lift mood and reduce stress.
Being outdoors also means spending more time in the sun. Sunshine can boost serotonin levels and help you sleep more deeply at night.
3. Find ways to let your feelings out
Bottling up how you feel won’t make things better. Instead, expressing your emotions can help you work through your feelings and find ways to feel better.
It may be helpful to share your feelings with a family member, friend, or therapist. Journaling for your mental health or finding creative activities can also be healthy outlets for your emotions. Finally, acknowledging and accepting the blues will usually help you feel better.
4. Make lifestyle changes
Studies consistently show that keeping a daily routine can positively impact your mental health. If you’ve been down, try to make healthy changes that improve your outlook on life.
Whether you get more exercise, improve your diet, change your social circle, or improve your sleep hygiene, these small shifts can enhance your mood and well-being. People sometimes go through the blues because they’re in a rut, and healthy habits and routines might be just the change you need.
5. Take care of yourself
It can be hard to show yourself compassion or prioritize your own needs when you’re sad. Make sure you don’t neglect yourself when you’re feeling gloomy. Try treating yourself like you’d treat a friend who’s feeling down.
Every day, make a point of doing something you enjoy. Do things that refresh you, like taking a long, hot shower, going for a walk, meeting up with friends, or taking a mental health day off work. When you take better care of yourself, you’ll likely start to see an improvement in your mood.
Fight the Blues with Talkspace
There are plenty of ways to cope with the blues, but if your sad feelings aren’t going away, it might be time to seek professional help. Talkspace is an online therapy platform that lets you quickly connect with a licensed therapist. If you’re looking for online therapy that accepts insurance, get connected at Talkspace to check your eligibility.
Whether you’re feeling blue or dealing with a type of depression, sadness can make you feel unmotivated. Talkspace is a convenient way to get support for emotions you’re struggling with. Reach out for help today to beat the blues and learn how to be happy again.
Sources:
- Kessler RC. The effects of stressful life events on depression. Annual Review of Psychology. 1997;48(1):191-214. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.48.1.191. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9046559/. Accessed November 17, 2022.
- Yim JE. Therapeutic benefits of laughter in mental health: A theoretical review. The Tohoku Journal of Experimental Medicine. 2016;239(3):243-249. doi:10.1620/tjem.239.243. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27439375/. Accessed November 17, 2022.
- Pearson DG, Craig T. The great outdoors? exploring the mental health benefits of Natural Environments. Frontiers in Psychology. 2014;5. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2014.01178. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4204431/. Accessed November 17, 2022.
- Hou WK, Lai FTT, Ben-Ezra M, Goodwin R. Regularizing daily routines for mental health during and after the COVID-19 pandemic. Journal of Global Health. 2020;10(2). doi:10.7189/jogh.10.020315. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7535346/. Accessed November 17, 2022.
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]]>The post How to Be Happy Again: 14 Tips appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Updated 03/21/24
Depression, life changes, or a multitude of other life stressors can often leave us feeling blue and unhappy. Life is full of ups and downs, and the ebbs and flows don’t come and go without our emotions attaching to them. The thing is, feelings are just temporary. If you’re experiencing tough times right now and feeling sad or depressed, know that it’s possible to feel happy again.
Rediscovering happiness can sometimes feel like a daunting journey, especially during life’s lows. However, happiness is a state that can be cultivated with mindful practices and positive lifestyle changes.
Whether you’re navigating through tough times or simply looking to inject more joy into your daily life, our comprehensive guide offers actionable steps to help you feel happier, more in control, and capable of embracing life’s ups and downs with a resilient spirit. Read on to learn how to be happy again. We’ll share tips for finding happiness and cutting out things that make you unhappy in your life.
14 Tips for Finding Happiness Again
Embarking on a journey towards overall happiness requires patience and self-care. These practical tips address mental health, hobbies, and daily habits to guide you toward a more joyful life and help you find happiness again.
1. Consider therapy
Therapy is a powerful tool in the quest for happiness, especially for those grappling with the shadows of trauma, loss, or grief. It serves as a beacon of hope, guiding you through the fog of difficult emotions to find clarity and peace once again. Engaging with a therapist can empower you to transform pain into growth, teaching you strategies to process your feelings constructively and move forward with resilience and optimism.
For individuals battling the grip of depression, therapy offers a lifeline. Therapy for depression provides a personalized roadmap to navigate out of the darkness, harnessing evidence-based techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) to rekindle joy and hope.
Embracing therapy is an act of courage and self-love. It’s a step towards not just healing, but thriving, enabling you to unlock a happier, more fulfilled version of yourself.
2. Start or return to a hobby
Finding a hobby and doing what you love is a great way to detach from the stressors in life that are stealing your joy. If you love gardening, painting, music, dancing, knitting, hiking, reading, writing, cooking, or anything else that gives you peace and energizes you, make a dedicated effort to find time for it. Even an hour a week spent doing something you love can lift your spirits and offer you hope.
3. Ditch (or time limit) your social media intake
Recent research shows a link between social media use and depression, especially when people scroll social platforms late at night. Further, studies show that people who limit their time on social media are happier and more content with their life. If you find yourself doom scrolling throughout the day or up late at night checking social media, consider ditching social altogether or at least putting time limits on your use.
4. Journal
Journaling has long been a well-respected way to improve life satisfaction, focus on the positives, and heal from past trauma. Research shows the effects of keeping a gratitude journal can result in positive emotions and an ability to adjust to life changes.
5. Meditate
The power of meditation has been proven time and again in study after study. Mindfulness meditation is an effective way to let go of stress and anxiety. Downloading a simple app can help you learn the art of meditation. Try to commit to meditating as often as you can — early morning sessions or just before going to bed at night are both great opportunities to hone your meditation skills and reap all the benefits this quiet time has to offer.
6. Spend time with happy people
If we are the company we keep, spending time with happy people can help us maintain a positive attitude and pull us out of a funk. Distance yourself from people whose negativity brings you down. Instead, make an effort to spend time with people who share your same values and are focused on seeing the positives in life.
7. Say goodbye to unhealthy people in your life
If you’re spending time with the happy people in your life, it’s OK to take a break from those who are unhealthy. Setting boundaries and protecting yourself from toxic relationships is one of the most effective ways to be happy again.
8. Do what you love
Doing what you love is good for the soul. This could be in terms of a hobby, your profession, your extracurricular activities, or anything else that you get joy out of. Take the time to make these things a priority.
9. Eat healthy
Eating healthy doesn’t mean depriving yourself of everything you love all the time. Special treats, in moderation, are fine. Try to eat a nutritious, healthy diet the majority of your days, though, so you can fuel your body and mind. A healthy diet will ultimately help you in the happiness department.
10. Take a “Me-Day” (often)
Self-care is an important component to your lasting happiness. If you’re struggling with how to be happy again, make sure you’re taking time for yourself. It doesn’t need to be overly time-consuming, either. A 30-minute walk outdoors, getting your nails done, or going to coffee with a friend for an hour out of the week can give you the me-time you need to achieve balance and true happiness in your life.
11. Work out
Working out increases endorphins, which is a significant contributor to happiness. Research shows that the endorphin hormone released during regular exercise functions as a neurotransmitter, transmitting happiness, confidence, and well-being.
12. Make sleep a priority
The relationship between sleep and mood has been well-researched. Studies show that sleep quality has a direct correlation to life satisfaction and happiness. Making a good sleep schedule a priority can increase your life satisfaction and greatly enhance how happy you are.
13. Volunteer
The positive effects of altruism include a well-rounded sense of self, physical health benefits, and, you guessed it…happiness. Doing something kind or good for others can offer the type of intrinsic happiness that you might be searching for.
14. Join a support group
Sometimes getting together in a group to discuss challenges or struggles we face in life can be an excellent way to build our way back to happier times. The camaraderie found in sharing with others who understand your experience, which is common in a support group setting, can be hugely beneficial.
“Finding happiness again should incorporate something from each category. For our mind, it’s mindfulness, the power of prayer, or breathing that helps us recenter. For our bodies, what do we enjoy eating that fuels us? Is there something physical that we enjoy? With our relationships, is there a favorite group or team that makes us feel alive? What about our careers/school? Is there passion there?”
– Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC
Find What Brings You Joy vs. What Makes You Unhappy
Sometimes figuring out what makes us happy requires us to figure out what’s causing us unhappiness in our life first. It might be a relationship, a job, a living situation, or anything else in your life that’s causing you stress, pain, anxiety, or general unhappiness. Figuring out what has changed or what is contributing to your unhappiness is key in deciding how to move forward toward achieving a happy life.
A simple side-by-side comparison list can be a really effective way to determine what things in your life you might want to try cutting out or make changes to, versus where you can focus your energy and time to achieve that peaceful life you’re longing for.
For example, you might be having relationship problems, a friendship that’s stressing you out, or even feelings about yourself that add to your unhappiness. Try literally listing out both sides of the coin to gain some perspective and focus your efforts.
Things that might make you happy:
- Working out
- Eating healthy
- Meditating
- Doing yoga
- Journaling
- Having a positive support system
- Taking self-care seriously
- Being optimistic
- Saying positive affirmations and mantras in the morning
- Staying off social media
- Getting outdoors
- Being creative
- Trying new things and activities
Things that might make you unhappy:
- Not being motivated
- Being overly pessimistic
- Isolating yourself
- Comparing yourself to other people in your life
- Shaming yourself
- Not taking time for yourself
- Not taking care of yourself physically
- Avoiding healthcare or medical appointments
- Negative thought patterns
- Doubting yourself
- Spending too much time on social media
“Finding out what brings us joy is just as important as avoiding the items that make us unhappy, but we have to explore both sides in order to know these answers. Sometimes making a list of each and then finding a means of evaluating the significance of each one is the best way to start.”
– Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC
Happiness is On the Horizon
The thing to remember about feeling unhappy is it’s temporary. All emotions, at their core, are just temporary. You can heal from sadness, depression, or any tough times you experience in your life. It might not be an easy task, and you’ll have to put in the work to get there, but you can find true happiness again.
The two biggest things you need to do are: believe in yourself and commit to doing the work. Once you do those, you’ll be on the road to leading a happier life.
If you’re struggling, or if you need help finding your way, reach out for help. A therapist can guide you in ways to rediscover the lasting happiness that you might not have considered on your own.
“It’s most helpful to have a professional explore the pros and cons with us. Sometimes impartial contributions can let us see an angle we haven’t otherwise considered. People find happiness in different ways, so what works for a friend or family member will not necessarily work for everyone.”
– Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC
Talkspace offers online therapy that’s different from any other experience you might have had in terms of mental health and healing. Our accredited, highly skilled therapists understand how to offer the help you need. Talkspace can help you get to a place where you’re living your best, happiest life, once again.
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]]>The post How to Improve Your Mental Health appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Updated on 4/12/22
Our mental health is just as important as our physical health, yet many people discount the need to nurture it. Why is mental health important? When we pay attention to our mental well-being we can stabilize emotions, boost our mood, build and maintain healthy relationships, and so much more.
With all of life’s responsibilities, it’s easy to let your mental health drop to the bottom of your to-do list, but prioritizing yourself and your wellness is always worth it for you and your loved ones. Give yourself permission (a symbolic permission slip if you will) to focus on your mental health, explore your needs, and give yourself what you’re missing to be the best version of yourself. Maybe you need to ask for help, call a friend, treat yourself, forgive yourself, or look inward. Whatever it is, make it a priority.
It’s important to continuously work at reducing the stigma surrounding mental health so people feel more comfortable taking care of themselves. Mental health awareness month is celebrated every May and is influential in helping promote mental wellness and fight the stigma surrounding mental health.
Being mentally healthy doesn’t mean we don’t have any problems in our lives. What it does mean is that we’re better-equipped to deal with the curveballs life throws us in a healthier way.
When we make mental health care a priority, we can be more:
- Content with our world
- Full of life and fun-loving
- Able to deal with stress
- Ready to bounce back from difficult situations
- Full of a sense of purpose
- Flexible in our relationships and environments
- Self-confident
- Able to establish and maintain healthy, fulfilling relationships
- Prepared to recover from disappointment
- Able to heal from trauma or grief
- Focused on establishing a healthy work-life balance
Read on to learn 14 tips on how to improve mental health in constructive, positive ways.
“Mental health care is just as important as taking care of our physical health, but most of the time we do not take it as seriously. When we start to prioritize our mental health, we can begin to feel more positive about our life, and can practice dealing with stressors in a healthier way.”
14 Ways to Improve Your Mental Health
Our mental health affects how we feel, think, and act on a daily basis. It’s more than just “not being depressed” or “not having anxiety” — being mentally healthy takes work. Luckily, we’ve listed out the top 14 ways to improve mental health here.
Therapy
Making a commitment to seeking in-person or online therapy is one of the best things you can do for your own mental health. Many people have found great success through psychotherapy (also known as talk therapy). Clinical trials have determined psychotherapy can be as effective as some medications for anxiety and depression. If you’re experiencing any mental health conditions or struggling in any aspect of your life, therapy might be something to consider.
“Seeking and engaging in therapy is a great first step to improving your mental health. Therapy helps you create awareness and insight into yourself that is needed in order to bring about a positive change in your mental health and overall wellbeing.”
Stay active
We all know that exercise is directly related to our overall health, but it’s not just about our physical well-being. Studies show that regular exercise can have a positive impact on several mental health conditions, including depression. One recent study found that running for just 15 minutes every day or walking for an hour can significantly reduce the risk of developing major depressive disorder (MDD) by more than 25%.
Exercise can also help with stress and anxiety and is effective in reducing symptoms of ADHD as well.
Tips on how to improve mental health by staying active:
- Create an exercise schedule and stick to it
- Make working out a priority
- Find a workout buddy for support
- Keep a workout journal to track your progress
- Start small and build up to a more rigorous program
- Set (achievable) goals
Engage with others and make social connections
Physically being with others is important to our mental health. Humans are social beings. Spending time with other people and making face-to-face connections is imperative to fulfilling our needs from both an emotional and a psychological perspective.
Tips on how to improve mental health by engaging with others:
- Make plans with others (and do your best to keep them)
- Find events or activities that you enjoy so you’ll look forward to them
- Join a support group
- Start a book club
- Call an old friend and plan to get together
- Smile and say hi to people, even when you don’t know them
Focus on your stress levels
Stress can be a real killer. It literally affects our mental and physical health in several ways. Stress can quickly lead to anxiety and depression and take a serious emotional toll on our mind and spirit. Being aware of our stress levels can help us redirect our energy before stress gets out of control. Stress management is essential in keeping our mental health balanced and positive.
Tips on how to improve mental health by reducing our stress:
- Practice breathing techniques
- Do yoga
- Mindful meditations
- Journal
- Pray
- Talk to a friend or family member
- Make sure to make time for yourself
Make sleep a priority
Sleep is something most of us take for granted. It’s one of the most important parts of our life, but we often don’t make it a priority. Even just a few nights of not enough sleep can really take a toll on our mental health. Getting enough sleep can help your mind stay sharp, reduce your stress, help with your energy levels, and improve your mood.
Tips on how to improve mental health by establishing good sleep habits:
- Simply put: go to bed at a reasonable time
- Limit screens for 2 hours before bedtime
- Calm your mind before getting into bed — try writing in a journal, taking a bath, lighting a candle, diffusing essential oils, or listening to quiet music
- Keep a schedule — go to bed and get up at the same time every day, even on weekends
- Try white noise machines
Make a commitment to a brain-healthy diet
Eating healthy is a win-win. You’ll not only improve your mental health, but you’ll also feel and think better when you have a healthy diet.
Eat a diet that’s primarily low in sugar and saturated or trans fats and high in healthy essential fats like good monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats.
Tips on how to improve mental health by eating well:
Avoid:
- Too much caffeine
- Sugar
- Alcohol
- Trans fats — partially hydrogenated oils
- Refined carbs (white flour, white rice)
- Highly processed foods
- Fried foods
Eat:
- Nuts (cashews, almonds, walnuts)
- Fatty fish that are high in Omega-3s (salmon, anchovies, herring, tuna)
- Flaxseed
- Avocados
- Blueberries and other fruit
- Leafy greens
Find purpose in your life
It might sound simple, but when we have a purpose in our life, it’s easier for us to focus on the good and get through the inevitable tough times. Having a purpose gives us a reason to work in life. It’s also important to brain health as it encourages new cells to grow and drive new neural pathways. Purpose can help improve our immune system, relieve stress, and eliminate pain.
Tips on how to improve mental health by finding your purpose:
- Volunteer
- Foster or get a pet
- Spend quality time with loved ones
- Invest time and effort into your hobbies or interests
- Find work or activities that allow you to be creative and do something different
Remember to find gratitude
Being grateful is a huge component of our overall mental health and well-being. When we regularly engage in gratitude checks, we can learn to focus on the things that matter while letting go of the “small things.” Especially in the age of social media, it’s easy to get caught up comparing ourselves to what we believe others have/are/do (even if it’s not reality).
Tips on how to improve mental health by finding gratitude:
- Keep a gratitude journal
- List 3 things you’re grateful for each morning
- Say thank you
- Do things unexpectedly and without expectations
Keep a journal
Writing regularly can help us process events, emotions, and experiences throughout our day. It can be a way for us to let go of things that maybe weren’t so great. It’s also a way for us to preserve the wins we get.
Tips on how to improve mental health by journaling:
- Have a journal next to your bed or desk so you always know where it is
- Make it a habit to journal at the same time every day or night
- Use a “system” if you struggle coming up with what to write about — for example, list 3 things you loved about your day and 3 things you want to do differently tomorrow
Be kind
It may sound like a simple idea that won’t have much impact, but doing things for others can be a mood boost for us, too. Not only can kindness be great for those we help, but according to a study by the Clinical Psychological Science journal, it’s been shown to decrease stress hormones that are related to how stressed we get, while increasing levels of dopamine and serotonin, two neurotransmitters linked to positive feelings. Kindness also increases self-esteem and is linked to longevity.
Tips on how to improve mental health by being kind:
- Donate time or money
- Volunteer
- Smile at strangers
- Pay for someone behind you
- Drop a meal for someone who’s ill
Go off the grid
Disconnecting every once in a while is a great way to recalibrate your mental mindset. If you can’t ditch the phone entirely, consider setting your alerts to do-not-disturb to limit disruptions for a set time period. Do something with a loved one or for yourself during that time. You’ll likely find that you didn’t realize how much you needed a break from the 24-7 way of life technology often brings.
Tips on how to improve mental health by going off the grid:
- Turn your smartphone off (or set it to do-not-disturb)
- Give yourself a break from social media
- Set a vacation responder on email
- Have a “device-free” day
- Opt for a walk instead of that social media scroll
- Let friends, family, and coworkers know that you’ll be off the grid for a specified time
Forgive
Forgiveness is directly linked to our mental health. In fact, research has shown us that the ability to forgive others for transgressions can help reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened or let that person off the hook for hurting you, it’s more of an internal feeling of reconciling your feelings about what happened to let go of it.
Tips on how to improve mental health by forgiving:
- Let someone know that you’re ready to move on and mean it
- Call an old friend you had a disagreement with
- Journal about your anger/disappointment/hurt so you can let go of it
- Be honest with your feelings so you can get closure
Smile
Research shows us that smiling actually helps reduce stress. Every time we smile, our brain releases neuropeptides, which are small molecules that help us fight off major stress. Even forcing a smile may help improve your mood.
Tips on how to improve mental health by smiling:
- Just do it – smile, often
- Catch a stranger’s eye and surprise them with a smile
- Keep a gratitude journal – it’ll remind you of things to be grateful for
Get outdoors
Getting outdoors can do wonders for your mood. Even the simple act of being out in nature has shown positive physiological effects on mental health. Going outside for even a half-hour a day has been proven to reduce cortisol levels, which can in turn reduce stress.
Tips on how to improve mental health by getting outdoors:
- Go for a short walk in the morning
- Take your animals for a walk
- Have lunch outside on a patio or deck
- Park further away from your location so you can spend time walking
- Find a park to eat lunch at during your work week
- Sit on a rocking chair, swing, or bench outside and read
- Have your coffee outside in the morning
- Go for an evening stroll
How to Get Help with Your Mental Health
You can improve mental health through the help of support groups, therapy, or any of the individualized options we’ve listed above. Knowing how to better improve your mental health is the first step towards a more peaceful, rewarding, and healthy approach to life. Consider taking that first step towards good mental health with a licensed online therapist at Talkspace.
Sources:
1. How psychotherapy works. https://www.apa.org. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2009/12/wampold. Published 2021. Accessed November 6, 2021.
2. Choi K, Chen C, Stein M et al. Assessment of Bidirectional Relationships Between Physical Activity and Depression Among Adults. JAMA Psychiatry. 2019;76(4):399. doi:10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2018.4175. https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/2720689. Accessed November 6, 2021.
3. Weir K. Forgiveness can improve mental and physical health. Monitor on Psychology, 48(1). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/01/ce-corner. Published 2017. Accessed November 6, 2021.
4. Kraft T, Pressman S. Grin and Bear It! Smiling Facilitates Stress Recovery. Association for Psychological Science – APS. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/smiling-facilitates-stress-recovery.html. Published 2012. Accessed November 6, 2021.
5. Park B, Tsunetsugu Y, Kasetani T, Kagawa T, Miyazaki Y. The physiological effects of Shinrin-yoku (taking in the forest atmosphere or forest bathing): evidence from field experiments in 24 forests across Japan. Environ Health Prev Med. 2009;15(1):18-26. doi:10.1007/s12199-009-0086-9. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2793346/. Accessed November 6, 2021.
6. Ansell, E. “Helping Others Dampens the Effects of Everyday Stress”. Clinical Psychological Science, https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/doing-small-acts-of-kindness-may-lower-your-stress.html Published 2015. Accessed November 19, 2021.
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]]>The post How to Increase Dopamine Levels Naturally appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Dopamine is a brain chemical that plays a crucial role in the brain’s reward system. When our brains release dopamine, it gives us feelings of pleasure and happiness. These emotions can help motivate us to carry out essential tasks. However, too much or too little dopamine can lead to certain mental health conditions.
Dopamine deficiency is one of the underlying causes of depression, schizophrenia, and psychosis. On the other hand, increased dopamine levels can lead to addiction and ADHD. Aside from regulating emotions, dopamine is also crucial for muscle functions and brain function, which explains why a person with Parkinsons’ disease has low dopamine levels.
Knowing this, it’s crucial to have healthy dopamine levels. If your brain isn’t producing enough dopamine and the low levels are concerning, you might be feeling blue, sad, or even depressed. Thankfully, if you want to learn how to increase dopamine naturally, there are several proven methods that you can try. Read on to discover the top 10 tips for naturally increasing dopamine levels.
“Do Good Feel Good. The dopamine circuits turn on the reward center in the brain. “The feeling good” comes when you help someone and see a smile. It can also come from when you exercise, eat, hug, or when you’re praised and loved.”
Talkspace Psychiatrist Dr. Muhammad Munir
1. Get More Exercise
When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, a hormone that can relieve pain and stress and lift your mood. While endorphins can improve your overall well-being, they’re just one of the many benefits of physical activity.
Regular exercise can also reduce stress hormones that interfere with dopamine production. Animal studies show that aerobic exercise can boost dopamine levels in the brain. An exercise routine might do the trick if you want to figure out how to reverse a dopamine deficiency and increase dopamine fast. Learn more details about how exercise reduces stress.
2. Spend More Time Listening to Music
When it comes to increasing dopamine levels, you may get even more out of your workouts if you listen to music when you work out. Researchers have found that dopamine receptors in the brain are activated when we listen to music that we enjoy.
Of course, you don’t have to hit the gym to reap the benefits of music. Listening to soothing instrumental music can also increase dopamine levels. Set aside time every day to listen to music you love if you’re looking for a simple way to lift your mood.
3. Add More Protein to Your Diet
A crucial part of learning how to increase dopamine naturally is taking a closer look at your diet. To make dopamine, your body needs an amino acid called tyrosine. Tyrosine is naturally found in many protein-rich foods. Foods that are high in tyrosine include:
- Beef
- Salmon
- Chicken
- Dairy products
- Tofu
- Almonds
- Beans
You can boost your dopamine levels by adding more protein to your diet. Try to include at least one protein source in every meal to sustain healthy dopamine levels.
4. Spend More Time in the Sun
Have you ever felt down when you’re cooped up inside? The sun is one of the best natural remedies for depression because it provides our bodies with the vital nutrient, vitamin D. Sunlight exposure also triggers the release of serotonin. This hormone acts as a mood stabilizer. People who spend more time in the sun have higher dopamine levels on average.
Not only can the sun provide you with a dopamine boost, but it can help prevent dopamine system dysfunction. Research shows that vitamin D can protect neurons that produce dopamine from oxidative stress.
Note that while some sunlight is beneficial, UV rays can damage the skin. You can enjoy the benefits while minimizing risk by wearing sunblock, sunglasses, and other forms of sun protection. It’s also best to limit sun exposure between 10:00 AM and 2:00 PM when UV levels are at their highest.
5. Clear Your Mind with Meditation
Meditation involves using physical or mental techniques to clear your head and reach a calm and stable state. There are many ways to meditate, including guided meditation, mindfulness, and progressive relaxation.
Several studies have found that dopamine levels rise during mindfulness meditation. Moreover, this boost is more significant than it would be after just resting. If you’re interested in learning how to increase dopamine naturally and reduce stress levels, you may want to read up on meditation techniques.
6. Supplement Your Diet
A healthy diet can increase your dopamine levels, but you may need help to get everything from food alone. Thankfully, you can correct nutritional deficiencies with supplements. Ask your doctor about nutrition blood tests showing you which vitamins you need.
Certain supplements could help reverse low levels of dopamine. For example, vitamin D3 supplements are linked to increased dopamine production, as are B-complex vitamins. Experts are also researching other vitamins and supplements that could boost dopamine levels, like magnesium and green tea extract.
7. Boost Your Gut Health with Probiotics
While the brain releases dopamine, other parts of your body also help regulate dopamine production — including nerve cells in the gut. There’s a close connection between the gut and the brain, which is why whole-body health is so important.
Probiotics are living organisms that help grow healthy bacteria in the gut. Experts still have much to learn about how probiotics affect dopamine production. However, some studies show that they can boost levels. Foods that contain probiotics include:
- Yogurt
- Tempeh
- Sauerkraut
- Pickles
- Kombucha
- Kimchi
8. Find Ways to Manage Stress
Part of figuring out how to naturally increase your dopamine levels is finding ways to deal with stress. Chronic stress can cause dopamine dysfunction, and if your stress isn’t managed, it can cause your low levels.
If you do suffer from chronic stress, learning coping mechanisms will be essential in preventing other health conditions later on. Stress-management techniques can help you relax so your body can produce the dopamine it needs. Make sure you’re setting aside time for relaxing activities and the hobbies you enjoy. Use meditation and deep breathing exercises to lower stress levels.
9. Take Breaks to Stretch
Not only can a sedentary lifestyle harm your health, but it might also create a low dopamine level in your body. You can quickly fix this by taking quick breaks to stretch throughout the day. Studies show that standing after prolonged sitting boosts dopamine production.
Take a minute or two to stand up and stretch every hour or so. In addition to increasing dopamine, stretching improves your posture and energy levels!
10. Make Sure You’re Getting Plenty of Sleep
Our brains naturally release dopamine when we wake up in the morning. Unfortunately, a lack of sleep can interfere with dopamine production. This is one of the many ways how sleep can affect mental health.
One of the best ways to keep dopamine levels balanced is to stick to a consistent sleep schedule. You can get more rest and sleep more deeply by improving your sleep hygiene. Easy tips include avoiding coffee and food before bed and making sure you sleep in a quiet, dark space free of distractions.
Find Professional Treatment
A low mood, chronic fatigue, and lack of motivation can all be signs of low dopamine levels. If you want to learn how to increase dopamine fast, Talkspace can help. We’ll work with you to boost your dopamine so you can get more enjoyment out of life and discover how to be happy again.
Our online therapy platform makes getting mental health help easy, accessible, and affordable. Learn more about Talkspace to get started today.
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]]>The post How Humor Can Help You Cope During the Pandemic appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Humor is something I’ve considered to be critical for my well-being since all of this began, and therapists agree: humor is something we need right now.
The Science Behind “Laughter is the Best Medicine”
We’ve all heard that saying, but did you know there actually is scientific truth to laughter being “medicine”?
According to Nadia Addesi, LSW, research has been conducted proving the benefits of laughter for both physical and mental health. “Laughter is proven to relieve stress and make us feel better, and there is no harm in doing so,” she says. “I truly believe that laughter in tough times helps us build resilience.”
Addesi references a 2017 study published in the Journal of Neuroscience, which found that laughter releases endorphins, the body’s feel-good hormones. Researchers conducted scans of the study participants’ brains before and after watching funny videos with their friends. Sure enough, there was more evidence of brain activity that suggested the release of endorphins after watching the videos.
Other studies suggest that laughter reduces stress because it lowers your levels of cortisol (a stress hormone) and epinephrine (AKA adrenaline). Laughter may also affect your dopamine and serotonin levels, neurotransmitters that play a role in happiness and pleasure.
Furthermore, Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LPC, says humor can play a “protective role” when it comes to anxiety and depression. Another study showed that humor has a negative correlation with anxiety and depression, and a positive correlation with optimism…and, honestly, who couldn’t benefit from some optimism right now?
Use Humor as a Coping Skill
Both Addesi and Capanna-Hodge agree that humor is beneficial for our mental health during the pandemic, when everything feels so serious and often hopeless, and we are constantly bombarded by negative news.
“Humor is one of the best coping mechanisms for big and small problems, so it is a perfect way to relieve stress during the pandemic,” Capanna-Hodge says. “Whether you’re reading the comics, watching Jimmy Fallon, or catching America’s Funniest Home Videos, laughter is a wonderful and effective way to reduce stress.”
Many of us get our laughs from hanging out with friends, but that’s not something that most of us can (safely) do right now. According to Addesi, sharing laughter with friends and family helps us build a connection and forge deeper, more intimate bonds. This helps us feel better when we’re lonely. If you can’t see your friends in person, have a Zoom or Facetime call where you can joke around, share funny videos with each other, or have a Netflix Party watching a comedy or a stand-up special.
One of Addesi’s personal favorite sources of humor is TikTok. “I am part of a community of amazing health professionals who use the app to spread information in a way that is both educational and funny — best of both worlds,” she says.
Find what works best for you. Of course, everybody’s different and has a different sense of humor. Figure out what brings you the most joy, and then roll with it!
Don’t Ignore Reality
All of this said, it’s important to note that humor is a great way to cope and bring joy into your life, but you shouldn’t completely ignore the bad things or use it as an avoidance technique. Of course, this pandemic has proved to be taxing for many — dealing with losing loved ones to losing jobs. The goal is to acknowledge these harsh realities in a healthy way, and find a balance between the serious and the not-so-serious.
It’s important to feel and acknowledge all emotions, even the more negative ones like fear, anger, and sadness, even though it can be uncomfortable to do so. You need to feel your emotions to be able to process them, and as we know, it’s not realistic or even healthy to be happy and laughing non-stop when reality doesn’t warrant it.
“When someone never deals with their emotions and always shove things down, then they are deflecting their feelings,” says Capanna-Hodge. “All feelings are important and we never want to ignore unpleasant emotions, but we also don’t want to get stuck [in that place] either.”
Humor won’t make our underlying problems disappear; rather, it serves as a distraction and an important coping skill. It’s important to strive for a balance between humor and fully processing what we’re going through. Know when it’s time to be serious, and know when it’s time to loosen up and giggle. Know when it’s time to address your negative emotions and work through them, and know when it’s time for some comedic relief.
We may not be able to do a lot of the things we wish we could be doing right now, but at least we can still laugh.
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]]>The post 15 Quotes About What It Really Means to Be Happy appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>It takes work, it takes intention — and for anyone who battles mental illness or faces difficult life circumstances, experiencing happiness may require therapy, counseling, lifestyle changes, and sometimes medication.
In other words, there is no one quick and easy answer to living a happy life, and how to get there looks different for different people. One of the things I’ve learned over the years, though, is that there is a lot to be learned from how others’ have found happiness, and the wisdom they’ve gained along the way.
Here are 15 quotes about happiness to inspire you, motivate you, lift your spirits, and show you that happiness is not a one-size-fits all approach.
15 Quotes About Happiness
- “The only thing that will make you happy is being happy with who you are, and not who people think you are.” — Goldie Hawn
- “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” — Helen Keller
- “It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” — Lucille Ball
- “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou
- “If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you.” — Lao Tzu
- “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” — Dalai Lama
- “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” — Mahatma Gandhi
- “Accentuate the positive, not the negative. It sounds so trite, but a lot of people will pick out something to complain about, rather than say, ‘Hey, that was great!’ It’s not hard to find great stuff if you look.” — Betty White
- “I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery — air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, ‘This is what it is to be happy.’” ― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
- “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” — Anna Quindlen
- “There’s nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
- “Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” ― John Lennon
- “Happiness is a warm puppy.” ― Charles M. Schulz
- “You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.” ― Jonathan Safran Foer
- “The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature, and God. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, then there will be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be.” — Anne Frank
Beyond the Page
I don’t know about you, but reading through these quotes just added a little more light, a little more optimism, and a little more joy to my day. And maybe that’s what it’s all about — carving out moments in life to sit with the idea of happiness — whether it be through the written word, a book, a movie, or a conversation with a good friend. In many ways, happiness is about connection, with ourselves and others. It’s there for the taking, if you look for it — and you make time for it.
But that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Even the most well-intentioned of us experience times where the darkness in our lives is just too much, and no amount of quote-reading, conversations with loved ones, bubble baths, or other self-care techniques do the trick.
Remember that happiness is not something you are meant to pursue alone. Sometimes finding happiness requires professional help. A good therapist or online counselor can help you understand what it is that is making happiness unattainable for you right now, and what treatment options are out there for you to feel better. With help, happiness is something we can all experience — it’s certainly something we all deserve.
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]]>The post 4 Steps to Achieve a Sense of Belonging appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>I always had a lot of friends and would surround myself with people constantly. My entire career was built off of being “a people person.” I was with people so much that I convinced myself that I was an extrovert. I dragged myself to more happy hours than I had the budget for, didn’t miss a single birthday, and prided myself on being the one person everyone could rely on.
It would take years for me to learn that I was secretly an introvert with extreme people-pleasing tendencies. And even though I was a social butterfly, I was actually very lonely inside.
Through the years, I have learned ways to manage these people-pleasing tendencies, and feel more like myself. Here are four tips — if you find yourself feeling lonely — to achieve a greater sense of belonging:
1. Challenge Your Core Beliefs
According to Talkspace therapist Joanna Filidor, LMFT, people who struggle with a poor sense of belonging have likely struggled with it for most of their life. For example, if you grew up feeling different, you might hold a core belief of “I do not belong.” These types of core beliefs become sticky and begin to shape how you view the world. “As you begin to go through life,” explained Filidor, “your brain only pays attention to the evidence that will support the core belief ‘I do not belong’ so even if the overall experience is one where you do belong, you might give more weight to the one interaction with a coworker where you didn’t belong.”
The more inner work I do, the more I realize the extent to which I crafted my life around fitting in with those around me rather than developing my own sense of self. It’s easy to do, especially if you are super sensitive like me. For example, I grew up in a household of academics — my dad is a retired physician and my mom is a scientist — so, of course, as a little girl I did what I needed to do to fit in and be seen. I excelled at school, focused on pursuing a traditional career path, and kept my creativity side over in the “hobby” category. Without being able to express my authentic self, I unknowingly developed a narrative that I didn’t belong because I never felt free to be myself.
2. Practice Unconditional Self-Acceptance
In her book “Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone,” Brené Brown says, “I don’t think there’s anything lonelier than being with people and feeling alone.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been surrounded by people and felt completely alone. It’s hands-down one of the worst feelings. Because the logical part of you is screaming “How could you possibly feel alone right now? There are so many people to talk to!” by your heart is saying, “But I don’t want to talk to anyone. No one understands me here.”
I’ve found that a lot of my feelings of loneliness stem from a deeper well of unworthiness. That people don’t understand me, don’t get me, don’t see me, and don’t appreciate me. One of the only ways I’ve been able to pull myself out of the painful feelings of not belonging is to practice self-love and unconditional self-acceptance. Filidor reiterates that experiences like trauma, dysfunctional childhood, and unhealthy relationships can lead to a feeling of not belonging. “These experiences cause a person to chronically experience a lack of unconditional self-acceptance,” shared Filidor, “leading them to rely on external forces for validation.” If you can feel worthy all on your own, then the feeling of not belonging won’t sting as much.
3. Make Room for “And”
There are times when I feel like I belong with my friends but not with my family. Or my work but not my company. Or the White community but not the Asian community. Or the Asian community but not the White community. Or my marriage but not the location in which we live.
Belonging is multi-faceted and it’s important to respect the complexity of your feelings about the spaces in which you feel you do or do not belong. When you have different and conflicting identities, Filidor stresses the importance of using the word “and” instead of “or.” As she explains, “We can be one thing and another at the same time, even if those contradict.” Understanding that you can feel multiple ways — even if contradictory — allows room to feel accepting of yourself and who are.
4. Prioritize Healing Yourself
I never would have been able to articulate the roots of my loneliness without the help of therapy and other expert resources. Investing in your own inner work and making your healing journey a priority is critical to achieving a sense of belonging. After all, we can’t change behaviors, relationships, or mindsets that we aren’t aware need changing.
Here are three of Filidor’s favorite resources to check out:
- Podcast: The Adult Chair by Michelle Chalfant
- Book: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW
- Book: Daring Greatly by Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW
It is hard, especially in our increasingly divided world, to feel a sense of belonging. Social media makes it even harder by painting an unrealistic picture that no one else ever feels lonely. However, it’s completely normal to feel lonely at times. And if that wave of loneliness washes over you, remember that you are loved, you are worthy, and you don’t have to be anyone else but yourself.
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]]>The post Why Do I Feel Weird When Things are SO CUTE? appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>Neda came into the world at 2am after a long labor, but despite that and the sleepless few days that followed, we couldn’t keep our eyes off her. We were broken records: “She’s so cute!” “She’s perfect!” “Just look at her!” But somewhere in between our stereotypical adoration, I heard my husband whispering to her that he just wanted to bite her — “cover you in maple syrup and just eat you up” were the exact words. And, to be honest, I understood. We were tired, sure, but also overwhelmed by a desire to squeeze, pinch and even bite this perfect little human. We didn’t want to hurt her; we just wanted to smush her.
What we were experiencing — on top of exhaustion — was a phenomenon called “cute aggression.” And, thankfully, it’s totally normal.
Your Brain on Cuteness
It’s slightly hard to wrap our heads around the fact we could experience aggression toward someone we loved so much. To better understand our brains’ reaction, Talkspace therapist Cynthia Catchings explained, “This negative response comes from greater activity in the brain’s emotional system as well as in the reward system, since the last one regulates wanting feelings, motivation, and pleasure.”
According to Catchings, cute aggression is our brain’s way of coping with the response that happens when these two powerful systems are triggered. In other words, our brain mixes in a bit of aggression after experiencing the positive feelings, so both emotions can regulate each other and we can keep our ability to care for or provide to those whom we care about.
“If we succumbed to the feeling of cuteness of a baby, a puppy, or a kitten, we would be incapacitated by it…and that feeling would be so strong, that the object of our affection might die due to us not being able to take care of it,” she said.
Nuances of Cute Aggression
Cute aggression was first described in this 2015 study, and since then psychologists have been curious about the sentiment’s behavioral underpinnings. According to Catchings, this kind of aggression comes out more for certain things. For example, it is proven that it is felt more often when dealing with kittens than with senior cats, with puppies more than with older dogs, and with babies more than with older children.
“As a therapist, I have heard clients expressing these feelings and they wonder why that happens,” she said. “As a mother, I experienced myself when my baby was three months old and I found myself wanting to adoringly bite his hands and his cheeks.” Catchings said our brain is so perfect, that it compensates for what we produce in excess or for what we lack — this is a good example to help us understand that a balance is required for harmony to exist.
So, there is such a thing as adorable overload and apparently our baby Neda fits the bill. While we won’t be covering her in maple syrup anytime soon, it’s nice to know our feelings aren’t as uncommon as we thought. Next time you’re experiencing cute aggression, remember it’s a perfectly normal function of the brain.
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]]>The post Are You Being TOO Honest? appeared first on Talkspace.
]]>But just because “honesty” can go too far doesn’t mean it’s not an important ingredient in human connection, along with its sibling character trait, vulnerability. Together, these two similar-but-different traits deepen existing friendships and develop new relationships.
Here’s how to know when to be honest and vulnerable —and when to take a step back.
Honesty
As a baseline, the maxim’s not wrong: honesty is a good policy. After all, no one likes a liar. Don’t be scared to present yourself honestly to the world. You’re a flawed person who is willing to admit your faults and let people know what to expect up-front. For example, if you’re a perpetually late person —and you know that about yourself — giving friends a head’s-up makes every meeting go smoother.
You should be honest with everyone, most of the time
Honesty encompasses far more than simply being truthful about one’s self. You need to be honest with others, too. If someone is looking for critique, simply saying, “It’s amazing!” even when you spot a glaring flaw, isn’t helpful. They won’t grow, and neither will you.
Honesty can be protective, too. When someone invades your personal space or says something rude, it can be tempting to ignore the imposition. After all, you don’t want to make waves. But protecting yourself is important —and by doing so, you protect other people, too. Perhaps someone is being more touchy-feely than you’d prefer. Telling them to take a long step backward might prevent them from later invading someone else‘s space.
But be wary of being too honest
While it’s important to be honest, honesty isn’t always the best policy. If you’re wielding honesty like a weapon, it’s time to rethink your approach.
For example, let’s take critiquing your friend’s art. There’s nothing major wrong, but you just don’t love the work. Bluntly telling your friend that their art is terrible won’t help anything — honesty is only worthwhile when it’s helpful. The criticism needs to be constructive for your friend to make meaningful use of it.
Is your honesty a disguise for putting other people down? Consider how your “truth-telling” makes them feel. Were you actually mean for no reason? Sometimes, keeping up appearances trumps honesty. On some occasions, keeping your mouth shut maintains everyone’s good mood. The golden rule is always a helpful baseline.
Pay attention: Are you using honesty as a shield?
If you’re worried your honesty trends towards cruelty, consider your own feelings, too. Often we lash out at others because we feel hurt. Telling your mom her outfit doesn’t fit, when really you can’t believe she can pull it off may be a form of projection: seeing in others what you’re too scared to see in yourself. Sometimes, self-hatred manifests as meanness.
When your self-image leads to lashing out at others, it’s time to turn to an in-person or online therapist. A mental health professional can help you work through your emotions and level-up your communication skills.
Vulnerability
While “honesty” and “vulnerability” may seem similar, the two concepts are dramatically different. Honesty is about telling the truth; vulnerability is about revealing the truth of your deeper secrets and sharing your scariest thoughts. While it’s important to be honest with everyone, there’s no shame in restricting vulnerability to your closest friends.
Vulnerability can be restricted to your closest friends
Being vulnerable grows friendships and tightens bonds. If you’re lonely and hoping to make new friends, vulnerability can help you make deeper, longer-lasting connections. But not everyone feels comfortable opening up so vividly. If the idea of “sharing” makes your insides shrivel, consider a chat with a licensed therapist. They can help identify the reasons you’re frightened to connect and develop strategies to increase your vulnerability. All in a non-judgemental, objective and unbiased atmosphere from a professional trained to listen sympathetically and provide proactive strategies.
Honesty and vulnerability are two important elements of social connection. Together, they’re the secret sauce for developing friendships and strengthening relationships.
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]]>I remember marching into my therapy appointment — head pounding and body aching — furious that I was sick. I was frustrated that being sick was getting in the way of what I thought I had to do to feel beautiful and relaxed on my wedding day. Things like: run every day, tone my arms, double-down on my skin regimen, cook homemade meals, get a haircut, drink green juice, and meditate regularly. I was overcome with guilt that I didn’t have the energy to do any of it.
“I’m just so tired,” I blubbered to my therapist in between sobs.
“Why don’t you go get a massage after our session today?” my therapist said. “There’s a place nearby that offers great affordable massages. And then you can treat yourself to a nice home cooked meal at the restaurant next door.”
“I don’t have time to do that!” I practically yelled at her. Had she not just heard me run through my entire to-do list? “I have to go for a run today. No excuses. I’m already behind schedule.”
“I’m not sure running is the best thing to do right now. I really think you need some rest,” she said calmly.
Even though she was right, I could not stomach the thought of slowing down. There was too much to do. It was hard for me to see that all of these activities I felt compelled to do for my “self-care” were making my stress levels worse, not better.
Here are 4 signs your self-care might be doing more harm than good:
1. You Mask Your True Feelings
Instead of listening to my body and taking rest when I needed it, I pushed myself to engage in all sorts of self-care activities I didn’t feel up to. According to Rachel O’Neill, Ph.D. LPCC-S, and Ohio-based Talkspace therapist, “Self-care is important and helpful for most individuals. However, if an individual begins to use self-care as an escape technique (for example, to remove feelings), then it could be an indicator that self-care might be serving a band-aid type function.” She also gives the example of socially prescribed forms of self-care like having a glass of wine at night. “In reality,” she said, “[having a glass of wine at night] may constitute a problematic pattern of using alcohol to cope with difficult and stressful life events.”
Similarly, Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S, and Virginia-based licensed Talkspace therapist, finds that clients who use self-care as an avoidance tactic often show signs of avoidance coping or rumination. In other words, these individuals engage in self-care to mask their true feelings.
2. You Start Getting Compulsive
As someone with an addictive personality, I have to watch out for when things as innocent as a green smoothie slip from “this feels good” to “I need this in order to feel good.” O’Neill finds that people can sometimes become so enamored with the idea of self-care that it starts to become a compulsive process that ends up defeating its original purpose. “Individuals may become so focused on the idea of self-care that they may lose sight of how the emphasis on self-care is coming at the expense of other aspects of well-being in their life,” she shared.
3. You Throw Money at Problems
The wellness industry is notorious for taking advantage of people’s insecurities and desires. The pressures around weddings are particularly problematic. Like many brides, I was shelling out hundreds to thousands of dollars trying to get myself “wedding-ready.” I bought everything from exercise classes to fancy hair moisturizers to sleep masks and five-day yoga retreats.
O’Neill helps her clients refocus their definition of self-care. “Self-care doesn’t have to cost money,” she said. “In fact, many of the things we do in the name of self-care aren’t necessarily the best forms of self-care.” Catchings offers the example of a weighted blanket, to illustrate how some companies provide false promises or skyrocket prices because they know consumers will pay a premium to feel better.
4. You Avoid Discomfort
It’s easy to fall into the trap of using self-care to avoid discomfort because, by definition, self-care is meant to make you feel better. O’Neill argues there is value in learning to cope with discomfort instead of taking steps to remove or escape emotions (i.e. numbing out). “Coping with discomfort is a cornerstone of resilience,” she said, “and it is important that we demonstrate the ability to deal with daily life stress without trying to escape it.” By overriding my feelings and avoiding the discomfort of not being able to “do it all,” I had pushed myself to engage in what Catchings calls “self-care on steroids.” I was acting out of fear instead of doing things that truly nourished me.
With so much noise out there about what you should and shouldn’t do to support your wellbeing, it’s no wonder people find themselves overdoing it on the self-care front. The trick is to learn that self-care has less to do with “doing” and more to do with “being.” Not everything is a race to the finish line.
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