Understanding Different Attachment Styles 

Research shows that newborns instinctively search for and attach to caregivers who can meet their physical and emotional needs. When a child’s needs are consistently met, they learn it’s safe to rely on others and will typically develop a secure attachment style. 

However, if a child’s needs are neglected, they may develop an insecure attachment style. 

There are four basic types of attachment styles:

• Secure
• Anxious/preoccupied (in children – known as anxious-ambivalent)
• Avoidant/dismissive (in children – known as anxious-avoidant)
• Disorganized (in children – known as fearful-avoidant)
  

“Avoidant attachment styles come from having needs that were rarely met. Whereas anxious attachment styles come from an inconsistency in needs being attended to. Disorganized attachment stems from the existence of actual fear that replaces safety and security. You can work with a therapist on any attachment style you might identify. You deserve loving, healthy relationships.”

– Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC.

Identifying your attachment style can be a key step in healing abandonment issues. Not only can it help you understand how you relate to others, but it can also give you insight into past experiences that might be causing or contributing to your fear of abandonment.

Anxious

People with an anxious attachment style are terrified of being left. They struggle to trust that they won’t be abandoned. 

In an intimate relationship, they frequently worry that they’ll lose their partner, leading to them seeking constant reassurance and support. They may also have issues with jealousy that make them try to control their relationship to prevent their partner from leaving. 

Avoidant

When a caregiver provides a child with basic essentials, like food and shelter, but neglects their other needs, developing an avoidant attachment style in the future is common. 

Many people with this attachment style were discouraged from expressing emotions in childhood. They often struggle with expressing their feelings and needs as adults. In relationships, someone with an avoidant attachment style may feel smothered or want to withdraw from their partner.

Disorganized

Disorganized attachment has traits of both anxious and avoidant attachment styles. People with this attachment style have a strong desire for emotional intimacy but also tend to push away partners or sabotage relationships. This attachment style typically occurs when someone learns to fear their caregiver as a child.

Signs Of Abandonment Issues

A fear of abandonment can interfere with interpersonal relationships and negatively impact emotional well-being. Abandonment issues influence how someone views others and themselves in relationships, ultimately leading to severe emotional distress. 

Recognizing these signs and behaviors can be the first step in learning how to heal abandonment issues.

“Typically, abandonment results in difficulties finding our place in the world. Our primary caregivers were either absent, unreliable, or harmful, and because that was our first example of what relationships look like, we have difficulty getting close to others. Fearing rejection, ending relationships prematurely, depending on the thoughts and feelings of others too much, and struggling with being alone are all possibilities.”

– Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Separation anxiety/depression

While it’s normal to experience some separation anxiety in early childhood, when abandonment issues are present, people might continue to struggle with these abandonment fears in adulthood. Someone with separation anxiety may experience intense sadness or fear when they’re away from loved ones, even for short periods of time. Despite being around the people they love, they may constantly worry about losing them. 

Trust issues

Many people with abandonment issues struggle to trust others. They may question their partner’s intentions or treat them with suspicion, even if there’s no evidence that they’ve done anything wrong. Some people with trust issues may detach from others to try and avoid being hurt.

Codependency 

Codependency is an unhealthy form of attachment that occurs when someone neglects their own needs to meet the needs of someone else. 

Many people with abandonment issues feel unworthy of love and have a strong impulse or desire to please others. These thoughts and behaviors can make them vulnerable to codependent relationships. Being needed can offer a false sense of purpose for someone with a fear of abandonment.

Panic about losing people

People with abandonment issues typically struggle with fears that they’ll be rejected or left by others. 

At times, these fears can become so intense that they lead to a panic attack. Symptoms of a panic attack may include: 

• Dizziness
• Rapid breathing
• Pounding heart
• Increased heart rate
• Numbness
• Chest pain
• Sweating or chills
• Trembling

Avoiding possible rejection 

Many people who fear abandonment are deeply insecure and feel vulnerable when they open up to others. This may cause them to become emotionally unavailable or withdrawn in their relationships. In some cases, someone may even sabotage an intimate relationship because they believe that they’ll inevitably be rejected. 

Causes of Abandonment Issues 

There are several causes of abandonment issues. 

“Abandonment results from either a physical or emotional disconnection from the primary caregiver and/or primary attachment figure. Genetic predispositions to higher levels of sensitivity to an environment that feels unstable, unreliable, or unsafe can lead to feelings of abandonment. Also, caregivers can pass away or completely leave the scene altogether, so it’s not completely dependent on the interaction styles.”

– Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Childhood

Attachment styles are developed during infancy and early childhood, and an insecure attachment style can lead to a fear of abandonment in adulthood. Abandonment issues may be caused by childhood abuse, neglect, or environmental stressors, such as growing up in poverty or living in a dangerous area.

Trauma

Traumatic experiences can cause abandonment issues or make the fear of abandonment more intense. When someone is physically or emotionally threatened or experiences extreme stress, the resulting trauma might impact their lives in an adverse way. Many types of trauma, including abuse or accidents, can be a source of abandonment anxiety.

Death

Losing a loved one is a devastating experience that can cause lasting grief and fear. Studies show that the death of a parent or caregiver during childhood can cause severe abandonment issues that continue into adulthood. The sudden loss of a partner can also result in severe anxiety.

Relationship loss

In some cases, the loss of a romantic relationship can be traumatic, particularly if the romantic relationship ends because of infidelity, divorce, or death. These experiences can change the way someone views themselves and their interpersonal relationships, leading to anxiety about future relationships. 

Healing from Abandonment Issues

It can be a long, and sometimes daunting, process to learn how to heal from abandonment issues, but you can do it! Here’s how:

Therapy

Fears of abandonment are often rooted in unresolved trauma. In person or online therapy can help you work through your abandonment trauma and change unhealthy behaviors. 

With the help of a therapist, you’ll be able to develop coping mechanisms and tools to help you manage your anxiety so you can focus on healing abandonment issues.

Understanding what it is

Understanding how to heal from abandonment issues can be difficult, especially if you haven’t yet explored what the issues are and where they stem from. 

Many people with a fear of abandonment don’t know what a healthy relationship should (or could) look like. Identifying your attachment style can be instrumental in helping you understand your behavior and recognize triggers for your anxiety. 

Self-care

If you’re struggling with abandonment issues, you’re not alone. Many people deal with abandonment fears, and the anxieties that result can be difficult to navigate without help. 

While you can change your behavior and build healthier relationships, these changes won’t happen overnight. During the process of exploration and healing, be sure to take care of yourself. Self-care is always important, but it’s even more imperative when you are on a journey toward healing abandonment issues in your relationships. 

Be kind to yourself as you learn how to heal from abandonment issues. Asking for help can be difficult or even frightening, but you shouldn’t hesitate to reach out for support if you need it. Practice self-care throughout the process, so you have the strength to heal.

What Are the Different Types of Trauma?

When we think of psychological trauma, we often think of a single event that causes great harm or pain. However, different types of traumas can occur throughout our lives. Trauma isn’t limited to physical events; it can also be emotional or psychological in nature. Some common trauma symptoms can include:

• Flashbacks or intrusive memories of the traumatic event
• Nightmares about the event
• Avoidance of people, places, things, or situations that remind you of the event
• Feeling numb or disconnected from others
• Difficulty concentrating
• Irritability
• Hypervigilance
• Confusion
• Exhaustion
• Agitation
• Sadness
• Anxiety
• Dissociation
• Chronic pain
• Difficulty sleeping
• Angry outbursts
• Depression
• Substance abuse
• Self-harming behaviors
• Suicidal thoughts or attempts
• Believing the world is a dangerous place and that you can’t trust anyone
• Feeling unable to experience pleasure

“Trauma can be caused by various situations ranging from natural disasters to abuse, vehicle accidents, and more.”

– Talkspace therapist Ashley Ertel, LCSW, BCD, C-DBT

While most people are familiar with the concept of trauma, many are unaware of the different types of trauma that exist. Trauma can be classified as acute, chronic, or complex.

1. Acute trauma

Acute trauma is a psychological trauma that occurs in response to a single, highly stressful event. For example, it can come after experiencing a natural disaster, seeing a bad car accident, or witnessing violence. Acute trauma can lead to long-term mental health problems if not appropriately addressed.  

Examples of acute trauma

Acute trauma can come from a single event threatening your life or safety. It can also result from an act of violence against you or after witnessing a traumatic event happening to someone else. 

This type of trauma can lead to acute stress disorder (ASD), which is a mental health condition typically appearing within 3 days of a traumatizing event and lasting up to 1 month.

2. Chronic trauma

Chronic trauma is a response to ongoing or repeated traumatic experiences. It differs from acute trauma in this sense, as acute trauma occurs after just one traumatic experience or event. 

Examples of chronic trauma

Chronic trauma can result from any of the following:

• Physical abuse: Physical abusers often use force to control their victims. They may hit, kick, choke, or throw things at them — the list goes on. It’s common for physical abusers to threaten their victims and use fear and intimidation to control them.
• Sexual abuse: Sexual abusers often take advantage of people who are weaker than they are. They may be in a position of power over their victim, making it easier for them to coerce or force them into sexual acts. Victims of sexual abuse often suffer from flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety disorders, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), sometimes even long after the initial event occurred.
• Emotional abuse: Emotional abusers try to chip away at self-esteem by putting their victims down constantly or making them feel bad about themselves.
• Domestic violence: Domestic violence can cause chronic trauma. It’s not always physical abuse either — mental and emotional torture can be just as debilitating. Domestic violence targets every aspect of a person’s life to control them. It leaves long-term scars that can be difficult to deal with for years after the abuse has stopped.
• Poverty: Growing up in poverty can result in chronic trauma. Children who grow up below the poverty line are more likely to see violence, witness drug use, and not have enough food or adequate shelter. This can lead to lasting effects such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, and more.

3. Complex trauma

Complex trauma is a type of stress similar to generational trauma that can occur when someone experiences multiple, chronic, or prolonged exposure to traumatizing events. It can happen to both children and adults. However, complex traumas like abandonment trauma, for example, are more common among those who experienced abuse or neglect during childhood.

Complex trauma can cause long-term problems with physical and mental health. Forming and maintaining healthy relationships can also be very isolating and challenging.

Examples of complex trauma

Complex trauma can harm mental and physical health due to repeated, continued traumatization. It can be the result of things like: 

• Childhood abuse or neglect
• Domestic violence
• Sexual assault
• War-related experiences

Common Causes of Trauma

Trauma can come from many places or experiences. It can happen to anyone at any time and has lasting effects. Some sources of trauma might include the following: 

Witnessing or experiencing violence

Witnessing or being directly involved in a violent act can be traumatizing. It might include seeing or experiencing domestic abuse, sexual assault, child abuse, war combat, or anything else that’s graphic and violent. 

Being involved in or witnessing a serious accident

A shocking accident can be jarring and cause trauma, whether you’re directly involved or just a witness to it. 

Abuse 

Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can all be factors that lead to a traumatic response. 

Assault 

Rape or a violent assault can be the source of a traumatic reaction, whether you’re the one who experienced the attack or someone close to you did. 

Natural disasters

Earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, wildfires, or any other natural disaster can be more than just frightening. They can be traumatic, especially if they cause death, displacement, or food or housing insecurity. 

Death

Death — especially if it’s sudden or unexpected — of a loved one can be traumatic for anyone to cope with.

If you or someone you love has experienced any of the types of traumas we’ve discussed here, seeking professional help can be instrumental in learning to cope with the aftermath and healing. Trauma isn’t something you have to go through alone, and certain coping mechanisms like trauma dumping can do more harm than good.

“Determining who will develop a trauma-related disorder is incredibly difficult, as every person will respond to traumatic incidents in their own unique ways. It’s important to note that some people may experience an event as highly traumatic, while others may not experience the same event as traumatic. If you’re dealing with the effects of trauma, finding a trauma-informed therapist is an excellent option.”

– Talkspace therapist Ashley Ertel, LCSW, BCD, C-DBT

Learn How to Cope with Trauma with Talkspace

It’s important to be aware of the different trauma types so you can understand how they might impact your mental and physical health. If you’re struggling with the aftermath of trauma, please know that you’re not alone. Many people have been through similar experiences and understand what you’re going through, and therapy can help you heal.

When it comes to how to deal with trauma, online trauma therapy with Talkspace can make the process of getting help simple. In just a few clicks, you’ll be connected with a therapist who understands what you’re going through. Talkspace therapists are experienced in trauma therapy and can help you work through your feelings and recover from traumatic experiences you’ve endured. 

What Is Generational Trauma?

Generational trauma, also known as intergenerational trauma, refers to the passing down of traumatic experiences or stressors from one generation to another. This specific type of trauma often happens as a result of direct personal experiences, witnessing acts of violence, or residing in environments where the threat of violence is ever-present. Such trauma can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

“Generational trauma is the harmful effects of historical mistreatment or abuse. The symptoms of these traumas are passed down from generation to generation.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, Ph.D., LCSW

This form of psychological trauma can lead to physical and mental health problems as well as social and emotional difficulties. For example, children who grow up in homes with domestic violence and experience childhood trauma may develop anxiety or depression as adults. They may also have trouble trusting people or forming intimate relationships — this cycle of unresolved trauma can affect multiple generations to come.

Generational trauma can be passed down through DNA from family member to family member. Some people may be predisposed to it, but it’s important to remember that not everyone who experiences intergenerational trauma has symptoms related to their experience. It’s a complex trauma, and there are many factors at play regarding this inherited trauma, including resilience, support systems, and resource access.

“Some of the trauma may or may not have been experienced by each person in the family, but how family members who’ve experienced the trauma raise their children or interact with other family members affects the path of others’ lives. This could be because a mother or parents were hit by their parents or live in an unsafe neighborhood and are fearful for their child all the time that their child develops fears associated with their parents’ fears. This can also be because their parents are using substances to block out some of the effects from the trauma, and the children learn not to discuss their feelings but to mask them using substances as well.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, Ph.D., LCSW

The good news is healing generational trauma is possible. With support, therapy, and time, it’s possible to break the cycle of pain and unresolved trauma caused by this type of long-term psychological damage.

Signs & Symptoms of Generational Trauma

Generational trauma can occur when a group is subject to a traumatic experience like war, natural disasters, racism, sexism, or oppression. The effects of the trauma can be passed down to subsequent generations through both genetic and cultural transmission. 

“The symptoms of generational trauma include hypervigilance, fears of death or no hope for the future, mistrust of outsiders, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), low self-esteem, issues of addiction, domestic violence, and sexual abuse.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, Ph.D., LCSW

There are many signs of generational trauma, including:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Chronic pain
• Substance abuse disorders
• Eating disorders
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Insomnia
• Low self-esteem
• Fear of death
• Irritability
• Anger issues
• Difficulty trusting others

What Causes Generational Trauma?

War, natural disasters, genocide, and slavery can all cause generational trauma. When these traumatic experiences are passed down from generation to generation, they affect how people think, feel, and behave. Many factors can contribute to generational trauma.

Oppression

Historical oppression or violence against a particular group is a known cause of intergenerational trauma. African American people who were enslaved may experience generational trauma because of the brutal conditions past generations were forced to live in and the constant fear of being separated from their families.

Cultural dislocation

Another factor is cultural dislocation, which happens when someone’s forced to leave their homeland due to conflict or persecution. This can lead to feelings of loss and isolation that can be passed down through multiple generations.

Intergenerational poverty

Generational trauma can also be caused by poverty or difficult life circumstances that make it hard to thrive emotionally, mentally, or financially. An example might be if your parents grew up in extreme poverty and didn’t have access to adequate education resources or health care.

Lack of opportunity

A general lack of opportunity can create feelings of hopelessness that are passed down to future generations.  

In utero exposure

Some research suggests that exposure to toxic stressors in utero might result in changes in brain structure and function and cause developmental delays. The long-term effects might impact learning ability and emotional regulation, which can impact later generations.

Other effects

In addition to the above contributors, generational trauma is often accompanied by other disadvantages like racism, sexism, or homophobia, compounding the negative impact. People who suffer from generational trauma often face significant barriers to success in multiple areas of life. 

Examples of Generational Trauma

There are countless examples of how generational trauma can occur. Some common examples of generational trauma include the following:

• War: Children who grow up in an environment of conflict may be more likely to experience PTSD than those who don’t. This could lead to passing on symptoms to their children.
• Natural disasters: Survivors of a major national disaster — like an earthquake, major tornado, or tsunami — may suffer from long-term mental health problems like anxiety and depression. If they have children, it might be difficult to bond or provide adequate care because of their psychological distress. As a result, their kids may also struggle with similar symptoms later in life..
• Racism: Systemic racism can create an intergenerational cycle of poverty and violence that traumatizes individuals and entire communities. For example, people living in neighborhoods with high crime levels are more likely to develop types of depression and PTSD than those living in safer areas. This increased risk could be passed down through generations if not addressed. 

Generational trauma doesn’t just affect individuals — as we can see, it can have lasting consequences for whole families and communities for generations to come.

How to Heal Generational Trauma

As noted earlier, it is possible to heal from generational trauma. The following tips show you how. 

Coping mechanisms for generational trauma

Any population that’s experienced collective trauma has a risk for multigenerational trauma. However, several coping mechanisms can help. Some strategies include:

• Identifying and acknowledging the effects of past traumas on your life. This is an important first step in healing from generational trauma. Talking about your experiences as a trauma survivor with someone you trust can be incredibly beneficial.

• Educating yourself about your family history and learning about what happened to previous generations might help you make sense of your own experiences. Sometimes, it may become a source of pride and lead to a connection to those who came before you.
• Practicing self-care is essential. You must learn to care for yourself emotionally and physically. This might include exercise, relaxation techniques, outdoor time, and a healthy diet, for example.  
• Connecting with others who’ve shared similar experiences and understand what you’re going through can be very beneficial. Support groups are often available for people affected by specific types of trauma.
• Seeking a mental health professional if you feel like you’re struggling to cope. It might be time to consider talking to a therapist or counselor who works with trauma survivors. You can choose to do family therapy or individual therapy, depending on your preferences and situation. While talking through your trauma with peers can be helpful, partaking in trauma dumping can stimulate more psychological distress. Trauma therapy can help you learn how to deal with trauma effectively..

Professional treatment for generational trauma

Though some people may not be aware of the term “generational trauma,” it’s a reality for many. Generational trauma can be best defined as psychological and emotional wounds that have accumulated over time and transferred to future generations.

Trauma symptoms can manifest in multiple ways, including:  

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Substance abuse
• Self-harm 
• Relationship issues

It’s common for intergenerational trauma to go untreated. This might be attributed to people not even realizing that what they’re going through is a result of past unhealed trauma that’s been passed down through the generations.

Different types of therapy can provide support and guidance in working through complex emotions related to intergenerational trauma. If you’ve been affected by generational trauma, seek help from a trauma therapist or other mental health professional. They can assess your situation. There’s no shame in getting help — it’s incredibly courageous.

Taking steps to address your mental health is integral to taking care of yourself and working towards healing the wounds of the past. Most importantly, it’s instrumental in breaking the cycle so you don’t continue the pattern of passing down trauma to the next generation. 

Work Towards Healing Generational Trauma with Talkspace

If you’re struggling, first, know that you’re not alone. Then, remember that help is available. Many people have survived and broken the generational trauma cycle.

While it may seem daunting, there are effective steps you can take. Coping mechanisms such as trauma therapy services, journaling for mental health, and spending time in nature can help you work through your emotions and start to rebuild your life. With time and effort, you can heal from generational trauma.

Talkspace can connect you to a skilled, qualified therapist to get started with mental health services. So don’t suffer in silence — get the help you need to heal and move forward.

Symptoms of Sadness

Much like happiness, sadness is a vast spectrum. It can range from a sad feeling of mild disappointment to deep grief and unhappiness. People react to these feelings in many ways, and sadness can trigger both emotional and physical symptoms.

Emotional symptoms

• Low mood
• Feeling discouraged or disappointed 
• Intense emotional reactions to upsetting events
• Feeling hopeless or unmotivated

Physical symptoms

• Loss of appetite
• Overeating 
• Feeling tired or drained
• Crying

4 Potential Causes of Sadness without Reason

Wondering why you always feel so sad? Persistent sadness often stems from everyday stressors such as workplace pressures, relationship conflicts, financial worries, and significant life transitions. These factors can create a cumulative emotional burden, leading to a continual sense of sadness and emotional turmoil.

“The changes in the seasons, feeling stressed or overwhelmed, feeling jealous or left out, being tired or hungry…any type of emotional change can come across as sadness.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PHD, LCSW

However, when sadness becomes a constant feeling without a clear cause, it’s crucial to look beyond these immediate triggers. Persistent sadness can be a sign that deeper, less obvious factors are at play, influencing your negative mood. The following may explain why you feel sad for no reason.

Hormonal changes

Hormones coordinate many functions in the body and can significantly impact our mood. Even minor shifts in hormone levels can affect your emotional state. For example, adolescents often experience intense mood swings during puberty, and reproductive hormones like testosterone and estrogen continue to influence emotions as we get older. 

During menstruation, estrogen and progesterone levels increase. These hormonal shifts can change serotonin levels in the brain. Pay attention if you’re wondering: why am I so sad? your hormones may be a factor in your persistent sadness.

Seasonal affective disorder

If you feel sad at specific times of the year, you might have a condition known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD). SAD is a mental health condition that’s triggered by changing seasons. SAD symptoms usually begin in the fall and continue through the winter, which is why it’s sometimes referred to as winter depression. 

While we don’t fully understand the condition, experts believe that SAD is caused by changing levels of sunlight. When we spend time in the sun, our bodies produce serotonin. As sunlight exposure decreases, our serotonin levels can drop, which can lead to feelings of extreme sadness or seasonal depression.

Chronic stress

Sometimes, if you’re asking why you feel sad for no reason, it might be because you weren’t expecting certain events to trigger emotions like sadness. We all respond to stress in different ways. Chronic stress can make some people feel nervous, irritable, or angry and leave others sad. 

In fact, sadness is frequently triggered by chronic stress. Just like sadness, though, stress is a normal part of life. That said, it can be harmful to your emotional state if you don’t have healthy tools or treatment options to cope with it.

Depression

If your sadness never seems to go away, you might actually be depressed. Depression is one of the most common mental health conditions that can leave you with a low mood or persistent sadness. 

It’s important to remember that there are different types of depression, and not everyone experiences it similarly. Severe depression can cause significant impairment, but mild depression doesn’t always interfere with daily life and functioning. If you suspect your sadness may be something more, like depression, you should talk to a mental health professional to check for a depression diagnosis.

Knowing When It’s Time to Get Help

Sad feelings aren’t necessarily a cause for concern. On the contrary, sadness is a normal and healthy reaction to painful or traumatic events. Studies even show that feeling sad can make us more sensitive to other people’s feelings. 

However, if you’re constantly unhappy, you may want to talk to a mental health professional. It’s OK to be sad, but if your negative feelings interfere with your day-to-day life, they might signify a deeper problem that could be better addressed by starting therapy. Through therapy, you can learn how to deal with sadness before it becomes a medical condition. 

For additional strategies on navigating these symptoms, consider also reading our guide on how to deal with depression.

Identifying sadness vs depression

Feeling blue doesn’t automatically mean you’re depressed, but sadness can be a symptom of depression. Usually, sadness is a response to something hurtful, discouraging, or upsetting. While it can feel overwhelming, it’s a normal emotion, and these negative feelings usually fade over time. 

“It’s OK to feel sad on occasion. Allow yourself to rest and process potential reasons for your sadness. The main difference, though, between sadness and depression is often linked to the need to seek out professional care.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PHD, LCSW

Unlike sadness, depression isn’t an emotion. It’s a mental health condition that can influence how you feel, think, and behave. While a challenging event or experience can trigger depression, it’s also common to exhibit depressive symptoms without an obvious reason. Many people with depression feel gloomy or unhappy but don’t understand why. 

How can you tell the difference between sadness and depression? Sadness is only one symptom of depression. 

“You may want to ask yourself if you are: hungry, angry/anxious, lonely, or tired (HALT). Using HALT can help potentially eliminate biological causes of sadness. However, if these feelings of sadness don’t dissipate, they continue longer than a week, they persistently come back with little or no breaks in between, or you find them to affect your normal activities of daily living, this is a clear indication that you should seek the help of a professional or at the very least speak to someone about your feelings.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PHD, LCSW

If you have depression, your sadness will typically occur alongside other symptoms of depression, such as:

• Anger or irritability 
• Loss of interest in activities you usually enjoy
• Thinking, speaking, or moving more slowly than usually
• Insomnia or excessive sleep
• Difficulty with memory or focusing on tasks  
• Fatigue
• Feelings of guilt or worthlessness
• Digestive issues 
• Aches and pains 
• Restlessness
• Suicidal thoughts

Signs of Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Humans have an innate desire for social connection, but people with a dismissive avoidant attachment style are uncomfortable in an intimate relationship. While they can be charismatic and friendly in social settings, they keep an emotional distance. They may withdraw from a romantic relationship when someone gets too close. 

Signs of this attachment style include:

• Self-reliance: People with this attachment pattern are highly independent and prefer not to turn to others for help. They may respond negatively when other people ask for support.
• Secretive behavior: When someone is dismissive avoidant, they may be reluctant to share information with others. It’s common to hide feelings or plans, even when they have no reason to keep something secret.
• Conflict avoidance: Most people with this attachment style are conflict-averse. They may shut down or end a close relationship at the first sign of conflict.
• Suppressing emotions: Dismissive avoidant people tend to conceal their feelings. In addition to hiding feelings or emotions from others, they may struggle to understand their feelings. 
• Difficulty trusting others: A general distrust of others is common in people living with this attachment style. They may believe that it’s unsafe to rely on other people.

“Also known as avoidant dismissive insecure attachment style, dismissive avoidant attachment is often indicative of a robust sense of self, a preference for independence, and an intolerance for emotional vulnerability.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW

Causes of Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Most experts subscribe to attachment theory. What is attachment theory? The theory maintains that attachment styles form in infancy and early childhood. From birth, children look to caregivers to meet their emotional needs. Children develop assumptions about relationships based on how caregivers respond to their needs. 

If caregivers fail to meet a child’s needs or respond negatively when the child is in distress, the child will learn they can’t depend on others to meet their needs. Unfortunately, many children who develop a dismissive avoidant attachment style have caregivers that are unresponsive to their needs or discourage them from expressing their emotions. 

To cope with the stress of an unavailable caregiver, children may learn to shut down their feelings rather than seek comfort and emotional closeness from others. This coping mechanism often forces them to become independent at an early age. Research suggests that attachment styles during childhood usually continue into adulthood, although they can be altered with work. 

While researchers widely believe that a child’s relationships with caregivers primarily determine attachment styles, some studies indicate that there may also be a genetic component. For example, twin studies suggest that some people may be predisposed to avoidant attachment styles. More research is needed to determine how genetics contribute to attachment styles. 

“Causes of dismissive avoidant attachment are not decisively clear. It’s often theorized that we develop our attachment styles very early in life based on the type of styles nurtured by our caregivers or parents. Dismissive avoidant attachment typically has its roots in a lack of affection from strict, rigid, or emotionally distant caregivers.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW

What Triggers Dismissive Avoidant Attachment?

Certain events and interactions likely trigger avoidant behavior in people with this attachment style. These triggers can cause discomfort and may result in someone who’s dismissive avoidant withdrawing from relationships. 

Dismissive avoidant attachment triggers include:

• Criticism: While people with this attachment style often respond positively to constructive criticism in the workplace, it can be hard for them to handle negative feedback from partners. They may see criticism as evidence that others don’t care about their needs. 
• Emotional volatility: Dismissive avoidants want to feel like they’re in control. Unpredictability and inconsistent communication can cause significant stress. 
• Boundary crossing: It’s common for a dismissive avoidant individual to set boundaries to protect themselves. When others ignore their boundaries, they may feel unsafe.
• Vulnerability: Showing vulnerability can make a dismissive avoidant person feel weak. They may fear that showing vulnerability will allow others to control them. 
• Lack of validation: It can be very difficult for people with this attachment style to open up to others or let them know they need help. They often react negatively if they’re not validated when they put themselves in a vulnerable position.
• High expectations: It can be challenging for many people with this attachment style to cope with a partner’s expectations. They may feel overwhelmed by demands for time or attention.

“If you’re dismissive avoidant, you rest on predictability and routine, things you know and can count on for sure. With that, emotional vulnerability and signs of weakness can be particularly triggering, especially if they’re reminiscent of the space and inability to be independent or self-assured.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW

How to Overcome Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

While it can be difficult for people with a dismissive avoidant attachment style to form healthy relationships with others, change is possible. Studies show that negative attachment styles can become more secure as we age. 

There are several ways to overcome dismissive avoidant attachment and build stronger bonds with others. 

Reflect on your behavior

Becoming more aware of how your current attachment style impacts your behavior is the first step in changing. Next, it’s essential to learn more about dismissive avoidant attachment and take the time to assess your feelings. Over time, you’ll learn to correct destructive habits and replace them with healthier behaviors. 

Find safe ways to express your feelings

It can be hard for dismissive avoidants to show vulnerability to others. Finding safe outlets for your feelings can make it easier to open up with others. One effective strategy is recording feelings and emotions in a journal. Journaling for mental health is just one of many proven stress management techniques that can help improve your mental health overall. It can also help identify patterns of unhealthy or unhelpful behavior, so you can start to modify your reactions to situations. 

Strengthen your communication skills

Effective communication is key to any healthy relationship. To alter your attachment style, you’ll need to learn to improve how you communicate with others. One way to do this is by becoming aware. If you notice that you’re making assumptions about other people’s feelings, take the time to stop and ask open-ended questions. Set aside time to connect and have constructive conversations with others. There are also communication exercises for couples that you two can learn as well and strengthen communication skills together.

Practice mindfulness

People with this attachment style often struggle to understand their feelings and behaviors. Mindfulness is a practice that can make you more aware of your emotions. Studies demonstrate that mindfulness and meditation for stress help you learn to regulate emotions and tolerate distress without shutting down. 

Get professional help with Talkspace

Reaching out for support can be tough if you have a dismissive avoidant attachment style. While asking for help isn’t easy, it might be the most effective way for you to overcome and change your attachment style. Talkspace is an online therapy platform that can help. 

When you seek relationship counseling through Talkspace, you’ll be connected with an experienced, qualified therapist who understands how attachment styles impact your life and well-being. With their help, you’ll be able to understand your behavior and make positive, lasting changes. Over time, you’ll learn to build deep and meaningful connections with others.

What is Displacement?

It isn’t always possible for people to express negative emotions like anger, frustration, or fear directly. Repression of unwanted feelings is common, and displacement defense mechanisms allow someone to transfer unpleasant feelings from their original source to another less threatening target. 

People often find themselves in situations that require them to suppress their emotions. If you’re upset at your boss, for example, voicing your feelings could have serious consequences. When someone engages in displaced aggression, they direct these strong emotions towards another, safer target, such as a family member or a friend.

What is the difference between displacement and projection?

There are some similarities between displacement and projection as a defense mechanism. Both mechanisms essentially involve transferring feelings to someone else, but people use these defense tactics in different ways. 

• Projection: When someone projects, they’re displacing their own negative traits and emotions onto others. 

• Displacement: Displacement involves transferring feelings someone has about one person onto someone else. 

In short, projection distorts the motivations of the person being targeted, whereas displacement is a way for someone to attribute an emotional response to the wrong person. 

Examples of Displacement as a Defense Mechanism

Displacement can take many forms. While it’s often associated with misplaced anger, people can also displace other feelings, such as sexual urges. Some additional displacement defense mechanism examples include:

• Displaced anger: When someone is angry at another person but is unable to express those feelings, they may redirect them toward what they perceive as a safer target. For example, if someone’s been yelled at by their boss, they might lash out at their spouse when they get home from work. Displaced anger can be extremely damaging to relationships. 
• Sublimation: Sublimation is a way to displace unacceptable urges into socially acceptable activities. For example, research shows that some people with repressed desires learn to copy by redirecting their feelings into creative works. 
• Bullying: It’s not uncommon for children who are bullied or abused by their caregivers to displace their aggression towards their peers. Victims of abuse often feel powerless, and redirecting anger, especially when it’s toward a non-threatening target, can be a way to gain a sense of power that allows them to feel as if they’re in control. 
• Displaced attraction: If someone is attracted to a person they can’t pursue, like a friend’s spouse, they may redirect that attraction to another person or an object. As an example, if the object of their attraction wears glasses, they may find themselves drawn to other people who also wear glasses. 
• Scapegoating: Scapegoating involves a sense of denial of who’s in the wrong, blaming an innocent group or individual for negative experiences. A common displacement defense mechanism example is blaming a marginalized group for an issue they have nothing to do with, such as a poor job market or economic strife. 

Why Do We Use Displacement as a Defense Mechanism?

Defense mechanisms like displacement can provide an outlet for painful memories or negative emotions. It allows people to express their feelings in an indirect way and can be a form of stress management. At times, displacement can also be motivated by feelings of helplessness. 

Studies suggest that people are more likely to engage in displacement when they’re dealing with ego depletion. Ego depletion is the term used to describe when someone uses up all their available willpower. In relation to displacement, if much effort goes into staying calm when someone is being insulted, for example, they may then struggle to maintain an appropriate level of control later on. This could cause them to lash out at the people around them. 

The harmful impacts of displacement 

It’s important to note that displacement isn’t always bad. On the contrary, it can even be a healthy coping strategy to a certain degree — allowing you to manage and deal with anxiety and stress in some instances. 

That said, displacement can be destructive to your relationships, sense of self-worth, and overall happiness. It can spark a cyclical pattern of behavior that drives wedges between you and others and might begin to interfere with your ability to be successful, both personally and professionally. 

Relationship issues 

When someone regularly displaces negative emotions, they often transfer their feelings to loved ones, such as a spouse or a family member. This can be a major source of relationship conflict. Redirecting emotions like anger and frustration towards loved ones can eventually push them away. 

Cycles of anger 

Displacement can create a cycle of anger and negative emotions. When someone displaces their anger onto one person, that person may then lash out at someone else. The only way to break this cycle is to deal with negative feelings in a healthier way. 

Inappropriate emotional displays

By transferring feelings to another target, it can lead to emotional displays that may be seen as inappropriate. Displaced emotions are often extreme and can eventually lead to intense emotional outbursts. 

Prejudice

Displacement can be a source of prejudice. When someone puts negative emotions onto a group of people, it can lead to prejudices that shape the way they feel about the world. These prejudices can have severe consequences. 

Substance abuse

According to studies, people who struggle with drug and alcohol dependency are more likely to engage in damaging defense mechanisms like displacement. When people feel angry or powerless, and they don’t have a healthy way to express their emotions, it can lead to addictive behaviors. 

How to Work Through Displacement

While it can be difficult to identify displacement defense mechanisms, it’s possible to recognize and change these behaviors. 

There are several ways to work through displacement, including:

• Self-reflection: Analyzing your own behavior and actions can increase your awareness of your behavior. When you catch yourself displacing your emotions, reflect on why you’re using certain negative defense mechanisms. 
• Cognitive reframing: Negative emotions like frustration and anger are unavoidable, but it is possible to adjust your mindset. Reframing helps you focus on positive emotions or find other outlets for your feelings. 
• Journaling: It’s not always possible to openly and outwardly express what you’re feeling, but you can work through your emotions in a journal. Journaling for your mental health can be a way to vent your feelings without inappropriately directing them to another person.  
• Meditation: Meditation can be a simple and effective, yet very powerful way to reduce stress. Over time, it can also give you more control over your emotions and help you stay focused on the present.
• In-person or online therapy: Recognizing and overcoming displacement isn’t always easy. If you’ve been struggling with displacement, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. 

Displacement defense mechanisms can have lasting consequences on your well-being and your relationships with others. The good news, though, is you can learn effective coping skills that will allow you to challenge how you implement defense mechanisms in your life. With the help of a skilled, trained therapist, you’ll be able to find new and better ways to cope. 

Sources:

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Defining Shame and Guilt

What is the difference between shame and guilt? Even though these words are sometimes used interchangeably, the emotions they describe are distinct. 

• Shame is a negative feeling about who you are as a person. Someone who struggles with shame may believe that they’re a bad person or that they don’t deserve to feel happiness. People often experience shame when they fall short of the person they want to be. 
• Guilt describes feelings of responsibility or remorse over action or inaction. While people may have guilty feelings after they make mistakes or hurt others, it’s also possible to have guilt over things outside your control. 

The Root of Guilt vs. Shame

Even though guilt is a negative emotion, it plays an important role in shaping behavior. People tend to feel guilty when they believe they’ve done something bad or wrong. Guilt is usually a response to actions or behaviors, but some people experience it when they believe they’re responsible for something they didn’t do. 

A specific event can trigger shame, but a person’s feelings about themselves ultimately cause it. While guilt can lead to shame, shame is about more than remorse or regret. When someone experiences shame, they believe there’s something wrong with who they are as a person. 

Neither guilt nor shame is all that uncommon or unusual, and we know that certain experiences can cause us to have either feeling excessively. While guilt is a self-regulatory emotion, research tells us that guilt and shame have been linked to certain other mental health conditions, for example, major depressive disorder (MDD). Yet another example of where guilt might stem from is how victims of trauma may struggle with survivor’s guilt. 

Shame is typically rooted in insecurities, but this self-doubt can come from many places. People often internalize negative experiences, which can lead to chronic shame. When someone has dealt with physical or emotional abuse, for example, it’s common for them to have high levels of shame. 

Signs of Guilt vs. Shame

Guilt and shame are both self-conscious emotions that most people will experience at some point over the course of their lives. If you want to learn the difference between guilt and shame, it’s important to understand that while people may have these emotions at the same time, studies show that people have different reactions to guilt vs. shame.

Signs of guilt

• Worrying about making the wrong decision
• Over-apologizing
• Fixating on a specific action or event
• Feeling responsible for other people 
• Having unusually high empathy

Signs of shame

• Self-destructive behavior 
• Low self-esteem 
• Believing that you’re a bad person or fundamentally flawed 
• Emotional outbursts
• Excessive self-criticism 

Dealing with Guilt & Overcoming Shame

We’ve already determined that shame and guilt are common emotions, but just because many people experience them doesn’t mean that they’re not potentially devastating. In fact, left untreated, shame and guilt have the potential to become debilitating. If you’ve been dealing with guilt, shame, or both, there are several tips that help you cope.

Learn to recognize your feelings

Even if you can tell that you’re distressed, it isn’t always easy to identify the emotion that you’re dealing with. Asking questions like what is the difference between shame and guilt can make you more aware of both emotions and what they feel like. Pay close attention to what you feel so that you can recognize and identify harmful thought patterns as soon as possible. 

Challenge negative emotions

Don’t be afraid to question your feelings or think about where they came from. Try to reframe negative thoughts and look at things from a different perspective. When you look at your emotions more closely, you may discover ways to overcome them.

Find potential triggers

If you’re frequently struggling with guilt or shame, try to identify potential triggers for your feelings. Keeping a journal for your mental health can help you to learn to identify and anticipate negative thoughts and behavior patterns related to your guilt or shame. When you know what your triggers are, you’ll have more control over your emotions. You might even be able to begin to avoid certain triggers altogether when you’re feeling vulnerable. 

Identify harmful thought patterns 

Certain patterns of thinking, such as overgeneralization or blowing issues out of proportion, can contribute to feeling guilty or ashamed. These thought patterns are sometimes referred to as cognitive distortions. Once you learn to recognize them, you can break the cycle and reframe or redirect your thoughts. 

Take a time out

You shouldn’t ignore your feelings, but it’s okay to take a break when you’re overwhelmed. If you’ve been dealing with extreme emotions, and you feel like you’re at your limit, try going for a walk or watching a movie. Give yourself a chance to calm down so that you can address your emotions in a healthy and effective way.

Show yourself compassion 

Even if you’re nice to others, it can be hard to show that same kindness to yourself. Try to catch yourself when you’re being overly critical or engaging in negative self-talk. Whether you start reciting daily affirmations, keep a gratitude journal, take time to practice self-care, or even just give yourself a hug, a little self-compassion can go a long way. 

Seek professional help

A powerful emotion like guilt or shame isn’t always easy to manage. If either painful feeling negatively impacts your life, you may want to work with a mental health professional. Whether you’re dealing with excessive guilt or struggling with shame, your feelings are coming from somewhere. Therapy can help you understand your emotions so that you can move forward. 

Struggling with feelings of guilt or shame can be overwhelming. At Talkspace, our online therapy platform makes seeking help convenient and affordable. You can connect with a therapist who can provide you with insight and support that helps you navigate your feelings. When you have professional support, you can find ways to combat and overcome guilt and shame so you can live a full, rewarding life where you’re in control of your emotions rather than letting them control you. 

Sources:

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2. Pulcu E, Zahn R, Elliott R. The Role of Self-Blaming Moral Emotions in Major Depression and Their Impact on Social-Economical Decision Making. Front Psychol. 2013;4. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2013.00310. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3670430/. Accessed September 22, 2022.

3. Hutson S, Hall J, Pack F. Survivor Guilt. Advances in Nursing Science. 2015;38(1):20-33. doi:10.1097/ans.0000000000000058. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25635503/. Accessed September 22, 2022.

4. Beck J, McNiff J, Clapp J, Olsen S, Avery M, Hagewood J. Exploring Negative Emotion in Women Experiencing Intimate Partner Violence: Shame, Guilt, and PTSD. Behav Ther. 2011;42(4):740-750. doi:10.1016/j.beth.2011.04.001. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22036001/. Accessed September 22, 2022.

5. Dickerson S, Kemeny M, Aziz N, Kim K, Fahey J. Immunological Effects of Induced Shame and Guilt. Psychosom Med. 2004;66(1):124-131. doi:10.1097/01.psy.0000097338.75454.29. https://journals.lww.com/psychosomaticmedicine/Abstract/2004/01000/Immunological_Effects_of_Induced_Shame_and_Guilt.17.aspx. Accessed September 22, 2022.

6. Torstveit L, Sütterlin S, Lugo R. Empathy, guilt proneness, and gender: Relative contributions to prosocial behaviour. Europe’s Journal of Psychology. 2016;12(2):260-270. doi:10.5964/ejop.v12i2.1097. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4894290/. Accessed September 22, 2022.

How Does Projection Work as a Defense Mechanism?

What is the projection defense mechanism, and how does it work? Most adults understand the difference between right and wrong, but it can still be difficult for some people to accept that they’ve done something unhealthy or detrimental to themselves or their relationships. Projecting onto others is a way for some people to subconsciously deny characteristics in themselves that they might be ashamed of or find hard to admit.

Projection ultimately stems from internal conflict. Attributing unacceptable feelings or traits to others can be a way for some people to try to avoid uncomfortable realizations. It’s a subliminal strategy that can protect people from anxiety, distress, and other negative emotions.  

“Projection is something we all need to be aware of. We subconsciously react to people based on our own wounds of insecurity, guilt, or shame that we have not addressed. We punish or harshly judge others, which allows us to continue to avoid our own healing.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Karmen Smith LCSW, DD

Is projection a healthy defense mechanism?

Defense mechanisms can be beneficial on some level, but ultimately, projection negatively affects relationships and personal growth. Using projection as a defense mechanism against negative emotions can cause confusion and conflict. For those who are being projected on, it can be frustrating and upsetting to be accused of a behavior they’re not guilty of.  

Projecting traits onto others also prevents people from confronting their own negative traits. Since people who engage in this impulsive defense mechanism aren’t aware that they’re projecting, it can be difficult for them to address contributing factors. 

How to Spot Projection (Examples)

Projection isn’t something people do deliberately, so it can be hard to spot. Projection defense mechanism examples can help you recognize the behavior. This defense mechanism can appear in any type of relationship or setting. 

Some examples of what defensive projection can look like include:

• A person who’s having an affair may accuse their partner of infidelity
• Someone with racist beliefs might insist that others share their beliefs and are just afraid to speak up
• A parent may project unfulfilled ambitions onto their child 
• Someone who struggles with alcohol abuse may believe that other people also have unhealthy relationships with alcohol
• A person with an irrational dislike for a co-worker may convince themselves that others in the office feel the same way 
• Someone who’s insecure about the way they look may criticize other people’s appearances
• A person who’s attracted to someone who’s unavailable might insist that the person has feelings for them

“Racism is a form of projection where another person feels superior only if they can cause someone else to feel inferior. The guilt or shame of the current system of oppression is justified as long as I can see the other as inferior, therefore I never have to improve or heal.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Karmen Smith LCSW DD

Find Healthier Ways to Cope

What is a projection defense mechanism? Have you been projecting negative thoughts and traits onto others? It can be tough to ask yourself these kinds of questions, but thankfully, you don’t have to find the answer on your own. 

Talkspace offers online therapy and can connect you with a therapist who understands defense styles like projection. Not only can therapy help you recognize the defense mechanisms that you’ve been using, but it can also help you confront emotions that are triggering those defenses. Over time, you can learn to accept yourself and avoid using damaging defense mechanisms, like projection, that have become a part of your life.

What is Rationalization?

The rationalization defense mechanism can be explained as a reaction someone might have after they make a decision, have a thought, or engage in a specific behavior. In the aftermath of their choice, they may construct a reason that explains why they did certain things or felt specific ways. This reason can be used in an attempt to justify their action — to themselves, or to others. 

The rationalization defense mechanism is one of the psychological defense mechanism theories originally identified by Austrian neurologist Sigmund Freud. While some of the major Freudian psychoanalytic theories have been debunked, rationalization as a defense mechanism (and other defense mechanisms) is still considered a valued theory in psychology. 

Rationalization, at its core, is a way for people to justify undesirable feelings or behaviors that they’re not comfortable with. When we try to rationalize an event, we might be able to come up with explanations that sound logical. However, rationalization unconsciously keeps people from acknowledging the true reasons for behavior or actions. 

When someone uses rationalization, they aren’t necessarily lying. It’s better (and more accurate) to look at rationalization as a form of denial or repression. It’s frequently an unconscious action, and many people wind up believing the justifications that they’ve constructed. 

How does it work as a defense mechanism?

At times, it can be difficult for some people to face the motives behind their thoughts and behaviors. Instead of addressing those uncomfortable feelings, the defense mechanism of rationalization allows people to create an alternative explanation that they can find acceptable. 

Rationalization is often a way to justify or excuse mistakes. By rationalizing controversial behaviors, people can avoid placing themselves in a negative light. As noted, this defense mechanism is often used unconsciously. That said, it’s commonly used as a way to avoid criticism from others.  

At times, rationalization can serve as a dissociation mechanism. It can be an effective way to disconnect from actions or outcomes that we perceive as negative. Rationalization allows us to deny sources of emotional turmoil or insecurity temporarily. 

Examples of Rationalization 

According to research, rationalization typically falls into one of two categories: sour grapes and sweet lemons. 

• The term “sour grapes” describes rationalizations that try to ignore difficult information blatantly. 
• “Sweet lemons,” though, refers to rationalizations that try to cast negative situations in a positive light. 

A famous rationalization defense mechanism example is the Aesop fable The Fox and the Grapes. In the story, a fox tries to grab grapes that are out of reach. When he can’t take hold of the fruit, he decides that the grapes are probably sour. 

Another common example of a sour grapes rationalization involves putting down a person or institution after being rejected. For example, if someone was turned down by a romantic interest, they might claim that they didn’t want to date the person in the first place. If someone was rejected by a potential employer, they might insist that the job wasn’t that great anyway. 

When someone makes a sweet lemons rationalization, they’re trying to convince themselves that something undesirable is actually something they want or planned. Someone who’s recently been fired, for example, might insist that they’re excited to look for something new. A student who wasn’t accepted to their preferred college may claim that they’re looking forward to taking a gap year.

“Conflict or tension in relationships isn’t easy for anyone, but when rationalization is used as a way to cope, it can feel unfair on the receiving end. Typically rationalizing is when seemingly logical reasons are presented as a way to deflect a poor perception of someone or something. “A lot of people cheat” is an example of rationalization; the statement universalizes something that is suboptimal but might be thought of as common or acceptable if convinced.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW

Reasons Why People Use Rationalization

People may use the rationalization defense mechanism for several reasons. Rationalization can be a way to fulfill many psychological functions, such as: 

• Avoiding cognitive dissonance: When our thoughts and beliefs are inconsistent, it causes a form of discomfort known as cognitive dissonance. Rationalization can be an effective way to reduce cognitive dissonance, especially when making difficult decisions, according to some research.
• Preventing disappointment: Disappointment is a normal part of life, but it can still be painful and distressing. When someone is faced with a major disappointment, they may rationalize away that sadness and displeasure in order to avoid discomfort. 
• Skipping self-analysis: At times, it can be hard for people to face themselves in the mirror. Rationalization can be a way to sidestep introspection and avoid thinking too deeply about painful emotions and unacceptable behaviors. 
• Deflecting blame: People who have committed serious offenses may use rationalizations to blame others. One rationalization defense mechanism example is DARVO, which stands for deny, attack, and reverse victim or offender. It can be a way for abusers to manipulate and control their victims. 
• Concealing mistakes:  When someone has made an embarrassing error, they may look for ways to justify hiding their mistake from others. The defense mechanism of rationalization can help them try to avoid embarrassment and guilt. 
• Ignoring limitations: We all have limitations, but that doesn’t mean our limits are always comfortable or easy to acknowledge. Rationalizing away limitations can be a way to ignore our shortcomings.  
• Denying reality: When someone is dealing with a deeply distressing situation, such as an abusive relationship, it can be incredibly difficult to cope. In these scenarios, someone may use rationalization as a way to deny the truth and protect themselves from the reality of their situation. 
• Avoiding past trauma: Traumatic experiences can cause people to behave in unusual ways. It’s not uncommon for someone to rationalize painful memories or experiences so they don’t have to acknowledge or deal with trauma of their past.

“We often think of rationalization as a way to cope, but of course that can also mean to defend or protect. At the core of protection are sometimes issues or feelings of hurt, shame, or insecurity. While it never feels good to be or present as vulnerable, some people aren’t as comfortable presenting as weak or rejected. Quite simply, rationalization can be a defense the ego uses to make something ‘feel’ more accepting and tolerable.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW

Getting to the Root & Finding Healthy Mechanisms

While rationalization can be a way to avoid emotions you’re not ready to deal with, in the end, it ultimately does more harm than good. When you rely on rationalization as a defense mechanism, you’re suppressing your true feelings. Rationalization can move you further away from reality, preventing you from acknowledging danger or weaknesses. 

There is hope, though. When you uncover the root cause of your rationalizations, you can replace this unhealthy behavior with more effective (and less damaging) defense mechanisms. By practicing conscious awareness you can learn to accept challenging truths and take responsibility for your own mistakes. 

It isn’t always easy to confront rationalizations, but thankfully, this isn’t something that you have to face on your own. A therapist can help you learn how to process the experiences and emotions behind behaviors. With the help of a mental health professional through online therapy, you can learn to overcome unhealthy defense mechanisms and deal with difficult emotions in a more positive way.

Sources:

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